Sometimes she wonders what Francie would have said had she been alive. Are you crazy, Syd? You can't keep on doing that!
But it's different. She's not some slut he's sleeping with because his wife doesn't give him any. It's Vaughn.
She knows what Will would have said had he been there. I know how much you love him, Syd, and how difficult it is to be around him, but he's married. You need to step back and learn to live without him.
But there's no one else to live with if she ends it with Vaughn. She has no one left. He's the only one. She's so alone.
And he loves her. She knows he does. She knows him, better than anyone. She knows what it's like to be loved by him, and she feels it now, just as she had 2 years ago. He loves her.
She then thinks of her mother, and about what she would have said had she been around. Then how come he isn't married to you?
-
She thinks of him when she knows he's with Lauren, and wonders if he treats Lauren the same way he used to treat her.
Does he hold her hand when they cross the street, wrap his arm around her shoulders so that their bodies touch slightly, offer her his jacket when it gets cold?
Does he share his ice cream with her, vanilla with sprinkles on top, his spoon in her mouth and a teasing smile on his lips?
Does he look at her, admiring her and her every word? Does he look at her everyday like he's never seen her before, amazed, grateful that she's still there?
Does he hold her at nights, when she feels sad, his chin on her shoulder and his arm around her stomach? Does he comfort her? Calm her? Does he make her feel things no one's made her feel before?
Does he sit there as she takes a bath, taking a few bubbles and rubbing them on her nose, talking to her while her muscles relax, kissing her softly when she invites him to join her?
Does he take work calls in front of her? Does she even know what he does for a living? Does he work in bed while she reads a book, kissing her hard on the lips when he's made an important discovery?
Does she jog with him, if he even bothers jogging anymore? Does she go to the gym with him, twice a week, 7am, two hours and one water break?
Does he talk to her about his father, show her the broken watch, share a story or two?
Does he take out her to expensive restaurants, hockey games, places where they share such moments that she can't stand in the same place again without thinking of him?
Does he tell her he loves her, daily, in case she forgets or doubts or has second thought?
She doesn't know that they've been fighting constantly since she came back, that Vaughn has changed and that Lauren can't figure out why. She doesn't know that for three days he's been sleeping on the couch, and that every morning, after he takes a shower, he holds his wedding ring between two fingers and contemplates putting it on.
He doesn't tell her.
-
She starts seeing a change in him as the days go by - he smiles a little wider, stands a little taller, acts a little nicer (especially to her). He enters the Ops Center with two cups of coffee and hands her one, never minding the looks he gets from other people around them. She wonders, too, but doesn't dare to ask, because every day it gets more and more like it was when they first started dating and she doesn't want to jeopardize it.
Days pass by and she can't help it; she enters his office, closes the door and asks what's going on. He motions for her to sit down and tells her he's missed her, and he's so glad she's alive.
She thinks about it for a couple of seconds, trying to decide what to say next. Eventually, she asks if he's going to leave Lauren.
"I can't do that."
There are tears in her eyes and he sees them, and curses under his breath. "Syd."
A single tear falls. "I can't do this anymore, Vaughn."
He walks around his desk, sits on the edge of it, touches her chin with a trembling finger. "Sydney, you were the most beautiful thing in my life."
She stands up. "But not anymore. Right?"
And leaves before he manages to answer.