"Out of Season"

Part 13

By Sister Rose

Standard disclaimer applies

AN: I started writing this for myself. I never thought to have such lovely, thoughtful feedback from so many different people. I appreciate most that some of you have taken time out of your lives to go so far as to tell me which bits you like best: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I won't name names, because I'll forget someone, but I appreciate every single reader out there./Rose

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"But I can't be," Ryan Atwood told Summer. "Maybe I did start having sex with you to keep my job, but it's different now. I like you, Summer, and I like having you here. You can stay as long as you want. We can have sex as long as you want. But it's just sex and that's all it ever can be."

"I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you," she said.

"You should be," Ryan snapped. "What happened with the police tonight -- that's a regular part of my life. I'm used to it. You're not. You shouldn't be."

Ryan hesitated, then went on. "I want you here. But I know you shouldn't be here. So I want to make you a promise and ask for one back."

"What?" Summer said, tears in her eyes and dripping down the side of her nose. She swiped at them with the back of her hand. She even looked beautiful when she was crying.

"Please just tell me straight-up when it's over, when you're tired of me," Ryan said, his voice husky and quiet as he leaned his forehead against the canvas punching bag, hanging his hands on the chains from the ceiling. His bare skin prickled. He was sorry he was so weak that he had to ask for this. He couldn't look at her. He had promised himself he would never ask her for anything. "Don't leave me hanging, waiting for you to show up some Thursday. I promise I won't make a scene or yell or anything. I just need to know."

"Ryan, I would never leave you," Summer said. "I can't imagine my life without you, and I don't want to try."

Ryan looked at her until she stopped talking. Doe-soft eyes made him regret what he was about to say, but it was probably kinder to be cruel right now. He was almost angry with her, anyway, almost angry enough to be as mean as he needed to be.

She should know these things without being told. She was an adult. She knew how her world worked, even if she didn't always know how his did, and he would never fit in her world. She should know that. She did know that. Why was she making him say it out loud?

"This isn't going to last, Summer," he said finally.

Their affair was like strawberries, Ryan thought. They need to be eaten in season because they cost too much otherwise. And maybe strawberry season was over, because the cost was getting too high. He was making Summer cry and he didn't feel far from it himself. He clenched his jaw and made himself say the words.

"In fact, maybe we should call it quits right now. I'll drive you home."

"No," Summer said. She flew toward him, throwing her arms around his waist and slamming her head onto his chest.He didn't touch her.

"Please, don't let me go," she said.

"Oh, Summer," he said, finally putting one hand up to stroke her hair, feeling the warmth of her tears drop onto the skin of his chest, cupping the back of her silky-soft head with his rough palm. She fit against him so perfectly.

"Please, Atwood, please," she begged. "Don't say it's over. Don't make me leave."

He tilted her face toward him and kissed her hairline, sliding his lips closer to her ear.

"Not until you're ready," he whispered.

Their association had always been at her behest, and that wasn't going to change. He was hers as long as she wanted him, and he would hoard the memories of Summer like nuts for a bleak winter ahead, like making strawberry jam for when there were no more strawberries.

He pulled her body back into his and held her. She was so sweet. Ryan knew some people would laugh to hear it. Summer could be acerbic, he knew, but with him she was thoughtful and kind.

She never made fun of him when he didn't know Newport things. She never talked down to him because he didn't have money and she did.

She could even make Ryan laugh.

"Have your pain pills kicked in yet?" he said.

At her nod, he said, "Then why don't you go to bed and get some sleep."

As Summer clambered into the bed,Ryan arranged his pillows so that her injured arm was propped comfortably. He took a moment to look at her, fragile and winsome in his bed.

He really, really hoped she wasn't going to marry Mr. Saunders.