This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters
Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.
No Longer Estranged chp4
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
-Oscar Wilde
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Last time…
His hands only had one place left on her face to explore, and even though he felt if they even just brushed against them he would lose the ounce of control he had left in his body, they ventured down to her lips. They were surprisingly full, and smooth. Not cracked from going a night and a half a morning without much liquid on them. He felt her mouth form a kissing motion, as his forefingers were the only ones left on the lush lips.
Her eyes opened finally meeting his and all his self-control was lost in the emotion and want that reflected his own. All the tension and hindrance that had been built up between them in these past couple of moments was released. With just one look two worlds came crashing down. In his amorous state, he grabbed her around the waist in one swift movement and pushed his lips against hers, not caring at the moment if she wanted to or not.. Her arms were flung methodically to the back of his neck, pushing her fingers through his already tousled hair. All she needed was a piece of him, just to have one taste of his body would be enough to sustain her control. She pushed her chair away roughly and moved for him to pull her onto his lap. The odd chair he sat on allowed her to straddle his legs and gave her easy access to more…intimate positions. Their passion and forgotten morals ruled their bodies. Only aphrodisia passed through the thresh hold of her body and his.
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The sensualism that was felt between the two young souls was so mind blowing that if either of them opened their eyes or looked about the room, it would be spinning. James had felt so lost before she spotted him from the window of that café. He hadn't been sure whether she was an apparition or just an angel comedown from heaven to make his day better. But now as his hands roamed under the sweatshirt she was wearing, and pulled her close enough against him to feel the hard erection she had supplied for him. Only a real person could do that to a person…could do that to James Potter. And he desired her like nothing his soul had ever encountered before.
Lily's breath, whenever she was permitted to take one, came in short, strangled, gasps. The force in which she thirsted for him had been overwhelming to the point of bursting. The second his strong hands had glided over her lips, all walls and precautions previously taken burst into flame. Her blood was boiling with voracity and intense emotions, she didn't care whether she was a virgin or not…the feeling of his lips on hers and his hands squeezing and pulsing her back, and his hips pushed to hers…nothing could have been wrong with that moment.
James slowed down the rush of lust that was flowing from mouth to mouth. He took her hands from his neck and brought them to his chest, wanting lily to feel the racing beat of his heart. She smiled at the spot on his chest, just wanting to rip the clothes off, take him to floor and make love to him every way possible. But as lily looked into James' deep chocolate eyes something strange happened. The room went black and all she could see in front of her was some kind of odd muggle movie screen…flashing random pictures at her. She didn't recognize these pictures of strange people; three particular girls kept appearing together…smiling at her sarcastically.
"Lil…" she heard one of them say "Lily stop fooling around we have to get to class, or else Mcgonogall is going to have a fit."
She looked around. She was back in Hogwarts, standing in the Gryffindor common room…the two girls by her side. Everything seemed so familiar…maybe…maybe she was remembering something…anything…
"Yes we must get going…I suppose." The words were forced out of her mouth, as if she was reading some script being prompted from inside her brain.
The short skinny black-hair girl grabbed Lily's hand and ran through the portrait whole. She didn't know where the girl was leading them…she wasn't even trying to trace the steps to a certain class…all she was trying to do was figure out what this girls' name was…something with a C…Carly…Carol…Crystal…Cassandra…Cassandra! This girl's name was Cassandra!
The world went pitch black again and the pictures seemed to be moving backwards and faster this time too. Soon all she could see in front of her were two very worried chocolate brown eyes.
"Lily! Lily are you all right?" somehow she had managed to go from straddling James' legs to lying on the floor with a very large headache.
"What happened?" she moaned, slowly attempting to sit up
"You fainted, I caught you just in time to make sure your head wasn't cracked open. Although you did hit it a little bit…sorry." Lily looked up quickly at James, causing a sharp pain to shoot through her head. She let out a whimper of pain and pulled herself into James' chest. He was a bit dismayed at this sudden manifestation of affection, but he soon realized it was pain she was feeling, actual physical pain. He pulled her near him and cradled her close to his heartbeat, as it still was calming down from the intense moments they had shared just a few moments ago.
"James!" she pulled back from him wincing as pain shot from her head down to the bottom of her spine. She tried to ignore the pain so she could tell James what she had remembered. If only they could find this girl Cassandra, then maybe, just maybe she would be able to find home and figure out who she truly was. But James wasn't letting her move that fast, with his arms tightly secured around her now fragile body, he picked her up and carried her as a child back into the sitting room. He gently set her on the love seat that she had spent the night on, keeping his arms around her so she couldn't make any sudden movements and inflict more pain on her already traumatized body.
As she eased into her spot on the small sofa, a small drop of cold water dropped onto her sweat pants. Cold sweat, mingled in with tears had drenched her face during the little trip back in time. James was looking at her and holding her as if she might brake, his intense gaze made her want to crumble again and meld her body into his.
"Don't make any sudden movements all right? Ease slowly into everything you do, understand? I don't want to see you in any more pain than you've already experienced tod-"
She grabbed James hand and squeezed it tightly in reassurance "This day hasn't been all that bad…"
He didn't know what to say…she liked it…maybe as much as he had. She liked those touches, the strokes, the recession into each other's eyes, each other's souls. The only emotion or response he could muster up for her was a grin.
"But…" the grin faded "I still don't know you…so…" James tried to ebb his hand away from hers but she held strong. "So I want to spend the day getting to know who you are…while we go shopping for clothes. Just forget about who I am for the day, I want to know who you are!"
"Wait…huh?"
Lily laughed as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose as he scrunched it in confusion. But the laughing subsided quickly as another shot of pain exploded from the bottom of her neck all the way down her spine, this time the pain was so intense that she couldn't help but let out a little cry. James lost his playful look as he quickly put his arms around her and pushed the skinny body back against the sofa.
"Where does it hurt?" he didn't know what brought on this new found want of information, and he was actually quite shocked as it has only been a day since she woke up…
"From the back of my head…all the way down my spine." She whispered not needing anymore-unwanted projectiles of pain.
"I'm not very good at medicine, wizard or muggle, so we're probably going to have to call in a medi-wizard…" He knew this wasn't a good idea, at least on his part of this whole situation. But Lily was in immense pain; he couldn't just sit next to her and watch her suffer the rest of her time there. Although he wouldn't mind just sitting next to her…
"All right…do you think they'd be able to help with my memory?" she wanted to know more about this girl from her black out. What if she was the key to understanding what had happened to her?
"I don't think so" he realized he said this a little too quickly, as she gave him an odd look from her rigid position on the sofa. "You basically have amnesia, there's nothing you can do but ride it out…I'm sorry." A wave of fresh guilt found itself clouding James' heart and conscience.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, so don't say it." She adjusted her body so her back was lying against his chest "And what's the bloody point of flooing in an actual medi-wizard? Just shove some aspirin down my throat and I'll be fine…"
"Aspirin?" James laughed at her aggravation "Listen, no muggle medicine understand? If you don't want an actual medi-wizard I have a close friend who's very good at these things."
Lily shifted uncomfortably. "These things?"
"Healing, he's also very good at Defense against the Dark Arts. Top of his year…in that class at least." James carefully removed Lily from his arms and laid her back against the sofa. He moved into the next room to fetch his owl and a few pieces of parchment for the letter.
"What's his name?" Lily asked, "Maybe another name will help me remember some things.
James looked up from the owl he was writing, making sure not to leave out any details. "Remus Lupin. What do you mean another name? I thought you couldn't remember anything about Pad- er Sirius." James didn't need Lily asking him questions about his past, let alone more of hers. All the lies he's told already made him feel as if his insides were to burn up with the guilt.
"Cassandra." Lily muttered mostly herself. She wanted to make sure the name sounded real, that it was real, and that her mind hadn't played a trick on her. A Little game to supply false hope to the owner of the mind could easily amuse one's sub-conscience. Lily wasn't half willing to let it play those games with her.
The sound of that name had startled James, he assumed that she would have remembered her git sister, or even the name of those two blonde-headed bimbo's she still sees. But Cassandra was a far off memory that not even James could ever fully comprehend.
"Out of all the people you could remember, your sub-conscience chooses her?" he didn't even want to say the name in his own house. Invoking her into any conversation could bring on adequate amounts of superstition.
"Why? Where is she?" Lily asked attempting to get up. The pain shot through her spine, but this time coming from her tailbone instead of the nape of her neck. Seeing her wince in pain, James rushed over to her quickly wanting to take the distress away from her, and put it ten fold in Voldemort's testicles.
"Cassandra…she…Lily how old were you in the memory?" James had taken her body, and gently twisted it around so she could lay on his chest, yet still see his face enough for his lips to be in focus. This bringing on a different kind of torment for Lily was not welcome.
"I looked to be about 13, 14. Around that age, why? Who is she?" Lily settled back into James' chest. She felt safe here, even though it had hardly been 24 hours. The sound of his heartbeat was soothing, and relaxing. It brought her into a state of serenity while listening to James' tail of this mysterious memory girl.
"Well, your fourth year, my sixth, a girl named Cassandra Rochester transferred from Beaubatons Academy in France, to Hogwarts…here in England. She was quite the energetic little thing, I remember. Long black hair, intense violet eyes, and other physical attributes, which I noticed, and are not for your listening pleasure. "Lily snorted "Anyway, everyone liked her…at first. Then about mid-year, around the Christmas holidays I suppose, she became…discerned, estranged from the rest of the school. I noticed how she seemed paler, skinnier. That vibrant, playful look had been drowned by whatever it was that troubled her."
"So she was depressed young, teenager, I still don't understand how that makes her infamous."
"Maybe you should listen and then you'd realize how we became…wary of the girl." James would be damned if he admitted his fear of anything. Particularly a small odd child such as Cassandra. James took a deep breath and pushed the irritation of interruption away. A glimpse of the old Lily he used to know and dislike had flashed before his eyes. But now he recognized the girl, who whenever she glanced his way, the hot scream of desire would fill his mid-drift.
"Sorry…" she muttered
"No I'm sorry, that was rude-"
"James, just shut up and finish the bloody story!" James chuckled at her discourteous tone of voice, but he complied with the order none-the-less.
"All right, keep your nickers on. So she was depressed yes, but then the dreams came. Around the end of February was the first one that the whole school witnessed. She had fallen asleep at lunch, and everyone was inside eating in the Great hall because of the frozen state of the courtyard. Well, about half-way through the meal we hear this loud-"
"James?!" Lily sighed in half relief half disappointment. She was relieved that someone was finally here to alleviate the now excruciating pains in her back. But she was disappointed as she would have to wait for the story to continue, and once the voice resounded throughout the flat, James had removed himself from the employment of being Lily's very warm, and comforting pillow.
"James where are you?" Lily watched as a young man strode through the swinging door from the kitchen the entered the sitting room. He had a kind, worn look to him. As if somehow, his wisdom and experiences were far too old for the young body and soul. Sandy-blonde hair plagued his head in short bangs around his head. Care-worn gray eyes focused from the windows the fireplace and then to James, who was now standing about a few inches taller than the man was.
"You're a git, and you know why!" Remus muttered to him as he quickly walked past him without so much as a hello. He recognized Lily right away, true she seemed taller, even in her hunched state. And her figure had developed quite profusely since her fifth year in Hogwarts. Yet that knowledgeable wit still hung in the air around her.
"Hello." He said quietly not wanting to disturb her too much. "I'm Remus Lupin." He extended his hand for a shake, Lily excepted it readily.
"Lily Evans. And yes I'm pretty sure you already knew that so, can you be ever so kind and not say that you do, hmm?"
Even without her memory, Lily was still the same smart-ass little spitball they had all disliked. But Remus never felt any strong feelings toward Lily like James, and Sirius had. He only respected her the sense that she had the balls to stand up to James and insult him in front of half the school…most of that population James' age. But what truly impressed him, was that she succeeded in putting him off and more than once.
"All right, fair enough. Now where does it hurt?" Remus and Lily spent the next half-hour straightening her back out and chugging disgusting potions down her throat. Just like how she felt with James, a strange sense of familiarity was this mans aura. It was the only reason that she let him feed her anything that looked as if it had just been regurgitated from the belly of a mule. But after a little while she started feeling better, and soon had to admit that this man knew what he had been doing.
"Thank you." She said to him shyly "I feel a lot better…Remus?"
He nodded "Yes Remus. And no problem, it's all in a days work." Remus turned his back on Lily with a smile that soon disintegrated into a glare as his eyes settled on James. "You know what James? I'm quite hungry, do you think I could go fish something out to eat, besides we need to go over that call from work, even though it's only temporary…do you understand?" James was feeling a bit nervous. He understood what Remus wanted him to do, and he also understood why he wanted to stay longer. Remus knew James better than most people, he had the ability to observe the emotions going on inside someone's head, not just the facial expressions which could easily be masked. It was as if Remus could almost sense, or smell the fear or happiness clouding a heart. But of course, these attributes came with the wonderful curse of being a werewolf.
"A-all right…if your not busy, that would be simply smashing." James just rolled his eyes at Remus and walked over to Lily to help her up. She gladly took his hand, connecting with his eyes for the briefest of moments, and experiencing that same rush of lust, as she usually did.
"Oh, no of course I'm not busy. A little tired indeed, but not busy." Remus had observed the little exchange between the two and lessened his obtrusiveness towards James. He was just glad to see that Lily definitely wasn't staying there against her will. She seemingly enjoyed his company…how that came about he didn't exactly feel like discussing.
"So, how do you two know eachother?" Lily asked lightly as she sat down at the kitchen table. She noticed the chair she and James had been previously situated on, heatedly, was still at an obtuse angle from the table.
"We went to school together, friends since first year." Remus shrugged it off being a casual question. He knew that if he said too much James would be quite mad at him. He didn't exactly care what James thought at that moment in time however. This girl deserved to know the truth of what James had done to her, and then given the choice to stay where she wanted too.
"Do you know Sirius?" Remus looked up at James in question
"Sirius apparated into the flat, looking for me. As I haven't been to work today." He looked at Lily's slightly guilty face "But I'm quite glad I didn't go." Their eyes connected once again, and the electricity that was now habituated flowed between them furiously
Remus couldn't take anymore of this hidden yet quite obvious flirtation "James can I talk to you for a moment…about that case we've been helping the ministry on…you know, the temporary one!" James had only ever saw the look that Remus wore now once before, and the circumstances than had been extremely tense, and 'Sirus'.
Once Remus and James were outside of the flat, James sound proofed the door so that if Lily were feeling a little curious she wouldn't be able to hear anything. The moment Remus new James had finished he rounded on him with a newfound fury.
"Are you bloody insane? What the fuck do you think your doing, huh James? You have absolutely no right to just go and lie to this girl, who by the way trusts you completely, just because you felt a little something for her! It's her life not yours, It's her decision to stay not yours. -"
"But Remus she was miserable-"
"How could you possibly know that hmm? How do you know she was miserable and lonely?"
James became defensive and drew himself up in front of his old friend "Because I saw her yesterday. In the window of that café we passed. That hopeless, loveless look. I honestly don't don't bloody well think that if Voldemort himself would have shown up in front of the shop and done swan lake, she would have even noticed."
"So you knew her in an instant is it? With one forlorn look she was a damsel in distress who was in desperate need of saving?" he couldn't believe the stupidity soiling James' once intelligent mind
"Remus-" James tried to reclaim his case but Remus was done listening
"James I have known you for years, and in all those years have I ever lied to you?" James shook his head dully at his friend, keeping his eyes anywhere but Remus' "Exactly, so right now I;m not going to brake that tradition. I feel that what your doing now is the worst, most digusting, most degrading job I've ever seen you pull. Until this is over, don't ask for my help with anything. Unless, she's in pain again, and then if I do come; I will tell her everything. "
James made to interrupt Remus once again, this pushed him over the edge.
"Shut up" he hissed uncharacteristicly venemous "The only way you could ever stop me from telling that poor girl what you've done to her…is if you do it yourself. If you tell her the truth it will most likely stop the painful memories and you wouldn't need me in the first place. If you hold everything back form her, eventually the memory loads that keep coming back to her until her entire defense system shuts down and she recedes into a coma."
The silence that followed this impassioned speech was strange, and disfigured. Remus and James had always had something to talk about, even if one was scolding the other, they never stopped talking. But this problem was so intense to the point that James knew Remus was right and what he had done required no arguing or defensiveness.
"I'm gonna go…I really wish you'd think this over James. For all you know she could be in love" James looked up at Remus hopefully "back home." His face fell recieted back to it's shameful shape.
"One more thing, I just want to know why you think you can read her every facial emotion after not seeing the girl for years?"
James had been ready to open the door and retreat back to Lily's accepting embrace.
"I didn't read the expression, I recognized it." He said emotionless
"From what?" Remus didn't understand James' answer
"From looking in the mirror everyday" he closed the door behind him leaving Remus without so much as a goodbye. James had been quite put off by Remus, even though he was right, he couldn't help feeling resent towards the mans logic. When he entered the flat he got ready to go back into the kitchen to see Lily again. Instead he found her on the sofa, looking through an old family photo album of him, his parents, and Sirius.
"Hey, Remus had to go in a hurry, he couldn't stay for dinner." Lily looked up to James with a grim smile
"Why?" she looked back down at the photo album, idly flipping through it as if trying to find her own parents staring back at her.
"He got…summoned by work to fill out paper…work." It wasn't a serious lie, only a small one to cover up why Remus had left.
"Oh, well I never really thanked him for helping me. I feel so much better after he labored on chugging medicine down my throat."
"Was that sarcastic or was that all honest?"
"Do you remember your parents James?"
"I try to think of them everyday. I try to remember a happy memory that I had with them as often as-" Lily had been watching him intently when James cut short his little speech, when he realized something. He never told Lily that his parents were dead.
"Lily did you just remember something?" he didn't want to go to deep into the details of the memory control issue again. It was too shallow of water for anyone to tread in.
"Yes, and no." her voice was now soft and defeated "I'm really scared James. I'm scared for everyone I know, I'm scared for everyone I love, I'm scared for everyone I used to know…" a small stream of tears were now flowing swiftly down Lily's face. "I mean what if they don't know I'm gone? What if my friends and family are looking for me? I have no way of finding them."
James saw how distressed she was over such a silly matter, so he reached over to hold her hand in comfort, but she pulled away and stood up to look out the window. What did that mean? Did that mean that she didn't want to touch him? Was she not happy with what had happened, even though she liked it?
"Or worse yet, what if they're not looking for me? What if my life was just so horrible, ten times worse than I described it to you, that I was at a point where no one cares…or notices anything." James couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to touch her, look at her beautiful eyes, anything involving human contact.
"Stop being stupid!" He had swiftly walked over to her and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, not wanting her to get away from him this time. The feeling of his hands on her body, even such a bland place as her shoulders, made her body fill with electricity. Yet she refused to let her defenses crumble completely.
"Lily, I'm positive they care. How could anyone not care about?" he started gently, trying to get her to look at him "So, you were in a rut it happens to the best wizards and witches. But just because you feel detached from the world, just because you go through each day…wondering, whether or not someone you love will I love you back. Or, you keep wondering whether your friends will be alive the next time you see them…and then at the end of the day you search for a meaning, you search and think so hard that the room starts to spin…and all thats left is triviality…" he couldn't speak anymore. Everything he knew, all he felt, had again been put into an explanation for her life.
He had her full attention now. Lily's sad eyed were pinned on James' downcast chocolate orbs. So much emotion into trying to get her to realize something…and she finally started to. Even though her memory was gone, her friends and her family might not exactly be searching high and low for her, but one thing had stayed constant. And he was staring her in the face.
"James." She whispered softly, trying to get his attention. "James, look at me please…" he looked up at her, just wanting to take her in his arms and hold her forever. "James, I-I just want t-to say…" She felt her face gravitating towards his, that warm feeling in her lips begging to come into contact with his strong body. "I want to say…"
His hand had gone from her shoulders, and traced a line down her back, pulling her closer to his now hard body. "What?" His heart was racing so fast that the words hardly came out as a whisper.
They were so close now, only one inch. One inch left to close the elusive gap between the two raging storms. They shared the insanity of lost lovers, of hopeless dead ends. Everything they ever wanted was just an inch away.
A/N: don't hate me….::meep::…I sorry I had to end it like that…also I'm really sorry for taking so long to post this chapter but I felt that it needed extreme work, so I kept re-writing and re-writing. And you know how I need to take my time on this story, I keep saying it and will always say it. Also, I know that some of you might be mad at how I portrayed Remus so short with Lily, but honestly. He didn't know her, he wasn't close with her. All he needed to say he got across, and that's all I wanted with him. Also don't worry we'll see a lot more intimacy next chapter. I don't how soon I'm gonna get that posted so I hope your satisfied with this one for a while. OK that's pretty much it, I just want to say thank you to some people before I go!
emma halliwell (EVAMZVP15@yahoo.com): Thanks for thinking I'm a great writer, I really appreciate it.
lilbird :That's why I'm evil,oh god if you hated me then your defiantley gonna hate me now! Sorry! But thanks for the compliments.
ShorTi: Well this answered one of your questions. I'll probably have Peter show up eventually, but like most people…I think Peter's a git! Thanks for the review.
Sweet Venezuelan Princess: YAY! I'm so happy you love it! Hope you're as much satisfied with this chapter as all the others.
slate07: Thank you! I really appreciate that!
Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.