Disclaimer: Newies is not in my possession. Belongs to Disney. I borrow to amuse you.
Title: Sorrows and Memories
Rating: G.
Summary: With the absence of someone important, how is it you can return to everything, without him to stay in your life?
Story Notes: First Newsies story. One shot. Sarah narrated, despite my dislike for her. Spoilers towards the end. It's mostly thoughts, hardly any dialogue, and very short. No pairing in the story, just angst. Reviews appreciated.
And he leaves. He's gone, just like that, without a goodbye.
In that one instant, my heart breaks. I want to crumble to the ground, fall to my knees, cry my eyes out, and scream at the top of my lungs. Scream for the return of the infamous (in my personal opinion) Jack Kelly to return. Come back to New York, and everything bad, and good, it holds. Forget his dream of Santa Fe, the only thing that's kept him going during those hard days and nights. I want him to return to New York City, if only to hold him in my arms forever.
But it's selfish of me, isn't it? I can't think these thoughts, it isn't proper of me to want him to forgo every dream he's held. I should want him to be happy. I should want Jack to live where he wants.
Even if it means living in sorrow for my whole life.
Of course, I won't be the only one in sorrow. My brothers are probably upset at his absence. David almost worshipped the ground Jack walked upon. Jack's everything that he's wanted to be his whole life. Wild, dangerous, outspoken. David was nothing like Jack up until a few weeks ago. David was very shy, quiet, someone who attention was never drawn.... Well, unless he opened his mouth. Oh, how he used to get in so much trouble with the teachers when he said something smart. I'm surprised that he isn't scarred with all the whippings he's received. Now, David still has the same mouth, but since he met Jack, he's changed. Slowly, yes, but he's so different since he became a newsie. He's more like Jack, but still the David I grew up with. Nothing could every change his smart mouth. Once- if- he ever goes back to school, he'll be a lot of trouble with the teachers.
Les rivals David's obsession with Jack. Les and David followed every move Jack made. Les wants to be Jack in a few years. He wants to be exactly like him. He idolized him, and works hard to impress Jack. Jack's opinions are his opinions. Jack's footsteps are followed by his. Jack's words are repeated by Les. Whatever Jack asks of Les is done without complaint, without questioning, within minutes. His naive nature is slowly being corrupted by Jack, and I'm not sure how the world is going to deal with two Jack Kellys.
My brothers and I aren't the only ones suffering. I can see the downcast faces of the newsies who worked so hard to gain respect in the eyes of Mr. Pulitzer and Mr. Hearst. The ones who were led by Jack, who started the fight against the gods of this city. I can hardly attach a name to a face with the newsies, but the ones I do know have somehow, one way or another, given me a reason to sympathize with them about the loss of our beloved Jack Kelly. I wasn't the only one who loved him. We all did. We turned into starry-eyed, mumbling idiots when he was around. We all wanted him as a special part of our lives. Every one of us. I saw eyes suddenly look to the ground as he rode away in style, wanting to avoid his last ride in New York City. Jack has a special power to hold together a mass amount of people, but with his absence, I'm not sure how easily the boys of the city will live without him.
It was during those long days and night while the newsies were on strike when Jack explained the people, and the inner politics of the newsies. While he easily led the area in which we live, everyone was under the rule of Spot Conlin. David pointed him out to me at the rally, and I can understand why everyone follows him. I wouldn't want to be on his list of people to hurt. There's a glint in his eyes that mean he's serious, and despite his skinny limbs, he could probably easily hurt someone more than twice his size. And judging by his actions at the rally, he's a leader, and a strong one at that. I wouldn't doubt any of his decisions.
Afterwards, every newsies in the area was described to me. Every action they make, their lives, and how they ended up becoming a newsboy was imbedded in my head. Soon, I knew everything there was to know about Crutchy, just freed from the refuge, about Racetrack Higgins, the loner with a gambling problem (my words, not Jack's), about Kid Blink, and the story behind his eye patch, about Mush, Boots, Skittery, Specs, everyone. And, through my recent efforts with the strike, I've met and befriended these boys and learned so much more than I've been told. I've truly enjoyed their company, even with me being one of the few girls in the strike (until the newsies joined forced with every young person in New York), without a clue to how these boys deal with life. Their optimistic, comedic nature I've seen shine time and time again has suddenly, in only a few moments, sadly, been dimmed. It is that moment when we all realize, once again, that Jack is the glue that holds us all together. It is very doubtful that he will return, unlike last time when the only thing holding him back was pressure. This time, it is Jack's dreams that separate us from him.
"Goodbye, Jack..." I murmur silently, hoping no one hears my words. There's too much pain from all the hurt. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders, and whip my head around, a small hope that it's Jack by my side. It isn't. David gives me a small smile.
"We'll be fine, Sarah." He says it to help me, and for his benefit too, but it doesn't help at all. It's almost hopeless. He'll never return. We'll, forever, be alone, without Jack Kelly around to save our mourning souls.
"We'll be fine," I repeat. I rest my head on David's, hoping that I'll- we'll- believe our words. We- I- don't. It's hopeless. What can we do now, without the constant presence of Jack Kelly in our lives? How can I return to how I was weeks ago?
The answer is, I can't.
No matter how many times I say it, the words won't sink in. Jack has left. I can repeat it a million times, but it still isn't true. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone. It still isn't true, not to me. Not yet, not never.
Les comes wandering over to us, an arm around him. Racetrack takes care of him. Everyone does. Jack started it, from what I've heard. Les told me once that Jack immediately took him under his wings Les' first day at selling papers. It made me smile. I had only just met Jack- we all had- and we were all enamored with him immediately. One sight of his cocky eyes, energetic smile, red bandana, pinstripe pants, his boots, and we all turned into nothingness, just like we are now. It's terrible, how easily one person can affect so many people, without trouble.
I push myself away from my brothers. I refuse to look back and see their faces as I walk away. I can feel every emotion inside my throat pushing their way up, and suddenly there's a lump that wasn't present before. My eyes are suddenly moist, and I want to let it all out, and just cry my eyes out. I want to find a small corner and cry until no tears are left. My heart is now broken. I can't stand the hurt. I search for a secluded corner until my arm is snatched. I turn, hoping for the impossible, but see a blurry boy.
"A pretty girl like you shouldn' be cryin'." I hear his words and smile. I knew he wasn't as tough as he looks. I've been near him so little times, but can already tell so much about him. He squeezes my arm, and walks away. Because of him, I've stopped crying, just what he wanted. There's nothing left to say. I'm not upset he's gone, either.
I've found a corner. I'm sitting alone, watching as young boys line up, once again, to buy a bunch of newspapers. Jack isn't among them, nor will he be in the future. That, however, hasn't quieted the boys. True, they are loud, but if Jack were among them, they would be much louder, according to rumors I've heard leave Les' lips.
I look to my surrounding again, and see David standing at the head of the line. He pauses for a moment, staring into a man's eyes, then slams two bits down. Even from my spot, far away, I can see the pride in his eyes. He helped Jack form the idea to rebel against the unfair law Mr. Pulitzer ordered, and spoke time and time again, using the wisdom he learned that the boys didn't have. He went from place to place, lobbying for a change, working hard to change things back to the way they were. He's become so strong lately. No wonder he's so proud to get his papers. He, along with Jack, and many others, did what was thought to be impossible. Now, he can bask in his rewards, along with every other newsies in town.
Except for Jack. Jack isn't in town anymore. He's gone.... He's gone... He's gone.... I want him back. I'm just so incredibly selfish.
Suddenly, a voice cries out, then another, one after another. Then they all melt together, celebrating something. They crowd around something, all cheering. Their voices have become louder, and I can see everyone run to the crowd. I stand, trying to see what all the commotion is about, confused, until I hear two words. Two miraculous, wonderful words. The two best words ever.
"Jack's back!"
It is then that the world is turned right.