Alrighty, after that last stunning and horrible cliffy, here it is! The long awaited next chapter. ::silence...:: Alright, fine! throws hands up in disgust and walks away

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He hit the ground hard, staggering to his knees as his glasses flew off his face. Unable to see clearly, Harry felt defenseless and disoriented. Expecting a high, cold voice at and moment- Kill the spare.- He pulled his wand out, his instincts readied for the battle that his muddled mind expected. Instead, he was assaulted by noise.

"Harry! Oh Harry, it's so good to see you again!" The voice of a girl greeted him, and something grabbed him by the neck, smothering him. His fear slowly receded, leaving his heart to pound wildly in his chest without reason

"'Mione?" He muttered, still unable to see clearly.

Suddenly his glasses were put back on his face, and a gentle, male voice filled his ears. "Here you are Harry. I see you made it safely."

Blinking, he looked at Remus Lupin, who's face was pale and more lined than last time he saw him, and his hair held more gray. His very essence was aged, full of suffering and grief for another senseless loss. Another death caused by someone trying to protect Harry.

Hermione released him then, still smiling broadly, and he was suddenly aware that behind him Mrs. Figg was straightening out her clothes, dusting herself off and muttering and that the dank kitchen was filled with people, all watching him with hawk's eyes. Distrusting eyes? He wondered.

He was surrounded by greeting voices, but for a moment, Harry ignored them, struggling to stand, with the help of Lupin. He looked down at the now useless pen in his hand, dropping it from his grasp like a hot coal, and stumbling back a step. HE heard himself murmur, as though from a far distance, "Portkeys..."a shiver ran through him. "I hate them."

There was silence for a moment, like the kind you hear at a funeral when someone bursts into tears that are utterly understood and totally uncomfortable for the rest of those present. "Well, Potter, this is no graveyard, I promise you," Growled a voice from a corner, and Harry looked up to see Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody staring at him with his normal eye intently, his magically eye rolling about wildly in its socket.

"Although I've seen cemeteries in better shape than this dump,"Tonks called, her voice slightly over-bright, but effectively breaking the cold quiet.

Ron made his way from his seat at the table, grinning broadly. "Harry! How are ya, mate?" HE grasped Harry's hand, clapping his shoulder. Harry suddenly realized that he was almost as tall as Ron was- probably about 6' 1" now. .Surprising that living in a dark little hole all those years hadn't stunted his growth.

"I'm fine, now that I can breath again," he said with a teasing grin at Hermione, who 'hrmphed' airily, but smiled back all the same. A warmth swept through him that he had not felt in a month.

He was suddenly swept up in a hug, from Mrs. Weasley. "Harry, I'm so glad to have you with us." Her embrace was warm and tight, and Harry felt he normally would have been made to feel safe there if it had not caused such pain in his empty, bruised stomach. He had become good at ignoring the constant ache, and did so now, muttering in return,

"Thanks, Mrs. Weasley." His voice was muffled, but she heard him, and smiling, released him to let the others have their turn.

One by one, he shook about a dozen people's hands, wanting nothing more than to disappear. Almost all of them were repeats from last summer. There was Moody, And Tonks, Her hair now a brilliant blue and her eyes a bizarre deep green, and Dedalus Diggle, excitable as ever, and Sturgis Podmore, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, his deep voice rumbling through Harry's ribcage. Next, Mundungus Fletcher, Mr. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, a laughing Ginny and, to his surprise...

"Fred, George!"

"Wotcher, Harry!" Fred said, grinning at him, and bowing with a flourish.

"Jolly good to see you again, old chap!" George cried enthusiastically, shaking his hand.

With a glance at Mrs. Weasley, he whispered to them, "How'd she take it?"

The twins faces got rather dark. "We'll uh, tell you later," Muttered George.

"Let's just say we haven't been disowned," Fred added with a sigh.

"Yet," was all George mumbled. Harry felt more guilt, realizing that giving the twins the money had been the cause for their departure. Another fault in his growing library.

"Well, Harry, why don't you go get settled in? Lunch won't be for almost an hour, so you can spend some time with everyone," Mrs. Weasley said kindly.

Harry forced himself from his contemplation, managing another smile, and a cheerful "Uh, Thanks, Mrs. Weasley!"

He was already being dragged down the hall by five people, cynically glad that someone knew where he was going, when Mr. Weasley called out to him, "Hold on a moment, please, Harry." The others looked at him with puzzled faces that he was hopeful mirrored his own, and started back inside the kitchen, but Moody spoke up.

"Only Harry." His growl was final and dismissive. With mutinous looks and nasty grumbles, they trudged back upstairs telling Harry they'd be waiting for him to tell them everything he heard. Obviously some sense of authority had been established around the grisly Auror.

This left Harry standing uneasily in a room full of members of the Order. The eyes were on him again, and he forced himself not to flinch away. "uh...what's up?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"How are you, Harry?" Mr. Weasley asked suddenly. He swore he could hear Lupin give a disgusted snort from the corner, but when he looked, his face was neutral.

He was careful not to skip a beat too many, nor answer one too soon. "Fine..."

"Really?" Mr. Weasley asked again.

Now Harry was feeling distinctly disconcerted. How was he? What in the bloody hell kind of question was that? Fine? He was anything but. The darkness that he was in even at that very moment made it hard for him to stand up straight. "Really, Mr. Weasley, I'm fine." He said, with an easy smile

"Arthur."

"Excuse me?"

Mr. Weasley smiled at him, not noticing when Harry did not return it. "Arthur, Harry, I believe it's time you called us by our first names. Let me re-introduce everyone." And he did. It was now Arthur, Molly, Remus, Arabella, Dedalus, Sturgis, Kingsley, Mundungus, Alastor and

" Nymph?" Harry asked innocently, as Tonks went bright red with embarrassment and fury. HE could play his part well, no matter what. He had learned the game when he was young, battling whatever injuries had been inflicted upon him with ease.

"It's Tonks." She ground out. "And if you ever call me anything but that, I will-" She never got to finish, because Harry suddenly let out a snort of laughter, his first all summer. Never mind that it was fake, he now knew he was still capable of it.

Arabella broke in suddenly. "He did remember that spell you did last year, Nymphadora, dear, and he did an excellent job of it!" Tonks narrowed her eyes dangerously, but went over and opened Harry's trunk.

She gasped in surprise, and then made a jealous face at Harry. "That's damn excellent, and how did you do that?" The rest of the room broke into laughter, Harry again feeling more miserable that anyone felt fit to praise him.

Suddenly, Mr. Weasley turned serious. "Harry, actually, I just wanted to tell you that the Order is having a meeting, tonight, and, well, you'll be joining us."

Harry's mouth dropped in genuine surprise. "Oh." He thought for a moment, and then his nervousness kept carefully in check, said nonchalantly, "Uh, did I do something wrong?" Everyone laughed once again.

"No Harry, you didn't. Fred and George are members as well, and were the ones who suggested it," Mr. Weasley said with a chuckle. "Although we had been discussing it for some time anyway. After last year..." he trailed off. "After last year, we decided you have just as much right to be a member as anyone else, if not more."

"Although, that's not why Fred and George suggested it, as you well know. They felt indebted to you for giving them the funds to start their business" Mrs. Weasley's eyes were narrower than usual, and Harry could tell that not only did the joke-shop thing go over well, she had also lost the argument over letting him become a member of the Order. Another person he had made unhappy. A part of him felt absurd at the self-accusation that popped into his mind, but a voice in his head very much like his uncle, enforced the idea strongly.

"Tell her you don't know what she's talking bout. She's only guessing," Mr. Weasley whispered rapidly in his ear. Harry felt the advice sound.

"Er, Mrs. Wea-" Her eyes narrowed further. "Ahhh, I mean, uh M-molly, I d-don't know what you're talking about. What business?"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" She screeched "DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME! I KNOW YOU GAVE THEM THE TOURNAMENT MONEY!"

Harry's eyes went wide, and he stumbled back a step. She sounded oddly and absurdly like Aunt Petunia when she did that. Then Uncle Vernon would step in. "Don't let her get to you boy." A low growl came from Moody, and Harry flinched at the name his uncle always called him. "The Weasleys now have quite a good deal of money thanks to those two. She's just got a bone to pick with everyone since we decided you should become a member." Mrs. Weasley sniffed, and huffed away into the other room.

Harry shook his head, that endless guilt washing over him again. "I-I'm sorry. I-it seemed like a good idea at the time. I-I didn't mean to upset anyone, honestly, I'm sor-" He was cut off promptly by Mr. Weasley.

"Don't worry Harry. Molly's just worried about you, you know that. As for me, I'm just glad the boys are doing something they love. In fact, I think I should thank you for giving them the money to do this with. That money was hard earned, we all know."

Harry looked away. "It..." he shook his head, and looked back at him. They would never understand. It was blood-money. "Is that all Mr. Weas- uh, A-Arthur?"

Mr. Weasley smiled at him. "Yes, go on, Harry, we'll call you down in about twenty minutes for lunch." Harry nodded, and moved to pick up his trunk. He stopped, and turned warily back to Mr. Weasley.

"A-Arthur...Mrs. Figg- er...that is to say, Arabella-"he corrected himself quickly at the warning looks he got, not wanting to displease any of them. "She said I could use magic today...uh, does that still apply?

Mr. Weasley grinned rather childishly and nodded. "Yes Harry, and..." his voice dropped to an excited whisper, leaving Harry feeling inexplicably pleased, a genuine emotion that startled him; Mr. Weasley had been much too serious so far. "That's another matter we will discuss tonight. IT seems the ministry, well, let's just say, they are very sorry for not believing you." HE grinned again, and his voice went back to normal level. "Now, off you go!"

Harry nodded, and pointed his wand at the trunk. 'locomotor trunk' then he waved it out the door, which swung wide open on its own to accommodate the object gliding through it. HE quickly followed and disappeared into his Godfather's old house.

The house felt older and more neglected than ever, despite the fact that every room was now livable and more homey. Even the screaming portrait of Mrs. Black had been removed, and Harry suddenly found he missed it very much. It had been a part of the house, and the house a part (though a very unwanted one) of Sirius. It was foreign and cold, and lonely now, as though cleaning it of its relics had destroyed the somewhat nasty essence of the house. And Sirius was not here. Would never be again.

Harry reflected on what Mr. Weasley had said. So, Fudge had finally opened his eyes. Wonderful. And late. Much, much too late. Some part of him was glad the Ministry believed him, but bitter anger filled him at the thought that they had not seen it soon enough. That his testimony had not been worth enough to make them see the light. Again, he had failed. If they had seen the truth sooner, perhaps Sirius would not have perished. If he had only convinced them.

Why did you push me?

In the light of the day, Harry thought he understood the question with more clarity. It was a question not from Sirius, but from himself. If he had only listened to Hermione, heeded her advice and just stayed where he was supposed to, there would have been no need for his godfather to come and try and rescue him. Why did you push me?

You are worthless.

Yes, perhaps he was.

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"Well, what did they say?"

"What did you talk about?"

"It must have been something important!"

"Tell us Harry!"

Voices cascaded down on Harry as he entered his own room. Fred, George, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were waiting eagerly for his report, though a look at the twins told him they were acting and already knew. He felt the corners of his mouth curve upwards into a small smile. "My summer has been great so far, thanks for asking. How about yours?" Ron punched him in the arm lightly, Harry fighting a flinch.

"Tell us!" Ginny commanded, scowling.

Harry was suddenly nervous. He didn't want them all to be angry because he was now in the order and they weren't. HE didn't want to lose the only people he still trusted over something so foolish. He gave them all a weak smile. "Well, uh, you see...I'm...in the Order. Your dad just told me, Ron."

There was a shocked silence, Harry's heart plummeting to his feet before a turmoil of noise erupted. Ginny squealed in excitement, and Ron slapped Harry's back enthusiastically. "Harry, that's great, mate! Now you can tell us loads of stuff and we can be in on everything too!" Harry heaved a secret sigh of relief.

"Oh, Harry that's wonderful," Hermione said, but her face held worry. He knew where she was going. "But, Harry, isn't that putting you in more danger? I mean, you'll be an even better target for V-Voldemort." Hermione stumbled over the name, but she said it.

"Oh come on, Hermione! He's already number one on You-Know-Who's list! It hardly matters, does it?" Ron said, exasperated, saving Harry from an answer.

Hermione glared at him. "For heaven's sake, Ron, will you just say his name? VOLDEMORT. And yes, I know that, but..." here she turned to Harry. "I just want you to be careful." Her eyes were slightly bright.

Harry smiled at her, a whisper of something human in his heart. "Don't worry, Hermione, if I get in to any trouble, I've always got D.A. at my back, now don't I?" Then he added, almost to himself, "Or at least our old members. I doubt we'll be having meetings anymore." Another wonderful mess he had created.

Hermione smiled in an odd way, and shook her head. "You're wrong Harry." When she saw the puzzlement in his eyes, her grin grew broader, as did everyone else's. "Dumbledore was here a few weeks ago, and he mentioned to us that he thought D.A. was an excellent thing, and he would most likely be adding it to our curriculum requirements."

Harry was more confused. Continuing it? Hadn't it already caused enough trouble? "But as what? We already have a DADA class. And Dumbledore was actually here?"

"Yeah Harry, you'll get to see him tonight. Bill said he was bringing along some more members we hadn't seen here yet tonight for dinner and the meeting, " Ron said, grinning meaningfully at him.

"As for what the class will be, I assume it would be dueling, but when they'll fit it into our schedules, I don't know," Hermione said with a worried sigh.

"Maybe they'll cut off potions," Ron muttered darkly, and Harry managed a laugh with Ginny, while Hermione scowled.

"Fat chance, Ronny," George said, making a small vase zoom enthusiastically about the room.

"Yeah, when we were there, we came up with about sixty different perfectly good reasons why potions should be cancelled," Fred added, having a book chase the vase.

"Dumbledore wouldn't have any of it."

"Snape was quite agreeable though, said he'd love to get us brats out of his class for good." Everyone laughed, even Hermione, though it was slightly reluctant. She was to busy staring seriously at Harry. He returned the pointed look, daring her to ask the question.

'Are you alright?'

But she said nothing, and after a bit, everyone paired off and began to play wizard chess. As Harry's knight brought Ron's queen to its knees, a quarter of an hour later he felt her gaze on him again. Now uncomfortable, his constant state of worry growing, Harry made a face at her, and felt the top of his head. "Whassamatter, Hermione? I haven't turned in to a hippogriff, have I?" HE had to make it light, or he felt he might not be able to keep up his act.

Ron snorted at this, but Hermione's gaze just grew more intense. "How are you, Harry?" She asked him quietly after a second, her face considering and wary.

Harry blanched, taken off guard that she had actually posed the question to him, then felt his irritation growing. How many times was he going to be asked that hideously stupid question? How many times was he going to have to answer fine? Harry knew very well he was the furthest thing from 'fine' but he also knew that even when people asked that question, 'fine' was the only thing they ever wanted to hear. Perhaps he was acting too well, taking everything so easily that people were beginning to wonder. "I'm fine, Hermione," he answered just as gravely, knowing she wouldn't be satisfied with a light answer.

"Really, Harry?" She queried again, using a scowling sort of pout that she hadn't favored since her first year.

Harry's anger pounded toward the surface. Since when wasn't his word good enough? No one would believe him; no one would trust him. That's what happens when you get people killed the inner voice that sounded amazingly like his uncle snarled at him.

He was saved from saying something regrettable to his friend by Ron, who first cursed at Harry for his last move, and then groaned at Hermione, glaring at her. "Bloody hell, Hermione, he said he was fine! What do you want from him, a signed parchment?" She gave him a nasty look, but did not press the matter, turning her gaze down and continued to play her game against Ginny.

She did not get the chance, however, for at that moment, Lupin's voice sounded from the doorway. "Lunch." It was said softly enough that no one but Harry jumped, but then, every movement or sound startled him, these days.

Everyone filed out quickly, mumbling about starving and the likes, but Harry hung back, sensing Lupin wanted to talk with him. When he reached the doorway where his former professor still stood, he stopped, dread filling him. "Professor?"

Hazel eyes met his emerald ones. "Remus, Harry. I'm not your professor at the moment, though I will be returning this year."

A spark of joy ignited in Harry's stomach, the first in several months. Having Remus teach was going to be...Harry felt the year perhaps held promise after all. But then, he reconsidered. What if Remus blamed him? He had every right to, after all, Harry was responsible for the death of his two best friends. If he blamed him, it would be entirely understandable.

And Harry thought it might kill him.

But the expression in Remus' eyes was not one of anger or accusation, and Harry felt a small smile tug up the corners of his mouth. Seeing, the look on Remus' face, however, the smile disappeared quickly, replaced by an angry frown. "Are you here to ask if I'm ok?" The question came out tersely, and slightly peevish. Harry cringed inwardly at his tone, but did not apologize. He did not think Remus would strike him. He hoped not.

To his surprise, Lupin actually grinned, a smile that momentarily made it possible for Harry to see the man he had met in his third year. Then it was gone again, and the older, sadder man returned. HE shook his head, and snorted mirthlessly, reinforcing Harry's earlier theory about the noise he had made during Mr. Weasley's question. "I wouldn't ask you such a stupid question, Harry. I feel like...well, excuse me, but... shit, and you look like it, so I'm guessing you feel the same."

Harry frowned at this, feeling self-conscious and worried that his condition was more noticeable than he had thought. "I- I don't look that bad-"

Lupin shook his head, smiling gently. "I don't mean it like that. But you're much thinner and paler, and you have circles under your eyes, and you feel...older." He didn't question if Harry knew what he meant, and Harry realized it was because Lupin felt the same way. Like they were both on the outside looking in at something they could never have but desperately wanted. The only difference was that Harry was to blame for this predicament, and Lupin had just been swept up for the merciless ride.

"Well...I suppose we'd better go down. Ron's mum doesn't approve of tardiness," Harry said after a moment, praying his voice did not relay the hollowness he felt inside him.

"Or skipping meals," Lupin added with a somewhat unhappy look. Harry shared the feeling, but did not reply. He realized he would have to choke something down, or face the consequences of suspicion. And what consequences they would be. With a sigh, he followed the older man downstairs.

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Well, did you think it was as bad as I thought it was?
::shakes head in disgust at self::

Anyway, I've decided that there isn't going to be a ton of action in this fic until the end. This story is more my attempt to get inside a somewhat darker Harry's head. And give him the happy ending he deserves, of course! So, this chappie just sort of pulled the plot along...a little...maybe...

I have several more chapters done already, but like to wait for response to see if you like where I'm going! So, the faster the reviews, the faster the updates!

Alrighty, on to the best segment of our show today: REVIEW RESPONSE!

Krys thanks for the Review, M'dear! I am glad I got the Vernon/Harry part down to your liking. (This is the part where we pretend I'm older than I actually am, and you promise not to rat on me! ::grins::) I was trying to make it repulsive without being totally graphic. And...I have no qualms about you writing for me! Hehehe. In fact...I'd never considered that particular plot before, but I love it! So...Am I doing better with the new version than the last? Lemme know! (And I forgive you for your lack of update, if FFnet is still being an Umbridge)

Carmen here's your update, my friend! Enjoy!

Goldilocks Thanks for the offer to be my beta! But I think I found one. I much appreciate your reviews (All of them) As for the lock thing....very insightful. There's your answer. (Jeesh, I sound just like JKR) I'm glad you think I got the molestation part down pat. I don't think Vernon really wants Harry, so to speak...his violence just...morphs a little sometimes. (I will remind everyone that it is still violence, even if in a different form.) THANKS FOR RECCOMENDING MY STORY!

Yami Grrr...I would agree with you, but, I must admit...except for the Harry/Ron thing I have in the works (I know, what is WRONG with me?) I'm more of a het writer. (For now...) But keep up the work on your fic! It's phenomenal! And remember, my fellow Funk Baby...BAND IS NOT A DATE! Luv ya...

MaraWeaves I appreciate the encouragement, and will try to live up to your expectations!

So...Reviews are welcome, as are suggestions, though they may not be added uintill a little later, seeing as how I've already got the story written out to a certain point. But if NOONE likes this chapter, I'll think about some rewrites!

Asphodel