Dis-blame-er: I'm not responsible for the usage of PB and RK in this fic. Oh wait, I am! *guilty-as-charged-and-proud dance*
Author's note: (Cheers for the heads-up, Vash-chan! I'm such a ditz, you're absolutely right, it's shishou. *feels very stupid and forgetful for a while* )
Sorry, slightly late update. Still fighting the writer's block. Grrrr. *annoyed* But it's getting better. Well, let's find out a little about what Kenshin has, in fact, been up to since he left Kaoru, shall we? But then, there is that Snow Sand…
^_^ Enjoy!
The Princess Bride: Kenshin StyleTwenty-One
The Snow Sand was everywhere. In every direction, all that Kenshin's reaching, scrabbling hands could find was the grainy softness that seemed to flee in fear and mockery from the weight of his forceful grip.
His breath was running so short: his lungs were screaming within him, his mind rapidly losing control, the voice in his chest flashing up into his head and screaming there, too, screaming for attention and release and air.
Screaming, screaming, screaming.
QUIET!
The darkness behind Kenshin's tightly shut eyelids fell into murky silence for a fleeting moment, as his body kept moving.
Time seemed to slow down.
Kenshin wondered if his life would truly flash before his eyes, but all his mind's eye could see was Kaoru: that ink-black hair slipping and swirling in the breeze like water; those eyes, so full of brightness and life, gazing at him with so much trust, such unshakable belief in his ability to love and protect her. Those pale hands reaching up to clasp him close, relying on his strength and warmth to bring them through, no matter the danger.
He was letting her down.
He was letting her go, her life slipping through his fingers like water, bright and sparkling and beautiful, transient and fleeting. His fingers couldn't catch her clarity or trap her brilliance.
NO!
His frantically determined hands suddenly touched something that was not Snow Sand.
The vine!
His hands made his grip sure and in seconds, he was pulling them up to the surface.
His mind began screaming again, even louder and even more panic-stricken, but he had the vine in his hands now, he could let the voice scream on, just so long as he kept dragging he and Kaoru up the vine. Just so long as they got out, it didn't matter that his chest was on fire and his stomach was like ice, that his head was beginning to pound or that his legs and chest muscles were starting to twitch and convulse, that he was losing his control of his thoughts and wondering why those women had to die only to try to save him so many years ago, or why Hiko had saved him, or why Kaoru had ever fallen in love with him…
Kaoru…
That single word filled his drowning mind, and he kept pulling on the vine and dragging them upwards.
The black world behind Kenshin's eyelids was suddenly orange, and his mouth flew wide on impulse, dragging in air, air, filling and emptying and filling his lungs with such need that black and orange dots swirled in his vision.
The voice still screamed, but it had quietened now, lost its desperation. It was the wailing of a baby that is being rocked in its mother's arms, rather than the screams of a mortally wounded child.
Kenshin let his eyes open as he reached to free Kaoru's legs from the Snow Sand, which fell back into place again, as it had over Kaoru, looking innocent once more.
His eyes focused and he suddenly heard her cough, and the sound was the most welcome of any he had ever heard.
Kaoru crawled further from the Snow Sand, crouching beside Kenshin as she kept coughing. The sound began to turn ugly, a wracking, jarring cough that barely left her room to draw breath.
Kenshin stroked her back gently, not daring to speak.
Kaoru's near-choking suddenly brought on a hacking, vomiting motion, and she turned from Kenshin to purge the Snow Sand from her body in a series of gagging coughs.
Once it was over, and her coughing had died away into rasping, but regular, breathing, Kenshin helped her to sit up, moving her away to a sheltered place beside a tree. He leant against the thick trunk, and positioned Kaoru with her back against his chest, nestled carefully between his legs. Once he made sure she was comfortable, Kenshin reached forward around Kaoru to brush the Snow Sand from her dark hair and stroke it gently from her soft cheeks.
Kaoru remained silent under his careful administrations.
Kenshin felt powerless against the wave of anxiety that washed over him as he touched his young love.
I promised I'd protect her… I swore to her that I'd keep her safe through the Fire Swamp, and I nearly let her die. It was my fault: she nearly died, because of me. What can I possibly say to her?
It was a good thing Kaoru couldn't see the look on Kenshin's face right then, or she probably would have cried.
She sat perfectly still, letting her weight rest against Kenshin's warm chest and stomach, her arms crossed over her drawn-up knees.
Kenshin's guilt subsided a little when a new anxiety set in as he felt Kaoru's body begin to tremble against his. The trembling soon grew into all-out shaking.
A sudden sob ripped from Kaoru's lips, followed by a whimper of pain at the burning sensation the sob caused in her raw throat.
Kenshin lowered his hands from her hair to wrap his arms warmly around her, leaning forward to rest his chin lightly on her shoulder. He closed his eyes to the guilt and worry in his hurt as he murmured two precious words into her ear.
"I'm sorry."
Kaoru was still shaking, but the pain and self-blame in Kenshin's voice made her wish she could stop the trembling. She knew, from what she knew of Kenshin, that her shaking only made him feel worse, but she couldn't help it. What she didn't realise was that the shaking was simply a result of shock setting in, and her body's subconscious way of dealing with the fact that she had just come within a hair's breadth of losing her life. This was also causing the tears that poured down her face in rivers, even while she wondered why she couldn't stop them flowing, and why she wanted so badly to curl up into a ball and sob her heart out.
Kenshin's arms tightened protectively around her, and a wave of gratitude washed through her.
He saved me.
"Keh… Kenshin," she managed to croak out, but she couldn't get any further: her throat burned too painfully still from the passage of the Snow Sand. She didn't mind it too badly though: if she hadn't swallowed the stuff, it would have got into her lungs and killed her. Thank the gods she'd thought to swallow it.
She couldn't speak, so she needed another way to show Kenshin that she didn't blame him, and that she was indescribably grateful to him for saving her.
She blinked slowly, a calm expression on her face, and dropped one arm from her knees to touch her fingers to Kenshin's foot, slowly drawing her elbow up past Kenshin's arm so that her hand trailed gently up his leg to his knee. A shower of Snow Sand fell from his black hakama in the wake of her touch, and she loved the feel of his body's warmth through the thick cloth. She paused then, cupping her hand over Kenshin's knee and squeezing gently: it wasn't your fault. She then let her elbow rest against Kenshin's hip as she leaned her head back against his chest and shoulder, settling her warm weight against his: I feel safe with you. Finally, turning her head just enough, she looked up into his profile, into his beautiful eyes as he turned to look at her, and let all her emotion fill the air their locked gaze traversed: I love you.
Kenshin felt Kaoru's hand move up to his knee, and he was startled and amazed at the comforting touch she gave him. He'd heard her attempt to speak, and guessed the reason for her silence now. He only felt sorry for making her feel pushed to speak.
As she turned and looked into his eyes, he couldn't help but feel forgiven and loved.
Kaoru had said her piece.
In the only way she then could.
Kenshin smiled, and was rewarded with an answering smile from the woman he held carefully in his arms.
"Don't worry about anything, Kaoru. We'll be fine."
Kaoru nodded as she swallowed carefully, testing her throat: the pain had already lessened, the nastier edge gone, leaving only a slight tightness and hurt when she swallowed or coughed, the latter of which she endeavoured to avoid.
"Kenshin," she began, half-testing her voice. It was croaky, but much less painful than before.
Kenshin looked over at her with concern as he cut another hanging branch out of their way. Kaoru shook her head at his worry: she could talk well enough, not that she could afford the luxury of beating around the bush too much.
"I…" I want to ask you…
"What, Kaoru?"
"Why did you leave?" Finally, she'd asked the question she'd had running miserably through her mind for months. She'd tried and tried to think of an answer to it, and tried to convince herself she didn't need to know the answer- especially when she'd thought Kenshin was dead- but now, now, with him beside her, alive and scarred and fresh from an amber-eyed state of fear-inspiring coldness, Kaoru had to know.
Kenshin hadn't answered yet. He kept walking doggedly on, slashing aside the occasional low-hanging branch or sweeping, heavy vine, eyes always looking forwards. Kaoru wondered if he were thinking how to tell her, or busy remembering whatever had happened, or simply avoiding telling her. She waited, walking loyally alongside him, gaze ever flicking to his darkly pensive profile.
"It's hard to explain in a way anyone could understand, but imagine being told, out of the blue, that your father is dying, and this doesn't just mean that much, it also means you have to go back to a life you'd wanted to leave behind and forget about forever."
The sudden outpouring of information caught Kaoru off guard, and she found, with some surprise, that her legs were still working, presumably on some kind of auto-pilot, while her head buzzed, drinking in Kenshin's words and greedily anxious for more. The anxiety was the most prominent feeling, and Kaoru's bright eyes clouded over slightly with the feeling.
"Your father died?" she said, in the tiniest of voices. She was scared to say anything that would make Kenshin stop talking, but she sensed that he wanted her to say something.
Kenshin still wasn't looking at her. "He isn't my father exactly, but it's like that. For me, anyway. He…" Kenshin stopped to battle with a tangle of vines, but Kaoru sensed his growing reluctance to talk about whatever it was that was filling his head.
She watched him worriedly as his brow lowered in concentration on his task, and some other emotion that couldn't be summed up in any one word.
"Kenshin, you're here at last."
A tall, dark figure greeted Kenshin as he stepped onto an invisible path in the forest.
"Aoshi. It's been a while," Kenshin replied, willing himself to smile at his icy-eyed comrade, but somehow unable to: all he could think about was why he was there in the first place. That, and the fact that he'd never wanted to return. Certainly not like this.
Misao appeared behind him, and stepped past him to greet Aoshi. She smiled sadly up at the taller man, who looked down on her upturned face with eyes that held brief sympathy, a sign of the uneasy situation they all shared. Misao was too sad even to treasure the gift of emotion Aoshi had given her, yet even through his worry, Kenshin noticed it and was glad: Aoshi had always been too cold. Perhaps he and Misao had finally been able to grow closer, over the few long years of Kenshin's absence.
The observation was set aside as Aoshi turned back to Kenshin and motioned him to join him.
As Kenshin passed Misao, he felt a sudden little tug on his sleeve.
"Listen to what he says, Kenshin. He pretends its isn't bad, but he'll never be able to fight again. At least, not once he's forced himself to… To…" Her sentence died away, but her blue-green eyes said the rest for her.
Kenshin only nodded gravely, before he stepped forward to follow Aoshi through the forest.
The way to Hiko seemed unnaturally long. Yet it was suddenly too soon when Kenshin had to face his injured sensei, and he hovered uneasily outside the door of his small wooden home, as Aoshi took up his post to stand sentinel at the door.
"Are you coming in or not?" came a voice suddenly from inside. Kenshin sent a questioning look at Aoshi, who revealed nothing, only stood still, his face back to being a cool mask as usual.
Kenshin slid the door open, and stepped inside.
The room was not large, but airy and pretty neatly-kept, whether by Hiko's hands or some other's, Kenshin did not bother to guess. A few select weapons lay carefully stored along one wall, while a second pair of doors, opposite Kenshin, were wide open to the view of a small area of grass that could almost have passed for a garden.
Hiko was sat on the steps that led from the doors to the ground outside, his back slightly bent over, but his head still up, hair black and long as it had always been, streaming down his back. He hadn't bothered to turn to look at Kenshin as the fiery-haired young man entered.
He's alive! Kenshin thought, with almost childishly wild relief.
"So Misao brought you here, as she said she would. I know you don't want to be here, and I don't really need you. But it's time to make you see what responsibility is, my stupid pupil." Hiko's words, harsh as they sounded, were almost welcome to Kenshin's ears: he'd left, yes, and had his own reasons for it, but he'd missed his obnoxious shishou. The thing he didn't welcome in Hiko's words was his admonition to 'see what responsibility is': he suspected what Hiko meant by that, and couldn't feel enthused about it.
Kenshin walked forward to meet his shishou, stepping out to sit on the grass before his teacher and bow a formal greeting to him, the way he had for his training sessions in the past. Hiko barely seemed to care for the nostalgic motion, but Kenshin, as he looked up, was certain he saw an expression of something more than a result of sake in the older man's eyes.
But Hiko's eyes were not all Kenshin saw.
The great white cloak Hiko always wore had hidden much from Kenshin's view from the door.
Thick bandages wound about Hiko's broad, shirtless chest, covering almost the same amount of skin that a shirt would have. The bandages ran from his stomach to his shoulder, and more were wrapped carefully around him from hips to chest. One arm was in a sling- his left, Kenshin noted with some relief. Hiko's forehead was a mess on one side: a large gash ran in a jagged, untidy line from one eyebrow to his hairline and a little beyond. It seemed Hiko hadn't wanted the fuss of a bandage around his head, and Kenshin could see the angry mark plain as day, which had still not fully closed, and wept slightly with something a little too pale to be proper blood.
From the look of that cut, Kenshin had a pretty good idea of what the rest of Hiko's bandages were covering up. For once, he refrained from mentally noting how much sake his shishou had been drinking: Kenshin could hardly blame him, given the amount of pain he'd been in, and was probably still in. He suddenly noticed the way Hiko was leaning against the frame of the door, as if he couldn't sit up on his own. Kenshin knew better than to offer his aid or express any kind of sympathy. All he could offer was vengeance, revenge on whoever had done this to his teacher, his father.
"What happened, shishou?" he asked quietly, his concern and anger mixing in his violet eyes, which had kindled and were slowly but steadily heading towards blazing point with their purple fire.
"Ambush. Thought they could take me with a group of eight," Hiko snorted scathingly. He didn't flinch as the movement of the snort in his chest pulled at his wounds, but Kenshin noted the way he held himself a little stiffly for a moment.
"Wanting to 'crush the rebel Battousai'?" he asked, though he already guessed the answer.
Hiko only nodded shortly, still with a disdainful expression on his proud, handsome face.
"I am glad you are alive, shishou," said Kenshin, endeavouring to ignore the wave of emotion he felt as he spoke the words. He moved quickly on. "Why am I here?"
"Like I said: time for you to take responsibility, for yourself, for your past, for everyone here with you. Time for you to learn the ougi, Kenshin."
Hiko almost never called his 'stupid pupil' by his name. Kenshin suspected he never would again, either. But he'd made his point: he'd pinned Kenshin with his name, and with the loyalty to Hiko and his comrades that Kenshin had never been able to push away. He felt bitterness and anger flare suddenly in his chest, accompanied by a silent stab of pain at the memory of old, old things. Resignation inevitably followed, however.
"I'll teach you the ougi once I can be bothered to stand," Hiko went on, not prepared at all to acknowledge the pain he was in, the weakness that prevented him from even lifting a sword, much less using one. "Assuming you can actually learn it, that'll be it. You'll be the Dread Hitokiri Battousai."
Kenshin sensed from the silence that followed that he was dismissed. Hiko had already gone back to his bottle of sake.
Kenshin bowed again, and rose, walking away into the trees beyond the garden. He wanted to think about this. He'd already accepted it- he had little choice, really: he and Hiko both knew that much. But that didn't mean his head wasn't in some degree of turmoil.
He hadn't wanted this. He hadn't wanted this inheritance. But he would have to take it: for Misao's sake, for Aoshi's, for everyone's, for Hiko's- though the arrogant Battousai would never admit that.
Kenshin walked beneath the trees for a while.
"He taught me the ougi, the succession technique that would make me who I am now."
Kaoru felt a little startled by Kenshin's words. The flame-haired man finally slashed the vines away from the path, and Kaoru followed him through and onwards through the forest.
"Who you are?" she asked softly.
"The Dread Hitokiri Battousai. You were right, and I was truthful: I am the Battousai."
"But… How? Why? How did the ougi make you the Battousai? How can you be someone who's been around for so long, even while you were staying at the farm with me?"
"That's the secret of it: I'm not the Dread Hitokiri Battousai. Neither was Hiko, when he had the title. The original Battousai died long ago, before I even met Hiko."
"He died?"
"Yes, but that's another story." She needn't know all of this sad and angry history, and I haven't time to tell her everything, thought Kenshin to himself. What a bloodied past this name has… "Before he died, he taught the ougi of his sword technique to his pupil, his loyal follower and comrade, and that final lesson marked the passing over of his name, and everything that went with it. The new Dread Hitokiri Battousai therefore had to assume responsibility for the fight his shishou had fought, against the members of the royal family and aristocracy that were cruel or unjust, the kind of people the original Battousai had set out to eradicate at the very beginning of it all."
"All those years… All those stories…" Kaoru's head spun a little. The rumours and reports of the cruelty of the Battousai… Some of what he did must have been true, but a lot of it must have been made up by the royal family, to blacken the Battousai's name and reputation, and make the people hate him- even though it was really the people he was fighting for all the time…
"I know. But that has never stopped the Battousai and whatever comrades he has had fighting for what is right."
Kenshin's violet eyes blazed. "I wasn't going to turn my back on that principle, or on what Hiko has done for me in the past. I couldn't do that. Just as I couldn't turn away when I heard what was happening to you, that you were engaged to the… the Prince." Kenshin's voice had gone tight and angry, but Kaoru knew better than to think it was directed at her. She kept walking beside her love.
"I'm sorry I couldn't write to you, Kaoru: it was simply too dangerous. There was too much of a risk that the letter could be traced back to my friends and I, or that your name would become associated with the Battousai who wrote to you. That would have put you in a very bad position, and I couldn't risk that for you."
"I understand, Kenshin. It was just hard, then… I thought you were dead, killed by the Dread Hitokiri Battousai. Ironic, isn't it?" she said, a strange smile on her face that made Kenshin think she was about to burst into tears rather than laughter.
It was as he turned to Kaoru, finally meeting her gaze, that all his anxieties were finally beaten. He'd been so afraid of her reaction- so scared that she would only think of him as a cold-blooded killer when he told her what had happened and who he was. He'd worried that she would not be able to see past the image of the Battousai that the country had painted, and that she would not want him near her, even hate him.
He'd had a picture in his mind of her turning away from him, saying 'I don't love you, Battousai,' playing over and over until he'd wanted to shout with frustrated worry.
Now, as Kenshin met the gaze of the woman he loved, she smiled back at him, and, without another word, pulled him close to her.
The Dread Hitokiri Battousai found that, while in the world of his love's arms, he was simply… Kenshin.
Author's note: no cliffie this time, are you relieved? ^_^ R.O.U.S's on the way next chappie, by the way. This chapter ended up being dedicated to clearing up some details about Kenshin's past, though I sense there is still a little more that needs revealing about that particular puzzle. ^_^ I don't know if you agree: what do you think? Let me know.
I have no time at all to reply to reviewers, and I'm not going to even try, 'cos I know I'll set out meaning to be quick and end up sitting here for two hours (it usually takes about that long), and then this won't be up til tomorrow. And I'm already late again! *bows apologetically*
Well, suffice to say thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed: you guys have all been so encouraging and enthusiastic, it's impossible for me not to smile and even laugh out loud at some of the things you've been saying. *shakes head with a wide grin* You guys are simply irrepressible, not to mention irresistible. You're fantastic. ^_^ Eat sugar and be merry, okay?!
Very quick special thanks to Alec Ikiiki though, (you are amazing, I don't know how you manage it but I always feel like writing an entire book after reading your reviews, and that particularly includes the last one! ^_^) and D45 (you made up for any absence upset with your encouragement and wild compliments *blush* Not that I'm that easily placated, of course. *coughs to look stern and stuff* ^_^) and EvilPrincessMelphis (for your unfailingly entertaining interactions, and your considerate taking-care-of of Sano ^_^)
Answers to questions (I really won't be horrid enough to ignore those!):
Genocide ex-sync*in: The swamp and Snow Sand were both in the book and movie, though the book gave far better treatment to the Snow Sand than the movie did. The film just kinda breezed past it. Shame, really.
Mary: Yep, I've read Buttercup's Baby. Far as I know, there IS only one chapter. Weird. But then, Goldman IS just weird, judging from the Princess Bride. ^_^ That's a compliment, not me having a go at Goldman! I love his quirkiness. Yes, I think Buttercup's Baby is another example of his weirdness. @_@
faerie-chan: I'm afraid I'm refraining from meddling with Enishi's anatomy. Hence my emphasis of silver hair (that's my version, you see). I wasn't 100% happy about it, cos the whole six-fingered thing is *grin* really cool, but it didn't fit RK. Sorry.
Mistress of time: Favourite part… Hmm… that's hard. Probably the fight between Westley and Inigo, which I've already RK-ified now. I loved that duel, and how they spoke to each other- 'You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.' 'You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.' *big grin*
c0mb4t_t3h_m0nk3h: YES! *giggles and offers a toffee apple in return for the candy*
Zeh Wulf: this is just a hopefully helpful note- I think if you right-click the box, even when it screw you over, you can then go 'back' and get your review back. I've done it before, so I can only say give it a try if it happens again! ^_^
DarkElf: The ones in the movie really were pretty lame- in the book they were better, and I shall aim to make them better still if I can! ^_^
Elyssalyn: Soujiro's full name is Seta Soujiro, or Soujiro Seta if your going by Western name order. ^_^ And please don't hunt me down, I'll finish this I promise! *covers butt protectively with hands* Noooo! ^_^
Thank you all again, I DO appreciate all of your reviews, I just don't have time to reply to all of them.
Last exam tomorrow! FINALLY! It's a big fat English exam, but after that college is over forever and I never have to do evil Classical Civilisation again! EVER! *cackles with glee* Wonderful!
See you all again soon.
Please leave me some feedback, I love reading your thoughts! ^_^