Fred
loves the laboratory. Among the glassware and technology, she feels
an aura of safety against the harsh world out there. It's soothing
to try to theorize some far-out theorem in the lab, rather than break
into a deserted warehouse building, guns ablazing, to rescue some
homeless guy from an evil demon and not even get a 'thanks' for
all the effort. No, Fred prefers the lab. Where everything she does
is recognized and congratulated, no matter how insignificant an
accomplishment, for everything is an accomplishment.
And, yes,
this is an egotistical view of the world, especially when Fred works
for people like Angel who want to save everybody, from that homeless
man on the streets to the well-fed lawyers of Wolfram and Hart.
That's Angel's problem; he hasn't quite distinguished between
the people who deserve to be saved and the people who don't.
But
Fred has. It may be cruel, callous and wrong, but she knows people
like Lilah Morgan do not deserve to be saved. They absolutely do not
deserve the love of a good man like Wesley, forgiveness, salvation
from the fiery depths of Hell and a comfy and powerful position as
personal assistant to Angel.
It's unfairness like this that
makes her sick to her stomach. Lilah doesn't deserve all the good
that's been showered upon her. Deep down, Fred supposes she's a
tad jealous, but she'll never admit it. She only talks about
morality and evildoers and their rightful punishment.
But
maybe she's wrong. She's been, she admits to herself, wrong a few
times. This is a different place, not like dear old Texas where they
lop off murderer's heads to the sound of applause. This is Los
Angeles with the light black and the dark white and the ever present
and growing gray and Sheryl Crowe summing it up with "all I wanna
do is have a little fun before I die." She may not play by these
rules, but everyone else does. So she should reevaluate this and
reconsider.
Fred lives her life by the rules that serve her
well in the laboratory. The scientific method is supposed to weed out
the truth amidst lies and deception. She starts by observing Lilah,
watching her sway to a beat that only she hears and seducing the
world into obedience just with her smoky eyes. Lilah moves with a
self-confidence and grace Fred envies. She obviously thinks that she
not only deserves what she has, but more. Her ego is bigger than
Harmony's boob job and Fred thinks of that joke with the passenger
buying two seats on the airplane, one for herself, one for her
ego.
She makes a hypothesis based on her observations: Lilah
is a talented manipulator and schemer. She does not deserve anything
she has.
Now that Fred has a hypothesis, she needs to go
experiment and see if it holds up under pressure. But experimentation
consists of being shoved against the wall, panting for air as Lilah's
hot mouth descends upon hers. Fred mentally damns herself, because
she sure isn't in Texas anymore.
Lilah's wicked clever;
she caught onto Fred like a dog on a hot trail. Somehow Lilah knew
everything; she stared at Fred during observations, kicked her under
the table while she was cogitating and resisted all of Fred's
attempts to bait her.
And maybe Lilah even looked deep inside
her soul with those eyes of hers, and discovered things about Fred
that Fred herself didn't know- because never in her wildest dreams
had Fred thought she would do this sort of thing.
It strikes
Fred now that Lilah is doing her own scientific method, trying to
figure out the essence of Fred. What is her hypothesis? she wonders.
Is this her experiment as well?
But Fred's too hot right now
to really think about it; it's enough that her scientific method
has served her well and tested her theories.
Lilah's mouth
now on her neck, Fred concludes that Lilah is definitely good at
manipulations and schemes. The only reason Fred is against the wall
right now is because Lilah manipulated her skillfully, pressing the
right buttons hard according to some mysterious master plan of
hers.
But does she deserve everything she has?
Well,
for doing such a good job, thinks Fred as Lilah slips her hands under
her shirt, maybe she does.
