It was dark as night fell on number 4 Privet Drive. The only thing on the street was a tabby cat sitting on a ledge. Out of nowhere a man with a long white beard popped out of thin air. He pulled out what looked like a lighter from a set of robes he was wearing. He held it up to the sky and clicked it once, nothing happened. He tried again, again nothing happened. "Darn thing's so faulty. If there's one thing I'll remember until I die it's never buy American" he said.

The man walked over to the ledge where the cat was sitting and stopped before it. He knelt over and said, "You can stand up now, Professor McGonagall." An extremely plump woman stood up and told the man "How did you know I was there, Dumbledore?" "Well, it's hard not to notice a sixty-something year old woman bending down behind a two-foot-wide whateveryoucallit." Dumbledore said. "...Oh," McGonagall said looking thoroughly disappointed in herself.

"Anywho, is it true what they're saying Dumbledore?" Dumbledore gave her a look as if she'd stumbled upon a big secret.

"What are you talking about, Minerva? I've never lazed in a giant bath tub filled with Galleons upon Galleons of embezzled money from my previous occupations!"

"Um, actually, I was talking about the Potters being dead." She said.

"Oh," he sighed, "that. Yeah, they died Voldemort killed 'em. Kinda sad, isn't it?" Dumbledore said sounding as if he was chatting about weather, "Their kid's alive, though. I thought we should leave him here with the Dursleys, just to torture him for a while. Cricket! I've just remembered, Voldemort disappeared!"

"WOOHOO! F-I-N-A-L-L-Y! Where's the kid?" McGonagall asked. Dumbledore looked confused, "You know – what's his name, Herman, Harley, Haro–." Dumbledore had cut her off,

"No, I think it's Happy, or maybe Harvey" They continued to mumble on for a half an hour 'till the decided to call him Harry.

"Now, how's this Harry kid going to get here?" McGonagall asked Dumbledore.

"Hagrid's bringing him"

"You're trusting Hagrid with something of this impotence?"

"...Did you just say 'impotence'?"

"Ummm...er...eh...no?"

"Anywho, I would trust Hagrid with my life, well wait, no I wouldn't. I'd trust Hagrid with the school's safety, wait, wait not that either. I'd trust him with...God, what can I trust him with..."

"It's okay Dumbledore, let it go, I know what you mean."

"NO, MINERVA! I WILL FIND OUT WHAT IT IS THAT I TRUST HIM WITH IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!" he began to mumble things to himself, "I'd trust him with my Gringotts vault key, no, no, no, my shoe, no. How about my neighbor's sister's uncle's wife's cousin's aunt's daughter's brother's father's niece's lawn." At this he jumped into the air hollering, "I've got it, Minerva! I could trust Hagrid with my neighbor's sister's uncle's wife's cousin's aunt's daughter's brother's father's niece's lawn!"

"That's very lovely, Dumbledore but," she glanced at her strange watch that had pieces of fried chicken floating randomly across the face, "Hagrid should have been here 4 hours ago."

Just as she said this a giant flying moped came zooming toward them from the night sky. It landed a half an inch in front of Dumbledore's nose that was so crooked it had to be broken at least 20 times if not more. A man twice as tall as an ordinary man and 8 times as wide stepped off of the moped with a bundle of quilts in his arms. Dumbledore walked up to the man, "Ah, very good, you got here four hours late Hagrid. You've outdone yourself this time, I praise you." And with this he took a bow of gratitude toward Hagrid.

McGonagall stomped up to Hagrid and asked, "Why have you been so late? We've been worried sick about – what's his name again Dumbledore?"

"Harry, Harry you senile old fool!" he yelled.

"Yeah, Harry, that's it! We've been worried sick about Harry!" she said to Hagrid.

"Sorry, I thought I'd play with him a while before we came down. He ended up bumping his head really bad on a knife I had in my hand." He pointed to a lightning bolt scab on the baby's head. "I took him to the hospital though, they said that it will heal up nicely and that there will be no scar at all!"

Dumbledore snatched the baby away from Hagrid and said, "Let's hurry and do this so we can all be done with it." He heard some weird noises from behind him and turned to see what it was. Hagrid was crying his eyes out.

"I'm sorry Professor Dumbledore, it's just, all the time we've spent together..." he leaned over and gave Harry a big furry, itchy, scratchy kiss. When he pulled away Harry's face had a series of scratch marks on it.

"God, now look what you've done, Hagrid! Give me the baby, Dumbledore"

"No"

"Give it to me"

"No!"

"Give it here"

"But I don't wanna!"

"JUST GIVE ME THE DARN BABY!" she screamed. He quickly handed her the child. "Now, I've already written a letter to the Dursleys explaining everything that has happened to the Potters and how Harry's going to be living with them for the next couple decades."

She set the two on the front porch then turned to Dumbledore and said "Good night, Albus."

"Aren't you going to join in the parties?" he asked

"No, I don't think so."

"A very good night to you, Minerva. Good night Hagrid."

"Good night Professor Dumbledore. Good night Professor McGonagall." She turned away hid behind the ledge once again. Dumbledore went into the street, lifted up his lighter like thing and clicked it once, again nothing happened. "God, why bother with American made merchandise. WHY DO I BOTHER!" and with this he disappeared back into thin air. Hagrid turned and hopped back on his moped, riding off into the night.

A strong gust blew, knocking off Harry's blanket. Harry Potter shivered because all he had on was a diaper. He didn't know he was famous, or that there were parties, cause he was a baby. But all around England that night people were yelling: "To Harry Potter – The Boy Who Didn't Die!"