Title: Unbearable
Author: the random monkey
Date: 8-29-04
Author's notes: As if there were any doubt I'm evil incarnate, this story should clear it up.
Oh, yes, come in. I've been expecting you. Would you care for something to drink?
Now, I know you agreed to this in your letter, but I just want to be sure. I can never be too careful when it comes to my and my baby's safety. No names. No locations. Nothing that might tell people who or where we are.
Good. Then I suppose we should start.
Well, it started during the attack...
It seemed to happen so fast… First, there were these Alexandrian airships flying over the city, and all these floating balls of light... We all just stood there, looking up and pointing and trying to figure out what was happening...
Then they attacked.
They just started swarming in from-from it seemed like everywhere- they just... they just destroyed everything with their fire... everything and everyone... They didn't even try to avoid attacking civilians- just burning everything and chanting... the memory still chills me to the bone... just chanting "kill, kill," over and over again...
Excuse me, please.
My apologies. I don't usually discuss things like this...
Well, when I saw what had happened, I ran home and hid. I... Everyone said afterward that that was a perfectly good thing to do, and that anyone else would have done the same, but... I feel like such a coward. I know, what can an unarmed woman possibly do against an army of monsters? But still, I just... I hate myself for it...
I- when I saw that they were sort of blowing up buildings, I hid in my root cellar. I figured that even if they did blow up my house, the cellar would be safe. But...
While I was down there, I could hear the noises from the streets. I mean, the yells and the fires and the "kill, kill..." Oh, God, I was so scared. I just huddled there, and I prayed... I prayed, please let me come out of this alive...
I've wondered since then if this wasn't some sort of divine joke. I mean, yes, I lived, but...
I heard footsteps in my house. I stopped praying and held absolutely still. But I was still praying in my head, "please no, please don't let it find me."
But it did. I heard it coming down the stairs, and I tried to hide, then I tried to pretend I was dead, so maybe it'd leave me alone... but it found me. It... found me...
It... I-I don't know how to describe it... those eyes... I remember pleading with it to let me go, and looking in its eyes, but they were... so empty... Like it didn't even see me... b-but I know it did... because it pushed me to the floor... a-and held me d-down...
I'm sorry. I-I try not to think about it.
Like I said, I survived the attack, but... I don't know... Everybody was mourning for people who were dead. I was alive, but... I felt dead inside. I don't know if that makes sense. I spent almost a week just wandering... I didn't know what to do...
I never told anyone. There were some nice people who took me in, and shared their food with me, and gave me new clothes... my skirt was torn to shreds... I never knew people could be so nice. At least... they were... until...
Well, a woman can tell these things. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. I guess I hoped... I know it's terrible... Most women hope they don't miscarry...
When it started to show, they kicked me out. People don't look kindly on unmarried mothers. They make the wrong assumptions... But I couldn't tell the truth, it was even worse than what they thought...
My sister, Betha, was the only one I told, the only one I knew would understand. She told me I should go to Burmecia. Everyone knows they're not as strict about... that sort of thing there. But I don't know... I-I think... I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't true...
Now, in the end, I'm glad I kept him.
But back then...
They had set up shelters for people whose homes had been destroyed. I stayed there, and told them my husband had died, and everything was fine, until he was born...
Everybody knew. Everybody knows what kind of thing looks like that. But no one cared that it wasn't my fault.
I moved here to be away from them. I know it's safer for us here; I want him to be safe.
See him? ...Okay. But... But only for a moment...
Alexander? Alex, darling, come to Mommy!
This is a friend of Mommy's. He's writing a book, and he wanted to see Mommy's beautiful little boy.
Say, "Nice to meet you!" Good boy!
Now, go play some more, okay? Mommy'll be back soon.
Can you believe he's only six months old? He said his first word at three months... Started walking at five...
But now you see why we couldn't stay. If it were just the skin, it would be okay, lots of people have skin that dark, but the eyes... Everyone knows those eyes...