Chapter 9
Willow took a good two hours of solitary before she actually came back out of the room. Angel wasn't in the seat she thought he would be. She opened the door and was surprised to see his seat barren.
She came out the door, standing in the doorway she leaned her head on the doorway and stared at the couch. Flashes of the dream came to her and she almost had to hold back her smile. She definitely was having different feelings for Angel then she thought she would ever have.
Her thoughts drifted and soon she was in a daze of thoughts. Which she was brought back from by Angel walking within inches of her. He walked right past her, brushing her shoulder and in front of her. That pulled her from the daze and she straitened up watching him move to the kitchen. She followed him into the room and once again up against the door frame.
"Feeling better?" Angel asked her, looking over from the fridge to her.
"Yeah, Much. Just a little tired."
"Hungry?"
"Yeah, actually." She walked over to the fridge.
"I had Cordelia pick up some stuff for you while you were asleep. Feel free..." He drifted off and gestured towards the fringe.
"Thanks." She moved past him and pulled out a melon and Coke. She leaned and set the bottle on the table where Angel had sat and set the melon on the counter and turned to Angel. "Hungry?" He looked up from his seat confused.
"I don't -- "
"Eat. I know. I meant blood."
"Won't that make you -- "
"Sick?" she finished again. "No. I'm used to it now. The group usually had me doing the Spike feeding so I got used to heat-n-serve." She smiled. "So, hungry?"
"Yeah." He sat back and relaxed. Pulling out a blood bag, Willow emptied it into a mug and set it in the microwave. Setting the timer, she looked through the cabinets, grabbing a bowl, grabbed a knife and set them down just as the buzzer sounded. She pulled out the mug and took it to the table. Taking a sip, he looked up at her. "I haven't had warm blood in a long time." Angel ventured. Willow tossed a smile over her shoulder while cutting the fruit and tossed the skin into the trash before moving to the table. taking a seat next to Angel.
"I think Spike misses it. The warm blood I mean." She tossed a piece into her mouth when Angel looked up. "I mean, I know you can take the bite out of a vamp, but you can't take the lust for it. What about you?" She leaned over the table. "Do you miss it?" He went to protest but she corrected herself, sitting back up. "I mean, do you ever feel your demon craving bloodlust? Fighting for just something?"
"Everyday." He looked down. "Every minute. It's like a conscience. Every day he tries to talk me into something. Everything I do he comments on. It could drive a person insane. And the only think that keeps me from submitting is remembering. Because that's all it is. A memory.
"I see the children. Laughing and playing. Then I see them ripped to pieces. I see the women I stalked and killed they're families just for the rush of knowledge that I was making them insane. I see the women and sometimes young girls your age if not younger, pinned under me as I rape and torture them, taking them to the point where they want to die and then actually killing them. And then there's the sight of me taking someone so innocent and turning them into something so evil ... it's unfair to them, that I did this to them, and I understand that."
"But what about last year. Yeah, I know that was forced by the demons but, you almost ended it. You tried to kill yourself because of the guilt. What makes you stop from walking into the sun, taking a holy bath or plunging the stake into your heart?"
"The memories." Willow looked at him confused. "The only reason I keep going is not only for redemption. I know I don't deserve that. I killed too many to ever deserve that. I stay going in hopes that the memories that plague me will somehow help. Keeping them alive in someway. Because they don't deserve to be forgotten. If I don't remember them, who will?" Willow let that thought go through her mind for a couple minutes, not realizing she was still staring at Angel.
"I'm sorry." She said sheepishly, looking away with a shy smile.
"It's okay." He got up and put the mug in the sink, rinsing it while Willow took a sip of her Coke and stood, taking the bowl with her. She set it on the counter and turned to Angel who turned to her. His hand was supporting him on the counter and she took a piece of fruit from the bowl and placed it in her mouth, staring at him as she did so. He broke eye contact for a moment and looked to the counter then back over. He took a piece and placed it at her lips and she opened her mouth, excepting it slowly into her mouth. She sucked on his finger as it left her mouth and felt a shot of desire shoot through her.
She broke eye contact again and did the same as he had, looking to the counter quickly then back before picking up another piece and placing it slowly at his lips, repeating in reverse what had happened just moments before.
Angel stepped in a little closer. Willow's fingers danced over his lips for a moment before he raised his hand to hers and lightly and slowly pulled it away. He leaned in closer to her and as they were 6 inches from each other a noise from upstairs broke them both out of their haze.
Willow took a good two hours of solitary before she actually came back out of the room. Angel wasn't in the seat she thought he would be. She opened the door and was surprised to see his seat barren.
She came out the door, standing in the doorway she leaned her head on the doorway and stared at the couch. Flashes of the dream came to her and she almost had to hold back her smile. She definitely was having different feelings for Angel then she thought she would ever have.
Her thoughts drifted and soon she was in a daze of thoughts. Which she was brought back from by Angel walking within inches of her. He walked right past her, brushing her shoulder and in front of her. That pulled her from the daze and she straitened up watching him move to the kitchen. She followed him into the room and once again up against the door frame.
"Feeling better?" Angel asked her, looking over from the fridge to her.
"Yeah, Much. Just a little tired."
"Hungry?"
"Yeah, actually." She walked over to the fridge.
"I had Cordelia pick up some stuff for you while you were asleep. Feel free..." He drifted off and gestured towards the fringe.
"Thanks." She moved past him and pulled out a melon and Coke. She leaned and set the bottle on the table where Angel had sat and set the melon on the counter and turned to Angel. "Hungry?" He looked up from his seat confused.
"I don't -- "
"Eat. I know. I meant blood."
"Won't that make you -- "
"Sick?" she finished again. "No. I'm used to it now. The group usually had me doing the Spike feeding so I got used to heat-n-serve." She smiled. "So, hungry?"
"Yeah." He sat back and relaxed. Pulling out a blood bag, Willow emptied it into a mug and set it in the microwave. Setting the timer, she looked through the cabinets, grabbing a bowl, grabbed a knife and set them down just as the buzzer sounded. She pulled out the mug and took it to the table. Taking a sip, he looked up at her. "I haven't had warm blood in a long time." Angel ventured. Willow tossed a smile over her shoulder while cutting the fruit and tossed the skin into the trash before moving to the table. taking a seat next to Angel.
"I think Spike misses it. The warm blood I mean." She tossed a piece into her mouth when Angel looked up. "I mean, I know you can take the bite out of a vamp, but you can't take the lust for it. What about you?" She leaned over the table. "Do you miss it?" He went to protest but she corrected herself, sitting back up. "I mean, do you ever feel your demon craving bloodlust? Fighting for just something?"
"Everyday." He looked down. "Every minute. It's like a conscience. Every day he tries to talk me into something. Everything I do he comments on. It could drive a person insane. And the only think that keeps me from submitting is remembering. Because that's all it is. A memory.
"I see the children. Laughing and playing. Then I see them ripped to pieces. I see the women I stalked and killed they're families just for the rush of knowledge that I was making them insane. I see the women and sometimes young girls your age if not younger, pinned under me as I rape and torture them, taking them to the point where they want to die and then actually killing them. And then there's the sight of me taking someone so innocent and turning them into something so evil ... it's unfair to them, that I did this to them, and I understand that."
"But what about last year. Yeah, I know that was forced by the demons but, you almost ended it. You tried to kill yourself because of the guilt. What makes you stop from walking into the sun, taking a holy bath or plunging the stake into your heart?"
"The memories." Willow looked at him confused. "The only reason I keep going is not only for redemption. I know I don't deserve that. I killed too many to ever deserve that. I stay going in hopes that the memories that plague me will somehow help. Keeping them alive in someway. Because they don't deserve to be forgotten. If I don't remember them, who will?" Willow let that thought go through her mind for a couple minutes, not realizing she was still staring at Angel.
"I'm sorry." She said sheepishly, looking away with a shy smile.
"It's okay." He got up and put the mug in the sink, rinsing it while Willow took a sip of her Coke and stood, taking the bowl with her. She set it on the counter and turned to Angel who turned to her. His hand was supporting him on the counter and she took a piece of fruit from the bowl and placed it in her mouth, staring at him as she did so. He broke eye contact for a moment and looked to the counter then back over. He took a piece and placed it at her lips and she opened her mouth, excepting it slowly into her mouth. She sucked on his finger as it left her mouth and felt a shot of desire shoot through her.
She broke eye contact again and did the same as he had, looking to the counter quickly then back before picking up another piece and placing it slowly at his lips, repeating in reverse what had happened just moments before.
Angel stepped in a little closer. Willow's fingers danced over his lips for a moment before he raised his hand to hers and lightly and slowly pulled it away. He leaned in closer to her and as they were 6 inches from each other a noise from upstairs broke them both out of their haze.