""..."" this is for what someone said earlier.
Okay, talking about tough love from the last chapter, I got some from Rallalon - lolz. But I know they were trying to be helpful. Anyways, as Elderberry EKE had suggested, Ivan! Yippie!!! Hehe, I hope you guys like this one, sorry for not updating soon, I nearly went through hell trying to write this. Anyways, here you go, chapter nine!!
They have their own rooms here. Just in case you wonder that they share room, like in the game.
Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun. Camelot does.
Chapter 9: Tears For Her
Ivan's POV
How Luna looked so beautiful, wild, and soothing tonight from up the roof on top of my room. Meditating also made it even more soothing a little bit for me, but I was not completely at peace.
'Sigh... this night seems so peaceful, beautiful, calm, and perfect for sharing a moonlit with a special someone. Perfect for Isaac to be alone with Jenna, but she is not with us. It would also be prefect with me... if only I had her.' I said to my mind hopelessly.
However, she had to go home, I was not whom she wanted, I wasn't whom she loved.
I wonder where she is now. I wonder if she made it home, if she was happy, if she was alive. If she even thought about me. Sheba.
The first time I have ever felt that way for someone and tell her and I thought I would be happy, but only to be turned down and be miserable. I guess I just was not meant to be lucky when it comes to love.
Why should I let all of this bother me and my quest to help Isaac stop Felix from lighting the lighthouses? Why should I be so sad? This is not me.
All those childhood years, not knowing my past, being treated like an outcast and a thief, being different and in tolerated by many, it did not bother me. I just did not care because I knew that one day I will find friends just like me, and I did which I am grateful for. I am still treated like an outcast in other places in Angara, but I still did not care... but, Sheba not feeling the same way that I do... it hurts so much just to even play the scene all over again in my mind.
It hurts.
Mia knows about my condition and everything that happened, she comforted me for a while but it still did not take the deep, growing pain inside.
"She told me that maybe now just wasn't the time; maybe she wasn't used to this kind of love before since they all regarded her as a god, not a girl to love. Maybe, she does have feelings deep inside her that she hasn't noticed, and maybe it hasn't surfaced yet..."
Whatever the reason was, it did not feel good for me to face. I do not know whether to accept the fact or not. Nevertheless, I did know one thing.
"Sheba, I still..."
flashback
'... Love you.' I was so overwhelmed about my visions of what would happen to her, I just wanted to protect her from anything. I embraced her tightly, she froze, stunned from my sudden confession of my feelings.
I read her mind; she thought I was being ridiculous.
"I may not know you, but I know what I feel for you, and it's real..." I confessed again, being more persistent and more passionate.
"Ivan..." her voice started trembling. "I... I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way you do..." my eyes spread wide. I broke my embrace from her.
I saw the frown on her face, her eyes nearly shedding tears. Her eyes showed pity, but I knew she was feeling sorry for me. I slowly backed away, but did not leave, not knowing whether to feel sad, angry, or embarrassed. Or either to let my tears give in and let them fall from my face.
"I'm sorry if I may hurt your feelings for this, but... I-Ivan, I know someone else is out there for you and me. Maybe we can just be friends, maybe I am only meant to be friends with you. So please don't hate me, I still want you to be my friend..."
Her words rang inside me, I could not help but think, 'If I am just your friend, and you probably wouldn't need me then what do I matter now?'
'You matter a lot to me, Ivan. Because of you, I can be free again. I thought I'd never regain that again.' I did not notice her placing a hand on my shoulder; I could not help but smile. Her turn to read my thoughts.
I turned away, I didn't want her to see me showing weakness, I didn't want her to see my eyes collecting tears, I didn't want her to see me hurt even though when she was right. I want to support her opinion.
"I think I should go get some sleep now. You should too, Ivan. You and your friends still have a long way to go. At least that is what I saw from my visions. I know you still feel hurt, but -- Ivan. Ivan?" she was asking me. I could not pay attention; I stared blankly at the wall absorbing everything that had just happened.
'Ivan...' Sheba's frown grew deeper; she leaned closer to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I finally returned to reality, surprised. I did not want the kiss to end.
My wish was not granted; she moved away, her frown remaining. She bowed her head and walked away slowly. Tears finally flowing down her face as she left. Tears for what?
A part of me wanted to stop her from leaving completely out of my life, but I resisted. I leaned beside the windowsill; I could see tears also coming down my face.
I shouldn't be so selfish, this is her decision. I must respect it no matter what.
I continued to stare outside, my mind feeling as if it was leaving me. Only total darkness encircling me, only heartbreak I can feel, only tears showing on my face...
""Either you want to tolerate the fact or not Ivan; nothing can change what has happened. However, my advice to you is that you accept all of this and be patient, and wait for that special someone to come along, because if you do not, it would only make you miserable along our way.""
""And if you feel guilty about loving Sheba even after what happened, don't, whoever said it was wrong to love a person? Whoever said it was a sin?""
I recalled from what Mia told me. Moreover, just from the tone of her voice, I knew she spoke nothing but the truth. That is what caused me to let down tears, not being able to accept the truth.
Sigh, maybe she is right, she's always the wise one when it came to love. I know Mia's right, just because Sheba did not love me now, does not mean I should give up loving and hoping that she would love me.
But it just feels so ugly being so miserable when you can be so happy being alive and having precious friends. Hope can be achieved easier than your happiness, you have to feel pain before you can recover... but my pain seemed too much...
I caressed the part of my cheek that Sheba kissed, I could still feel a little bit of the pressure she put in it, the gentle touch of her lips, and I could still feel the emotions behind it. I would always miss that, would always wait for it, and would always want it from her.
I didn't notice Sol coming out and illuminating the day again. How high, mighty, and powerful it looked, ready to give light to whoever wanted it.
I also realized that I did not get any sleep at all, I reminisced all night about some silly thing, I should lighten up soon or else Isaac would get suspicious and think there may be something wrong and start asking questions then Garet would relate them with his times and memories with Jenna. Then Isaac would be appalled and embarrassed, then they would start a silly argument that never ends.
Yup, that's what it all is, silly... but... who would call love silly?
"I just don't understand any of this anymore, I'm all confused now. How am I supposed to --?"
"Don't understand what, Ivan?" Isaac's interruption startled me; I did not hear or see him entering.
His eyes studied my face, a frown came on his face, he looked concerned, "Ivan, you didn't sleep at all last night did you?" he asked, concentrating on my health.
"Well actually, I was too busy thinking about other important things." I replied, not meeting eyes with him.
"Like what other important things?" he asked, probing my thoughts.
"Like... Kalay, Master Hammet, and the lighthouses..." I lied, he knew, even I could tell from the tone of my voice I was. I am obviously not good at lying.
I still did not look at him face to face. He's up to something. It made me somewhat unnerved, what if he finds out.
Of all my friends who can tell there's something wrong the fastest, that would be Isaac, he notices something with me. He looked around my room, and sat on my bed, his expression uncomprehending, that is what slightly annoyed me. I could not understand whether he was somewhat amused or going to be sneaky. He just held that mysterious, confident smile.
I held my breath, not knowing how he will react. He finally spoke, "Are you sure?"
Are you sure? Are you sure! What kind of a question is that! I finally looked at him face to face. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing much, really. Just so I could finally get your full attention." I was... amazed, that was a dirty trick, but a good one. "You know you don't have to hide these things from us, Ivan. We won't make fun of you or anything."
"... What?"
"Mia's been telling me of you and Sheba and how you feel about her before and after she left. But don't get angry with Mia, she just thought you needed someone to talk to about Sheba. She also told me about what happened before she left, but don't worry, if you don't want to talk about it, I won't."
"Thanks, Isaac. I guess." I was somewhat doubtful, "And Garet?"
"Oh, don't worry about him, if he makes other blunt remarks about you and your feelings I told him I would cast a heavy Ragnarok at him." he smiled while he headed towards the door.
I almost hesitated but I spoke out, "Does it really have to hurt this much?"
His face shown a gentle expression now, "It doesn't have to. Only if you want to let it hurt, it will..." I understood now, I'm glad I became friends with Isaac and Mia. As for Garet, wait, hey!
"Wait, Isaac! What did you mean about Garet saying other blunt remarks about me?" he was almost out of sight when I shouted out.
I knew he heard me, he quickened his walk to a run, waving a hand as he ran, "Hey get ready soon, Iodem said he needed to talk to us about something important! Don't worry about Garet, we'll talk privately later!" his voice fading slowly in the long halls.
I prepared for the meeting with Iodem.
"Ah, Isaac and your friends, I am glad you came here, waking you up quite early." Iodem's voice sounding deep, and loud.
"Yeah already, get to the point!" I could hear Garet's impatient whispering. Isaac elbowed him near the ribs. Garet glared at Isaac, slightly annoyed.
"As you already know, I am coming to the Ruins leading to the Venus Lighthouse entrance in Lord Babi's wish. Nevertheless, I have heard of many monsters blocking our way across to the other side. They capture you inside a sandstorm and send you back to Suhalla." he informed us.
"Don't worry about it. We can just use our pysnergy to beat them and then get across safely. Right?" Garet blurted out excitedly.
"Yes probably. But there are many of them, you may lose energy quickly." he searched our faces, no signs of concern found. He was convinced. "By the way, that wasn't actually why I sent you here, most of the soldiers taking Sheba back to Lalivero, who should've come back now haven't yet. Some of the soldiers who came to Suhalla saw only at least three survivors."
"And Sheba?" Mia asked all of a sudden. I guess she was worried about her too. But I didn't know, maybe I would see her again, either at the desert, Lalivero, or anywhere. The only thing I'm unsure of is whether to feel happy or sad to see her again.
'What are you talking about?' I asked her in our minds.
'I know you're worried about her and don't want to talk about it, so I'll speak up for you.' She replied, not looking at me in the eye.
I let out a small and quiet sigh; I still did not know what I am feeling. She doesn't need me, nor cares for me. but why is this part of me telling me I need to see her again?
"They said that they were ambushed by a strong group of six men, and unfortunately took Sheba with them," Iodem announced all of a sudden.
"Felix." Isaac stated reassuringly, angry at what trouble he has caused now.
My eyes spread wide, worried, and angry as well. Sheba, no, get away from them, escape now! You'll get hurt!
"What? How can that happen? Isaac, please, we have to go there now!" I pleaded desperately. He nodded, understanding how I felt.
"What? What's all this about? Why do you care so much about Sheba anyways? You don't even know her. Wait, I'm getting something here, you like her don't you, Ivan? Come on admit it, I promise I won't tell anyone." He asked sheepishly.
I blushed slightly, embarrassed and annoyed; he will not tell anyone alright, I wonder how Isaac and the others could find out even if you don't tell him? Hmm, maybe because he's in the same room as we are!
"Garet, leave him alone, be serious here. Felix and the others already have Jenna and Kraden, now he has taken a new hostage. I'm sure he'll be heading towards Sheba's hometown if he's going to Venus Lighthouse. Am I right, Iodem?" Isaac said. Iodem nodded in agreement.
"Sheba was to be sent back to Lalivero to inform the citizens there, they can postpone building Babi Lighthouse, and they will only listen if Sheba is around. We must find and retrieve Sheba as soon as we can, it would break Faran's heart if she was not reunited with her family."
"Alright Iodem, we'll leave today as soon as we can, we'll start packing soon. Get ready as well Iodem, we'll see you. Let's go friends."
I left the room before Isaac announced that, and I was not noticed, except Mia. She looked at me with worry and concern; she was worried about me as well.
I need to rescue Sheba from Felix and Saturos and Menardi, there's no telling what will happen to her, especially if she's around Felix. I need to find her.
Felix's POV
The sun is setting, letting the moon be born in the night. Hiding me in the darkness again. Some of the stars glowing red, seeming as if they were showing their anger for me, unforgiving.
Hmm, I wonder how Isaac and his friends are doing. Hey, why should I care? I already have too much responsibility at hand and other important things to think about and take care of, especially the "Holy Child of the Gods" and lighting the next lighthouses with her help.
I'm still a little skeptical at the thought of her being of any help at all at the Jupiter Lighthouse; furthermore, she's too young for this. She has a family, has a normal life to live, still has a chance on finding love. Unlike I.
If Isaac would get in my way and try to get her back so Jupiter Lighthouse would not get rekindled, I'll stop them no matter what, you might even say I would protect her from them. But not in her perception, she trusts me, but fears me more.
I stared out the vast, dark sky, thinking about the future, the one where I die early for my unforgivable sins. Thinking of Isaac and how he will be fighting me at the lighthouses.
"I'll be waiting Isaac, come and get us."
Well there goes chapter 9. Thanks for the ideas and criticism you guys, greatly appreciated. By the way, if you have any more ideas, feel free to tell me. I'll try to put it in my story, just as long as it's following the plot ok? Thanks!
GoldenDaydreamer: Reviews please! Thank you for reading this story.
Djinn: Yay, she said it for me. Next chapter, you'll learn my real identity or GoldenDaydreamer may get new muses.