Disclaimer: Oh, yes. I own KND along with three Mercedes Benz and the state of Hawaii. Raise your hand if you detect sarcasm...
A/N: A lot of reviews mentioned the similarity between the last chapter and Operation: REPORT. Sorry, the embarrassing part is that I've never even seen that episode. As far as this chapter's concerned, it's a completely new story but I'm not too proud of it. Please leave me advice!
Operation: MARYSUE
Magically
Appearing
Recruit's
Youthfulness
Seems
Unmistakably
Ersatz
The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The world was at peace and Lizzie was on vacation, which might have something to do with the abrupt halt in the normal chaos. But for the moment it seemed as though nothing could break the tranquility.
Exactly the way she liked it.
The perfect setting was essential if she was to stage a sensational entrance and she knew that the time was ripe for the picking, so to speak. It was only a matter of time before she had managed to successfully infiltrate the headquarters. However, it was crucial that she had the right hairstyle, thus ending the brief character insight.
"Checklist?"
"Check."
"Identification templates?"
"Check."
"Beginner's Manual?"
"Check."
"Two-by-Four Technology for Dummies?"
"Uh...hold on a sec," Number Two answered as he picked a book off the shelf and plucked out a tattered bookmark. He handed it to Number One in a salute. "Check."
"Okay, fellow Kids Next Door. It's that time of the year again and I'm sure you're all well-informed and prepared for today's mission," One began as he settled into his too-familiar speech posture.
"Ooh! Ooh! It's Christmas already?" Three cried out as she waved her arms in the air.
"Not that time of the year; we got a message from Moon Base HQ saying that today we're supposed to be training a group of new recruits assigned to sectors in our area," Number Five replied. "But why not just train them at their own sectors?" she asked as an afterthought. "Wouldn't that make more sense?"
"Negatory, Number Five. The majority of the other sectors are upgrading their own technology right now, so it would be more beneficial to the new recruits if we train them here on our upgraded system. That way they'll have some hands-on experience with the upgraded material when they return to their own sectors."
"Oh...uh, sure. You're the boss," Number Five answered hesitantly as she scratched her head. Kudos to anyone who understood a word he said.
Number Three dropped into a crestfallen slump. "So it's NOT Christmas?"
"Of course not! Don't be stupid. Why not just check the calendar?" Four retorted.
Three pause. "Hmm...okay!" She replied as she skipped out of the room. However, only moments later she skipped back into the room accompanied by a short girl with brown hair pulled up into two pigtail-braids on the side of her head. She was wearing a long pink and yellow striped t-shirt and a pair of white sneakers. Of course, being a Mary Sue, her shirt was perfectly ironed; her teeth were sparkling white, her hair neatly groomed, and her shoes meticulously polished. To be blunt, she looked completely out of place in an odd, unearthly sort of manner.
"Uh.... Number Three, I don't think that's a calendar," began Two but was cut off by Number One.
"Ah, I take it this is one of our new recruits?" He asked as he leaned over for a closer look and peered down at his clipboard.
"Yes, sir," she answered promptly.
Number Five glanced at the girl for a moment and furrowed her brow. "Well, where are the other recruits then? I thought there were more."
"Oh, you see...um...most of the others were sent to Moon Base Headquarters." The girl answered and straightened her already perfectly straight shirt. "My name's Mary Sue, but you can call me Number 666." She looked up and smiled. "I'm sure you won't have any trouble teaching me, Sir."
Number One shrugged. "Very well then. Number Two, I want you to ready the identification templates. The rest of you make some room for Number 666 somewhere in the tree house," One directed as he and Two led Number 666 into the control room.
"How about this one? I think she'd like this one!"
"Nah, we can't put her in the kitchen."
"Maybe this room?"
"Uh, Number Four, that's the broom closet."
Four grumbled under his breath and slammed to utility closet door shut. "So what? It's not like she's staying permanently or anything. I say we just leave her out on the roof."
"How can you be so mean, Number Four? She's one of us, right?" Three cried as she waved her floppy sleeves in the air. She paused for a moment and added, "But the roof would be neat..."
Five adjusted her hat and lowered her voice. "I don't know about you two, but there's something about Number 666 that just gives me the creeps."
"There! You see! I knew there was something up!" Four declared. "Anyone who calls Number One 'Sir' is definitely off their rocker."
"Maybe she was just being polite," Three suggested.
"Still..." Number Five paused in thought. "I dunno; something just doesn't seem right." She began to pace around the couch. "Number Three, you met Number 666 first, right? Where did you find her?"
"Um..." Three cocked her head to the side. "She was at the door, so I let her in."
"..." Four slapped himself on the forehead. "You don't just let anyone in the tree house! You've got to get proper identification verification and all that stuff, you know. What were you thinking?!"
Five shook her head as Number Three indignantly crossed her arms. "Well, Mr. Smarty-Pants, she didn't look like a villain, so what's the problem?" Three retorted.
"Neither does the Toilenator; he looks like a moron, but that doesn't mean he's not a villain," Four protested.
"Dude, the Toilenator is a moron, but that's not the point," Number Five interrupted. "What I'm concerned about is what she said about Moon Base. Why would they go through all the trouble of flying the new recruits there for training when it's just easier to send them here?"
"Aw, that's easy. Who wouldn't want to train there? Moon Base is so cool!" Number Four exclaimed as he walked away from the broom closet.
Five frowned. "That's not good enough of a reason. I'm going to try to contact them and find out just what's going on."
"Alright then. We're going to have you answer a few simple questions about yourself to put into the computer. Number Two, you're in charge of regulating the identification template," One directed as he handed Two a Rainbow Monkey dinnerware plate with various wires and a toothbrush sticking out of the side. Two extended a thick red wire and hooked it up to the screen.
"First question. What is your date of birth?"
Number 666 paused for a moment before answering. "April 31, 1995."
"Favorite color?"
"Beige."
Number One and Two exchanged glances as Two continued to input the data onto the computer.
"Favorite food?"
"Spinach."
A longer pause passed between the two operatives. Number One lowered his shades. "Are you sure?"
Number 666 nodded. "Of course. Who doesn't like spinach?"
Number One shrugged and continued. "Favorite animal?"
"Atlantic sea mollusk."
"A what?"
"It's kind of like a clam."
Two grinned. "Man, clams are good. Especially with tartar sauce."
"I just LOVE clams," Number 666 gushed with overzealous enthusiasm.
"Number Two," One frowned. "We're not here to discuss seafood." He turned back to his clipboard. "What is your favorite genre of music?"
Number 666 blinked. instrumental," she answered after a moment.
One signaled over to Number Two and he disconnected the identification template. "Very well then," One began as he gathered up his papers onto the clipboard. "I must say you're quite the...uh...individual, Number 666. Welcome aboard."
Number 666 smiled. Things were looking up.
"Ooh! You collect Rainbow Monkeys too?!"
Mary Sue nodded. "Of course! Who doesn't?" She paused for a moment and sighed. "But all my stuff is back at home. I sure wish I could show you though."
"What a shame," scoffed Number Four.
Number Three shook her head and grinned. "Aw, that's okay, Number 666, you can use some of mine!"
666 hesitated for a moment. "Uh, sure! Thanks a lot, Number Three," she replied and sat down on the couch. "So when do I start learning the computer system?" She asked hastily.
"Not for another day at least," Number One answered from the other side of the room. "It's too late to start on anything right now, so we might as well call it a day." He turned away from the security system to face the rest of his team. "Have you decided where you're going to stay?"
"Oh, gee, Sir. I haven't given it any thought," Number 666 replied and folded her hands. A poorly muffled cough came from Number Four and Three jabbed him in the shoulder with her elbow.
"You can stay in my room, Number 666," Number Three exclaimed as she waved her sleeves in the air, accidentally smacking Number Four in the face.
"Actually," interrupted Number Five as she walked into the recreation room, "I was thinking you could hang out with me, Number 666," she casually remarked.
"Well, gosh. That'd be so cool, Number Five." 666 replied and began to blink excessively, another hideous all-too-familiar Mary Sue trait.
"Glad that's settled," grumbled Number Four as he picked a nearby magazine off the table.
"So, Abigail...what do you like to do in your spare time?"
Number Five raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know my name?"
666 wavered for a moment before answering. "Aw, gee. Everyone knows who you are. You're practically famous on Moon Base. Not to mention a lot better than that creepy sister of yours."
"Uh huh. Sure, girl." Number Five replied as she looked up from her book. "Look, it's getting late so I'm turning in for the night. You can sleep on the couch if you want."
Number 666 clapped her hands in an obnoxiously chipper fashion. "Wow, thanks a bunch!" She squealed.
"Yeaaaah...don't mention it," Five yawned and walked over to her bed.
"Nothing like a midnight snack, I always say," Number Two said to himself as he bustled through the refrigerator. "Now where did I put that sandwich..." he trailed off as he looked through the doorway into the control room. "Hey, who left the computer on?" Two speculated and closed the fridge door. He tiptoed into the control room and scanned the area. "Hello?"
"Hi there, Hoagie...can't sleep?"
"Naw, I'm just getting a sna—hey, how come you're on the computer at this hour?"
Number 666 rotated around in the computer chair to face Number Two. "I figured I could get a head start on my lesson. What do you think?"
Number Two's immediate response, as one would guess, should be to deny the cunning little Mary Sue any access to the computer, but unfortunately, the evil and subliminal powers of the Mary Sue-ness always prevail. Thus, with this said, Number Two shrugged and took a bite out of his mustard sandwich. "Sure, why not? I guess it couldn't hurt."
Number 666 smiled and turned back to the computer. "I thought so."
Two shrugged and took another bite out of his sandwich. "Okay then. See you in the morning," he replied and walked back to his room. Number 666 twisted around in the chair to face the computer again and smiled at her face reflected on the screen's iridescent glow.
"Havin' fun looking at your face, Mary Sue?"
666 whirled around in her chair. "Abigail. What a pleasant surprise," she piqued. "I wouldn't have expected to see you awake at this hour."
"Neither would I," Five answered. "Does the boss know you're using the computer?" She asked as she gazed up at the screen.
666 answered with a sweet smile. "No, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
"Maybe not, but I sure do."
"..." Mary Sue's smile became a pout. "Why can't we be friends, Number Five?"
"I'll tell you why," Five retorted as she straightened her hat. "There ain't no way I'm bein' friends with someone who's birthday is on the thirty-first of April."
"Gosh, Number Five, what's so bad about my birthday? And how did you know when my birthday was? It looks like I'm not the only one doing a little hacking around the computers, eh?"
Number Five shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, unlike you, I'm a licensed operative so there's no problem with me going through the computer files. And anyways..." A wide smile spread underneath the brim of Five's hat. "There is no April thirty-first, Mary Sue."
Number 666 blinked. "I'm afraid you must be mistaken. I should know my own birthday."
"Number Three might not be able to read a calendar, but I sure can and I'll tell you this. There's no April thirty-first anywhere on that calendar. You're hiding something."
"Me?" 666 squeaked. "Of course not. What a silly thing to say."
"Listen to yourself, girl! I contacted Moon Base Headquarters earlier today and do you know what they told me?"
Number 666's eyes widened and she lowered her voice. "I can only guess."
"We aren't supposed to have any new recruits to train until CHRISTMAS," Number Five stated. "I'm thinking Number Three was right all along." Five raised the brim of her hat and stared at Number 666 directly in the eyes. "What's your plan?"
Number 666 bit her lip. "Why couldn't we be friends, Abby? everyone is my friend, you know."
"Oh, so now you're goin' to get all mushy on me, eh? Well that doesn't work with me, girl. Spill the beans."
"Fine then. If you must know." Mary Sue drew in a deep breath, her hair still managing to maintain its flawlessness despite her obvious distress. "You see...I'm a midget."
"You've gotta be kidding me. You look fine to me," Number Five replied skeptically.
"Maybe I look fine for a nine-year-old," Mary Sue glared. "But how many 'nine-year-olds' do you meet who are born in the 70s?"
"The 70s?! Man, that means you must be an adult! Why the heck didn't we pick you up on the radar?" Five exclaimed. Nothing was making any sense.
Number 666 closed her eyes and shook her head. "To be blunt, your adult radar is based predominantly on hormonal scans...it's too much for a child to understand. If only you knew the heartache I had to endure while all my friends grew up and I stayed the same."
Number Five rolled her eyes. "Don't get sappy with me, I understand perfectly what you're getting at. But that still doesn't explain why you did it."
"Don't you SEE? All I want is to be accepted," Number 666 sobbed and turned away, her face glistening with tears. "I've never fit in anywhere because of my height. So I thought, why not try and accept my height and try to join the Kid's Next Door?"
"Yeah, well, hacking into our computers doesn't exactly qualify as 'accepting your height'. And more importantly, you're an adult. Meaning YOU CAN'T JOIN. What part of 'no way' do you not understand?"
Number 666 rose from her seat and glared at Five. "It's easy for you to say; you've always been accepted—you have friends. No one makes fun of you for being a midget."
"AGH!" Number Five yelled and threw her hands in the air. "That's cuz I'm NOT a midget! This conversation's going nowhere!"
"Uh, Number Five...are you okay?" Called a voice. Numbers Five and 666 whirled around to find Number Two standing in the kitchen doorway with another sandwich in his hand.
"Number Two," Five grinned. "I bet you weren't aware of this, were you?"
"Of what? Number 666? Yeah, I knew she was on the computer." Two shrugged and wiped a spot of mustard off his mouth onto his pajama sleeve. "So?"
"Number '666' isn't an operative after all; she's an adult! And adult midget, which explains why we didn't catch on."
Two choked on his sandwich. "You can't be serious!" His eyes narrowed. "But how did you find out?"
"Huh-LO! She told me! Why don't you ask her yourself?!" Number Five exclaimed.
"Hm. I would..." Two began. "If I knew where she was." He took another bite out of his sandwich.
"What do you...aw man. This is NOT my day," Number Five sighed exasperatedly as she turned around to find the computer chair empty. "Where the heck did she go? We can't have an adult runnin' around the tree house."
Number Two sat down in the computer chair and brought up a folder on the screen. "Hey, look at this; her entire file's been deleted." They exchanged glances. "It's almost like she was never here."
Five crossed her arms and nodded. "It's better that way."
"Yeah but..." Two tossed the last bit of his sandwich into his mouth. "What are we going to tell the others? We're a little short on clues, you know....Hey get it? Short? Midget?"
"Aw, man..."
The moral of today's story: Write your characters well. Anyone can write a Mary Sue, but just remember that it's the well-rounded characters that last.
A/N: I look back on this and I'm not very happy with how it came out, and it took forever for my sister to grasp the idea of the Mary Sue in the story disappearing as compared to the other stereotyped Mary Sues in fanfiction. If you write stories with Mary Sue-ish characters, this wasn't meant to offend you. I was just kind of frustrated. And I don't want any Lizzie fans to be offended by the opening paragraph either. Like I said, I was kind of frustrated.