Five Steps

Chapter Three: Anger

For the rest of holidays, Lily managed to avoid James and Sirius by hiding out in the library, or when that closed, barricading herself in her dorm room. She was more than happy to spend her time writing up OWL study guides for the students she tutored, and studying for her own upcoming exams with a feverish intensity. And the time she didn't spend studying she spent… planning.

In fact, she was so certain that her plan would solve all of her problems that she was dying to tell Aly when she came back after the hols.

Her trunk was already deposited at the end of her bed, but Aly dumped her carry-on with a groan on her pillow. The other girls set down their things and hurried from the room, waiting to talk till they got down into the common room. Lily, somewhat impatiently, watched them leave, then jumped up when the last one left.

"Aly, I think you should know, that I am, quite simply, a genius."

Rolling her eyes, Aly began to unpack her bags. "I'd like a moment for rebuttal."

"No, seriously! I've thought of the perfect way to make James leave me alone!"

The laugh from the dresser was full of disbelief. Folding her robes and placing them in the drawers, Aly answered. "There's not a very good chance of that ever happening, Lily. James isn't going anywhere."

"Ha! This way is a guarantee that Potter will definitely stay away from yours truly."

Narrowing her eyes, Aly stopped putting things away and placed her hands on her hips. "Lily, you haven't thought up some really hideous thing have you? I know it's annoying, but James doesn't mean it badly."

To say that Lily was taken back by her friend's response was an understatement. "Well excuse me if I'm too hideous for you. Of course parasites don't mean it badly." Her voice was flat and cold.

"I'm not trying to be mean, Lily, I just couldn't think of another way to put it. Over the years you've thought of so pretty mean things. But they just keep getting worse and worse. I don't want you to turn into something awful just because of him." Aly was unpacking again, and her voice was slightly muffled as she tucked some of her books under her bed.

With a sigh, Lily already regretted being so, well… bitchy at Aly's simple comment. "It's okay, I know what you mean, but just because he doesn't mean any harm doesn't mean I have to put up with it."

Staring at her now empty trunk, Aly started biting her nails, a habit she'd given up months ago. "I have to confess something to you."

"You said you'd given up that, Aly. Stop biting them."

"No, listen, Lily. I promised I wouldn't tell you, but…" She trailed off, looking uncertain whether or not to continue. "James sent me a letter over the hols." The words came out with a rush.

Lily's surprise was evident. "Why on earth would he do that?"

"He wants to get to know you, and the only way he could was to ask me. He really, really cares for you, but you always push him away. He wants to find out how to get to know you, what it would take for you to finally notice him as a man instead of an opponent. He asked me why you hated him so much. And frankly, I couldn't give him an answer because I didn't know."

How dare he. How dare he!

Without even bothering to say goodbye, Lily stormed down in to the teeming common room, and marched to the center of the crowd. There was James, as he always was.

"How dare you." Her voice was erupting with anger but dangerously quiet. Every single fiber of her body was exploding in outrage.

"Lily, what a pleasant surprise." James smiled that soft smile that he only smiled for her. She wished he'd smile like that for every girl.

"How dare you try to spy on me through my best friend! Using every moment to constantly harass me isn't enough, so you try to get her to tell you about me!"

Surprise filled his face, and it grew completely serious. "I didn't mean it like that. I was only trying to help."

"Well next time you want to help, leave me the hell alone! I don't know who you think you are, invading my privacy like that. You think that if you get her to like you, then suddenly I'll jump in the sack with you? Go to hell, James! You want to know why I hate you?" She was screaming as loud as she could, and Lily dimly registered that the entire common room was watching her with interest. "Do you!?"

He nodded mutely.

"I hate you so much because of you doing things like this! And you want to know when I'll notice you as something other than an arrogant prat? Never, James! If you so much as look at me again, I'll hex you back to your maker. I never want to see you again!" Without looking back, she stormed from the common room, wandering blindly as hot tears of rage streamed down her cheeks.

This was so typical of him. She hadn't exploded like that at him in years, but she could only handle so much before she blew up. All she wanted to concentrate on was getting over it, and she hoped he would do. But he wouldn't, he never would let it die, no matter what she said!

Nearly crashing into a stone wall, Lily forced herself to see where she was. Great Merlin, I'm down in the dungeons. If the Slytherins catch me here, this late, there'll be hell to pay. She was exactly sure where she was, so she stumbled a bit; trying to find her bearings.

"Oh, look, a mudblood has blessed the dungeons with her filthy presence."

Even without turning around, she knew who it was. "I don't even want to know why a slimy git like you is skulking around the dungeons."

"I could ask you the same question." Snape's voice was bitter and mocking.

"Leave me alone, cretin, and you'll be a lot better off." Angrily wiping at the tears under her eyes, she hoped he hadn't noticed.

So much for hope. "Oh is the mudblood sad? Did she get in a fight with her lover, pothead?"

"Potter is not my lover, and I don't want anything to do with him. Why do you care anyways, you hate him as much as he hates you." Slowly she turned the idea over in her mind, as if noticing it for the first time.

"I noticed you were in pain. Wouldn't want to miss it."

He's being an insufferable prick, as usual. But he always was reasonable. "Listen, Snivellus, just shut your trap for one minute. I have a… proposition for you."

His lip curled in a sneer. "Why should I listen to any idea a mudblood like you would have? I'm not as stupid as you."

Ignoring the last bit, Lily rushed forward, "Because, if you do what I can say, you can hurt James more than you ever thought possible."

"I'm listening…"

The dorm room was dark, and as Lily opened the door, a sliver of light shone on Aly's bed. She hoped her friend wouldn't wake. All she wanted was to go to bed, though she doubted she would be able to sleep. Tomorrow was greeted with as much excitement as Christmas; she couldn't wait for it to come.

"Lily, I think we need to talk. You left so fast that I never got to say what I wanted to you." Aly was sitting in the shadows of her bed, staring at Lily. She must have been waiting in the dark for Lily to come up.

Sighing, Lily shut the door. "Can it wait, I'm rather tired. Why aren't you in bed?"

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?" Lily asked with an exaggerated yawn as she sat down on her own bed.

"I heard what you said to James. Merlin, the Hufflepuffs three floors down must have heard it."

"Everything I said to Potter was verified." Her tone was stony and offered no response.

Aly's solemn and quiet voice filled the room. "I can't believe you said that to him. He has every right to owl me, even if it's about you. You never even asked me if I minded!"

Rolling her eyes, Lily said, "Well excuse me, I was worried about a certain stalker."

"You've been simply awful to James lately. He's really changed since fifth year, when he used to torment you so much. People change Lily, and he has. I don't think he deserves any of this, and I can't support you anymore. He's offering an olive branch, why can't you bloody except it?"

"So now constant badgering and invasion of privacy is a change for the good?" Outrage filled her voice.

"I don't want to argue with you Lily, I just think you should take one long, hard look at yourself."

"Maybe you should take one long, hard look at yourself! You're supposed to be my friend, but you backstab me like this!"

"I am your friend, I'm your best friend." Her voice was anxious and slightly pleading. "But just because I'm your best friend doesn't mean I have to automatically agree with everything you say and do."

Just when I need her support, she betrays me like this. A small part of her knew Aly was trying to help, and knew she shouldn't say what she was about to. Regretting it already, Lily uncontrollably spilled out, "Well you don't have to worry about ever being my friend again!"

"You don't mean that, do you?" Aly face looked torn.

"Never meant anything more. I don't need a betraying friend like you!" Furiously shutting her curtains, Lily fell down on her bed. Sobbing for the second time that day, she was too confused to scold herself like she usually did when she was crying. Letting the hot tears roll from her red eyes, she tossed and turned before collapsing exhausted on her covers. She couldn't remember ever feeling this drained, and before long Lily fell asleep on top of her covers, robes still on. If she'd stayed awake just a little while longer, she would've heard echoing sobs from the bed next to her.

When Lily woke up the next morning, it was still dark out. She felt stiff and cramped from sleeping in her robes, and she was sure she looked as bad as she felt. But worse than the physical discomfort, was the gaping hole inside. It felt like someone had taken a skewer and stabbed her in the heart and soul till there was nothing left. The emptiness was enveloping and smothering. She'd never fought with Aly like that before, and she wanted to rush over to the next bed and apologize.

I can't do it. Not yet, not now. Maybe later, but there's some other things I have to take care of now. Scrambling out of bed, Lily grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the lavatories. Slipping into a new set of robes and a clean shirt, she looked at her tangled, snarled mess of hair. A quick charm smoothed it, and another gave it a slight wave. A charm that worked so quickly was always temporary, so by the end of the day it would return to its rat's nest. Oh well, no time.

Eye drops removed the puffy redness, and make-up made her look like she hadn't spent last night in her own hell. With one last glance in the mirror and a quick primping of her robes, she ran out the door and out of the common room. The common rooms were still deserted; no one was up before dawn. Except one person I know…

The halls were as deserted as the common room, except for three second-year Gryffindors giggling hysterically on the way to the Slytherin common room. Lily didn't even want to know what they were up to. She hurried past them into the Great Hall.

From the Great Hall it only took a moment to get to the grounds, and the Quidditch pitch was only a few hundred yards away. The grass was slick with dew, and the air heavy as the fingers of dawn showed from the mountains to the east.

I don't think he deserves any of this. Aly's words from last night came smashing at her from her memory. He's offering an olive branch, why can't you bloody except it? Lily shook her head, trying to rid herself of the words so she could concentrate.

I think you should take a long, hard look at yourself… I can't support you anymore. Damning the unshed tears stinging in the back of her eyes, she mentally slapped herself and broke into and all out run to the Quidditch pitch, leaving the words behind her.

There he was, early as he always was. While Lily prided herself on always being on time, Snape was always early.

"You're late."

"No, I'm not late, you're just early."

"Let's just get this over with, mudblood."

"Go to hell, you prick." Looking up, she could see a dark shape loomed high in the sky. It wasn't a bird; it was a man on a broom.

Sirius strode confidently to the pitch, broom in hand. He could just see James ahead, flying in the sky as he did every morning. Normally, Sirius never joined him; a man needed his beauty sleep after all. But James had been so cut up last night that Sirius, his best friend, couldn't even talk to him. The next morning would be little better, but James always thought clearer when he was on a broom.

He wasn't at all eager to have a chat about feelings like girls constantly wanted, but James had to know that Sirius would was there for him. If he felt like talking, Sirius would listen.

That's strange, there were two other people standing by the Quidditch stands. For a moment he had a sinking feeling that some girls in James's fan club had found out about his flying and come to maul him after practice. Wait a minute… was that Lily? It only took another second to realize who the second person was. Snape!

Picking up the pace, Sirius started to run towards the two. With alarm he saw that James had noticed the two as well. There he was, diving down to the two of them, most likely thinking he had to protect Lily, no matter what that idiotic girl said to him. But Sirius smelled a rat, and it wasn't Peter. Why were the two there in the first place?

The two had there back's turned to him, but he was close enough to seem them clearly; as was James. Looking up at his friend, he saw a shot on the tip of his tongue. But then Sirius saw it.

It must've been one of the most deeply disturbing things Sirius ever saw. It just didn't fit. Lily leaned over and kissed Snape, right on the lips, right in front of James. Kissed Snape, James's archenemy and held it too, just so she was sure he could see. Turning her head, Lily threw a grin at James, glee written all over her face.

Then with that, she turned and walked away, Snape right behind.

Sirius felt mortified. But James would feel….

Dashing forward, Sirius just managed to grab James's broom while he tumbled off.

Here it is, ta-da! Sorry for the wait, I'm trying to write a novel too, so I'm juggling a lot of stuff at once. Happy Friday the Thirteenth!

I hope you like this most recent installment. I couldn't help doing that to James, I've always wanted to read one were Lily kisses Snape in front of James, but I couldn't find one. So here it is.

Thank you to: chriscilla, dancinguyn,Icy Pheonix(sorry, I've never read any Yu Yu Hakusho or I'd review yours!), JessieRose,rOkstA, and TenkunoMeiou! Thank you, all of you!

If anyone is bored, check out my other story, The Underground. It's a lot different than this one, but I think it's still good.

Keep reviewing!