A/N: Okay, be ready everyone. Thic chapter isn't so happy-go-lucky, but don't we all just have those days where we feel like crap? Sometimes for no good reason we just get hit with teenage angst and then everything goes wrong? Yeah, so that's what's going on for our characters in this chapter, but now that it's out of the way... the next chapters can be much brighter. :) I worked pretty hard on this, so I hope it didn't come out as crap. I'm a little unsure of this one, so please please read and review!! Thank you to all the many people who have reviewed so far. Thank you soooo much! It really makes me happy after hard times to look into my mailbox and find kind words. There's a bit of some mushy stuff int he dream sequence this time to lighten things up a bit for you. Hope you enjoy! Happy reading!

xoxoxoxoxo

Disclaimer: we all know I don't own anybody. But if I did, phwoaarrrrrrr. Snog fest! heh heh... just kidding.... sorta....

July 4

We are in the last place I'd ever want to be. I hate the headquarters. Ginny's been moping around for quite a bit now. Every time Mum says that Harry will be arriving soon she storms off. Can't say I blame her for it. Whoever thought bringing him back here would be GOOD for him obviously needs a room at St. Mungo's. I'm willing to guess it was Dumbledore. He's always been a bit left of center, hasn't he?

So, I guess I should get straight to the Hermione part. That's all I ever put in here anyways. Well I've decided to go over the dreams that I've had so far.

1. Common room, where I admit I have feelings for her and we kiss

2. Hermione in a sun dress, chasing gnomes and growing extremely huge lips

3. Watching the sunset with, you guessed, Hermione

4. Krum pushing me off the astronomy tower when I try and tell Hermione I like her

5. Fighting with Hermione about party decorations, and more snogging

so, this can mean a number of things. Maybe Krum is going to marry a gnome who likes pickles ( I remember the pickle!). Or maybe Harry is going to tell a girl he likes her in the common room by writing it on some form of a banner or confetti or something.

Off to go "clean"

Ron stared at the portrait hanging on the wall that was covered by a curtain, just waiting to be disturbed. He stayed there for a long time, just watching in bewilderment. He had lived in the wizarding world his entire life, but was it really necessary to preserve someone's memory in a painting, long after they were already dead? Especially someone as vicious and heartless as Sirius's mum. His eyes gleamed as he thought of things he'd like to do to that portrait. Hermione found him like that, frozen in the corridor.

"What in the world are you doing?" Hermione asked in a whisper, fearful to wake the old hag.

" Shhh! I'm thinking," Ron whispered back, keeping his determined gaze on the object hanging on the wall.

"That just scares me more. Please don't tell me you've got some sort of idea," Hermione pleaded, watching fearful as he turned to face her.

"In fact, I have got an idea. We're going to give Harry a bloody good birthday gift," Ron mumbled with an evil smirk.

"Ron, think about what you're doing for once, please! This could get you in trouble with the ORDER" she hissed, pronouncing the last word as if it were some sort of higher power.

" So let them go mad. Let them throw a fit of rage and lock me up in Azkaban for a stupid painting. I don't care. I'm tired of what goes on with Harry! It's like no one cares about how he feels, only what the order feels for him. I'm taking this miserable thing down and not giving it a second thought," he fumed and grabbed the edges of the portrait.

Before any one could blink an eye Mrs. Black was screaming in horror as Ron slammed her into the floor. Hermione stared at him in shock and covered her mouth to stop herself from yelling. Bit by bit her portrait was broken into smaller pieces, until nothing was left but a pile of splinters and a disheveled looking Ron.

"How could you... I don't..." Hermione stammered.

"I have inner rage, alright? It has to go somewhere!" he shouted and stared numbly at the mess below him.

"She was a person... would you do that to a person?" Hermione asked him, her heart beating rapidly in her chest and a tears gathering in her eyes.

"No, I wouldn't.... she was just paint and a bit of magic, she wasn't real Hermione! That's what happens to me in this place, can't you see that? Can't you see what everyone becomes in here? I can't even grip what reality and magic is anymore! And all I can think about is Sirius and Harry and where I come into play. I can't help it! Okay, I'm sorry!" Ron panicked and ran off in a hurry. Hermione watched him go and hung her head sadly. Maybe she shouldn't have said what she did...

"Oh dear," Lupin said as he came up behind Hermione.

"He was supposed to be cleaning the webs... he's...he's afraid of spiders..." Hermione mumbled in a daze and began to cry. Lupin stared at the mess for a moment and looked at Hermione's tear stained cheeks.

"It's a pity Kreacher would unexpectedly turn on his former master like that. Guess I'd better clean it up and keep him on a closer watch. And, I'm sure the order is too preoccupied to deal with something as inconsequential as this, so I'll just handle it myself," he told her, and with a wink and a nod he was gone again.

Ron, however, was not around for this. He paced back and forth at the top of the stairs forever wondering if he should go back and face Hermione. Instead, he slammed open the door to his room to find himself in a situation he'd rather not face.

"You have a lot of issues you should work out," Ginny said to him, his journal in hand. He groaned.

"I can NOT believe this would happen to me! Why Ginny? Why would you invade my privacy like that?" Ron asked, lacking the energy to have a full on spat.

"I didn't read your journal. I just assumed that this is what you've been doing all summer," Ginny stated and threw the book down on his creaky bed.

"How am I supposed to trust you didn't read it? I come walking in and you tell me I have issues. Not to mention, the stupid thing was in your hands!" he yelled and placed his head in his hands.

"Relax, I was being my Weasley self and making you think something that was totally untrue. I'm just upset that you would keep this from all of us. Especially what happened to me in my second year," Ginny said frowning at him, but in concern.

"What are you TALKING about? This has nothing to do with that event!" Ron shouted in frustration. Ginny furrowed her eyebrows and glared at him long and hard.

"I am not mental Ronald Billius! I am trying to make sure that you're okay. You've been sort of strange this summer in and out of moods, and you're constantly locked away. So when I saw this lying here and assumed it might be a journal of sorts, I was worried that something might be going on. Is that wrong of me? I mean really?" Ginny asked him, but held firm. Ron hoped to death she wouldn't cry, because he was on the verge of having a breakdown.

"No. I love you Ginny, I would never do something to make you scared or upset. It's just a stupid journal, it's not hurting me... it's helping me," Ron informed her, taking a deep breath.

"Well okay then. That's all that needed to be said," Ginny replied and began to walk away. Ron cleared his throat and stared at her in anticipation. She rolled her eyes and gave him a hug.

"I love you too, now go back to whatever it is you do and stop fighting with me. That's Hermione's job anyway. Speaking of..." Ginny cut off as a distressed Hermione appeared in the doorway. Ron shook his head and tried to calm himself. Today was not a good day.

"Can I... come in?" Hermione asked. There was no door, so she couldn't knock.... but she felt the need to ask before she came walking right in.

"Of course," Ron sighed and watched as she took a seat on the bed. He followed her lead.

"Let me see your hands," she said quietly without looking him in the face. He laid his hands down on her lap and watched as she examined them. His palms were filled with splinters with some small trickles of blood. She stroked the back of one hand with her thumb and sighed.

"I never understand you," she whispered and let go.

"I'm sorry," he muttered and looked down at the floor.

"This stupid place ruins everything. Promise it won't ruin our friendship?" Hermione asked. Ron sighed and thought for a moment. Friendship.

"I'd never want to lose you... or Harry" he added and looked away. Hermione nodded and hopped off the edge of the bed. She left without saying a word. Ginny was waiting for her at the end of the corridor, looking rather flustered.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked her, exhausted from the mess of things whenever these summer days arrived.

"I... read Ron's journal, but then told him I didn't," Ginny admitted her face covered in guilt.

"You what!?" Hermione yelled in surprise. Ginny pulled her aside and steered her into an empty (and dirty looking) room.

"I read his journal okay? I just... had to get it off my chest. He... well he had me worried that there might have been some dark magic going on, but it seems alright," Ginny said both in shame and relief.

"It's alright. It doesn't matter. I just, wouldn't do that from now on. It's not the type of thing anyone should get involved in. It's Ron's personal thoughts!" Hermione said, wondering what it would be like to know just what Ron Weasley was all about.

"Yeah. Besides... not much was really in there. He's pretty good at staying on topic.." Ginny said with a faint smile, brushing her hair out of her face. Hermione eyed her suspiciously, but shrugged her shoulders. Ginny began to walk away, stopping for just a brief moment.

"He had a dream about you in the common room or something like that, just so you know," Ginny stated and quickly disappeared. Hermione's eyes widened, but she quickly dismissed the thought. Just a coincidence. Besides, it wasn't like it was a dream in... THAT... way.

July 4

I did it again. I went postal and scared everyone. It's just that I can't help these things really. Okay, that's a lie. So I had better start using this journal for good use and stop messing up everything I've worked so hard at to get Hermione to notice me for. I can be calm... I can... and I can....I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time! God, none of it makes a difference.

First of all, I'm worried about mum. She walks around mumbling to herself all the time. I caught her looking at a picture of Percy once. If I ever see him again, I'll punch him before he can say a word. Then again, it's that sort of reaction that always gets me in trouble with everybody else.

Secondly, I know Ginny read my journal. I'm not stupid like she thinks. I'm gonna have to find some sort of way to lock the bloody thing. What if Fred or George ever found it???

Thirdly, I can't help but think that this whole thing with Hermione has something to do with

oh no! The moment everyone's been waiting for ( and dreading in my case) has finally arrived!

"He's HERE!" Ginny whispered into the room. Ron sighed and faced his sister.

"I know. Come here," Ron mumbled, taking her hand. Ginny clung to him like she was back in first year and they walked slowly down the steps together.

And there he was. Watching them at the bottom of the steps. Nothing was said for a long moment, the three of them just stared at each other... willing themselves to find something to say. He spoke first.

"Ron, Ginny.." he mumbled and gave a slight nod of his head.

"Harry..." Ron muttered, in a daze. Ginny remained silent. Harry stared at her grief stricken face as she avoided eye contact with either boy. Eventually she let out the air she had been holding back and ran as fast as she could in the other direction. Harry hung his head and ran a hand through his hair as Ron had done so many times before.

"I think... maybe... I don't want to go upstairs," Harry mumbled and turned around. Ron nodded and followed him down the hall. After the department of mysteries and the long summer apart, there was nothing either could think of to say that would mean much at all. Until Harry noticed something was not quite as it used to be...

"She's gone..." he whispered as he looked at the black mark that indicated where a portrait used to hang. Ron's face turned a pale white and he avoided Harry's questioning eyes.

"Lets go find Hermione..." Ron said, changing the subject. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, the corners of Harry's lips began to curve upward and his face fell soft.

"Yeah... that's a good idea," he said, placing his hands in his pockets and walking side by side with Ron. He knew something Ron didn't know, and it wasn't about death or destruction, or prophecies that marked him as a dark wizard's equal. It was a secret between friends. And that was a good feeling.

Hermione, Ron, and Harry gathered in Harry's make-shift bedroom an hour or so later. Harry was looking a bit better than he did last summer, but nothing they said could ever truly make him happy. It was a dark place for him, someplace he had never wished to return to. But it was the only place he could be, and that Hermione and Ron could be, and it was something as he grew each day... he was learning to accept.

"It's not over," Harry whispered as he kicked off his shoes with the worn out soles. Hermione bit her lip as she watched him.

"What's not over, mate?" Ron asked in confusion.

"My time with Sirius," he replied as if it were fact.

"Of course not Harry. It may not be soon... but you'll see him again,"Hermione agreed and placed her hand on his. He pulled his hand back and let out a sigh of frustration.

" I know, but... what if..." he mumbled and looked away. That was all Ron needed to explode. He clenched his fists and stood up slowly, letting his height speak for itself.

There was nothing he hated more than to see Harry like this. Ever since fifth year he had been cold and unwilling to communicate. At Hogwarts he was better, but not by much. This was his friend since the very first day they met. That first day on the train, and he was not about to listen to him slip away.

"HARRY POTTER YOU ARE REALLY PUSHING ME TO MY LIMIT!" he screamed. Harry's eyes widened in shock and Hermione winced at his words. Ron shook his head. He sounded just like his mum...

"Wh...wha..what?" Harry stuttered. It was like Ron to yell, but not out of the blue. Not at him anyway..

"You heard me! I'm tired of you acting like this! Why can't you just get a grip and come to your senses! It hurts all of us that Sirius is dead, but did you ever think that just MAYBE other people love you!? Did you think that maybe you have family and you're just not appreciating it or noticing it!? My family LOVES you Harry! I love you just like you were one of my stupid prat brothers, even though your hair is black and mine is red! My mum loves you like you were another son, another sweater to knit at Christmas time! And all you've been doing is pushing us away and acting like you'll never be the same again! Well if you aren't going to be the same again Harry, then I'll just have to support you and everything you do silently, because whatever I say to you goes in one ear and out the other. I'm TIRED of having to fight you on everything to remain your friend. Just... do me a favor and grow up, because god knows I'm trying!"

Ron slammed his fist into the wall and walked out without waiting for Harry's response. All he could hear was the ringing in his ears and his deep intakes of breath. What had he just done?

July 4

I don't deserve to be friends with Harry or Hermione. I don't deserve to be closer to her the way I want to be. I always screw things up..

I'm... an ugly and worthless person. All who agree say 'Aye'.

Oh right, there's no one here to say anything at all.

Hermione rushed into the room Ron occupied and embraced him before he had a chance to think. His journal dropped to the floor in a heap as she gripped tighter and began to cry into his chest.

"I know that must have been hard for you," she mumbled into his chest. Ron tried not to focus on her hands rubbing his back, but instead on the words flowing from her lips.

"It was... and wasn't. My family loves him... and I know he loves us back.." Ron told her as she let go and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm so emotional... I just, I never know what to think anymore," Hermione said as she began to calm herself.

"It's... okay..it's..well, neither do I," he struggled to say and placed his hands behind his head.

"I've never seen you get...upset or angry like that before," she whispered and smiled as she looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders and followed her eyes to the journal on the floor.

Ron watched her leave and slowly shut the journal that seemed to be making such a big impact on everything around him. It was time to close his eyes and slip away. It was always better in his dreams...

Ron walked down a winding path through an open meadow on a warm summer night. The scent of the air gave proof that rain had fallen not too long ago, but muddy shoes were not a concern.

"I don't deserve her..." he whispered to the sky and continued on his walk.

There appeared to be no one around him in any direction, not even a home or a shop of any sort. It was nothing but green grass and a few scattered trees, blowing in a calm wind.

There was nothing more to think about. Just to get away. That is, until the sound of footsteps behind him made him jump out of his skin. It was her.

"Ron! Ron! Wait up!" she called. He stopped where he was and waited for her to catch up.

"Hermione..." he started to say, but she put a finger to his lips.

"He didn't mean to hurt anybody. He's loved, but he's not the only one loved by someone.." Hermione told him. Ron sighed and took her hand.

"I know my family loves me, I'm not daft... I just, sometimes I feel left out. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any reason to be here than to be a Weasley," Ron stated and looked down at the ground below him.

"You told me once that all you were was Ron Weasley, and that's true. All I want you to be is Ron Weasley," she said and looked upward at him. He was taller than she was by a good deal, but she didn't have to get up on her tip-toes to feel his lips on hers. But she didn't move..

"And I wasn't talking about your family," she added eventually. Ron brought her to him and kissed her passionately.

"I love you Hermione," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you, Ron"

Hermione opened her eyes to find a snoring Ginny and a purring Crooshanks. There was no meadow, no Ron.

"Oh no..," she whispered into the dark, "it...can't...be possible"

The word played over and over and over again in her mind. LOVE