Nights that the Society didn't meet were becoming more and more common as the year wore on and novelty wore off. On those nights, when the common room was too noisy and his room was too small Todd would escape again to the roof, where Neil had let him fly on his birthday. Where Neil had let him laugh. Where Neil had found him.
Neil had a knack for finding Todd, though Todd suspected this was because Neil was the only one who ever looked for him. Perhaps he was the only one who saw him at all.
That wasn't true, though. Even Todd wasn't so maudlin as to believe it. It didn't matter anyway. The point was that Neil had a habit of finding him, and if some nights he found him while bearing two mugs of hot chocolate nicked from the kitchens, well, so much the better.
Tonight Todd suspected that there was more to the chocolate than usual, something secret, probably from Charlie, loosening his tongue and spinning through him warm. They sat with their backs against the cold stone wall, as close as they could be without touching, and Neil wouldn't let Todd answer, "How are you?" with "Fine".
Todd pulled his knees in closer to his chest and said everything all in a rush, to get it out and maybe past Neil before he could catch the words flying away on the night air, said everything about walking through it all and being but not belonging.
Neil tilted his head back, looked up at the sky, and asked, as if part of quite a different conversation, "Do you know anything about constellations? Because I don't."
"You don't know the stars?" Todd was surprised. "It's valuable information. I understand girls find that sort of thing terribly impressive."
"That's assuming," Neil pointed out calmly, "that I'm interested in impressing girls."
Which Todd had to admit was an excellent point indeed, but all he said was, "Er."
"From down here they look so quiet. Not burning or spinning or anything. Just glowing. I wonder how we look from up there."
Todd was fairly certain that even from up there so high Neil would glow, but the words stayed in the back of his throat where they would not sound foolish.
"Anyway. We'll catch our death." Neil scrambled to his feet. He put out a hand to help up Todd, who, drawing on every last ounce of courage he possessed, stood and kissed Neil swiftly. So fast he didn't know if he tasted of dinner or of chocolate or of something indefinably Neil, but just slow enough to know that Neil's lips were soft and that he was not stepping back.
Neil still held his hand, but Todd pulled away to collect their mugs. His heart thumped painfully, twisting shame, and he would not meet Neil's eyes.
He knew he looked better from far away.
Neil had a knack for finding Todd, though Todd suspected this was because Neil was the only one who ever looked for him. Perhaps he was the only one who saw him at all.
That wasn't true, though. Even Todd wasn't so maudlin as to believe it. It didn't matter anyway. The point was that Neil had a habit of finding him, and if some nights he found him while bearing two mugs of hot chocolate nicked from the kitchens, well, so much the better.
Tonight Todd suspected that there was more to the chocolate than usual, something secret, probably from Charlie, loosening his tongue and spinning through him warm. They sat with their backs against the cold stone wall, as close as they could be without touching, and Neil wouldn't let Todd answer, "How are you?" with "Fine".
Todd pulled his knees in closer to his chest and said everything all in a rush, to get it out and maybe past Neil before he could catch the words flying away on the night air, said everything about walking through it all and being but not belonging.
Neil tilted his head back, looked up at the sky, and asked, as if part of quite a different conversation, "Do you know anything about constellations? Because I don't."
"You don't know the stars?" Todd was surprised. "It's valuable information. I understand girls find that sort of thing terribly impressive."
"That's assuming," Neil pointed out calmly, "that I'm interested in impressing girls."
Which Todd had to admit was an excellent point indeed, but all he said was, "Er."
"From down here they look so quiet. Not burning or spinning or anything. Just glowing. I wonder how we look from up there."
Todd was fairly certain that even from up there so high Neil would glow, but the words stayed in the back of his throat where they would not sound foolish.
"Anyway. We'll catch our death." Neil scrambled to his feet. He put out a hand to help up Todd, who, drawing on every last ounce of courage he possessed, stood and kissed Neil swiftly. So fast he didn't know if he tasted of dinner or of chocolate or of something indefinably Neil, but just slow enough to know that Neil's lips were soft and that he was not stepping back.
Neil still held his hand, but Todd pulled away to collect their mugs. His heart thumped painfully, twisting shame, and he would not meet Neil's eyes.
He knew he looked better from far away.