so what was there between us had disappeared in a way. it seemed beyond explanation - or comprehension. I knew what had called from within - what had pulled at me in that - joilt - that woke me in the night.
alone and cold.
covered in sweat - I was breathing heavily as I wondered into an awakened state.
I knew it was you...
it had always been you.
you that filled the hours. the empty space in my mind. such condesation was between words said so long ago - that still hung in my mind without even a voice, lack any meaning at all.
it was your eyes.
they closed - and stayed shut, as I screamed your name.
do you know what i'm feeling at all? do you understand the destitude of this? do you understand my broken state?
baby, if i'm hurt then you're to blame.
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it was early that morning that I awoke. I always felt sick to my stomach so early. the sun rising made me feel as though I must purge the day that had passed and fill myself with something better. something new - something pure.
though anything pure was unfound. purity - just a lack of prominant evil. anything could be called pure, so long as you lacked the vision to recognize its decay.
it is the naive that love. it is the naive that wake up to a new day and think just because the sun rises once more that yesterday's problems melt away and today we'll understand once more what forgotten happiness was.
I know sometimes I wake up sore - and dead tired sitll after 12 hours of sleep. my neck has a crink in it and my head aches. i'm alittle sick I think. and some sort of self influenced disease hold me ill.
none the less I could say that the day seemed to hold an optimistic character to it - beyond my ill state.
-though I fall fast-
what I couldn't understand was a gentle breeze that passed over me - and...
and I understand quite literally why you don't want me anymore.
i'm thinking and obsessing and I can't seem to think at all.
will you always hold my soul in some kind of unseen bondage? are you my illness? my disease?
I remember once - what seems eons ago. I held a doll. just a doll. a plain and simple aptitude. just an effigy - we called our daughter. you leant over and kissed it lightly on the head, a genlte wipe of lips on fabric. I remember now, wishing it had been skin to skin...
it seems odd now I guess tht\at I should think back to such trivial moments shared.
is that all I have?
trivial moments?
times I could recall, touch me like recognition.
my pillows and linens all smell like you. doused in your old cologne. you had once given me a bit that I held in a box. I needed more
-then that alone.
no - at some point I always tell myself that I must wake up and crawl out of bed at some point. I tell yself that lying here will do me no good. but then again, what will gettng up do for me at all?
am I torn between a life without compassion of living - or a gentle descent into my own demise?
even then - I wish you'd fuck me just once more before I die.
alone and cold.
covered in sweat - I was breathing heavily as I wondered into an awakened state.
I knew it was you...
it had always been you.
you that filled the hours. the empty space in my mind. such condesation was between words said so long ago - that still hung in my mind without even a voice, lack any meaning at all.
it was your eyes.
they closed - and stayed shut, as I screamed your name.
do you know what i'm feeling at all? do you understand the destitude of this? do you understand my broken state?
baby, if i'm hurt then you're to blame.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
it was early that morning that I awoke. I always felt sick to my stomach so early. the sun rising made me feel as though I must purge the day that had passed and fill myself with something better. something new - something pure.
though anything pure was unfound. purity - just a lack of prominant evil. anything could be called pure, so long as you lacked the vision to recognize its decay.
it is the naive that love. it is the naive that wake up to a new day and think just because the sun rises once more that yesterday's problems melt away and today we'll understand once more what forgotten happiness was.
I know sometimes I wake up sore - and dead tired sitll after 12 hours of sleep. my neck has a crink in it and my head aches. i'm alittle sick I think. and some sort of self influenced disease hold me ill.
none the less I could say that the day seemed to hold an optimistic character to it - beyond my ill state.
-though I fall fast-
what I couldn't understand was a gentle breeze that passed over me - and...
and I understand quite literally why you don't want me anymore.
i'm thinking and obsessing and I can't seem to think at all.
will you always hold my soul in some kind of unseen bondage? are you my illness? my disease?
I remember once - what seems eons ago. I held a doll. just a doll. a plain and simple aptitude. just an effigy - we called our daughter. you leant over and kissed it lightly on the head, a genlte wipe of lips on fabric. I remember now, wishing it had been skin to skin...
it seems odd now I guess tht\at I should think back to such trivial moments shared.
is that all I have?
trivial moments?
times I could recall, touch me like recognition.
my pillows and linens all smell like you. doused in your old cologne. you had once given me a bit that I held in a box. I needed more
-then that alone.
no - at some point I always tell myself that I must wake up and crawl out of bed at some point. I tell yself that lying here will do me no good. but then again, what will gettng up do for me at all?
am I torn between a life without compassion of living - or a gentle descent into my own demise?
even then - I wish you'd fuck me just once more before I die.