Summary: John sets CJ straight about the events of ten years ago.
Title: Amazing Things
Author: Kate
Spoilers: Full Disclosure
Rating PG
Disclaimer: Not mine but I wish they were
Feedback: Makes my day
Note: I can't seem to get my head around 'Hoynes the sleaze' so this is another attempt to make everything right in my addled little mind.
As she walked back into her office she saw the pile of work she would have to wade through before she could even consider leaving for the night. A quick glance at her watch told her it was already 11.30pm. It had been a long and exhausting day and it didn't look like there was an end in sight.
She collapsed into her desk chair and rested her head in her hands. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. In the early days she had made mistakes and had paid the price for them and pulling all nighters was as common as it had been in college – but the enjoyment was gone. The conviction that what she was doing was making a difference.
John Hoynes leaned against the door frame watching her. He had always loved watching her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and the fact that she thought of him as womanising sleaze hurt, but what hurt more was the way he knew she was feeling about herself.
"Claudia?" He whispered her name just as he had ten years earlier and her head snapped up and John was almost sure he saw the glistening of tears in her eyes but before he was positive she had her game face back on.
"What are you doing here? I thought I had pretty much covered everything a couple of hours ago." She sighed and stood. He smiled knowing it was an unconscious tactic to try and put him at a disadvantage. She seemed to forget that he was one of the few men who was actually taller than her.
He took a step into her office, loving the way she lifted one eyebrow to question his audacity.
"I needed to talk to you – there are things you don't know and I think you should."
"Thanks but no thanks – I know everything I need to know about you, and see this pile behind me, this is the stuff I have to get through before I leave tonight, so if you don't mind I think I'll pass on listening to how you plan to spin yourself into being the good guy." She said it with a lot more venom than she had intended but the day had started badly with the talk show and slowly gone downhill from there, she didn't have the time or the energy to be civil tonight.
Anger flashed in his eyes.
"That is so typical of you. Even when I was the Vice President you were all so quick to judge my motives as sinister. Dammit I was here for the same reason as you – I wanted to make a difference!"
CJ looked at him, seeing the truth in his words, and sighed. "What? What is it you felt I had to know at 11.30 at night?"
"Can I sit?" He indicated the lounge with his head. Taking CJ's non-committal shrug as a yes he made himself comfortable. He watched her take the chair opposite.
"So?" She waved her hand impatiently hoping this conversation would be over soon.
"Something you said earlier has been playing on my mind. You made a comment about there being lots of other women – I wanted you to know – what I'm trying to say is – well – there weren't a lot of other women – you got it wrong."
CJ looked at him skeptically.
"Once Suzanne found out she couldn't have kids – I guess a husband became a bit of a redundant commodity. By the time I met you my marriage was over in everything but name. Suzanne liked the life I provided her with - I guess she just didn't like me." He sighed and looked towards his feet. This was not something he had never planned to tell anybody. It was humiliating to have to confess that the woman you had planned to spend the rest of your life with couldn't bear the thought of sleeping with you.
"God, Claudia, we had been flirting for weeks it was inevitable we would end up in bed together." He could see CJ was about to protest and gave her a look that dared her to argue. He saw the resignation and truth in the slump of her shoulders.
"You're right" she agreed "it was inevitable but that doesn't mean it was right".
He leaned forward; instinctively he wanted to be closer to her. "CJ I know you probably won't believe this after all this time, but that night was very special. It meant a lot to me, holding you, feeling you against me – well, it felt right. I decided that night to ask Suzanne for a divorce. But the next morning you were gone and after what you said in the note – well there didn't seem to be a lot of point.
CJ thought back to the note she had left him as she snuck out of his hotel room in the early hours of the morning. She had told him that she had made a huge mistake in sleeping with him and she didn't want to see him again, she would be leaving the campaign and, if they met in the future for some reason, to forget that night had ever happened.
John watched the emotion play across her face. He stood and gently placed his hands on her upper arms and looked deeply into her eyes hoping that she would believe what he was about to say. "CJ, I didn't realise until tonight that you felt guilty. You have to believe me when I tell you, you are not a home wrecker – you can't wreck something that is already beyond repair. The reason I took you up to my hotel room was because I was falling in love with you. I thought you felt the same otherwise I swear it never would have happened. I'm sorry if you have been carrying this around for so long but you have nothing to be guilty or ashamed about."
A tear slipped from CJ's eye before she could control it. For ten long years she had tried to hate him but in one short conversation he had known exactly how she had been feeling and had the strength of character to come and talk to her about it.
John leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek and he knew even from that simple connection whatever they had had in the past was still there. Once again he wished they had been able to pursue whatever it was between them because he had the feeling that together they could have done amazing things. He pulled back and looked her in the eye "Well I've said what I came here for, so I guess I'd better let you get on with your work so you can get home some time tonight." He turned and walked towards the door. Just as he was about to leave the office he heard CJ whisper.
"John."
He turned to look at her, watching her struggle to find the words she wanted to say.
"What you said earlier – you were right." She sighed, pleased she had been able to get the words out.
John looked at her, uncertain of what she was talking about. "I'm not sure….."
CJ interrupted before he could finish the sentence. "What you said about feeling the same – you were right." She couldn't bring herself to say the 'L' word, she had never said it to any man. However, she knew in her heart if things had been different ten years ago she just might have said it to him.
John smiled. It wasn't his political smile, she knew that one well, this was a smile that came from the heart and reached his eyes. "Call me sometime, Claudia."
The End