Disclaimer: I do not own LoK or its characters
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((The scene is a place called Deep 13 and more accurately a DJ Station. Moebius walks up in very baggy black clothing with dark sunglasses and has a golden 'M' on a golden chain around his neck. A sign behind him says "On Air"))
Moebius: Yo schnizzles mo fizzles, this bein' TV's Moebius the Rapper here to bedizzle yo dawgs!
Kain (V.O.): Oh my God, what is Moebius doin...WHERE'S MY BODY!? THE HELL!? Razzmataz, come here!
Raziel (V.O.): What's up Kain?
Kain (V.O.): What the hell did you do this time!? How come we're just disembodied voices watching TV's Moebius rap!?
Raziel (V.O.): Oh, we must be suffering the Elder God Effect. That's where you're a disembodied voice for a certain length of time.
Kain (V.O.): Razzmataz, you utter cretin. Can anyone hear us? Can TV's Moebius hear us?
Raziel (V.O.): Nope.
Moebius: Yo fizznizz listners out dare, how yo enjoyin da rappin? It's super tight yo dizzle-ca-nizzle sizzle dawgs!!
Kain (V.O.): (heavy sigh) Oh no, do we have to listen to TV's Moebius talk like he's on drugs?
Raziel (V.O.): (nervous laugh) Wow, TV's Moebius is bad at what he does.
Moebius: Yo kizzle-ma-tizzles, watcha wanna hear from TV's Moebius aka Da Love?
Kain (V.O.): Oh, someone please make TV's Moebius shut up!
Raziel (V.O.): What the hell is TV's Moebius talking about anyway? I'll do anything just to make him shut up.
Moebius: Yo rizzle-co-flizzle no-dizzle-fla-bizzle, watcha yo wanna wizzle to?
Kain (V.O.): So let me get this right. To be a rapper all you gotta do is say a bunch of words that ends in -izzle?
Raziel (V.O.): Sure looks like it.
Moebius: Yo big daaaaaaaaaaaawgs, yo wanna hear my shlizzlin rapping? Yo dawgz, yaw needa witness the klizznezz rapping from me!
Raziel (V.O.): Is he about to start singing? No Moebius, please, no don't, please.
Moebius: (in a screeching singing voice) Yo dawg, sho dawg, po dawg, lo dawg, gonna hizzle my dizzle YO DAWG!
Kain (V.O.): Ow, ow, ow, ow, I'm pretty sure having crabs would be better than hearing more of this. Ow.
Moebius: I be kizzlin dizzlin lizzin dizzin, mo BIZZIN!! (normal voice) How'd yo dawgs like my sowng?
Raziel (V.O.): I didn't understand a single damn word of that, yet I still didn't like it.
(then Mortanius walks into the scene. Mortanius is dressed mostly the same as always, except he's got on a baseball cap backward. He came in, hugged Moebius, then stood in front of the microphone)
Moebius: YO, momizzle kabibble, look who we got here! It's Mortanius aka Donald Love! He's my other boy in da crib!!
Mortanius: (in his radio voice that sounds mysteriously like Urkel's) Yo my peeps, what's gonna down in Groove Town!
Moebius: Groove town!? Dis is shizzle town!
Mortanius: Oh you!! Hahahaha, I love this man! (points at Moebius)
Raziel (V.O.): You know, I think heroine has started to infect the circle. And Kain, I'll give you three guesses to find out which two people it's infected the most.
Mortanius: How would yo dawgs like some good old-fashioned choir?
Moebius: That be the bizz man!
Kain (V.O.): OH NO, THEY'RE GONNA SING AGAIN!! Raziel, please give me a colonic irrigation. Anything to take my mind off of their singing.
Moebius: I'm too sexy fo my shirt, too sexy fo my shirt, so sexy it hurts!
(Moebius takes off his shirt)
Kain (V.O.): OH MY GOD!!
Raziel (V.O.): Hey Kain, if I run out of vomit, can I borrow yours?
Mortanius: He's too sexy fo his belt, too sexy fo his belt, sexy it hurts!
(Moebius removes his belt)
Kain (V.O.): THE HELL IS HE GONNA REMOVE NEXT!?
Raziel (V.O.): Oh my God no!!!
Kain (V.O.): He's as ugly as Britney Spears' nose!
Raziel (V.O.): My god that's bad! Please stop!
Moebius: I'm too sexy fo my-
(a light blips)
Moebius: Oh, so sorry my klizznizz jibbos, looks like TV's Moebius won't be able to finish his plizznizz dance!
Mortanius: Aw darn!
Moebius: Well, dis is the plizznizz TV's Moebius signing off. See you next time dawgs!
(the "Off Air" sign comes on)
Moebius: Well, let's go get something to eat Mortanius.
Mortanius: Of course He of Fair Eyes!
(they both leave)
Kain (V.O.): Razzmataz, as soon as we have are bodies body when we recover from this Elder God disease, get a hacksaw.
Raziel (V.O.): Why?
Kain (V.O.): Oh, let's just say that Moebius is REALLY gonna regret what he's done to us.
(and a few days later, after Kain and Raziel recovered from their disease, Nosgoth's Christmas Tree had a shiny new ornament on it)
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((The scene is inside an empty studio. The lieutenants minus Raziel are all there. Kain isn't there either. A few moments later, Raziel is dragging Kain into the studio))
Kain: What is it? Was this really serious? I was watching "Touched By An Uncle."
Raziel: Just look.
(Zephon was dressed as a chicken, Dumah was on purple spandex with a pair of underwear as a hat, Melchiah has on a blue shirt with "NG" written on it, Turel had a silver cone covering his head, and Rahab was laying back on a chair and has a beer belly)
Kain: ?
Raziel: ...
Kain: The Hell!?
Raziel: They think they're superheroes.
Kain: When I raised you six lieutenants, where were y'all when I was handing out brains?
Zephon: I'm a superhero!
Kain: Of course.
Dumah: (PO'ed voice) Your supposed to read roll call you boob!
Kain: (rolls eyes) Why am I going along with this?
Dumah: Read roll call you dip-dong!!
Kain: Raziel, one more word out of you and you're grounded!
Raziel: Don't start that again!
Kain: (reads roll call) Zephon?
Zephon: Here!
Kain: And you are?
Zephon: I am Run Away From Danger Man!
(Zephon points to a tick that's on the ground)
Zephon: Is that a tick!? It could be dangerous! Quick someone, call a superhero! Ahhh!!
(then Zephon ran away)
Kain: (rolls eyes) This is gonna be a long day. What are you Dumah?
Dumah: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM YOU DEATH-SMELLING FAT OLD BASTARD!?
Raziel: Dumah is Captain Anal.
Dumah: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU BLUE TOOTHPICK PRICK!!
Kain: (facing Dumah) Oh no...Dumah you utter prat.
Dumah: OH YEAH!? WELL SAY THAT TO MY FACE!!
Kain: I'm right in front of you ya fat moron!
Dumah: OH YEAH!? WELL I'M GONNA GET YOU A STEPLADDER SO YOU CAN JUMP UP MY BUTT!
(Dumah then storms off)
Kain: Alright, who are you Turel?
Turel: I am Suppository Man! My superpower is to-
Kain: NO, say no more! I think we all know what your superpower is you nasty
weirdo. (Kain checks the list) Melchiah, what are you?
Melchiah: I am Normal Guy!! I am really normal in all regards!!
Kain: What the--? Then what the hell is your super power!?
Melchiah: The power to scare my enemies into thinking that I have super powers!
Kain: (rolls eyes) How many are left? (checks list) Good. Just one. Rahab, what are you?
Rahab: Do Nothing Man!
Kain: Riiiiiiiiight...
Rahab: My super power is the ability to do nothing! Once, when the world needed me to order pizza on a telephone to save the world, I embraced my ability by doing nothing and everyone was absolutely thrilled. I'm so proud!
Kain: (heavy sigh) My pathetic, retarded lieutenants...
Turel: So, what is our mission? If you've got a pain in the butt, then I'm your man!
Kain: (twitch) I'm-I'm just gonna continue watching "Touched By An Uncle."
(then Kain walks away muttering about retarded sons)
Melchiah: Now who's gonna give us missions so I can sit on my butt?
(Zephon pokes his head in)
Zephon: Is it safe?
Turel: Yeah.
(Zephon goes to sit on the chair but then stops)
Zephon: Ah! That chair might be poisonous! Or that chair could be a monster in disguise! Ah!
(then Zephon runs away)
Raziel: How come Kain likes all you weirdoes more than me?
(outside, Dumah aka Captain Anal, is taking his frustration out on the sky by throwing a grenade straight over him at the sky. Unfortunately he neglected to think about the laws of gravity: What goes up must come back down)
Dumah: Uh-oh.
(BOOM!!)
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So sorry about the looooooong delay but I had a little bit of trouble coming up with the second skit, but I think this turned out rather well. I will not update till I get 10 reviews...NOT! It'll only take 1 review, heck, I'll update this even if I get no reviews cause this is the most fun I've ever had writing since Kain Presents: Blood Omen 1! Until next time...
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((The scene is a place called Deep 13 and more accurately a DJ Station. Moebius walks up in very baggy black clothing with dark sunglasses and has a golden 'M' on a golden chain around his neck. A sign behind him says "On Air"))
Moebius: Yo schnizzles mo fizzles, this bein' TV's Moebius the Rapper here to bedizzle yo dawgs!
Kain (V.O.): Oh my God, what is Moebius doin...WHERE'S MY BODY!? THE HELL!? Razzmataz, come here!
Raziel (V.O.): What's up Kain?
Kain (V.O.): What the hell did you do this time!? How come we're just disembodied voices watching TV's Moebius rap!?
Raziel (V.O.): Oh, we must be suffering the Elder God Effect. That's where you're a disembodied voice for a certain length of time.
Kain (V.O.): Razzmataz, you utter cretin. Can anyone hear us? Can TV's Moebius hear us?
Raziel (V.O.): Nope.
Moebius: Yo fizznizz listners out dare, how yo enjoyin da rappin? It's super tight yo dizzle-ca-nizzle sizzle dawgs!!
Kain (V.O.): (heavy sigh) Oh no, do we have to listen to TV's Moebius talk like he's on drugs?
Raziel (V.O.): (nervous laugh) Wow, TV's Moebius is bad at what he does.
Moebius: Yo kizzle-ma-tizzles, watcha wanna hear from TV's Moebius aka Da Love?
Kain (V.O.): Oh, someone please make TV's Moebius shut up!
Raziel (V.O.): What the hell is TV's Moebius talking about anyway? I'll do anything just to make him shut up.
Moebius: Yo rizzle-co-flizzle no-dizzle-fla-bizzle, watcha yo wanna wizzle to?
Kain (V.O.): So let me get this right. To be a rapper all you gotta do is say a bunch of words that ends in -izzle?
Raziel (V.O.): Sure looks like it.
Moebius: Yo big daaaaaaaaaaaawgs, yo wanna hear my shlizzlin rapping? Yo dawgz, yaw needa witness the klizznezz rapping from me!
Raziel (V.O.): Is he about to start singing? No Moebius, please, no don't, please.
Moebius: (in a screeching singing voice) Yo dawg, sho dawg, po dawg, lo dawg, gonna hizzle my dizzle YO DAWG!
Kain (V.O.): Ow, ow, ow, ow, I'm pretty sure having crabs would be better than hearing more of this. Ow.
Moebius: I be kizzlin dizzlin lizzin dizzin, mo BIZZIN!! (normal voice) How'd yo dawgs like my sowng?
Raziel (V.O.): I didn't understand a single damn word of that, yet I still didn't like it.
(then Mortanius walks into the scene. Mortanius is dressed mostly the same as always, except he's got on a baseball cap backward. He came in, hugged Moebius, then stood in front of the microphone)
Moebius: YO, momizzle kabibble, look who we got here! It's Mortanius aka Donald Love! He's my other boy in da crib!!
Mortanius: (in his radio voice that sounds mysteriously like Urkel's) Yo my peeps, what's gonna down in Groove Town!
Moebius: Groove town!? Dis is shizzle town!
Mortanius: Oh you!! Hahahaha, I love this man! (points at Moebius)
Raziel (V.O.): You know, I think heroine has started to infect the circle. And Kain, I'll give you three guesses to find out which two people it's infected the most.
Mortanius: How would yo dawgs like some good old-fashioned choir?
Moebius: That be the bizz man!
Kain (V.O.): OH NO, THEY'RE GONNA SING AGAIN!! Raziel, please give me a colonic irrigation. Anything to take my mind off of their singing.
Moebius: I'm too sexy fo my shirt, too sexy fo my shirt, so sexy it hurts!
(Moebius takes off his shirt)
Kain (V.O.): OH MY GOD!!
Raziel (V.O.): Hey Kain, if I run out of vomit, can I borrow yours?
Mortanius: He's too sexy fo his belt, too sexy fo his belt, sexy it hurts!
(Moebius removes his belt)
Kain (V.O.): THE HELL IS HE GONNA REMOVE NEXT!?
Raziel (V.O.): Oh my God no!!!
Kain (V.O.): He's as ugly as Britney Spears' nose!
Raziel (V.O.): My god that's bad! Please stop!
Moebius: I'm too sexy fo my-
(a light blips)
Moebius: Oh, so sorry my klizznizz jibbos, looks like TV's Moebius won't be able to finish his plizznizz dance!
Mortanius: Aw darn!
Moebius: Well, dis is the plizznizz TV's Moebius signing off. See you next time dawgs!
(the "Off Air" sign comes on)
Moebius: Well, let's go get something to eat Mortanius.
Mortanius: Of course He of Fair Eyes!
(they both leave)
Kain (V.O.): Razzmataz, as soon as we have are bodies body when we recover from this Elder God disease, get a hacksaw.
Raziel (V.O.): Why?
Kain (V.O.): Oh, let's just say that Moebius is REALLY gonna regret what he's done to us.
(and a few days later, after Kain and Raziel recovered from their disease, Nosgoth's Christmas Tree had a shiny new ornament on it)
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((The scene is inside an empty studio. The lieutenants minus Raziel are all there. Kain isn't there either. A few moments later, Raziel is dragging Kain into the studio))
Kain: What is it? Was this really serious? I was watching "Touched By An Uncle."
Raziel: Just look.
(Zephon was dressed as a chicken, Dumah was on purple spandex with a pair of underwear as a hat, Melchiah has on a blue shirt with "NG" written on it, Turel had a silver cone covering his head, and Rahab was laying back on a chair and has a beer belly)
Kain: ?
Raziel: ...
Kain: The Hell!?
Raziel: They think they're superheroes.
Kain: When I raised you six lieutenants, where were y'all when I was handing out brains?
Zephon: I'm a superhero!
Kain: Of course.
Dumah: (PO'ed voice) Your supposed to read roll call you boob!
Kain: (rolls eyes) Why am I going along with this?
Dumah: Read roll call you dip-dong!!
Kain: Raziel, one more word out of you and you're grounded!
Raziel: Don't start that again!
Kain: (reads roll call) Zephon?
Zephon: Here!
Kain: And you are?
Zephon: I am Run Away From Danger Man!
(Zephon points to a tick that's on the ground)
Zephon: Is that a tick!? It could be dangerous! Quick someone, call a superhero! Ahhh!!
(then Zephon ran away)
Kain: (rolls eyes) This is gonna be a long day. What are you Dumah?
Dumah: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM YOU DEATH-SMELLING FAT OLD BASTARD!?
Raziel: Dumah is Captain Anal.
Dumah: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU BLUE TOOTHPICK PRICK!!
Kain: (facing Dumah) Oh no...Dumah you utter prat.
Dumah: OH YEAH!? WELL SAY THAT TO MY FACE!!
Kain: I'm right in front of you ya fat moron!
Dumah: OH YEAH!? WELL I'M GONNA GET YOU A STEPLADDER SO YOU CAN JUMP UP MY BUTT!
(Dumah then storms off)
Kain: Alright, who are you Turel?
Turel: I am Suppository Man! My superpower is to-
Kain: NO, say no more! I think we all know what your superpower is you nasty
weirdo. (Kain checks the list) Melchiah, what are you?
Melchiah: I am Normal Guy!! I am really normal in all regards!!
Kain: What the--? Then what the hell is your super power!?
Melchiah: The power to scare my enemies into thinking that I have super powers!
Kain: (rolls eyes) How many are left? (checks list) Good. Just one. Rahab, what are you?
Rahab: Do Nothing Man!
Kain: Riiiiiiiiight...
Rahab: My super power is the ability to do nothing! Once, when the world needed me to order pizza on a telephone to save the world, I embraced my ability by doing nothing and everyone was absolutely thrilled. I'm so proud!
Kain: (heavy sigh) My pathetic, retarded lieutenants...
Turel: So, what is our mission? If you've got a pain in the butt, then I'm your man!
Kain: (twitch) I'm-I'm just gonna continue watching "Touched By An Uncle."
(then Kain walks away muttering about retarded sons)
Melchiah: Now who's gonna give us missions so I can sit on my butt?
(Zephon pokes his head in)
Zephon: Is it safe?
Turel: Yeah.
(Zephon goes to sit on the chair but then stops)
Zephon: Ah! That chair might be poisonous! Or that chair could be a monster in disguise! Ah!
(then Zephon runs away)
Raziel: How come Kain likes all you weirdoes more than me?
(outside, Dumah aka Captain Anal, is taking his frustration out on the sky by throwing a grenade straight over him at the sky. Unfortunately he neglected to think about the laws of gravity: What goes up must come back down)
Dumah: Uh-oh.
(BOOM!!)
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So sorry about the looooooong delay but I had a little bit of trouble coming up with the second skit, but I think this turned out rather well. I will not update till I get 10 reviews...NOT! It'll only take 1 review, heck, I'll update this even if I get no reviews cause this is the most fun I've ever had writing since Kain Presents: Blood Omen 1! Until next time...