Disclaimer: I don't own KND, but I'd rather not. I do own Hugo, well; actually, I don't even own him either. What do I own then?!
A/N: Okay, kiddies! The results are in for the next chapter! With a whopping (I hate that word) five votes, is Stripified's idea: the tendency of young children to use 'bad' words without knowing the meanings. Coming in second place, Houkanno Yuuhou's idea: getting your tongue stuck on a frozen pole in the winter, and in third was Jill's idea: receiving clothes instead of toys for gifts. All of these ideas are awesome, and don't worry, I plan on using them in the future!
This chapter, however, presented quite a few complicated twists. How do I write a story about swearing while still maintaining my proud "G" rating? (And I'm serious; I'm very proud about my "G".) So, I chickened out and resorted to the age-old solution of censorship. Sorry, but that's the way things work. I don't think this was my best chapter so far; I liked BEES so, so, much better. Also, I've been praised several times for writing short stories with plots, but I feel like this chapter kind of fell short--it wasn't exactly the big 'tah-dah' I was hoping for. Ah, well. Enough chatter and more reading. Tell me what you think when you're done, okay?
Suspicious
Words
Entice
Audacious
Rascals
"Got the goods, Hugo?"
"Like, of course I do. This baby's our key to success."
"Yea, well, be careful with it, we can't let it get into the wrong hands."
"Dude, are you insulting my hands?!"
"Now that you mention it..."
The one by the name of Hugo cast his shadowed partner an angry glare and passed them the lumpy package. "Geez, the least you could do is show a dude some respect. I, like, practically get myself killed makin' this stupid thing for you, and all you do is—"
The shadowed figure let out a snort. "It's kind of hard to give any respect to someone dressed like...well..."
Hugo glanced down at his work uniform: A little plastic nametag tapped to a neon green pinstripe shirt with a large, smiling Rainbow Monkey face on the front. He flushed in embarrassment and took a false swipe at the package, attempting to take it back.
His partner sighed. "Okay, okay. My bad, okay? Just lemme take the package and we'll call it a deal. I need to deliver it to my client as soon as possible. He's got a hot temper, if you know what I mean." The figure snatched the parcel and passed their hand over the brown paper bag cover. "Not exactly high on your security precautions, are you, Hugo?"
Hugo frowned and ran a tanned hand through his sandy-streaked hair. "Give me a break, dude. I was, like, totally rushed and all. But I did tie the string in a little double-knotted bow, just for you."
The figure rolled their eyes from behind the dark black mask and shoved the lumpy package into a sack. "Don't you try sweet-talking me. You're nothing more than a pawn, as far as Father's concerned."
"A pawn?!" Hugo cried and paused. "Can I be the black one? I always get stuck as the white when I play chess."
"Whatever. I'll see you around," the figure sighed and slipped back into the crowd coming into the store. Hugo turned back to the counter and slumped into his seat. The least she could've done was come after rush hour—they always got more customers after lunch. He exasperatedly put his head down on the counter, his nose painfully smacking against the cash register.
"Um...are you okay, Mister?"
Hugo looked up from the register, his nose beginning to bleed. "Oh yeah, I'm great, my nose is busted on the freakin' register and to top it off—" he cut off in mid complaint and peered over the counter into the wide eyes of the ten year-old girl on the other side. Aw, man. If the boss ever found out he'd been badmouthing to customers, he'd get sacked in a second.
"Are you okay?"
Hugo put on his phoniest grin and hastily wiped the blood from his nose. "Yeah! I'm great. What did you think of my total-tacular nose-bashing performance, little girl?"
The girl cocked her head to the side and folded her floppy green sleeves. "You're funny! Do it again!"
Hugo groaned and adjusted the badge on his uniform. "Look, are you here to buy something, or to look at my far-out handsome face?"
"Your face is ugly."
"..."
"But there is something I want..." the girl grinned mischievously and pointed to a high shelf behind the register."Do you have anymore 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkeys?'"
Hugo opened his mouth to make a snide reply, when a short, balding man stepped into the store through the staff room door. He leaned up against the door frame and watched intrusively. "Need any help rookie?"
Hugo cringed. As if things couldn't get any worse—he hadn't exactly been on his boss' good side these past few weeks and Hugo had a feeling that if he didn't make this sale he'd be kissing this brief part-time job goodbye. "Ah, now that you mention it, I think we have just one left. Aren't you lucky?!" He replied and began to frantically search behind the counter. He recognized the name; that stupid monkey doll had been selling hot off the shelves. There had to be an extra around somewhere...suddenly his hand fell upon a misshapen brown package. He ripped it open and hastily dusted the Styrofoam packing peanuts off the monkey doll. "Here ya go!" He grinned and handed the girl the 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective" Rainbow Monkey'.
She studied it over for a moment and then smiled in satisfaction. "Yay! I knew I'd find one here! Thanks, mister!" She handed him the payment—another groan. Why did kids always seem to pay in quarters? He gave her a friendly wave and began to count the coins as she left the store. His boss gave a nod of approval and walked back into the staff room. Hugo let out a sigh of relief and began to clean up the packing peanuts from the package he just opened when he caught a glimpse of paper tucked into the package. He picked it up and read it, his face paling as the horror dawned on him.
"That monkey was....Oh, crap. She's gonna kill me...."
"Number Fooooouuuuuurrrr!!!!"
"Yo, I think someone's lookin' for ya, Number Four," Five commented from the couch and kicked up her feet on the hassock by the purple couch. Nothing in the world could ever compare to the Friday afternoon feeling, she grinned. Today was one of those bizarrely rare days where Number One decided to take a break.
Number Four pulled his headphones closer around his ears and sunk deeper into the purple couch. "What?" he asked after a moment, the tone of his voice betraying his obvious annoyance. It wasn't often he got to take a break and he was planning on using his time for all it was worth.
Number Three skipped into the room and hopped up onto the couch, sitting herself between Number Four and Number Five's magazine pile. She was clutching a plastic shopping bag close to her face. "Look what I bought today, Number Four! I've been waiting to show you—I haven't even taken it out of the bag yet!"
An unpleasant feeling lurched in Four's stomach. That bag—he'd recognize the logo on it anywhere. Kuki had been shopping at the new "Make a Monkey" store in the mall. (A/N: Think "Build a Bear") But for some reason, she hadn't taken much of a liking to actually making her own Rainbow Monkeys; she preferred purchasing pre-made ones instead.
"Gee, lemme guess; is it....a new Rainbow Monkey?" He asked in a sarcastically bored tone, letting lose a staged yawn.
Three clapped her sleeves together in delight. "How'd you know?!"
"I dunno, maybe it's because there's a big picture of one on that bag," Five grinned and looked back at her magazine.
Three's smile widened. "Want me to show you?"
"Not really," Four replied.
Number Three began to fish through the bag and pulled out a large blue Rainbow Monkey dressed in a checkered jacket complete with matching hat and a pipe sticking out of his mouth. Either she hadn't heard Number Four's answer, or was blatantly ignoring him. "See? It's the new 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey!"
"'Super Snuggle Detective'? Looks like a Sherlock Holmes impersonator, if ya ask me," Five commented as she watched over the top of her magazine.
Number Three nodded vigorously. "He's one of the newest models! And he talks!"
"TALKS?! That's the last thing we need," Four exclaimed and began to gather up his CD player. "I'm going back to my room. You two can have fun with 'Super Stupid' or whatever that cruddy thing's name is."
"But Number Four!" Three wined and pulled his sleeve. "I didn't even take it out of the bag until now just to show you!"
"Why me?" Four glared, his face becoming pink. "I don't care about those stupid things. You didn't have to wait to show me." An unwelcome fluttering feeling began to creep into his stomach, much to Number Four's disgust. "I don't like Rainbow Monkeys. You didn't have to wait to show me that stupid thing," he commented after a moment, basically repeating what he mentioned earlier.
Number Three's face fell and she slumped back into the sofa cushion. "I thought you'd like it..."
Number Five laughed. "Since when has Numbah Four ever liked Rainbow Monkeys?!"
"Exactly!" Four replied.
Number Three sighed. "Can't you just look at it, at least? Please?"
"..." Number Four sat back down on the sofa and grabbed the stuffed animal away from Three. "Fine, but if anyone asks, it was your idea."
Number Five shook her head from behind her magazine, only her hat was visible. "Man, it was her idea, so what are you gettin' so worked up about?"
"Squeeze his stomach, Number Four, so we can hear it talk!" Three cried, her cheerful demeanor quickly returning.
Number Four grumbled something under his breath and gave the Rainbow Monkey a tight squeeze around the waist.
"Yo, mo' fo'! Put da' shizzle in da' nizzle!"
"Uh, Numbah Three," Five tipped her hat up to get a better look. "Is it supposed to say that?"
Number Three frowned in confusion. "I don't think so—it's a detective Rainbow Monkey, so he should say...I dunno, detectivey stuff!" She took the doll from Number Four and gave it another squeeze.
"What the XXXX!? I'm gonna kick yo' XXX!"
The three stared at "Super Snuggle Snooper Detective" Rainbow Monkey in a mixture of horror and confusion, none daring to make a move. It wasn't until Number Four spoke was the uneasy silence broken.
"Eh....what in the world is an 'XXX'?"
Number Two looked up from his workshop bench in surprise. "An 'XXX'? No clue. Did you try the dictionary?"
Numbers Four and Three nodded, Three still holding the Rainbow Monkey. "It didn't make any sense," Four replied. "Why would a cruddy Rainbow Monkey want to kick my donkey? I don't even own a donkey."
"Maybe it was a programming error?"
Number Three frowned in thought. "Can you fix it?"
"I don't think so; I really don't like tampering with sound chips. I'm more comfortable with our own 2x4 technology. This was obviously made in a factory and adult programs can get pretty tricky to disassemble," Two answered and scratched the side of his head. "Can I look at it for a minute?"
"Sure," Three responded and handed him the doll. Number Two picked it up by the tail and gave the stomach an apprehensive squeeze.
"XXX! I can't get enough!"
"Well....that's certainly a new one," Four uneasily commented after a perturbed pause. "Maybe it's a bilingual Rainbow Monkey model. Does any of this sound Japanese to you, Number Three?"
"I don't think so..." she said uncomfortably and stared down at the doll as though she was holding a scorching hot potato. "Let's go ask Number One. He'll know what to do."
"There can only be one logical explanation for this—the adults have formulated some type of new code foreign to children."
"A code? I dunno, Number One...it sounded kinda weird," Number Two commented.
Number One tapped the edge of his podium with nervous fingers. "Well, we don't have any other suggestions. Everyone's already gone home and asked their parents about it, so what else can we assume?"
Number Four stared back sulkily. "He's right. I tried askin' my dad about it, but he wouldn't tell me anything. In fact, he said that if I said any of that monkey crud again he'd wash my mouth out with soap!"
Number Two nodded in agreement. "My parents said almost the same thing. They really don't want us repeating any of that stuff."
"Of course they don't—if word gets out that we've acquired access to their new code, there's no telling what havoc it'll wreak on the adult's systems. If they don't want us repeating these phrases, then my own guess is that it's a security-based code of some sort, most likely voice-activated." Number One added and cast an inquisitive stare at "Super Snuggle Snooper Detective" Rainbow Monkey in the center of the meeting room table. The doll stared back at him, its expression seeming almost hostile. "It appears innocent, but in reality..." he trailed off, his sunglasses practically sparkling with inspiration. "A most ingenious plan; too bad we found out about it."
Number Three gazed sadly at the stuffed animal. "This isn't fair. I was really looking forward to owning a "Super Snuggle Snooper—"
"Jeez, call it something shorter, will you?!" Four burst out in frustration. "That stupid thing almost got my mouth soaped!"
Number Five shook her head. "You guys, I don't know about this. I mentioned this to my dad, and he didn't get mad or anything."
"He didn't? Maybe he's not involved then," Two remarked and leaned forward in his seat.
Five shook her head. "I don't think so—he sounded more like he was concerned more than anything. 'I don't wanna hear ya sayin' any o' that stuff, especially if ya don't understand it,'" she declared, her voice imitating her father's.
Number One stood still for a moment in deep thought. "Perhaps we'd pay Mr. Lincoln a little visit, what do you say?"
"I say 'no way!' I don't want anything to do with that cruddy monkey!" Number Four exclaimed and clamped his hands near his mouth. "Have you ever had your mouth washed out with soap, Number One? I bet you haven't—it's something you'll never want to remember, and something you'll never forget."
Number Three gave him a sympathetic look. "I didn't ask my mom, but once I tried to eat soap, so I know what you mean."
"You tried eating...? Never mind," Four sighed and slapped his forehead. "This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere with this."
Number Two suddenly sat up in his seat and eagerly waved his hand in the air. "I've got an idea! How about, instead of saying anything to Mr. Lincoln, why not just bring 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey? Maybe he'll know something about it!"
"That does sound like a plausible idea, however, if this truly Rainbow Monkey truly is a database for the adult's new code system we'll be delivering it directly into the enemy's hands!" Number One protested and pounded the podium with his fist.
Number Five cast him a skeptical look. "Are you sayin' my dad is the enemy?"
"N-no...it's just that, well, he's an adult..." Number One replied, looking flustered.
"He's got a good point though, Number Five. We can't be too careful. Besides, there's always the issue of Cree..." Number Two trailed off.
"Either way, we're obviously not getting anything done just sitting here," Five replied. "I say we just ask my dad. He's not as stupid as he acts, really he isn't."
Number One nodded in agreement and hesitantly picked the Rainbow Monkey off the tabletop. "Sounds good to me; what do you say?" he gave the doll a squeeze.
"XXXX it!! I just stepped in a pile of XXXX!!!"
"A pile of what?" Three asked Number Four. He shrugged. They'd learn soon enough...
"Hey, it's great to see you kids! Abby hasn't had any friends over lately because of the homework and the after school activities and the chores..."
"It's nice to see you too, Mr. Lincoln, but we have some business to discuss with you," Number One interrupted as he, Two and Four took out their S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.s from behind their backs. Mr. Lincoln gave the group a nervous look and sat down in a nearby kitchen seat.
"Man, Number One, what do you think you're doing? We're asking him some questions, not givin' him an interrogation!" Number Five reprimanded and took a seat next to her father. "Don't mind 'em, Dad.
The boys sheepishly put away their weapons and sat down at the table next to the plate of cookies and milk. Number One, however, hadn't abandoned his take-charge attitude. He pulled out 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey and placed it in the center of the table. "What does this look like to you, Mr. Lincoln?"
Abby's father gave the stuffed animal an amused look, no one noticing the fact that his vest had changed from polka dot to checkerboard print. (A/N: Doesn't that annoy you? Has anyone noticed how Mr. Lincoln's vest changes patterns, or is it just me?) He scratched his chin. "Well, it looks like on o' them Rainbow Apes they sell down at the toy store, with the toys and the games and the puzzles—"
"But do you notice anything unusual about this particular Rainbow Monkey; anything familiar?"
Mr. Lincoln gave the doll another stare. "Uh...well, he makes a smashing Sherlock Holmes," he added after a moment's thought.
Number Three sighed and put her head down on the table. "This isn't getting anywhere," she sighed. "Maybe I should take him back to the store and return him for a new one..."
"The store?" Number Four spoke up, his head perking to attention. "That's a great idea! Let's just see if the person who sold you the doll knows anything about it!"
Mr. Lincoln shook his head. "That's would work," he pointed to the wooden pendulum clock on the wall, "but the store closed about twenty minutes ago. I know; I drive by it on the way home from work."
The remainder of Sector V let out a frustrated sigh. It looked as though they had hit another dead end. Just then, Cree sauntered into the kitchen and flipped the cookie jar lid, grabbing a few sugar wafers. "Hey, what's going on?" she asked, scanning the kitchen.
Number Two didn't even look up from the table. "Aw, nothing...we're just visiting."
Cree cast the group a suspicious look. It wasn't everyday they all 'visited' at once. Her eyes fell upon the Rainbow Monkey on the table. "Hey! Where'd you find this?" she cried, the end of her sugar wafer hanging out of her mouth in surprise.
"Why? Do you know anything about it?" Number One asked warily and narrowed his eyes.
Cree chewed down the remainder of her cookie. "Ah...well, you see, I have a friend working down at the toy store, you know, the 'Make a Monkey' place? He told me he had just finished working on a new model and was going to let me look at it."
Mr. Lincoln gave Cree a surprised look. "Aww...I didn't know you still liked playing with stuffed animals, Cree. Maybe I'll give you some new ones for Christmas, with the stuffing and the fur and—"
Number Three leapt out of her seat and grabbed the Rainbow Monkey off the table. "I think your friend sold me the wrong one. Do you know how I can exchange it?"
"Number Three!" One hissed and made a quick gesture to the side. "You can't just hand it over to the enemy! It's evidence!" he whispered.
Number Three shook her head. "This guy's more trouble than he's worth. Besides, if he really is what we think, someone would have recognized it by now."
Cree tilted her head in amusement. "Okay..."
"What's all this fuss? It's just a doll," Mr. Lincoln commented and gave the Rainbow Monkey a squeeze.
"No! Dad, don't!" Number Five cried, nearly knocking over her glass of milk.
"Hey! You're really XXXXing the XXXX outta me!"
Mr. Lincoln raised an eyebrow disapprovingly. "So this is where you've been getting all those phrases from, Abigail."
Number Five cringed. Only when she was in trouble did her father call her by her full first name. But it couldn't be that bad, he didn't use her middle name. Not yet, anyways.
He then turned to Cree, his arms crossed in front of his pinstripe vest. "And you, Cree. You said a 'friend' made this? Just what is going on?"
The children watched Cree in interest. It was obvious she was in a tight spot, but even still, she didn't seem the slightest bit phased. "Aw, man! What a mistake!" She turned an apologetic look at her father. "You see, Dad, you can put in a recorded voice-chip when you make the stuffed animal. Hugo, my friend, must have mixed up the chips with someone else's!" She snatched up the stuffed animal off the table and opened the front door. "Don't worry, I'll sort this out. He lives just down the street." Cree gave a friendly wave and dashed out the door.
"Well...um....that was, uh...." Number One found himself at a loss for words.
Mr. Lincoln got up from his seat and dusted some cookie crumbs from his plaid vest. "Okay, kids. I'll be seeing you later. I'm going to work on the computer to do some business work, with the spreadsheets and the files and..."
"Yeah, great, Dad." Number Five began to shove her father up the staircase. "We'll be seeing ya later!" She walked back to the table after her father left and scanned her friends' faces. "Okay, now what? If that monkey really was some enemy weapon, what are we gonna do now?"
Number Two finished his glass of milk and wiped his mouth. "You know, I don't think that was an enemy weapon...it was too..."
Number One nodded. "I think we're just going to have to let this one go, for once," he gave an involuntary shudder. "Some things are better left unexplained."
"Yeah," Number Three nodded. "But I still don't know what 'XXX' is."
Number Four broke his cookie in half and gave her a piece. "I don't think we'll ever know. And to be honest, I don't think I want to," he paused, his bangs falling over his face. "Nothing, not even the adult's secret code, is worth getting my mouth soaped."
"Dude, nothing beats a hot shower after a day at work," Hugo sighed and flopped onto the tacky green couch. He grabbed the remote and began to scan through the channels, pausing only to reach for the popcorn bowl on his right. "Let's see what's on..."
"Hugo, are you watching T.V. again? Why not go out and mow the lawn or something?" called his mother from the kitchen.
"Huh? Uh, yeah..."
His mother poked her head around the corner, her long brown hair practically covering her entire face. "Well, if you're going to watch television, the least you can do is watch something educational for a change."
Hugo grumbled under his breath and switched to the Spanish Channel, "¡Cuidado! La Crema de Afetar" phased onto the screen in swirly purple letters. "Yea! Spanish Channel soap operas!!" He muted the volume and began to adlib the people's lines as they spoke on the screen. "'No! Ricardo! You can't leave me for your secretary!'" Hugo shrilled in a disturbingly female voice. "'I thought we had something special!'" His mother shook her shaggy head and returned to the kitchen.
"But we do have something special, Hugo."
Hugo froze and turned to face the window. "Cree! What...uh...." He cracked a weak grin. "Hi?"
She slipped through the window, careful not to bang her Battle Ready Armor mask on the sill. "You gave me the wrong doll, you fool."
"What doll? I didn't give you a doll!"
"This doll," she replied and handed him the 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey.
"Ooooohhh.....that doll!"
Cree grabbed him by the shirt colar. "You're lucky I found the right one—do you know who you sold this to?"
Hugo blinked nervously, a bead of sweat sliding across his nose. "Uh....I don't remember..?"
Cree's face closed in on his, her voice a sharp whisper. "A member of the Kids Next Door, you moron!"
His eyes widened. "I had no idea! Honestly! I swear! I thought I gave you the right one, not the decoy!"
"Well, you didn't," she hissed, then straightened her posture, limply dropping Hugo back onto the plastic couch. "But not all is lost; they didn't realize it for what it was."
Hugo let out a sigh of relief, whether it was because of the good news, or simply because Cree let him go, was undetermined. "So am I off the hook?"
Cree grinned mischievously from behind her mask. "Not quite. We're not done with you. This is only beginning, right 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey?" she gave the doll a wrenching squeeze in the middle.
"Holy XXXX!! What the XXXX are you doing to my car, you XXXXXXX?!?"
The two teenagers exchanged grins. "Dude, I love that stupid thing," Hugo laughed. "Can I make one for myself?"
"Don't count on it."
A/N: Okay, like I said, this was a tricky thing to write, but I think I did okay. I'll leave it up to your imaginations as to what 'Super Snuggle Snooper Detective' Rainbow Monkey said. Now that I look back on this, Mr. Lincoln took the situation surprisingly well. I know if my parents came across a swearing stuffed animal I'd be in a pot of hot water, so to speak. But it's not the end; I think I might add onto this later in the future. Not necessarily a sequel, but you know what I mean. Let me know what you thought; personally, my favorite part was the acronym title, but oh well.
Also, Hugo is a character of my sister's, so if you don't like him, heh, I don't care. Neither do I. Oh, and extra points to anyone who can tell me what the translation of his soap opera is! Thanks for the reviews last time and I hope everyone liked the contest winner!