Should have Been
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Chapter Three
Slightly Dysfunctional
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Sirius and Siri come back into the house a little after the sun went down, to find Remus pouring over a book, looking thoroughly involved in whatever it was. Siri puttered over to the oven and opened it, looking inside.
"What're you doing?" Remus asked without looking up.
Siri blinked innocently. "Nothing." He shut the oven door and smiled sweetly before noticing his dad wasn't even looking at him. Sirius had to marvel at that. Sure, Remus' senses were good, but that was almost disturbing.
"Really?" Remus raised an eyebrow. Siri was silent for a moment.
"No. I'm going to got get washed for dinner."
"That's what I thought." Remus still wasn't looking at him. Siri shook his head then ran out of the kitchen and upstairs. Remus looked up to meet Sirius' questioning gaze then smiled some. "Years and years of practice."
"Ah. It's creepy."
"I know." Remus looked a little smug, before tilting his head off to the side. "So, what'd you two talk about, if you don't mind telling me?"
"Different things. School, Quidditch…You. We were looking for common ground I guess." Sirius shrugged a little bit. It kind of felt like he and Siri had covered every general 'icebreaker' topic known to man. "There is a lot I don't know about him."
"You've got time." Remus said, offering a small smile as he stood up. "Did you tell any stories I'll need to deny later on?"
"A few." Sirius admitted, walking to the sink. He turned on the water to wash his hands while watching his former lover silently. Remus was taking down plates for dinner and checking on what was in the oven. Remus looked older than Sirius remembered. This was natural of course, but he looked…a lot older.
Remus wasn't even forty and already his hair was graying and his eyes held the look of one who lived far too much. Then again, many of the people Sirius knew had that sad, haunted look.
"Should I even ask?" Remus asked, frowning.
"I'm sure you'll find out eventually. But I wouldn't worry; he didn't strike me as the type to blackmail you or anything. But, given time, I can teach him differently."
Remus laughed and shook his head. "If anyone could, I'm sure its you. But, at present, he's a good kid. Usually…he tries."
The look on his face was one of tired fondness and Sirius imagined he was thinking of some long ago incident. Then Remus looked at him and blinked, seemingly perplexed as to why Sirius was staring.
Sirius smiled. "Are you sure he's ours?"Remus nodded. "I'd have to say yes. I was there when he was born after all. He was the ugliest child I had ever seen."
"He grew out of it." Sirius said quietly. "He looks a lot like you."
Remus looked a little surprised. "He does? I've never really thought about it I guess. I think I've always been more focused on how much he looked like you."
"He does?"
"At times. He has the most infuriating self-satisfied smirk I have ever encountered when he knows he's right. It's hard not to think of you when he's like that."
Sirius had to admit he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but Remus smiled at him again and he decided it wasn't bad. Or at least Remus was trying to take the sting out.
"Maybe. In my opinion, he looks every bit as handsome as you were." Remus' cheeks turned pink and Sirius smiled. He still blushed at the faintest hint of a compliment. "And probably just as oblivious as you were. Which worked out rather well for me in the long run."
Remus just shook his head. "I already told you, you aren't nearly as charming as you thought you were Sirius, so quit trying to charm me."
"Now Remmie," Sirius said, standing up a little straighter and walking towards the brunette. "You wound me. Besides, if I weren't every bit as charming as I thought I was, how did I win you over?"
Remus swallowed and took a step backwards onto to bump into the counter. "You didn't win me over, I assure you."
"Oh?" He was close enough to feel the heat from Remus' body, but didn't move any closer.
"Yes." Remus was watching him carefully, golden-brown eyes very serious. "I was in love with you long before you tried to charm me. The only thing that changed was that I knew girls lied, because you weren't half as smooth as you were rumored to be."
"Yes I was." Sirius objected. "Just not with you."
That was, as soppy as it sounded to his own ears, the truth. The girls he'd dated before Remus has all gotten a carefully constructed Sirius, the perfect gentleman and date who know just what to say and do to win his way into a girl's heart.
With Remus he'd never needed it. They had just…fit.
Remus let out a breath then closed the gap between them. Sirius waited, wanting to just grab him and be done with this silly act. He loved Remus, he always had. Nothing could, or would, ever change that. Nothing short of death would, and he doubted that even Death itself could do it.
Then Remus kissed him, warm, wet and pleading. Sirius returned the kiss without hesitation, one hand going to grip the counter behind the other man, while his other hand rested on Remus' hip. One of Remus' arms snaked around his neck and the other man pulled him down some before deepening the kiss. His tongue flicked over Sirius' and for a moment he couldn't help but feel everything was like it used to be.
Except for the thirteen-year-old boy he could see in the window over Remus' shoulder. He broke off the kiss, albeit reluctantly. (Like the kid couldn't have stayed wherever he was for a few more minutes…damn his luck) Remus looked bewildered for a moment, then his gaze flickered and he blushed, again.
"Siri…umm…"
"Ew."
That made Sirius turn and face him. "Ew? What ew?"
"You two, ew." The teen shook his head. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"That! With the kissing and…ew." Siri shuddered. "It's weird. I mean…parents…ew."
"Weird." Sirius repeated, looking at Remus, who had recovered from his embarrassment and was rolling his eyes. Sure, he could understand why no kid wanted to see their parents making out. (Blessedly, Sirius had been spared such experiences as a child, since his parents hadn't really liked each other much.)
But still, weird?
"Oh please. How do you think you got here?" Remus asked, staring at his pointedly.
Siri was silent for a moment, then blushed. "I don't believe you."
"Don't believe what part, exactly?" Remus asked. His expression said he was clearly enjoying taunting the teen. Sirius just watched, wondering if he should be taking notes or something. "I'm pretty sure we discussed all of this last year."
"Don't believe you said that, and yes we did. Never again." Siri said, looking genuinely panicked. Sirius found himself wondering what Remus could have said to the teen, since talking about sex had never been something he'd been comfortable doing before.
"You asked."
"I didn't think you'd be so…never mind. I'm going upstairs." Siri said, turning on his heel.
"Siri, get back here." Remus called, not even attempting to smother his grin. The teen ignored him and Sirius could hear footsteps on the steps.
"Do you always torment him like that?"
"Yes. What's the point of having one if you can't make him squirm?" Remus asked evenly. His eyes were dancing with barely contained mirth. "It's revenge for the first year of non-stop crying."
"Well, that makes sense."
"Watch this." Remus said, leaning against the counter. "Sirius Cerberus Lupin, get down here!"
Remus' voice echoed throughout the house and a thick silence followed that and Sirius stared, wide eyed, not at all sure what was going to happen next. A moment later Siri peered into the kitchen, looking very wary. He looked ready to do some serious begging if the situation called for it.
"Da?"
"Make a salad please, and watch the chicken."
Siri stared for a moment, then scowled. "I hate you. I hope you know that."
"I know."
"You aren't playing by the rules." Siri insisted, and then looked at Sirius helplessly. "He isn't playing fairly. We never use the full name unless I'm in trouble, we agreed on that a long time ago."
Sirius looked at Remus who shrugged. "My rules, I can bend them as I see fit." Siri made a gesture that could be considered rude to Remus' back. Without looking at him the werewolf responded: "Knock it off and make the salad before you are actually in trouble."
Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "You're going to teach me how you do that."
"I would but then I'd have to kill you." Remus deadpanned. Siri snickered and Sirius pouted. "You stop pouting, it never worked before and it won't work now."
"You're no fun." Sirius grumbled.
Remus smirked. "Well I'm having fun." He motioned for Sirius to follow him then walked out of the kitchen. Sirius looked back and saw Siri taking things from the icebox and whistling softly. He didn't look even mildly upset.
"Parenthood has made you evil." Sirius observed. Remus chuckled and flashed him a smile over his shoulder.
"I wouldn't go that far."
"Is it always like that?"
"Mostly. The general consensus is I'm a horrible parent because I actually enjoy playing around with Siri, instead of striking the proper amount of fear and respect into him." He shrugged. "I've discovered, however, that if you're always harsh, than they don't take you seriously when they're actually in trouble."
He stopped outside of what Sirius knew was the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Besides, he's all the family I have left. I want to enjoy him, not drive him away like my parents did to me."
Sirius nodded, biting his tongue to stop from pointing out that Siri wasn't all that Remus had. After all, for a long time, Siri had been it. He couldn't expect that to change overnight.
"Anyway, take a bath." Remus straightened up. "When was the last time you cleaned up?"
"Do you want an actual answer to that?" Sirius asked.
Remus peered at him curiously for a moment, and then shook his head. "No, I rather think I don't want an answer to that. If you told me I might regret letting you touch me."
Sirius couldn't help but leer at the brunette. "So after I clean up, is there a chance I could touch you again?"
Remus flushed. "Pervert."
"…yes." Sirius nodded his agreement.
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When Sirius was done and redressed (apparently Remus hadn't thrown out everything he'd owned, since he remembered the worn black jeans and black Crystal Fire t-shirt very well. He'd gotten the shirt at the concert he and Remus had gone to after they'd started dating.) he walked into the kitchen to find Siri sitting on the table and chucking vegetables at Remus, who was laughing and throwing croutons. Sirius stood, watching them.Siri was laughing so hard his face was red and Sirius was willing to guess most of the vegetables he'd cut were on the floor and not in the bowl of salad next to him. Remus however, while also laughing, looking much more calm and was eating more bread pieces than he was throwing, but also seemed to be hitting the teen more than the teen was hitting him.
Then Remus noticed him and smiled while popping another crouton into his mouth. "It's a good thing you're done. Any longer and there might not have been any salad left."
Siri nodded his agreement as he got down into a seat.
"Well, I've been told I have great timing."
"…By who?" Remus asked, looking skeptical. Sirius ignored the question and sat at the table.
They ate, neither he nor Remus saying much. Siri was talking about school. From what Sirius could gleam he had one really good friend named Chase, who Remus didn't like at all, and he played Seeker for his house. When Sirius looked surprised Siri snickered and explained that he'd tried as a Chaser originally, but his eyesight was very good so, even if he didn't have the right build, he made a better Seeker.
"Besides, our Keeper's a skinny midget and he's easily the best our schools ever seen."
"I would hardly call Chase a midget."
"He's sixteen and there are second years bigger than he is." Siri countered. "I think he's a midget."
"Well, as long as you don't tell him that."
"Why would I tell him? Its not like he doesn't already know it." Siri said, grinning. He stood up and took his plate over to the sink. "That reminds me, he sent an owl yesterday-"
"He can't come here." Remus said, turning slightly to look at him.
"I'm aware." Siri rolled his eyes. "Chase may be a little off, but somehow I don't think he'd take 'oh, by the way, the escapee kissing my da is my father, but don't mind him', well. He wants to know if I can go over there."
"Well…" Remus hedged.
"Da."
"Fine." Remus said, nodding.
Siri left, smiling, leaving the two men alone. Sirius watched the other man silently. Remus had changed, he decided, but only in the best ways. He looked older, wiser, and a little jaded, but was still Remus. His sense of humor was better (as in he finally had one) and it looked like, in spite of everything, he was really enjoying himself without being self-conscious.Sirius liked that. Remus had cared too much about what other people thought when they were young, and spent too much time trying to please everyone around him. He'd been a bit of a doormat back in school.
"Sirius?" Remus asked quietly, as a little color rose to his cheeks. "What're you looking at?"
"You." Sirius said, looking away from his friend. "I have really missed you Moony."
Remus was quiet for a moment. "I've missed you too."
Sirius looked back at him then smiled a little bit. It would be so easy to just lean across the table and touch him, to hold him, to kiss him again.
He reached over and brushed his hand over Remus' cheek and received no protest from the werewolf. Remus moved into the touch slightly, those his eyes darted towards the doorway for a moment, as if expecting his son to appear. But he didn't, and so those golden eyes returned back to him.
It would have been so easy once, no complications. Remus seemed to know what he was thinking, judging by the sad and wistful look in his eyes. Sirius smiled a little then started to pull his hand back, when Remus caught his arm.
"I…Sirius…I want…shit."
He laughed; surprised that Remus was at a loss for words. The werewolf glared at him balefully then stood up. Sirius knew the moment had passed, but wasn't upset. He really didn't want some overly romantic movie-like moment with Remus; he just…wanted what they'd had before. Nothing fancy or worth talking about. Simply being together.
"Can you go tell Siri he needs to work on his homework while I clean up?"
Sirius nodded and stood up, shaking his head a little bit.
He went up the steps, noting the paintings hanging there. He didn't really look at them, just noticed they were there. He'd never taken Remus for the collecting type.
He got to the top floor and walked down the hall, pass the bathroom and what looked to be Siri's bedroom. There was a light coming the last room, at the very end, so he assumed the teen was in there. He pushed the door open all the way and was assaulted with the smell of paint and fresh air. Probably because of the many half finished things scattered about the room, some painted part way and others still covered in pencil marks. The large window at the end was wide open, letting in the cool night air.
Siri was sitting on a stool, staring at something. He barely turned when the door opened.
"Da…oh. Welcome to my head." There was a note of amusement mingled with seriousness there. The boy turned all the way around and smiled some. "Or at least that's what Dad calls it."
"I take it you got my attention span." Sirius gestured at the canvases. Siri smiled some.
"That explains a lot actually." He set down the brush he was holding and tilted his head off to the side. "My dad didn't send you up here to find out why out won't let him up did he?"
"No." Sirius stopped to consider that. "At least I don't think he did. Why won't you let him up?"
"Christmas gift. I figured if I start now I'll be done by then. And if I'm not then there's always his birthday and fathers day…next Christmas." He made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "I plan to finish this one though. I think. I hope."
"Can I see?"
"Nope." Siri stood up and, with a cheeky grin, started pushing him towards the door. "It's one of the rules, few and far between as they are. No one over the age of twenty is allowed in this room."
"Fine, I'm going." Sirius laughed and moved away from the teen. "Remmie wanted me to tell you to come and do your summer work."
"Of course he did." Siri shook his head. "It's June, you'd think he'd let me sit around for a few weeks before making me do stuff."
"Remus has always been that way. I think he likes to nag."
Siri nodded his agreement. He ducked back into the room for a moment and grabbed a pile of books and parchment then walked out, pulling the door shut behind him. They went downstairs and into the living room where Remus was once again looking over his book, this time writing things as he went. A cup of tea sat next to him, and two more sat on the coffee table. Siri sat on the floor by the coffee table and opened one of his books while reaching for his mug.
"Why're your books covered in paint?"
Siri scratched his head. "Would you believe I don't know?"
Remus smiled. "Sadly, yes I would."
Siri was obviously thinking about that, not sure if he'd been let off or insulted, while Sirius laughed quietly. Siri frowned then shook his head. Remus smirked then returned to his book. Sirius watched the both of them for a moment then walked to the bookshelf on the far wall to see if he could find anything worth reading.
It would come as a shock to most people, but he actually enjoyed reading. He let his fingers drift over the spines of the books, finding himself a little surprised to see that most of the old titles he'd owned were still there. Once again, he couldn't believe that Remus hadn't just thrown everything out.
Almost as if the other man could read his thoughts, Remus spoke. "We haven't lived here that long. Three years I think. After Siri was born, we had to leave. First the Ministry wanted to go through everything, hoping to find some sort of clues as to who had worked for Voldemort, then your family decided to sue me for the house, when they were forced to acknowledge that they had no legal claim on Siri."
"No legal claim?" Sirius asked, finally settling on one of the Muggle mystery novels he'd liked. It'd been a long time since he read anything.
"They wanted to take him from me. I can't imagine that, if they'd known what a pain in the ass he was gong to grow up to be, they'd have wanted him so badly."
"I am what you raised me to be." Siri said, pausing in his work.
"What a frightening thought." Remus deadpanned. Siri stuck out his tongue. "I can see you."
"You see everything."
"Well if you know that already, why do you insist on doing things you know I don't want to see?" Siri was silent and, after glancing over his shoulder at the teen, Remus addressed Sirius again. "As I was saying, your family, the less decent members, seemed to think he'd be better in their care than he would be in mine, claiming I had neither the funds nor the mental capacity to raise a child."
"Well, they had one part right."
"Do you want to go back up to your room?"
"Yes." Remus tossed, and hit, Siri with a book. The teen whined and rubbed his shoulder. "Abuser."
"Brat."
"And proud." Remus started to reach for another book but Siri held up a hand. "I'll be quiet now."
"Doubtful." Remus muttered. "As I was saying, with you in Azkaban and not around to legally claim Siri, they couldn't make any claim themselves. The upside was, I got to keep him. The downside was that if you had been able to claim him, I might have been able to keep the house on his behalf."
"So instead we got to live in the worlds smallest and skankiest apartment for eight years." Siri concluded.
"It wasn't that bad."
"Close." Siri muttered, and then held up a piece of parchment. "The Muggle Studies Essay is now officially done."
"Bring it here." Remus said, holding out a hand. "You fuss too much. The apartment wasn't that small, or skanky, and sitting down for ten minutes a night and doing a little work will not be the death of you."
"We lived next door to a prostitute."
"…"
Remus didn't say anything, and Sirius had to wonder if he was acknowledging that as truth, and Siri just smirked while leaning against the desk and waiting for his father to finish checking over the parchment. The werewolf nodded and handed it back. Siri flashed Sirius a smile.
"Having a professor for a father is such a pain."
"Because the gods know having one of Europe's greatest slackers for a son has been the greatest experience of my life." Remus muttered, sounding more sincere than mocking. Siri smiled and rolled his eyes.
"I love you too. G'night Da. See you in the morning Sirius."
With that the teen ran out and Sirius could hear him as he ran up the stairs and overhead. The sound of a door slamming made Remus look up as well, before shaking his head and returning to his own work.
"So my family ran you out of the home I got for us, after trying to take your son from you, probably took any money we had and put it out of reach…anything else I should be aware of?"
"Not really." Remus shrugged. "It was actually beneficial. If it'd gone differently I might have never learned to take care of myself for real. I had to get a job, finish my classes to become a teacher, and take care of Siri, who has this annoying habit of turning into a wolf and hiding in small places. It was a good learning experience. I'm not sure if you were aware, but I had the most annoying rich kid attitude when I was younger."
He'd noticed...
"Still-"
"It's part of why I am who I am." Remus shut his book. "I'm not upset, so you shouldn't be."
"I just…wish it could have been better. I wasn't here and they shouldn't have-"
Remus smiled at him, a kind affectionate smile. "I don't need you to protect me from your family anymore. Or my family for that matter."
Sirius watched him for a moment then nodded. That much was true. Remus didn't need him to keep away those that wanted to hurt him anymore-as the role of protector had been one Sirius took up eagerly when they were younger, having taken an instant liking to the quiet boy he'd met his first year-he'd clearly learned how to take care of himself.
Part of Sirius ached at the thought. What if Remus didn't need him anymore at all?
"Actually, on that subject, there are some things I should probably tell you."
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Dun dun duh!!!!! lol. Moving on.
Mango: Of course there is more. I'm already working on chapter six, so no worries about lack of fiction anytime soon. And I suppose, in a technical sense, if you had access to my computer you could read the other stories, but in a realistic sense, nope, not yet. Nothing else is going up for a while.
Moony: Why thank you.
Spirit: 22 pairings. Wow. That's pretty impressive actually…
Moonglaze: I'm sure we're all happy Remus realized what he was doing before any damage could be done. Mind you, he now has a guilt complex a mile wide.
TTF: I believe I already addressed your problem.
Blume: Thanks. It's good to have old readers following this new version, and I'm glad you think I've gotten better.
Hecate: Glad you think so.