((All characters, aside from Lyra and Dawn, are property of The League of Gentlemen. Please RR))
"Wow!" I gaze around Ross' modern flat, obviously impressed. Shiny, metallic surfaces reflect my nervous, pale face all around the spacious flat.
"You like?" Ross asks, laughing a little. He smiles at Dawn and walks over to her. I hear a hushed conversation including the words, "Your daughter, hostage situation, divorce and marriage." Getting edgy I wander off to explore my new home. It's pretty much the same everywhere- very expensive and up-to date- way out of my mother's league.
I wander into a smaller room; however it's still much bigger than our old living room, and find a load of files. Intrigued I wander over to inspect, my battered trainers squeaking on the polished floor. I pick up one of the files; a dirty red leather cover bears the words: Mickey Michaels in handwritten biro.
Looking swiftly around I decide it's safe and open the file. A small cloud of dust engulfs me and I disguise a cough. Its silent now downstairs but I steal a glance at the folder and begin to read.
Its obvious Mr. Michaels is scrounging money from somewhere. I've known him since I first started investigating (see Pauline C .Jones file.) He cannot live on the sum of Dole money he has been receiving and I
I stop reading as I hear a faint tread on the floorboards; hurriedly I shove the file back down to the floor and walk calmly out of the room in time to see my mother following Ross into the bedroom. I hear laughter and decide to check out the area. Writing a scribbled note with a chewed pencil (for some odd reason I find a lack of pens in Ross' flat.) I walk back down the stairs and out into the fresh air.
Looking around I cannot believe my eyes. Two boys, about my age, are pulling the wheels from an old man's wheelchair. Down the road a strange, wart-faced, man is carrying a plastic cage filled with toads. In a nearby field a blonde-haired vet is having difficulty with a horse, I turn away and walk into the nearest shop – The Video Vault- two spotty adults are slobbering over videos talking about 'killins' and 'weary films.' I ignore them and browse the selection, before walking out in disgust. For some reason I find myself wondering how my mum is doing. Ross is kinda cute, for a thirty year old and my mum does get noticed in a crowd so I suppose they'll get on O.K. I am pondering this when a sudden scream interrupts my thoughts...
"God, you've got to help me. I can't get away. I can't leave." A man, looking strangely like Ross ran up to me. His black hair blows wildly in the wind as tears of frustration roll down his cheeks.
"Oh Benjamin, it's time to clean out the ampivarium." The warty man calls, causing the young, black-haired man to look up in horror.
"Please?" he asks, looking desperately at me. Without knowing why, I nod. Grabbing his hand I lead him away, breaking into a speedy run, (A useful skill I learnt from living on a rough estate. It's so bad that even the police are advanced pick-pockets. )
The toad man calls again but I dart down a narrow alleyway. I watch as he passes and then turn to whoever it is I've saved. He is panting heavily and, despite the sweat pouring from his brow, I notice again the resemblance to Ross.
"Are you O.K?" I ask, bending over him in concern.
"Yeah, thanks kid, you saved my life." He smiles, handing me a crisp twenty pound note. I thank him and quickly walk out of the confined space. I don't know what it is about Royston Vasey but I'm noticing a kind of mental problem in everyone.
Looking worriedly over my shoulder I notice the black haired guy being pulled by two twin women, he appears to be crying as the women frog-march him away, and now I'm almost alone in the street. Getting very nervous I cross over the road, narrowly avoiding being knocked down by a pink taxi, and make it back to Ross' apartment.
"Mum?" I press the button for Ross' room and wait for an answer.
"Come on in," she answers through the intercom. "Oh Ross, I'm nearly there..."
I walk in, slamming the door and sit on the dingy steps. God, why did I ever dream of moving here...?
As my butt begins to get cold I walk back up to the apartment, trying to drown out the sounds coming from one of the bedrooms. I sit on the sofa, flicking through the T.V shows but nothing takes my fancy. After a few minutes of channel surfing I reach out for the paper. Glancing at the articles I notice that the main headline reads: ED STEWART IS ROTTING. Wondering who the hell Ed Stewart is I read again. It's basically just normal stuff, sales, thefts, sport and that kind of thing. I turn to Local Events and see that the only thing happening is a toad-breeders fair.
"Oh well, better than nothing I 'spect." I sigh deeply, deciding to take a trip out.
"Dawn, Mr. Gaines!" I yell "I'm going out."
A few minutes later my mother appears, her hair is a mess and makeup is splayed all over her face; Ross isn't looking much better either. His hair is a mess and he has his shirt and jeans on back- to front. I bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself laughing, Dawn glares but I ignore her.
"Where're you going?" she asks me, genuinely curious.
I show her the ad in the paper as Ross leans over to look. I glance up and see his eyes twinkle slightly.
"Why don't we all go?" he asks, speaking more to Dawn than to me.
"I mean, think about all those abandoned and cramped Portaloos, no one to disturb us as we push up close." His voice dies away to a whisper in Dawn's ear and I pull away towards the door. I glance back and cough in a very obvious way, staring intently at the giggling adults. They seem to get the message and follow me out. Little did I know that such a 'boring' event would be the turning point of my life...