This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters
Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.
No Longer Estranged chp 8
"But sad as angels for the good man's sin,
Weep to record, and blush to give it in."
-Pleasures of Hope. Part ii. Line 357.
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Last time…
"Let's apparate over to Lisa's house so she knows you're all right, OK? Lily what's the matter?"
Lily's face had gone blank as she went to reach for her wand, when she realized she had never had time to put her wand in her pocket. Her wand was in her other pair of clothes. Her clothes were back at James' flat. Her wand was back at James' flat.
She would have to go back.
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There she was sitting by the lake with her insipid friends. Probably having some asinine conversation about boys or what color nail polish would match their house colors best on their robes? He didn't care what they were talking about; all he cared was that he could see the shimmer of her hair in the sunlight. The glow of her eyes whenever she laughed at a joke or gleam as she flipped her long wavy hair over her shoulders. For some reason every time the sun graced her creamy white skin it glowed with such luster, that you could have mistaken her for an Angel.
She had taken off her shoes and socks and dipped her small feet into the lake, twirling the water, fascinating herself with the design of ripples being emitted from the motions. He made sure that every instance she glanced anywhere towards his direction, he would look casual, as if her presence wasn't worth being acknowledged by his higher being. Occupying himself with some equally fake little object or study, or conversation. Little did anyone in the school know, her presence was worth every moment of his day, and every breath he took. Nothing could compare to the short seconds he stood next to her, or even within a few feet of her, nothing could compare to that tumbling feeling he got whenever her eyes met his, for the briefest of passings. Those moments in his day, was what made it for him.
Of course, being who he was, he could never express these vast feelings to one of his friends, teachers, brother, or sisters, or even his parents. Who would expect a bloke who's main prerogative in life is to pull pranks, be the best at everything in the school, then rub all the other students' faces in it would have actually accumulated some sort of deeper emotional feeling for someone-no not just someone- the one that could make his life happiest at all times. Happiest throughout life's endeavors, happiest throughout pain and extravagance, worship, and divinity.
But no, she was to far away for her to catch the intensity of his emotions. He figured she was probably to young to understand them anyhow. So he reached for the snitch…one last time.
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The ceiling seemed to stare down on him; the room was black, lamps shut and shades drawn. He waited patiently for his clock to sound for him to wake up and face him towards his executioner. Otherwise known as his boss, Alastor Moody. It had been three days since the scene in the hospital and James had gone back to work the past two, he had been avoiding his boss ever since. And thankfully there had been no more attacks while he was on his vacation of pleasure and lies. Lies. Lie, Liar. Those words flashed on his face whenever a piece of glass or water would reflect his broken down form. Her voice speaking the words. Her betrayed, hateful, broken voice. He's destroyed the only person he had loved in that way. But what if he was wrong? What if it hadn't been love, just some onset of severe attraction? She was amazingly seductive, and sexy…it could have been mere physical attraction. And these feelings of hurt and pain he was experiencing…were all just sexual. Nothing was actually loved, yeah, that was it. It's not love…just physical attraction…severe physical attraction.
Beep.Beep.Beep.
Time to get up…
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"Potter." James picked his head up from the paperwork he had been filling out, as a rush of panic filed through his body. He recognized that gruff voice.
"Potter, in my office now." Moody croaked out in that commanding tone he owned. Just one word from this man could terrify you, yet register the highest level of respect for any one person you've ever met. James experienced both feelings. But the emotion coursing through his veins as he followed his superior to his office, was pure anxious terror. The possibilities of what he was going to say to him were limitless. He could have his title as an Auror taken away, he could be congratulated on saving someone's life…or he could be fired. Which was the option James' sub-conscious was leaning towards. So as he closed the door behind him and set himself in the chair facing opposite of Moody's tense expression, only the worst was to be expected.
"Potter…you missed work" he started shortly waiting for a reply
"Yes sir." James said trying desperately to keep eye contact with Moody.
"Do you know how many days you missed…Potter?" 'Keep eye contact, just keep eye contact and he has to trust you."
"Potter?" he said again but with vehemence
James cringed inwardly as Moody basically spit out his name, as if it was something foul that didn't deserve to be inside the walls of the ministry.
"Yes…sir, I miss-"
"That doesn't matter Potter." Moody rose from his chair and walked around to the one next to James'. He turned it around and sat down facing one of his top aurors, gesturing for James to do the same. "What matters is, why?"
James finished turning his chair to face Moody, just as he finished asking his question. James' head popped up and stared at Moody in a covered confusion. He knew what he was saying, but he couldn't bring himself to understand how he knew.
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Dear Remus,
I'm not writing to cause you any personal grief I just need a favor. I vaguely remember you being the most sensible out of his friends, that's why I decided to ask you to do this for, and by all means you owe it. I left my wand at his flat in Dublin, if you would be so kind as to pick it up and return it to me so I can go back to work, I would be ever so grateful.
Lily
PS Try not to let on to him about this, thanks.
Remus closed the owl that he received yesterday with a sigh. He didn't want to go get her wand for her, because if James found out he would only be dragged into the middle even further. But the demeanor of the letter was too cold and threatening to ignore, so he consented and wrote back, and now he was standing in the middle of James' Dublin flat looking through his personal items, feeling like a trader.
First he breezed through the living room, checking in odd spots, not really using his common sense as to where she probably would have put it…or he would have put it. He checked under couch cushions, under chairs, on top of tabletops. What he was really doing was avoiding the bedroom, the last time James and Lily had been here was when she woke up with the pain, after having sex he assumed.
Remus wasn't stupid. He knew right from the beginning how attracted James was to lily, even at school. He noticed how James had always let Lily get to him, where if it was one the Marauders saying the comments or Snape, a rival of theirs at school, he would have just put a curse on them, o ignored with the greatest amount of finesse a boy could muster. But when it was Lily spitting out the comments, something made him drag the conversation on longer than necessary.
Remus had gotten through the living room and the kitchen after a full forty-five minutes of searching through redundant places. So he finally turned himself to the bedroom door and placed his hand on the handle. He knew he was being completely childish, but there was something about the thought of James Potter and Lily Evans that gave Remus a feeling of discomfort. Even if it was just the after workings of sex, which Remus was no stranger to. So with a deep breath, and roll of his eyes at himself, for the ridiculous attitude he was taking towards the situation he turned the doorknob.
"Looking for something, Remus mate?"
Remus turned around, surprised that James had actually returned to the flat. He suspected it would be most likely a month or more before his return. But there he was, leaning against the fireplace with his eyebrows raised in that superior way he usually had about him.
"Yeah actually I am. Maybe you can help me with it?" at this point he knew he couldn't just keep looking for it right under James' nose and not tell him what it was. True, he owed Lily this but he had been a friend with James much longer than the debt he owed to Lily existed.
James nodded walking past Remus and into the bedroom. He came out with what seemed to be a bunch of clothes, and dumped them onto the stand next to where Remus was standing. James gestured toward the clothes and sat down on the couch in front of the fire, putting his head in his hands. Remus stared at James for a moment, just observing his figure, and how disenchanted he had been since the other day. After contemplating on how he could cheer James up, he turned towards the clothes and shuffled through them. He found a scarf, a winter coat a few other articles, and finally…a wand.
James felt Remus sit next to him and settle back into the cushions of the sofa. For a few moments they both stared into the fire either ignoring or trying to figure out what to say to the other, eventually James spoke up.
"I came back to gather her belongings. I was going to give them to her in person, maybe just try to explain a little better. But you've thankfully saved me the embarrassment and stuttered words."
"I heard you saw Moody today." Remus wanted to get as far away from the topic of Lily as possible, which turned to work…unfortunately the topic didn't exactly get as far as he had wanted.
"He knew Remus…I don't know how…but he knew what I had done…and just shrugged it off."
"No need to go into a full throttle explanation Potter, I already know." Moody fixed James with a disapproving raised eyebrow.
"But sir, I- I don't under-"
"James-" James started at hearing Moody call him by his first name "Don't ask me how, I just do, I always know everything dealing with attacks and your little kidnapping of Miss Evans wasn't exactly inconspicuous."
"Kidnapping? I didn't-"
"Sit down potter and calm down, I'm not going to do anything to you I just want to talk." James in his defense had shot up from his chair; Moody pulled him back down with an informative use of James' last name. As if it was a warning that even though he was giving him advice on some sort of love affair, he was still his boss and he better watch what he said.
"I apparated onto the scene just as you disapparated with Evans to your flat." He held up his hand as he saw James open his mouth to ask something, he most likely already knew the answer to. Stupid questions, Moody couldn't stand them or understand them. "Black told me what was going on, Potter. He told me that you had saved Evans from possible paralyzation, or even death. He told you of those cases from the gas in Diagon alley, didn't he?" James nodded to confirm his question, wondering where this was going. "Thought so, Black could never keep his mouth shut…"
"That's why I try to avoid letting any important secrets on to him." Moody chuckled at the sarcastic tone in James' voice. He knew Potter and Black were best friends, and that James wouldn't wait half a second to tell him of an important even in his life…even though it was true that Black couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it!
"All right James I have a very busy day ahead of me, cleaning up the mess you left while you just delightedly felt like skipping work this past week. So I'm going to make this short. Do you love her?"
"I don't kno-" James stuttered feeling his face go red up to his ears
"No, you either lover her, or you don't, decide now or I will give you so much paperwork for your absences that you will never see another day on the field."
James stared at Moody in surprise. Why and how would this man want to know of his feelings for her? And why would he let him skip out on work if he had this answer. But James didn't have time to ponder the answer, so he turned his thoughts on her. On the way her hair fell over her shoulders as they kissed. On the way he felt as her skin rubbed against his. On how he dreamed of her scent as they made love. As they entangled their bodies together. He thought of how she took him away from this world, how she made him a real person without having to prove anything to anyone. All he had to be was his self, and all she had to do was be there…for them to be no longer estranged.
Moody watched his face go from confusion, to deep thought, to the purest look of realization that he had ever seen. After all his years of being around and working with people, he had never seen a man so much in love with a woman he hardly knew. But maybe they did know each other, moody thought to himself. Maybe they knew things about the other that was other than physical aspects. Maybe they could sense each other…as he sensed fear on a man…what if they sensed each other? So Moody rose from his chair and gave James a pat on the shoulder, while leading him out the door.
Remus understood what Moody had, while James explained the scene to him. He understood the necessity of James and Lily being together…at least from James' point of view. He had to find out if Lily felt the same way, and since he would be seeing her to giver her her wand back. He would figure it out then. But until that moment, James would have to face it out.
So Remus collected all of Lily's belongings, bid good bye to James, and flooed back to his flat. He put all the clothes and the wand into one big parcel and headed out right away for Lily's apartment that she had owled him. He noticed the little hint in her second owl of how she thought it best for him to owl it to her, but Remus wasn't about to let James sink back into a second depression. So he had to find out if Lily truly loved James the way he did her.
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"OK, so what exactly happened to you? Where did you disappear to Cassy? Why did you leave?" Sirius asked staring into those big brown eyes of Cassandra's. He had owled her a couple days after the scene at the hospital, and much to his surprise…she wanted to speak to him as much as he did. So here they were at a small café outside of Diagon Alley in muggle London, trying to get re-aquatinted with each other even though all of the events that had happened could possibly put a real strain on their relationship.
"Well, I didn't just disappear Sirius." Cassandra blushed slightly at his ardent concern
"Well you sure as hell weren't here. And nobody knew, I mean it was the day after I had…" she smiled remembering that moment of pure bliss.
"You kissed me." He nodded, it being his turn to blush.
"Sirius, my parents were both an unspeakable. They had obtained information that put our family in danger…so we had to go into hiding." She had never told anyone the reason why she had left, not even Lily…, as she hadn't talked to her since the day she left until a few days ago. But her feelings for Sirius, never being completely gone, had rekindled such an intense flame that she felt the need to tell him everything…or almost everything.
"But where did you go?" one of his original questions would have been why didn't you write? But now knowing the situation, he understood the need for ceasing contact between them
"I still can't tell you." He noticed her eyes darken with her need for protection of this secret, so he didn't press the matter. But after meeting his slightly hurt gaze, she came to reason. He was an auror so he wouldn't betray her trust. But most importantly…he was Sirius.
"My parents are still there…in India."
"India?!" he exclaimed quite astonished "Why so far?"
"The farther from England, the safer we were. They only let me come back here when they figured out that the people who got the gist of my parents having the information, well they didn't know that I existed." Sirius felt his body tense up as Cassandra smiled at him. Her sexy lips, now laced with experience, always made him squirm. And sitting there watching him she knew it. When they were younger she would always tease him, biting them, licking them…just to hold him on the edge of his leash. But right now, it was growing shorter and shorter with each smile, each breath.
Watching him squiggle around in his seat had always amused her. The way she felt in complete control at a distance, with him just watching, staring rather, into her eyes…waiting to be let closer. But whenever he took those few extra steps closer to her, the control was instantly his. Once she was close enough to smell his wonderful scent, to breathe in his shape, to touch his body, nothing seemed to hold her emotions back.
They had had many chances to act out their emotions too. For they not only went to school together, but lived across the street from each other…before Cassandra was taken to India that is. So if James, or Remus wasn't around, there was always Cassandra to bother. There was always Cassandra to talk to. There was always Cassandra to laugh with…and incidentally fall in love with.
But after a few moments of this gazing into each other's eyes, she felt the familiar feeling of nervousness she had felt in the hospital with Lily. It had been so long, and she hardly knew Sirius, what if he wasn't the person she had felt so strongly for in those days.
"Sirus…I don't think we should-"
"Why?" Sirius cut her off knowing where it was going, not wanting to hear it. "What shouldn't we? Why can't we? And don't make up some bullshit story that you would be putting me in danger. You just said it you yourself, those buggers don't even know you exist…so why?"
'Why?'
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Remus reread the letter one more time making sure this was her apartment number, making sure this was her apartment building. Once everything was double-checked and he made sure he had all her clothes and her wand, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and knocked on her door.
A/N: Don't hate me for I love thee ever so much!!! Yes, yes we go over this in every chapter, but I shall say it one more time! Terribly sorry for the delay, truly dearly, sincerely, but I am moving at my own pace. And yes I know this was probably the shortest chapter I wrote, and probably the most skippy (skippy as in skipping from different POV to different POV). I feel I could have done better on this chapter but I wanted to start the next one, I'm quite anxious about what I have planned! OK again just please read this story, you don't have to review in order for me to write more, I'm always going to write more…except when the story is over.
And now I would like to say thank you to those who have reviewed.
Six83: I am happy you like cliff hangers…for I present them quite often..hee hee. Alas I am sorry there will be no meeting between James and Lily for this chapter, and probably not the next one either…maybe not until…well you'll see. Thanks for the review!
miss _mags_ak: Nope Cassandra was the healer at the hospital...I know the names are confusing but I used people from life to incorporate into my story. Thanks you for the review!
Chikadee Potter: My…that was enthusiastic…just kidding. Yes I thought that was different from what I had written before, glad you enjoyed it…even thought it was enjoyment in some sick, deranged way…
Unknown VD: Here's the next chapter, I hope you liked it! Keep reading please!
Abittooopinionated: ::wearing extremely wide grin:: wow, thank you so much!!! I'm so happy you like this story so much, and I hope you like the rest of the chapters as much as the others! Thank you so much again!
-: Skill?? Word dog. Just kidding, I appreciate so much your opinouns and encouragemnt. I most definitely will not stop until I see that the characters meet an end I feel was well fit to the them and the story. Again thank you so much, and I hope the rest of the journey is just as fun.
Leximus2000: I updated as soon as I possibly could, thanks for youre review and I hope enjoy this chapter!
Dangerously In Love: No! No crying please, I mean I'm happy my story connected with you on such an emotional level, but please don't cry, just keep reading…no crying though!!
Tracie: Thank you for reviewing!
Lilbird: Well she didn't exactly give him the chance to talk…as she hasn't seen him yet…so you were partly right. YAY! Sorry for crushing your hopes of a reunion. And they probably won't meet for a-whole-nother chapter. Keep reading, and thanks for your reviews!
sissy-6: How do you see this going?? Just kidding…no actually how? That'd be cool, thanks for your review, and I hope you like the next chapter.
Well that's all folks. I hope you like this one, even though it wasn't as conventional as my other chapters, keep reading and thinking. Thinking is good for you, it gives you opinouns!
Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling