Pretty Little Boy
'Divided'
"Spring Break's just around the corner," Bryna said, stirring her mug of tea with a spoon before taking a small sip, making a face. Too hot. "You guys have any plans?"
Both of her sons blinked back at her. No noise. Come on now...
"...Okay. Well hey, think of something you want to do... I dunno. We'll do something as a family okay? It'll be fun..." Setting her unfinished mug of tea on the counter, Bryna shot both boys a warm smile, grabbing her keys off of the kitchen table. "I'm going grocery shopping after work. Any requests?"
"No," Sora muttered. Cloud glanced warily in his brother's direction, though said nothing. The tension that hung in the air was almost tangible, something you could grab and jump rope with if you were so inclined.
"...Anything... you'd like to do when I get home from work?" Bryna asked. Her fingers busily toyed with the keys to her car and both of her children knew that if she kept it up, she'd be late, but neither boy did anything to prevent it. Whatever humor they still had stowed away in them reminded them gently that when she wanted to, their mother was capable of seriously pushing the pedal to the metal. For her, time wasn't an issue.
What was an issue was her youngest son's mental welfare.
"Not really." It was Cloud's turn to answer while Sora simply shrugged and traced his fingers over the wood grain of the table as though it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.
"Oh... Alright." Bryna hung in the doorway for another minute, studying Cloud and Sora. Sora had his back to his brother and was still spacing out... or just choosing to ignore the rest of his family. If he hadn't been, he probably would've caught the scowl Cloud was throwing in his direction. Anyone could catch that look from a mile away. It wasn't necessarily angry or anything... It was more of a look that just asked how much dumber a person could possibly get.
"I'll see you guys later. Maybe we'll order Chinese or something... okay?" Obviously, Bryna had gotten as much as a response as she was going to get from her sons, for both of them were silent then. "Love you... bye..."
Click.
Cloud listened intently, though it wasn't all that hard to hear Bryna's departure, even from inside the house. It was so quiet, he almost felt as though he could hear a pin drop from across the island. But after the open and close of the car door, the start of the ignition, and the crunch of rubber tires passing over their familiar concrete territory, Cloud nodded to himself.
"Come on, Sora." Pushing away from the counter, he swiftly moved towards the front table, snatching his car keys in one hand and grabbing a light jacket from the closet with his other. It was now or never. And seeing as it definitely wasn't going to be never, it sure as hell was going to be now.
When Sora made no motion to move, other than to give Cloud a mixture of a scowl and a pout, Cloud let out a deeply annoyed sigh, pulling his coat on and briskly striding over into the kitchen. In one fluent motion, he pulled Sora's chair out with his foot, sliding his hands up under his younger brother's arms and lifting Sora clear off of his seat. Ah, the benefits of being the strong older brother.
"The hell?!" Sora yowled and struggled in Cloud's grip, but, as always, any resistance he put up was futile. But that had never stopped Sora from howling like a banshee and it wasn't going to stop him then either. "What are you doing?! Dammit, Cloud, put me down! Fuck you! Get off! You're hurting me!" And, as always, Cloud simply blocked out Sora's whines, juggling the smaller boy in his arms while trying to open the front door.
This actually proved to be more difficult than it may once have been, for since Sora had grown up and had learned something about the workings of the world, he was quite capable of acting rotten when he was treated rotten. So after having Sora kick the front door closed five times, topple both of them over onto the floor, ram Cloud backwards into a wall and an end table, Cloud began to rethink things.
"Sora, if I let you go..." Cloud winced as he found himself propelled backwards against the wall once more. "Dammit, would you just knock it off for a second!"
"Then let me go!"
"If I let you go will you just get in the car?!" Cloud growled as Sora's struggles grew frantic, the younger boy obviously not wanting to give in so easily. But with Cloud safely backed up against a wall and roughly ten times stronger than poor wimpy Sora... well, it wasn't really like he had much of a choice.
"FINE. You jackass."
"No need for that." Cloud released his hold on his younger brother, allowing Sora to tumble towards the ground, glaring up at Cloud from the floor. Hmpf. He might get one or two bruises from the tiny fall, but Cloud was going to be completely black and blue from that tiny little episode. Served the brat right.
"Come on then. You gotta hold up your end of the deal here," Cloud said, opening the front door with one hand, motioning for Sora to hurry up with his other. It wasn't like they had all day... At least... Cloud hoped they didn't have all day. He didn't know how much longer he or Bryna could last.
Oddly enough, Sora allowed himself to be led to the car, sitting silently in the passenger's seat before fixing his gaze to the window, flat out refusing to look Cloud in the eye. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but honestly, he no longer really cared. If his brother was dragging him to some treatment center, well, whatever. He was still busy pondering last night's strange dream... or was it real?
Cloud's voice burst the bubble of Sora's thoughts as the car pulled out of the driveway. "Hey, if all you're gonna do is sit there and go all teenage-girl on me, I've got something more constructive for you to do." As the car moved down the street, Cloud took one hand from the steering wheel, fishing around in his pocket for a moment before finally pulling out a battered looking tape recorder and tossing it into his brother's lap.
"Remember it?" Cloud asked, a small smile threatening to tug at the corners of his mouth as he drove onwards, focused on the road ahead. Sora glanced over at the blond, but quickly turned his gaze back down to the tape recorder, gently brushing against its plastic surface with his fingertips. Yeah, of course I do. But what--?
"Well, why not play it?" His voice came out sharper and colder than Cloud had really intended for it to be as he turned on his left blinker, switching lanes. More cars were seen around them then and though Sora still had no idea where they were going, it was obvious that Cloud did. It was also obvious that Sora was just supposed to press the damn play button. Or else.
Frowning slightly at the tape recorder, Sora picked it up gently, cradling it in his hands before sliding his thumb over the black play button, pressing down. A torrent of static burst from the little speakers of the recorder and Sora winced before rapidly adjusting the volume. Though time had taken its toll on the quality of the tape, laughter filled the car in an instant, background noises muffling the clarity of the words coming through. Some of it was jumbled, some of it made no sense, but Sora closed his eyes and concentrated, listening for all he was worth.
"That's my train! Get your own, Cloud!" Hey, it's me...
"Here, talk into this so when you're eighteen, you can hear what a little brat you were." And Mom...
"Haaah!"
"That's not talking."
"Huh? Oh, okay. Hi, me! Mom, are you sure I'm gonna hear this? OWW. Cloud, stop it!"
"Cloud, leave your brother alone."
"Mom, he's kicking me!"
"I am not!"
"Come on, don't you guys wanna play with this? You can remember this whole day when you're older and you listen to it."
"Am I doing something cool yet? I wanna be a warrior! Raaawr!"
"You're too weak to be a warrior. And you cry all the time."
"Well fine, Cloud. Dummy. Then... I wanna be a doctor! I can save people and wear a ste--... a steph--... ste-phi-scope!"
"You mean a stethoscope, Sora."
"That's what I said!"
A light rain began to fall, though Cloud didn't even both turning the windshield wipers on. They'd already reached their destination and he simply parked the car, both brothers sitting in silence as the tape reached its end and stopped with a whir and a click. Other than the soft patter of rain against the roof of the car, everything seemed eerily still and quiet before Cloud once again took it upon himself to break the silence.
"You know, for someone who wanted to be a doctor... to help people... it's interesting."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sora scowled and looked at his brother, who was calmly starting out the window. Too much rain had beaded up for Sora to have a clear view of where they were... It just looked like some big empty field.
"It means that the little kid who wanted to help people can't even realize when he needs help anymore." Cloud reached over and carefully plucked the tape recorder from Sora's grasp, safely tucking it back into his coat pocket once more before studying his younger brother closely. "How come you're not happy anymore?"
"I..." Sora blinked, completely at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say? He didn't know. He didn't even have the slightest idea. So instead he simply pouted and moodily swung his head around to look the other way. Another foggy window. How interesting.
With a sigh, Cloud simply shrugged and reached for the door handle, saying over his shoulder, "Well, come on then." Shoving the door open, Cloud's feet hit the ground, gravel crunching beneath them. Letting out another sigh, he looked around a moment before slowly turning back to the car. Great. Sora was still huddled up inside, obviously intent on being a royal pain in the ass and refusing to come out.
Fed up with all the childish behavior he was having to put up with, Cloud slammed the door shut and went around to the other side of the car, opening the door and grabbing Sora's arm, hauling him out of the car. Another slam. A distant rumble of thunder. Perhaps it would end up being more of a storm than Cloud thought it would be.
"Let go, Cloud!" Sora made a feeble attempt and wrenching his arm free from the hold Cloud had on it, but it was simply in vain. Rain pelted down on both of them, clinging to their hair and clothes and soaking both to the bone as Sora found himself dragged onward by his brother. It suddenly became painfully clear just where they were and Sora's struggles only increased, his words growing more bitter and scorching until Cloud finally stopped walking and flung Sora's arm away from him as though it hurt just to touch his younger brother.
"Fine Sora, okay?! Here! This is where I brought you, okay?! Dammit, I've tried. I've tried to be so fucking patient and so fucking understanding!" As more rain began to fall from the sky in thick torrents, Cloud finally lost the temper he'd been struggling to hold on to for so long, tears biting at his eyes and a demon clawing at his throat. "Look at you! Look around you! What the hell's the matter with you that you can't see all this?"
"See what?! There's nothing to see here!"
"Oh honestly, I can't-- You're so dense!"
With a violent shove, Cloud forced Sora to fall onto his knees, blinking blearily away at the rainwater that stung his eyes. ...Or were those tears? Sora couldn't really...
"This is Rinoa Heartilly." A cold slab of stone was all that stood in Sora's view, though it was only one of many. With wet grass clinging to his arms, Sora shook his head, struggling to look anywhere, to look at anything but the gravestone in front of him.
"You know what happened to her?" Cloud's voice... it sounded so far away. The world tilted and churned beneath Sora as he frantically looked around, but everything was the same. Gray headstones, cold reminders of the warm life that had once thrived in the body beneath their ground. A tired and worn monument to Rinoa, to...
"Seifer Almasy. He was a drug dealer, but not too serious about it. One overdose though and he was dead. His girlfriend, Rinoa... She just decided she wanted to follow him, I guess."
Stop...
"Quistis Trepe..."
Stop it...
"Zell--"
"Stop, Cloud!" Staggering to his feet, Sora ignored the tears that were one by one making their way down his face. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand... What was going on? "I don't... What are you doing?"
"I'm showing you," was the icy response. Cold, cold, cold... everywhere Sora looked. "This is what happens, Sora. It's not all fun and games. You think you can live and spend the rest of your life drinking and doing drugs, having a grand old time with Riku and his 'friends.' You think it's not going to hurt you?!"
"Riku would never hurt me..."
"Well guess what." Cloud took in a deep gulp of air, closing his eyes. There was no easy way to go around this and he was slowly but surely finding that out. Try as he might, Cloud... It wasn't going to be soft and gentle. "He did hurt you, Sora. Okay? He did. Accept it. Learn from it. I don't care what you do, but you better do something. Because if you don't... If you don't, you're going to be the next Rinoa. Riku's going to be the next Seifer. And I refuse to go to your funeral if you're going to throw your life away like that.
"If you want to keep doing this stuff and if you want to keep fucking yourself over, fine by me. Okay? FINE. But you won't be a doctor and you won't be helping anyone. You'll just keep fucking up and you'll just keep messing up unless you learn something and unless you try to help yourself." Cloud stared levelly at Sora, not backing down from his resolve even though the smaller boy was visibly shaking and crying uncontrollably.
"...Mom and I love you. Kairi and Selphie love you. People care about you, Sora. Even after all this, if you want to go back to the way things were before... you can. You can go back to being that stupid, happy little kid who always..." Cloud chuckled before saying, "...Who always yelled at me for kicking him. And stealing his toys. You can go back."
"Cloud..."
"Oh jeeze, stop crying. Get over here, you goof." No sooner had the words left Cloud's mouth did he find himself being clung to by his younger brother. When was the last time that had happened? Who knew. Who cared. Cloud smiled slightly, wrapping his arms securely around Sora's shoulders, rain pouring down around them all the while.
x x x
The moment the car pulled into the driveway, Cloud knew the events that were only seconds away from unfolding. Standing on their doorstep were two figures, one very familiar and the other a complete stranger. It was just as Cloud had figured it would happen. Though Sora shot him an alarmed and confused look, Cloud simply gave him a small reassuring smile before climbing out of the car.
"You there!" Riku's mother hurried down the sidewalk, her son slowly dragging his feet along behind her, staring intently at the ground. Sora opened his mouth, about to call out to Riku... but... something stopped him. He didn't know what. Part of him figured he didn't really have to know.
"Can I help you?" Cloud asked calmly.
"You're Sora's brother? Where's your mother?" Her voice was brittle and demanding, enough to chill Sora to the bone. He'd never caught more than a glimpse of Riku's mother, but he'd never imagined that she was capable of acting so hostile...
"She's at work right now. Is there something you ne--?"
"Oh don't even start with me, you little brat! Look at my son! Do you know--?! Your brother has... has... absolutely destroyed my son! Riku! Riku, honey, tell him!"
"Mom, it's not Sora's--"
"Absolute nonsense! Riku, tell him! Tell him what that wicked--"
"Excuse me. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" A smooth voice from behind Cloud and Sora easily overruled the shrieks and howls of Riku's mother. Bryna stood there, scowling slightly at the raving woman who seemed to have randomly shown up at her house.
"Did you know that your son's been doing drugs?! He's been influencing my boy! I can't believe you've done nothing to stop this!"
An angry chorus of arguments began, each sounding more loud and viscous than its predecessor. Bryna and Cloud lashed right back at Riku's mother who continued to rant on and on about how 'contaminated' her son had become simply by knowing the small brunette standing there, lost and confused.
And really, Sora had never felt more lost and confused in his entire life. He'd thought he'd figured this all out. ...He'd thought he'd be able to get his feet back on the ground, maybe pull Riku with him. But there was the Riku he'd known since the start of all this, standing there and saying absolutely nothing. Nothing towards Sora's guilt, nothing towards his innocence. He wouldn't even look Sora in the eye.
What had happened to the strong and daring person Sora had known once?
Whatever excuses Sora had been busy making up for himself dissipated as he entered the boys' bathroom, suddenly finding himself face-to-face yet again with Riku, who leaned against the tile wall, arms crossed, looking incredibly bored. He turned his attention almost lazily towards Sora as he entered the room, a small smile tugging at the corners of Riku's mouth.
"Huh. What took you so long?"
"What sort of mother lets their son go around doing these things?!"
"Sora was fine before Riku ever showed up! It was his fault, not my mom's!"
"Cloud, calm down. Now listen, miss, I don't know what this is all about, but frankly--"
"It's cool though."
"What is?"
"Your family."
Sora smiled softly, lying back on the bed to stare up at his ceiling. "Riku, you don't even know them that well. Cloud can really be a jackass sometimes, and my mom's... Well, she's just something else all together."
Mimicking Sora's actions, Riku fell back onto the mattress looking up at the ceiling above them as well. Just what was so interesting about it, anyway? Sora needed to put some posters on his ceiling or... something. Maybe he could paint it black. "It's still cool. You can tell they care about you, right, Sora?"
"That's it! We're done here, Riku. Let's go." Briskly storming past Bryna and her sons, Riku's mother bustled down the sidewalk, turning impatiently on her heel only once to snap at her son, "Riku! Now!"
If there was any hesitation on Riku's part, it was only for a brief moment. And in that moment, as he slowly made his way down Sora's sidewalk for what was sure to be the last time, he chanced a glance up at the small brunette. Just like always, those blue eyes pulled him in. But it was no longer a warm and welcoming place, inviting Riku to push everything that was real away and to just be with Sora. Instead, Sora's eyes were worried. Concern radiated from the small boy, so much so that Riku could've sworn it was nearly visible.
But there was no happiness there. No joy, no warmth, and no love. Just endless and eternal worry for Riku that Sora would never be able to rid himself of no matter how hard he might possibly try.
"I'm sorry." The words slipped through Riku's parted lips in a whisper, nearly inaudible to everyone but Sora. It didn't matter. Sora was the only person he'd ever wanted to listen to him, to be able to hear him at all. Was that chance really gone now? ...It... wasn't fair.
A cocky grin adorned Riku's face as he ruffled Sora's brown locks playfully with one hand, using the other to grab the boy's wrist and drag him along. "Glad you like it, Sora! But if you don't hurry up, we're going to be late."
"Riku! Let's go!"
But still Riku lingered, though not much. If he kept looking at Sora... He'd probably only find that all Sora could ever feel for him now was pity.
"Riku, where are we--?"
"Shh..." Sora felt Riku's thumb gently rubbing against the back of his hand in small circles, soothing away the questions bubbling up inside the younger boy and replacing them with simple joy. "You'll find out in a sec, okay?"
Sora blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to keep from allowing himself to cry again. He was so sick of crying... But he was so sick of losing, too. Was he really just going to lose Riku? Just like that?
As Riku returned his gaze to the ground and brushed past him... it looked as though that really was it. It was the end and there would be no second chance. But what about Riku? He had no brother like Cloud, no mother like Bryna... He didn't have friends like Kairi and Selphie. Who was going to help Riku?
"Don't let that light that shines in you go out... Please, Sora..."
"Riku..." Neither boy turned to face the other, each of them standing perfectly still. It was as though one wrong move could destroy everything, even more so than already was. "It's okay. ...It wasn't your fault," Sora whispered.
And without another glance or another word, Riku was gone, his fading footsteps the only sign that he was really, truly, finally gone.
"...Sora, are you...?" Cloud started, casting his younger brother a worried glance.
Sora simply gave him a small smile, listening to the sound of cars passing and feeling the light drizzle of rain falling all around him.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
(x)(x)(x)
There is one more chapter to this story. And it's the epilogue. You have no idea how happy this makes me. (Haha, yeah, happiness here after all this. Hoo, I crack myself up.) But hey, after having to remake all my files using the text posted here on you know, 'cause of a stupid computer crash. ...I'd say I'm doing pretty well.
In the next chapter, loose ends will be tied up, things will be explained, problems solved... And Sora will start to think for himself. So bear with me for one more chapter here, then I'm done. Finally. At last. JOY.
--Ori