CrimsonKappa: Well, I know I'm working on another story, but I decided to put The Stray Pup on hold because I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. Damn writer's block! Anyway, this is a story I've been wanting to write for a very long time now. It has more authenticy than other fanfics I've written, because most of the stuff in here is true. I mean, most of it has actually happened to me in my life. Of course, I've changed a lot around and added stuff to make this story fiction, and I'm using the YGO characters. Enjoy!

Warnings: Will contain language, sexual stuff, self-mutilation, and suicidal thoughts.

Chapter One

It's not like I want to do it. But I don't really have any control over it. It's like getting horny and then masturbating. I feel the need, and it's pleasurable to fulfill that need. And I don't really know why I do it, either. Just something I have to do every day. Like a routine. It's just a daily routine.

Cutting.

I hate that word. I can't even say it without flinching. And I hate hearing it. Even if it's not pertaining to cutting, I still hate it. I'll say things like "chop the food" or "tear the paper" or "slice the duel monster". Never cut. It's like saying a curse. I'm always reluctant to use the word "fuck" around adults, and I get the same feeling of reluctance around anyone if I need to use the word "cut".

Just listen to that word! It's so harsh and hard on the tongue. Two hard letters right after each other. Such an ugly thing to say. I never say "I cut" or "I'm a cutter" because I'm not. Well, yes, I am physically cutting my skin and making it bleed, but it feels nice, almost like getting high. "Cut" is too ugly of a word to describe it. Free is a better word. It's a pretty word. And that's what I'm doing. Freeing myself from the world for just a little bit. Jiyu. Free. I'm free.

I have two escapes, actually. Two things that make me free. One is, like I said, cutting (gods, I hate that word), and the other is my friends. My friends are great. I love them. Yugi Motou, Katsuya Jonouchi, Hiroto Honda. They have become my family. I hate my real family. Why should I love my real family? Just because they have similar DNA patterns as me? That's ridiculous. I love the people who love me, who will always be there for me. Not people who share my DNA.

Of course, I can't tell my friends about the cutting. Knowing them, they'll just tell me it's not good, or to stop. Jonouchi might even tell me I don't need to do it. He'll tell me how good my life is compared to his. I know he would just be trying to help me into stopping, but there's no way he could really understand how it feels to cut. Unless he did it, too, which I doubt he would. He's done real drugs, like pot, crack, speed, and all that shit. But my drug is the razor blade. It's the best of all them.

I'm getting dressed right now. Blue and pink school uniform. Most people think blue and pink are ugly school colors. But I think they're cute. Blue for boys and pink for girls. It's so cliché. And it's adorable. I look even cuter with my cute baggy socks. They are a pain in the ass with all the sock glue I have to use, but it's worth it. It's a pretty warm day, especially for November, but I'm NOT going to wear short sleeves. Heh, no way.

I grab my bag. Inside is everything I need. Two notebooks, my folder, cell phone (its got a cute little kuriboh key chain on it), tampons (I hate being on my period), some money, duel deck (why do I even bother with that game, anymore?), and, of course, my razor blade. I've hidden it well. In a little pink pouch labeled "feminine hygiene". All my friends are guys, if they found the pouch, they wouldn't dare open it.

Heading downstairs, I see my mom in the kitchen. "It's a warm day," she says, "why are you wearing long sleeves?"

Great. Just Great. "I like long sleeves. I've got a tee-shirt on underneath, if I get warm, I'll take off the jacket."

"Well, you look weird wearing long sleeves."

I just shrug and reach for a donut on the counter. But my hand is slapped away. "You can't have those! Do you want to get fatter than you already are?" asks my mom. "You do know you weight almost 10 pounds more than I do!"

I just shrug again and sling my bag over my shoulder. "Fine. I'm heading to school, now." I walk out the door before I can hear any more crap from that bitch.

Yugi lives not too far away. Only a few blocks from my house. I'm going to meet up with him to walk to school. I like his house. It's his grandpa's game shop. I like his grandpa. Sometimes I wish I could be a part of their family. I spend so much time at his house, I almost could be. His grandpa is so cool (even if he is a perv), and his mom is really nice. And she can cook really good. And they all love me. The grandpa says I've become the granddaughter he never had.

I walk into the shop to find Grandpa Motou behind the counter. "Welcome, Anzu," he says, "Looking for Yugi?"

"Yup," I nod and smile.

"That lazy boy should have been down already! I'll go check on him."

He leaves me in the shop. I look at some of the Duel Monster cards until he returns with Yugi. The two of us head out the door for school. Yugi's chatting away about his test in English today, and how he's going to fail it. He's really cute. He's so short, and tries to look taller by spiking his hair. What a dork. But he's still adorable. I don't think I have a crush on him. It's the other Yugi that I love. The spirit of Yugi's Sennen Puzzle. He's gorgeous. But I also think I have a crush on Malik Ishtar, too. Two reasons I'll never have him, though. The first is my friends hate him and the second is he's gay. O well.

We meet up with Jonouchi and Honda when we're almost to school, and then Otogi Ryuuji. Honda flips my skirt so I punch him. What an idiot.

Seto Kaiba walks by us. "Well, if it isn't Yugi Motou and his gang of losers."

That sets Jonouchi off, "Kaiba! I'm gonna... I'm gonna..." Poor pup can't even finish a sentence.

Kaiba just smirks and walks off. When will Jonouchi learn?

"Hey guys," says Ryuuji after Jonouchi has calmed down a bit. "Feel like cutting class to go to the mall?"

I feel myself twitch when he says "cutting". No one noticed, that's good. "We can't skip class!" I say. And it's true, I don't want to skip class. The last thing I need is an in school suspension.

Yugi backs me up. "Yeah, we should go after school. It is Friday."

Honda agrees with that, and Jonouchi doesn't really care. Call me a goodie-two-shoes, but I have never skipped class to go have fun before. Only have I done so if my friends were in need, or if some evil force was stopping me. And evil forces have done so before.

So we settle on going to the mall right after school. I suggest we invite Malik and Ryou Bakura, but the guys don't like that idea. They hate Malik and are afraid of Bakura. So my afternoon will be spent at the mall with my "family". This should be fun. And I'm glad I don't have to go home. Maybe I could find a job at the mall.

Crap! That feeling! I got that feeling. Time to "free myself". Blood, I need to bleed. Blood is beautiful, all crimson and flowy. I start to head for the bathroom. "Hey, guys," I say, "I'll catch you in homeroom."

They nod and head to wherever they need to go. I walk into the bathroom. Good, it's empty. I head to a stall to do what it is originally meant for. I hate cutting in stalls. Too small of a space. After I come out and wash my hands, I pull out my razor. I roll up my sleeve, revealing a countless number of scars. They remind me of the number of stars of the night sky.

Placing the blade to my skin, I make a swift, deep, and clean slice. I watch the blood bubble up and then drip into the sink. It's beautiful and suddenly, I feel happy and excited. I smile and giggle a bit, while slicing again. It's the greatest feeling I've ever felt. I'm out the window, above the school. I'm flying, the wind sailing through my short brown hair. I feel amazing. It's like a great rush of highness and great wonderful freedom!

And then, as suddenly as it had come, the rush was gone. I still feel great, but I'm no longer flying. I roll my sleeve back down, rinse off my razor blade, and head back to class. I'm starting the day off feeling very good.

CrimsonKappa: Well, how was the first chapter? Good? Bad? Tell me, DAMN YOU!!!!!! Lol! Please review, but please don't flame! If you hate Anzu, maybe this fic could change your opinion of her? Well, anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!