To Just Give In
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonlance.
Author's Note: This chapter takes place ten years later. This is a long chapter by the way. I REALLY hope you all like it.
ChildlikeEmpress: Glad you really enjoyed it. I wanted to make it really detailed to give it the your there with them feel. Thank you so much for the reivew.
Guan: I thought it woud be nice for the gods to pay the couple a visit as well. Thank you very much.
Ahn-Li Steffraini: Hehe I think that's my inner Raistlin obsessee coming through. Though Crysania is a ceric and its always the good girls that are the closet nymphos...lol
Calli-Kurama: I was wondering what was going on...I was like worried you weren't going to review, seriously I was ging to assemble a search party and everything...hehe, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing even with a fritzy computer, trust me I know how that is.
Chapter 18: Sacrifice
"Mother please tell Aurie to go make-out with Gilthas some where else." Aidan said turning from his sister who had lightly pecked her boyfriend on the lips.
"Mother, we are not making out." Aurelia said running into the kitchen where Crysania stood attempting to make Raistlin a fortieth birthday cake. "Oh father's cake looks good. But I thought he didn't like cake." Crysania gave her daughter an aggravated look.
"He doesn't. But if I don't make him one it'll make me look like a bad wife when Caramon and Tika arrive. Besides maybe it'll put him in a better mood to see how much I care." She said with a heavy sigh as she leaned back on the stone counter. At thirty-seven Crysania still could pass for thirty, the only signs of aging were her laugh lines that were always present. Raistlin on the other hand was not fairing as well with age. Sure initially after their marriage he seemed healthier than ever, he rarely coughed or was sick at all. But recently it seemed every week there was at least one incident where Crysania could swear that it sounded like he wasn't going to make it. Because of this growing weakness he was becoming more dependent on Crysania for things like cleaning and preparing food, which he no longer had the energy to create magically without being to tired to eat. Due to the need for her to be home she had taken a leave of absence from the Temple where she had been head cleric. She had thought this would please Raistlin but instead he had been in a sour mood ever since.
"Mother...I can help with the cake if you want." Aurelia said gently. She picked up a spoon and began to stir the batter. "You know I think father is upset about something else. Not the whole you coming home thing." Aurelia whispered to her mother. Looking in the other room she saw Gilthas talking to Aidan, probably about magic. Gilthas who was sixteen was quite skilled at magic, mostly practical things. He was an excellent healer and could repair any broken things around the house with his magic. He wasn't nearly ambitious as she was. Someday he may replace Par Salian, many had said that already, but he never even thought anything of it. He would probably take his Test in another five years or so, he had briefly studied with her under her father. However Gilthas had not enjoyed Raistlin's impatient style of teaching, he was a perfectionist and anything less than perfection angered him. Gilthas had no problem perfecting the spells he was taught, however she who hadn't began to study magic until her twelfth year, had trouble in the beginning. Gilthas who had a crush on her even then couldn't bear to see her cry when Raistlin would yell at her. It was never in front of him that she cried of course; it was later when he left that the tears would slide out unbidden. She hated to disappoint him so much. She learned quickly though, she rarely disappointed him anymore, and he told her that she had potential for greatness. She knew that there was something monumental she would do, it was feeling she had since she was young. Occasionally she had a dream of a lady in red cloaks whispering to her as a small girl that the time was coming soon. The time for what? She wondered. Sometimes she could tell that her father had the same dreams. When she would ask him why he wasn't leading the Conclave it was always some sarcastic remark about the Conclave that he would make, but she could sense there was something else, he was waiting for something as well. She heard her mother call her name and snapped out of her thoughts.
"Something wrong honey? I asked you three times what you think you father is really upset about." Crysania said with a small frown, she poured the batter into a large circular pan and put it in the stone oven.
"Well I heard him talking to Dalamar the other day when he came to visit. And he said that the gods were playing games with him. He sounded very angry, almost bitter, as if he had been made some kind of joke. Dalamar had said maybe he should have just stuck to the plan and father got rather angry. He and Dalamar exchanged harsh words." She left out the part where Dalamar had told her father he had sold out his potential, what she had heard after Dalamar finished saying that would stick in her mind forever. She heard her father laugh, she had never heard him laugh out loud before and she was glad that she hadn't had to hear that awful sound before. She heard Dalamar gasp in pain then he stumbled out the door past her in the hallway. On his robes she could see the faint outlines of five bloody circles across his chest, his face was contorted with pain. Had her father done that? She had trouble facing him later that evening to do her lesson in magic. When he had asked her what was wrong she told him she must have a cold.
Crysania thought over what her daughter had just said and then suddenly realization crept upon her like a silent storm. She dropped the glass mixing bowl she had been carrying.
"Mother!" Aurelia said jumping up. Gilthas and Aidan ran in from the other room.
"I'll clean this up Mrs. Majere." Gilthas said kindly. He whispered a few words of magic and a silvery light appeared around the fragments of glass then spun around in a small cyclone then began to fuse back together when he finished the bowl was as good as new.
"Exquisite work young man." Raistlin said softly standing looking at the scene from the bottom of the staircase. "Aurelia, Aidan did you hear the way Gilthas spoke, very fluid, seamless.
"Yes that was quite good Gilthas." Aidan said picking up the bowl and placing it on the table. "It looks even better than it did before."
Under all of this praise the young man had began to blush bring color to his normally pale cheeks. He was very fair of skin and had delicate facial structure; his slightly square jaw was the only hint of the quarter human blood that ran through his veins. He was thin, not frail as he had been when he was young, but he would probably never be muscular like his father, and that was fine with him. His golden hair was like sunlight it was soft, gentle, and bright. He smiled slightly at his girlfriend Aurelia who was now giving him the, thanks a lot showoff look. She was very talented at magic, she was just impatient and when something didn't come easy to her she became easily frustrated. Though that never bothered him, she was quite beautiful when she was mad. Her blue eyes glowed radiantly her ivory skin would glow a rosy pink. Her loose blonde waves moved about. He shook his head removing himself from this daze. She was a year younger than he was and every time the family ad friends all got together they still asked them when they were getting married. All except Raistlin of course, though he complimented his skills in magic, he still was rather protective of his daughter.
Raistlin looked over at Crysania whose gray eyes looked watery for a moment he frowned slightly. "Crysania come with me I want to show you something I've been working on." He said quietly. She nodded standing up.
"I'll watch the cake, mom." Aurelia whispered. Crysania nodded slightly to her, but her eyes were staring at Raistlin's she had an odd look on her face.
When they reached the study Crysania could no longer contain her tears. "Raistlin I'm so sorry. I forgot I swear, if I would have remembered I promise things would be different." She said through tears.
"I hope this isn't about my birthday." He said rubbing his temples. "Because if it is please stop." His voice was soft and had a rasping quality that over shadowed it.
"Your birthday? No, no I didn't forget that." She said laughing slightly, her voice was shaky and her breaths came in short gasps from the sudden outburst of crying.
"Then what in the Abyss is wrong?" Hearing his sharp words she flinched. "Ah now I see. What did Aurelia tell you?" he said sighing as he sat down on the large comfortable chair. He had sensed she was their as he had his conversation with Dalamar, if she wanted to be a little spy then he could teach her a lesson about spying. Though he had hated the way she had regarded him with fear later, he was pleased that she seemed to regret her actions. He didn't let her know that she knew else she regard him as even more of a monster. He had been different lately, much like his former self before he had ever met Crysania. He had waited so long for what he had been promised but it appeared it was never going to happen. Sure he had a family that loved him, and he did care deeply for them, but that wasn't enough. He could have had a family and never made all the sacrifices he had already made. He would not make those sacrifices be in vain. His family meant a lot to him, but magic was part of him. The small part of him that had wanted a family was satisfied but the magic in him, the sole thing that had driven him for most of his life, was not, and there fore he could never be happy. As he saw his own pupils, Gilthas, Aurelia, and even his young son Aidan only twelve already growing more and more powerful in magic each day. His nephew Palin only nine was enrolled in Mage School, the very same one he himself had attended. Why did his power seem to hit a limit? He was the most powerful mage left on Krynn and for what. So he could have such a debilitating malady that he depended on his wife as a servant, that he barely had energy enough to even be a decent husband. It angered him, he knew this was the gods' way of mocking him, telling him he couldn't have both. If things continued the way they were he would have neither. He was getting weaker and sicker and it was making him more and more bitter and cynical. Once more he'd drive away all those he loved, but this time instead of having his magic to fill the hole there'd be nothing and he'd be empty, just as his husk of a body, just as his withering soul. He could hear his wife crying he knew the way he must look now. Angry, selfish, bitter he had seen himself this way many times before. Before he had used his love for his family to drive it away, he didn't want to lose them. But if it was inevitable, what was the point?
"Raistlin Majere I am disappointed, I thought better of you." Said Lunitari. Looking around him he suddenly realized that he was no longer in his study and Crysania was no longer with him, not at least that he could see. "I was going to wait a few more years, let you see your children marry perhaps before I came back. But it seems you have given up too quick. No matter you are needed here pretty badly anyway." Raistlin saw the rest of the gods gathered around. Paladine had a stern look upon his face, Takhisis smiling seductively at him.
He opened his mouth to speak, and when the sound came out strong and clear he gasped. He looked at his hands. They didn't shimmer a pale gold; his hair that fell down gently at his shoulders was a familiar auburn. "I don't understand."
"Yes you do brother." Gilean said standing up. Suddenly above him he saw the sky of Krynn. Where it had once had an empty space was now a new constellation, bright and shining.
"Is this what you want?" Lunitari said stepping forward. "You are needed to fill the empty space."
Smiling wickedly, Takhisis said with a slight laugh, "I believe you said it was time regulation or some junk like that." He couldn't think straight. He knew this was what he wanted but something was wrong.
"My family knows?" Raistlin said his voice ringing clear and loud, he was shocked by the power of it.
"No." Paladine said sternly. "And they never will. Now you appear on the verge of death. When you give up your mortality completely to them you will die."
"But...I can tell them." Raistlin protested.
"No." it sounded like one voice yet many.
"Then they will never know." Raistlin said his voice softer now.
"Not until they die. And stand waiting for you in the afterlife. But you will never be there. And then they will realize and that pain will never die for them." Gilean said his voice emotionless. Raistlin's head was spinning, this was what he wanted but he still knew something was terribly wrong
Now laughing sadistically Takhisis added, "Oh yes and it seems my brother forgot one thing. You need to make a sacrifice. Do you know what a disciple is?" Raistlin suddenly began to get an indescribably sick feeling, so horrible that he wasn't sure if he would be able to see when he opened his eyes. "Since you did not answer, I'll assume you don't know. A disciple is one who truly believes in a person or god, or in your current case, demi-god." She said this with a cruel mocking laugh. Now between her and Raistlin stood Aurelia, her golden hair messy, her face red and tear-soaked from crying she looked at Raistlin with intense curiosity, she obviously did not recognize him like this. "Do you know where we get our power from?" Takhisis said her voice filled with evil pleasure.
"From those who believe in you." Raistlin replied softly.
"Look how quickly he learns." Takhisis said smiling. "Yes we gain our power from those who believe. Right now you need more power before you can become a god like us. You need power from one who believes."
"Who are all of you?" Aurelia shrieked.
"Don't you recognize your father?" Takhisis said gesturing towards Raistlin.
"Is that really you father. You look different. We thought you died..." she said her voice barely audible.
"No I'm fine. Tell them all that..." A look of dread passed his face.
"You understand." Takhisis said laughing sadistically. "Child do you truly believe in this man and in his power." Takhisis was now face to face with Aurelia.
"Of course." She replied without a second's hesitation.
"Your first disciple Raistlin." Takhisis said her voice soft and lethal. She stroked Aurelia's cheek with long sharp fingernails small cuts began to form. Raistlin screamed as Aurelia collapsed to the ground. "What? We all make a sacrifice for our power." She said laughing at Raistlin whose face was slowly losing all traces of humanity, lines faded away his skin became smooth, flawless.
"I don't want this!' Raistlin screamed his voice shaking the entire realm of the gods. Takhisis appeared angered; Paladine had an amused expression, as did the gods of magic.
"Are you certain Raistlin?" Gilean said his voice loud and empty of any emotion.
"Yes I am certain." Raistlin said his voice softer now. "Will she live?" he said as he stood over Aurelia's still body. Her once warm, soft skin was translucent and cold.
"Yes but you must make a sacrifice." Gilean said his voice now contained a hint of something, but Raistlin could quite tell what it was.
"Anything." He replied immediately.
"Your life." Gilean replied.
Raistlin remembered the moment he had found Aurelia, dying, forgotten by the world. Memories rushed to him. His wedding, the Test, his son's birth, memories of his own childhood all spun around his head. He remembered when he traveled with his companions during the War of the Lance. Then there were the conditions in which the gully dwarves lived in, the slums of Panathalas, places like Sanction virtual cesspools of crime and poverty. He could have done so much in his life to help those people; he had had the power. Remembering once more the faces of all his family and friends he took a deep breath, "My life is yours." He said softly. He kissed Aurelia's forehead and then walked to stand before Gilean. As Raistlin felt his own life draining from him he heard Aurelia gasp. She was vanished before he could say goodbye. Taking one final gasping breath he felt warm, comforting darkness envelope him.
Crysania sat on the floor of the study crying, Aidan hugged his mother tightly his eyes watery, he was trying hard not to cry. Raistlin lay on the ground, lifeless. Aurelia who had fainted now stood next to them tears flowing down her cheeks. Gilthas stood in the corner of the study his cheeks soaked in silent tears. He waked over towards them standing together now; they all bowed their head in silent prayer. Aidan however still in shock kept his eyes open staring at his father's body. So he was the only one to notice as the golden light surrounded Raistlin's body before it vanished.
Opening his eyes Raistlin expected to see the afterlife, or perhaps even the Abyss, the last thing he expected to see was the face of Paladine smiling at him.
"You're awake. It take's some longer than others to adjust." Confused Raistlin looked down at himself in a pool of cool black water. What he noticed was not his pure fair skin, or his shining auburn and brown hair. It was not the fact that he immeasurably massive that he noticed either, or the ageless look of his face. It was the shimmering golden robes he wore that he noticed instead. Around it was tied a braided rope of white, red, and black. With awe filled eyes he looked at those assembled around him. All the gods with the exception of Takhisis stood before him. "Welcome brother. Don't mind her absence, she was a little upset over a decision someone made." He said with a slight laugh.
"I..." but Raistlin couldn't think of what to say.
Lunitari smiled, "I knew you'd choose right. Takhisis was rather confident you'd make the wrong choice, which is why she is upset. You know your realm?" she asked with a slight smile.
Now it was Raistlin's turn to smile. "Yes...I believe I do."
"Good." Paladine said with a nod. "We've needed someone to do your job for a long time. It just seemed none of us cold get it right."
His eyes filled with joy, determination, and satisfaction, "Well it would be hard to save those who are being forgotten if you've never lived among them. Just as it would be hard to mend suffering, if you've never suffered n your own."
Nods and smiles were exchanged among the gods. "I'm glad you have found your place." Paladine said with a slight smile. "Now as I understand, there is a party that you are supposed to be attending." Raistlin's face became confused. "Did I not join you on Earth before. You can go there in whatever form you are comfortable in whenever you want." His face serious he added. "As long as you are getting your job done and do not abuse your power. And as soon as Paladine finished that last word Raistlin Majere was gone.
Crysania who had just finished telling Caramon and Tika what had happened was discussing with Caramon what might have happened. It took poor Aidan ten minutes to even speak after he saw his father's body vanish. Tanis and Laurana had just arrived Crysania could hear Aurelia saying. But nothing seemed to click. She felt numb and lost. Looking in the shadows of the corner she could swear she saw him standing in the corner smiling at her. Tears ran down her cheeks and Caramon tried comforting her. She laughed out loud; she actually saw her hallucination of her deceased husband frown at her. Caramon confused and slightly afraid turned around and nearly collapsed. "Raist is that you?" he whispered.
"Yes you idiot. Get your hands off my wife." Raistlin muttered sarcastically. Crysania ran tackling him. He appeared in front of her as he had been before he took his test.
"Raistlin..." she whispered holding him tightly. She looked at his golden robes and youthful face and body. "I look like a hag compared to you."
"Is that all your going to say?" he said with a gentle mocking, kissing her cheeks where tears fell.
"No...how dare you scare me like that. I thought you died." She said her voice now accusing. "What happened Raistlin?" she whispered looking at his strange robes. "You're one of them aren't you?"
"Yes. I was given my test and fortunately I passed. Don't look so sad. I will still be around. Maybe not all the time but when I need to be, I will be here." Kissing her lightly he added with slight sarcasm, "Now where's my cake?"
"Oh no!" Crysania said running into the kitchen. Now everyone crowded around Raistlin as he explained to them what had happened. After he was done Aurelia stepped forward with a big smile. She hugged her father then asked, "So when are you accepting applications for clerics?"
Crysania called Gilthas who quickly created a new cake; to replace her burnt one. They sang happy birthday to Raistlin who was rather quiet. When he blew out the candles he wished for this all to be real and not just another dream. Crysania, who gazed at him with a silent incomprehensible love smiled back at him, her eyes were still glassy from crying. Tanis seeing them looking at each other turned and whispered something to Caramon. "Hey kids do you guys want to go on a camping trip?" Tanis said enthusiastically. Caramon's sons Sturm and Tanin both quickly replied yes, Gilthas seeing his father's look said yes along with Aurelia, Aidan had been about to protest not being a fan of little vacations like this. However the quick jab in his ribs from his sister was all he needed to respond yes. Palin seeing Aidan get hit said yes as well. "Good then let's go. No need to pack we'll rough it like all of your parents did during the War of the Lance."
"My mother wasn't in the war." Aidan replied quickly.
"Okay smart guy outside now." Tanis said laughing.
"So congratulations Raistlin." Tanis said.
"Yes congratulations." Laurana said awkwardly.
"Thank you." Raistlin said softly. He now turned to Tika who said congratulations then left with Tanis and Laurana. Caramon stood before his twin with a look of pride and understanding.
"I always knew you were meant for something bigger and better." Caramon said his eyes filled with tears.
Looking at his family and his children leaving, Crysania saying goodbye to them all Raistlin shook his head, "Not better, just different." Caramon smiled.
"I'll pray to you Raist. You better listen.' He said laughing. The two men stood silent looking at each other for a moment. Much had passed between them, forming a bond that was unlike any other. It wasn't smooth; it was rough and tattered at parts. But it was strong; not the sharpest sword could cut it.
"Brother...Of course I'll listen." Then for a moment they hugged before Caramon left.
Now only Crysania and Raistlin were left it was dark out side and the light from Solinari filled the room. "Is your constellation up there?" she asked quietly.
"I don't know, I haven't looked." He said surprised. Together they walked out to the window. Up in the sky was an hourglass shining brightly filling the emptiness.
"It's beautiful." She said softly. She turned and looked into his eyes for a moment.
"Is this all okay with you?" he asked softly.
'Of course. You're happy, that's all I ever wanted." She said with a slight smile. "I will miss you though."
"I told you I will visit when I can." He replied confused. "Paladine does frequently and my realm is not near as large as his."
"That's not what I mean. I'll miss you when I go to sleep at night. My bed will be so empty without you." She said sadly.
"I'll see what I can work out. As soon as I get a few clerics I'll be much less busy. But you know tonight I am all yours." He whispered gently stroking her hair.
Laughing she looked him in the eyes, "Of course I know that. Just because you're a god doesn't mean you're not mine anymore. You're eyes better not stray to any dark queens."
"I'll see what I can do." he replied amused. "But for now I think there are much more important things we could be doing. What with me being sick for all those months, and we aren't going to be able to see each other everyday with the whole being a god and all."
Crysania laughed, "I would think you would be over mortal temptations?" she said smirking.
"Immortal temptations are much more powerful." He said seriously with a slight smirk as well. His lips met hers and there was a much more powerful sense of ecstasy, as if they were the only to beings to ever exist and they would be forever. After he pulled his lips away gently, Crysania pulled him down on the kitchen floor to explore all the new possibilities that immortal powers might hold.
Author's Note: Did you like this chapter? I hope it lived up to your expectations. Should it end here or do you guys want more. Such as what Raistlin does as a god, more about Aidan, and Aurelia. I can either continue it with this story. Or end this one here and pick up with a sequel. You guys can decide. I really, really, really, really hope you all enjoyed this chapter though. Please Review!