A/N: I hadn't noticed before, but someone told me in a review that they couldn't tell what the five steps were. Each step is a chapter title. I try to incorporate each title into the story, though so are harder than others. Anyways, sorry about that! I hope it's clearer now.
Also, this chapter contains some bad language. I think it is completely within the PG-13 guide lines, but I thought I'd give you all a heads up so someone doesn't come after me with a pitchfork.
Chapter Four: Step Four - Bargaining
Lily ran, ran blindly through the corridors, Snape far behind. Her feet slamming against the ancient stone floors filled the halls with echoing cries.
Trying hard not to swallow, she rubbed her mouth on the sleeve of her robes. She hadn't exactly kissed very many boys, just Benjy Fenwick and Edgar Bones back in fifth year. But it was enough to know Snape had probably only kissed snakes, or else he should have had the decency to pop a breath mint.
Of course he wouldn't have kissed anyone. What girl in her right mind would kiss him? Cringing inwardly at the thought she stumbled past the door of the Prefect's Bathroom. Suddenly a quick peek inside seemed like a marvelous idea.
Technically she wasn't a Prefect anymore, but there wasn't a Head Bathroom. It seemed idiotic, really, to have a bathroom reserved only for two.
"Lions bane."
With the password said, the door slowly opened, and Lily brushed its even wood with her fingertips as she pushed it fully opened. Closing it securely behind her, she walked into the cavernous lavatory. Ignoring the mammoth pool at the far side, she ambled over to the sink. Leaning heavily on the marble counter top, she ran her hands through her hair, absentmindedly smoothing out a few tangles.
Dear Merlin, what have I just done? She pushed the thought from her mind. It does no good to dwell on the past. If there was anything Lily stood for, it was trying to live in the present and not get hung up on things you couldn't change. Then again, she'd never made such stupid decisions in the last twenty-four hours as she just did.
Forcing herself to concentrate on other things, she gave a swift summoning charm to bring her toothbrush and paste from the Gryffindor dormitories to the counter in front of her. Focusing on ridding herself of any evidence made her mind stay where it belonged. The minty flavor of the toothpaste rolled across her tongue and as she closed her eyes it was just as if she was first waking up in the morning.
Spitting into the sink the toothpaste began to spiral down to the drain, and Lily wondered with a mangled grin where it all went. It didn't seem likely that Hogwarts used central plumbing.
The grin, distorted as it was, faded into nonexistence as she slowly set her toothbrush at the side of the sink. Any sign of her just kissing a crazed, bitter mutant was erased, but she still felt… unclean. Brushing her teeth a second time even though she knew it wouldn't change a bit, she looked at her reflection.
Yesterday this face had had a best friend.
Aly…If doing that to James made her feel a little uneasy, yelling at Aly made her feel like something that had just crawled in from outside that should be stepped on immediately.
Her best friend's absence was a gaping hole. Maybe I could talk to her today… She knew it was a lie, though. Any chance of repairing the gap quickly was ruined when she had kissed Snape. In doing so she had spat at everything Aly had believed in. She'd never forgive her, at least not in this millennium.
Of course, that was only if she found out. Lily wasn't going to tell anyone, and she was sure as hell that James would never mention it to a living soul. But Snape… Snape was the wild card. He might mention it just to brag that he had finally brought down Potter, or he might keep his lips shut to hide the fact that he had kissed a muggle-born. She hoped he would keep his mouth shut.
Thinking back of what had just happened, she closed her eyes at the memory. Sure I know I probably shouldn't have done that. But I wouldn't have had to go to those lengths if Potter would have just left me alone in the first place! The picture of his torn face as he looked at her surfaced out of her mind. He had it coming! It's not my fault he had to learn the hard way.
The rationalization soon made sense to Lily, and with that thought in hand she tucked her toothpaste and brush into her robe pocket and opened the heavy door to step out into the corridor.
Only to be slammed into the hard stone wall.
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
The head of painstakingly trim black hair, worn a bit too long and cared for a bit too much out of vanity was staring at the floor. She didn't need him to look up.
"Sirius, what the hell are you talking about? How did you know I was here?"
His coal grey eyes narrowed, and he ignored the last part. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."
Tension filled her body. There's no way he could have found out, this early. Surely Snape couldn't have told him yet. "I beg your pardon, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Just because you have a hangover doesn't mean you can take it out on me." She struggled against his hold and he gripped her shoulders to keep her from moving.
"I saw you. I saw you there, with James and him. You thought you were inconspicuous? I saw the whole thing." His voice was dead and flat.
Her stomach dropped to land three stories down. Damn. "Fine, I won't pretend to not know what you're talking about. I'm willing to move on if James is. How about you just forget we met, alright?"
"That's not going to be good enough." He shoved her against the wall, harder.
"Okay, that's fair." Panic exploded in star bursts inside her head. She should've thought this through more. Sirius was the revengeful friend, but never before had she seen him push a girl. If he was doing this to her, all hell would break lose when he came across Snape. "How about I just apologize to Potter and you'll forget you met me here, okay?" Like that would ever happen.
"You don't get it do you, you… frigid bitch." His dark eyes were two pinpoints of anger in a pale face.
Indignation coursed through her veins, and anger replaced wariness. "Let go of me, damnit! Who do you think you are, anyways? It's none of your business who I happen to… err, be with."
"You were just doing that to get to James. Don't pretend you don't know that!"
Lily just stood there, glaring loudly at him. No words needed to be said.
"You don't get it. James really liked you. I always told him to go get laid and he'd get over it, like you do."
A gasp of outrage escaped her lips. "Excuse me, Mister I-Can't-Keep-My-Pants-On, but I wouldn't have had to do that if Potter would just leave me the bloody alone! Lord, 'no' just doesn't get through your thick skulls!"
"You can't know how in love James was with you. He used to plan out places where you two would 'accidentally' bump into each other. Which you always turned into shouting matches. Damnit, for a while in sixth year, I was number two to him!" He had released Lily, but she still felt like he was holding her there.
She stood back, stunned. …How was I supposed to know? Too late. "Okay, so just because he had an idiotic, mindless, schoolboy infatuation with me then I just have to accept him for being an arrogant, self-centered prick?"
"He knows he used to be an ass, Evans, but he changed himself. He changed," he went on in a sing-song, angry voice, "just he got be with the little evil, whoring wench! And look where it ended him up, falling off his broomstick."
A small part of her worried, hoped he hadn't been hurt. But that part was brutally suppressed. "So I'm not allowed any free will because he's an obnoxious stalker! He brought this on himself, never leaving me alone!"
Placing his hands on the wall on either side of her head, he leaned in close to her, his voice frozen with rage. "You don't deserve him. He always thought he didn't deserve you, because you're so damn aloof. Maybe you did him a favor, now he'll never be with you."
A chill went down her spine at his haunting last words. She never thought about what it would be like to be with his friends, on the other side.
"Just remember this: James was the one who made us leave you alone. Now you're protector's gone, and what will you do?" Sirius walked off down the hallway, his muffled footsteps echoing in the stone and a reverberation held in the air after he had stopped speaking.
She shouted at his retreating form, "You can't scare me!" But it sounded weak, and she knew it.
He brought it on himself, he brought it on himself… Suddenly the words that had been so strong sounded flat in her mind.
Walking into Transfiguration she saw she was one of the last there. Aly was seated, not in their usual spot in the front row, but two rows back by her cousin, Marlene McKinnon. She was starring at her notes, and laughing at something Marlene had said. A deep and irrational hatred to the mild-mannered Marlene filled Lily, and she shook her head to rid herself of the feeling.
About to set her bookbag on a front desk, she looked in shock to see James there, concentrating all his attention on the currently blank chalk board. Sirius sat next to him, and she scurried past to avoid eye contact. She wished she could just walk out the room, right there, but she swallowed past the lump in her throat and walked with her head high to the back of her room.
The desks at the back of the room were mostly empty, and she settled herself into one, setting her bookbag on the other seat. Remus walked in, with long loping strides. He walked automatically to the back row, focusing on something in his bag. Looking up to see Lily, he turned his head, puzzled.
Thinking for a second he was going to sit by her, she moved her bag from the seat to the spot in front of her. Remus was always the Marauder that kept his head. He'll understand. He's just got to. That is, if Sirius told him. She crossed her fingers under her desk, hoping that Sirius had kept his mouth shut.
He gave her a sort of half smile. At the end of sixth year they'd established a rocky friendship, and he evidently remembered. He started to walk towards the back row. Lily let out a sigh of relief when she saw she wouldn't have to sit alone, but froze when Sirius jumped up and grabbed Remus by the wrist, pulling him up to the front to sit at the desk beside him.
Flashing her a lopsided, rueful grin he sat down where Sirius put him and looked to her, like he was about to say something. Leaning over, Sirius whispered something quickly in his ear, gave Lily a glance, then started to whisper to his friend again. Looking on, she watched helplessly as Remus's face turned from one of apology to one of confusion, then anger.
Sinking low into her chair, she stared at her hands, avoiding his gaze. Perhaps it's best this way. I probably couldn't have handled it anyway.
Professor McGonagall had begun to talk, and with a whisk of her wand the blank chalkboard began to fill with complicated drawings of pebbles turning into polecats. Lily picked a textbook from her bag and propped it in front her to hide behind the crisp white pages. McGonagall gave one look at the upside down Muggle Studies book and pursed her lips, but didn't comment, to Lily's relief.
The faint breeze from the open window swelled about the room, and she lay with her head down on her desk over her crossed arms. A Hufflepuff next to her gave her a strange look, then silently giggled to her friend beside her. Great. Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs. At least it's not with the Slytherins… With a sinking feeling she remembered that they Double Potions with the Slytherins next.
Groaning inwardly she stared out the window. The forest outside bent and swayed with the breeze, and from so high up she could see the leaves ripple like an incoming tide. McGonagall was droning on about how transfiguring something into a mammal was more difficult than that of a reptile. She knew she should listen. She always listened, the most attentive in the class, frantically scribbling down notes while trying to keep up with the board and the Professor.
Not today. She lay there, half dozing in the warm sunshine that didn't make her feel any better. Her book slowly fell over by the weight of it's spine and Lily had a clear view of Aly, who was trying anxiously to make her polecat stop hitting her with it's tail, which was still stone. Lily's own pebble lay untouched where McGonagall had put it.
Aly…She felt the little pricking behind her eyes of early tears, and she propped up her book again to hide. You're hiding from your best friend. My, my, how far the proud fall. A little voice sneered at her from the back of her brain, and she batted her head, trying to be rid of it.
Good, class was almost over. The Marauders couldn't try anything when the stern Professor was in charge. Suddenly a red-faced Hufflepuff shrieked from the opposite corner, tripping over his chair as he scurried away from his pebble, now complete with three legs, an ear and a mouth.
"It bit me!"
McGonagall's reply was curt and exasperated. "Yes, yes Gilderoy. It's fine. I'll just take you up to the hospital wing." She looked about the room hurriedly. "Potter, you're in charge till I get back."
As soon as the door swung shut a pebble came flying from the front of the room and knocked her book over. She had a clear view of Sirius sitting nonchalantly on his desk, tossing another pebble up in the air and catching it before it hit the ground. Next to him Remus was turned in his seat and staring at her with a stony face with a hint of disgust. Peter was giving her a half sneer, and sniggering in his high pitch, nasal squeal. Lily wanted to box his ears. James, surprisingly, still had his eyes fixed on the chalkboard, and he sat immobile.
The second pebble came so fast that she only had time to cover her face in self-defense before it bounced sharply off her arm. "How did that feel, hmm?" Sirius's mocking voice filled the room.
"Shove off, Black." Lily tried to keep her voice even, and tried not to notice that the rest of the class had stopped working and was staring at them.
"Well?" Anger for his friend overcame his voice.
"Go to hell, Black. I can report you."
He laughed, as she knew he would, at her fragile authority. "Didn't you hear? James is in charge."
This was going to get very ugly, very fast if someone joined him. She hoped James wouldn't turn around and goad him on. "I think you'd be a lot better off if you would mind your own business!" Her voice grew as a crescendo to fill the room.
All he did was snicker softly. Lily noticed in shock that beside him, Remus held a pebble in his own hands. He was gazing it at it wonderingly and it seemed to have just occurred to him that he could throw it at her. Making a tight fist around it, he threw back his arm to cast it.
"Leave her alone."
The voice sounded throughout the room, and Lily didn't have to see him to know who had said it. She sat there, reeling in her desk, surprised and confused.
"Damnit James, you know what happened! You know what she did! She deserves-"
"Leave her alone, Sirius."
"But-"
"Leave her alone." He got up and left the room, swinging his bag over his shoulder.
With an angry shrug, Sirius gave a blind throw in Lily's direction and followed his friend out. So it was simply chance that the pebble hit her in the pocket with the toothpaste. She could feel it slimily spreading inside her pocket. Great, just perfect.
Remus looked down at his hand, the stone still tightly enclosed in his fist. He dropped it with a red face, then hurried out the room, quickly followed by a sneering Peter. She wasn't quite sure what he was sneering at.
Nothing could've fazed her now. She just sat there, still reeling, half in oblivion. What. The hell. Just happened?? Someone could've knocked her over with a feather. How could anyone have expected that? The pit in Lily's stomach that had been mutely growing like a malignant tumor expanded so far that she was certain it was going to swallow her. She sunk to a new low, one she had never even come close to, and she still felt contaminated. It would've been a welcome relief if James's had exploded on her, maybe threw a few hexes her way. She probably wouldn't have dodged them all. And here he is, acting like a… gentleman! She sunk deeper into her chair, and collapsed her head with a pound on top of the desk.
I was going to make this longer, but then you'd have to wait even longer for the update, so I'll just add the James and Snape confrontation to the next chapter. Hope you all liked it! I bet there's about a mass of mistakes in there, but as I said, that'll take even longer. If only I had a beta… If anyone wants to help me, shout out.
Thanks to my reviewers…
Sweetaccent- Yeah, lol, I know exactly what you mean, I'm one of those people who would run towards a guy like James, not away. But the story wouldn't be any good then, would it?
MiSs WeStHoFf HeRsElF- Interesting name, here you go.
Lady Farevay- Wow, you're review was so nice! It made my whole day so much better!
Andromeda-elf- I really hope you like this one, too.
Flame Of Desire- Oops, sort of a late update. Here it is.
Lioness- Thanks for the double review, it made me feel twice as great!
JessieRose- Wow, I'm surprised you picked up on the novel thing, thanks for noticing. It's just a fantasy book which I have a such a huge plot for that I'll probably never finish it. Still, as an author, being published would be a dream come true, so I'm just going to keep hammering at it.
Sumrandumperson- Evil Lily is my favorite. She's gone though for a while, it's hard for me to be mean to James.
Cilverblood- Thank you SO much for pointing out the five steps thing. I made an author note at the top; I hope it cleared everything up!
TenkunoMeiou- You've updated at every single chapter! It makes me realize I have a real fan, thanks!
So there it was folks; step four. My next chapter is probably going to be late too, I'm starting school on Wednesday (excuse me while I go barf), and my workload is a killer. I'm really trying to finish this one though, so don't' worry about me stopping.