Disclaimer: sigh I don't own any of this which sucks. If I did, I would be rolling in $$$ and I wouldn't be writing this because I would be to busy using twenties as TP.

important: a lot of people have corrected me on my spelling but Boromire isn't Boromir he's Boromir's evil twin who no one knew about.

Okay, so here's the fellowship. Boromire's riding' the falls, he wakes up and says "holy frikin' crap Aragorn I'm gonna kill you!". Meanwhile Frodo's snogging the ring. So then Denathor jumps off the wall and Pippin says "to early moron!" so Denathor hits the rewind button and goes back up.

Now we get to Legolas. Writer grabs fangirl repellant. Good old Leggy is wondering what happens if you mix gunpowder and baking soda in your stomach and then chug vinegar. So he tests it. Yes on Gimli (there will be more Gimli destruction later on). Now Sam comes in and sees Frodo with the ring, starts crying, and says "Frodo sob I can't believe you! sob now I have to start dating again sob."

So now we get back to Boromire. He's still riding' the falls. He then discovers that the fellowship forgot to pack food. So he ads a kick to Frodo's butt on his list of things to do (he still has a couple hours till the bottom so 'hit bottom of falls' is on top of the list). Now we get to find out what REALLY happened with Gandalf and the Balrog (son of Talrog, son of Mr. Finklestine). The Balrog introduces Gandalf to his wife and kids (Bally and Tally). Gandalf thinks they're ugly so he does his white magic beam thingy and kills them. From here on what he tells the fellowship is true (the endless stair story). Never invite Gandalf over for tea (unless you're a Hobbit). Now Bilbo comes in and everyone shouts "get out of here you bastard!" "you already had your book! Now get OUT." Now Gimli is suffering from indigestion. Sam just used online dating and is now on his way to the green dragon for his date with a fat girl (his computer is messed so he read the width as height so he thinks he's dating an elf). Now I begin to torment Sauron . . . hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe . . . ahem sorry 'bout that. Now we get to the part where the ring is destroyed and the tower starts falling. Halfway through, everything stops and Sauron asks me for a stunt double. "Just shut up Sauron there aren't any giant eyes within our budget. Boromire finally hits the bottom but is miraculously unhurt. So he goes to say hi to his dad. Denathor runs screaming off the cliff. Luckily, Pippin is ready for him and finally does something right. Lucky for Denathor Pippin believes in comfort and carries around a queen-sized mattress wherever he goes. Boromire thinks that this is a new fad so he lights himself on fire and jumps off too. Nobody expected this so Pippin didn't have his mattress there. Needless to say Boromire dies.

Then everybody is shocked as who walks out but Boromir! (This is the real one not the evil twin.) He looks very skinny and annoyed but alive. Everyone mobs him asking what the heck happened, but all he remembers is Boromire throwing him in a closet and then he was knocked out. Then he starts to tell everyone about a dream he had that purple ducks took over. No sooner than had he finished his long and detailed narrative then the sky turned purple. The people looked up and saw that the sky wasn't purple, but the purple ducks from Boromirs dream. Then Gandalf rides in on his horse, lightphone, the slowest horse ever. (like a reverse shadowfax)