Lying from you.
Fhb…
R- Drama/Angst/Romance/Lime. This fanfiction has a sufficient amt of profanity, please be warned.
Syn: How many times can we open our eyes to the same mistake? How many times do we have to lie and say its okay? Pills, drugs, rashes, gossip. Everything we feared was created by us…but how, how do we destroy it? BxK.
In a few days Shinta became better, he was walking but his binds were still around his chest. He and Kaoru usually had fun throughout the day since she didn't attend school. Don't get her wrong it wasn't because Kaoru was a delinquent, it was just school –well in school they didn't teach since SAT's was closing in on everyone. Kaoru did more studying on Physics and those moments she got off she'd teach Battousai English. He found it interesting, but a bit difficult with the 'th' and 'ph.' She agreed English was weird but then all languages were.
Inside her room the couple was learning the finishing-touch to Physics. Battousai watched as his girlfriend who was literally leaning against him did the problem he requested her to do. He kept gazing at her, his eyes falling up and down her. Kaoru sensed him staring and literally boring holes on her skin.
"Done…" she said cutely.
He looked at her sum, checking through her formula and how she applied it to the problem he took the honor to tell her, "yep! you're absolutely correct…do question 28" he whispered in her ear.
Kaoru nodded. Battousai then began leaning into her, pulling at her hands. Kaoru smirked but she didn't stop him, searching for question 28 she realized there was no question 28.
"There's no question 28" she said flatly…
"I know" he kissed the hand…
The next day Shinta and Kaoru began learning about friction, the last topic Shinta wanted to cover. It was the easiest topic but he did it last nevertheless.
"You know what's friction right?" he asked
"Nope" she lied…
"It's when two things rub against each other causing wear-and-tear…" he explained…
"Can you give me an example…" she asked innocently.
--
--
He placed a hand on her cheek, cupping it carefully.
She held onto his hand, "tell me koishii…what I want to hear…" she was breaking. 'See I break down for the easiest things'
"That your brother…didn't tell me" she whispered painfully.
Battousai knotted his brows, 'I guess you're still sensitive. I guess you may never look at me for me…but that's something I can surely try to change'
Leaning his head against hers, he looked beyond the sapphire hold, beyond the tomboy front, beyond the girlish implore----he saw the beating heart of the woman she wanted to be. The little miss originality.
"I…" he started… "love you…I love you Kaoru…" he trust his lips against hers…
'You are everything I want. Everything I could ever ask for. Thank you for this man lord
(Rings)
The couple pulled apart. 'Ahh that stupid door'
Battousai pulled back, "I'm coming back koishii…" he jumped off the bed. She nodded by flinging a pillow in his head…
"I'll get you…" he warned…
She stuck out her tongue, "pheesh-you wish…"
He smirked. Exiting "their" room he walked to the door. Opening the door he was shock to see who he did…
"A little birdie told me my girl was here" barked the silver-blonde boy.
"Enishi" Battousai snapped his voice like artic winds and lifeless spunk.
"I want her Battousai…" Enishi rapped aggressively…
"Iie…"
"Look man…I don't think you're getting me. That's my girl…my girl whose sinned by me…"
"What?" Battousai asked confused…
"Didn't she tell you what she did?" a cruel menacing grin on Enishi's face…
"What the hell are you talking about?" Battousai fisted his fist in Enishi's shirt.
"Your supposedly little girl is a big-time whore…" Enishi spat…
Battousai slammed his knuckles into the man's face… "NEVER say that" he shouted…
Kaoru heard Battousai shout. Running to him as she was, she ran behind him ready to scare him. A grin on her face. But then she saw him…
"Ahh…my darling, always exquisite to see you so beautiful…" he winked at her.
Battousai pushed away Enishi shutting the door loudly.
Turning around he looked at Kaoru with anger in his eyes…
"You were a whore for Enishi?"
Kaoru shook her head whilst backing up…
"Weren't you?" he hissed through his gritted teeth…
She couldn't answer…
"ANSWER ME" he shouted…
She ran from him to her room, Battousai followed her with steps of anger in each step. Slamming the door behind him he looked at the crying woman on the bed…
"Tell me everything right now" he gritted his teeth.
"What's there to explain?!" she screamed back, tears running down her face.
"Tell me how you knew Enishi…tell me the reasons behind these" he touched her tears…
She looked into his eyes…
"I didn't want you to know…" she started
He looked at her strangely… as if he couldn't believe she hid this.
"I didn't want you to know…what happened. What I felt…what I did" she looked into his eyes seeing a silver sheen over his amber eyes.
"Enishi…was my first boyfriend…" she started…
"He said he loved me and just couldn't live without me. As we started dating things starting progressing. He was a really meek guy at first, then—we kissed a few nights later; I guess we jumped the gun. As the days progressed I discovered he was becoming rasher and demanding of me. I myself was so innocent of the situation I allowed him because I never felt love before and I actually thought it was suppose to go that way. Then he started becoming more intense--usually to impress his friends. Then one night, --he and his boys…they ganged up on me…and I was---abused" She paused just to cry. The incident was so fresh in her head…
Battousai gritted his teeth…
"I was devastated that I began taking two sets of pills… anti-depressant pills and birth-control pills. It was the only way. Things didn't get better for me, they just got worst. I was suffering so bad, from studies and from my lost sanity" she whimpered…
"And?" came Battousai's voice
"I decided one day not to be myself. It was that day that I actually thought fitting in was the best thing to do. Man was I wrong. Megumi Takani, dared me to tell your bro I liked him…it wasn't for the best either…" Kaoru confessed…
"What happened?" he dared to know…
"I told him that afternoon by your school with Megumi's gang watching on. But something strange I realized, why was he by your school when he attends mine. I know your school-boys proudly hated ours…but I kicked the thought aside. A foolish thing to do. I confessed to him…he smiled. I felt like crying when he said he liked me too. I couldn't believe it. I thought I found happiness again…but I was wrong. I agree Kenshin was more of a listener, he was quiet, he was understanding and very sweet. By then at times I'd realize things…one of those things was that every time I phoned him, I'd hear voices of a woman in the background. I didn't interrogate him about it…coz seriously that's not my biz. Then on our odd dates Kenshin started kissing me…and treating me like a Barbie. After getting me drunk he took me home and we made love…little did I know I was seen. The next day when I went to his school to check on him, I saw the same shit recorded on video playing in your school. When your school friends saw me…I had to run coz I was officially everything good and bad to your boys. I felt like crumbling…but before I could… I ran to his home, opened the door and went straight to the bedroom where I saw this—girl on him just making love with him…" she cried… "It hurt so bad…so I ran. Ran to school…crying in my supposedly best friend's arms…" Kaoru cried… "I took so many pills from anti-depressant, to pain killers, to pregnancy pills. My anti-depressant pills wouldn't work with pain-killers in my system but I forced myself. There was a side-effect however. More aggression. I began acting up in school, my aggression and witty nature finally surfaced and there was no way I could subside it. It didn't stop however…so I went on to smoking. Smoking seem to relieve just a bit of my stress…but even that didn't work. So I tried taking ---drugs. I injected myself with some small amounts of cocaine…but that subsided my pain so much. When I awoke from the somewhat unconscious state I usually trembled because remember I was still taking other pills with that. I tried smoking weed, but that only made me wheeze. So I finally got myself some morphine and it worked, but I was very laid back and weak when I took it." She got up from the bed. Opening the draw to the side of her she pulled out all her pills and drugs.
"This is not a lie" she cried sadly…
Battousai shut his eyes…
"Why did you do it huh?" he asked…
"I don't know…it was just so harsh and nothing seem to be relieving anything" she cried covering her mouth whilst crying…
"Damn it. You were pumping your system with crap, as a result you became more frustrated, aggravated and not to mention depressed. Didn't you realize you were slowly killing yourself?" he shouted.
She could only cried.
"I guess not because here you are in the world, sad, torn and flicked. So what's the matter Kaoru… other people have it just as a bad as you or worse…so what's the matter the gravity of your problems asks for so much to numb you?" he shouted loudly…
She nodded… "I'm sorry"
"LIAR" he swore angrily, "you were hurting yourself purposely…and not to mention you could have stopped it coz you're no dummie…" he paused…
"I said I'm sorry Battousai"
"Are you?" he got off the bed whilst walking to her, pushing her against the wall she felt like crying so hard…
"Let me go please" she asked in a small voice…
"No…"
"Please…" she cried…
"I SAID, NO"
"W-why?" she wailed…
"Because my pretty-dolly…I am not done teaching you a listen" he cursed…
She closed her eyes…
"I never imagined dating dirty girls Kaoru. If it was the last thing I wanted to do was date a dirty girl. I'm a real clean guy you know, maybe yeah I don't really show it, but you got cheeky with more than one guy. What can you say about yourself now?" he let her go gruffly…
Kaoru slid down the wall destroyed. "You…don't want me…don't you?" she whispered…
"Should I want you now?" came his infuriated reply…
"No…"
"Why Kaoru…why are you so filthy…I thought you were so preserved…so clean…" he whispered…
"And would you wish me like that?" she asked…
"Yes…"
"What's so wrong with the way I am?" she cried…
"Everything. I no longer see you the way I do in my eyes."
"And what do you see me in me?…"
He turned around looking into her eyes, "honestly a filthy-suicidal-bitch"
Kaoru cried…looking out her window she just seem to let herself float in hurt…
"Not everybody in this world Battousai are angels…"
"You damn right. A shame those angels died along with those stars…" he whispered…
"Angels don't die," she whispered lying on the floor defeated sadly.
"Oh and how would you know?" he growled
"My daddy was one…and so was my mommy. They're my angels…what makes you think they fade like stars? True people we love fade like stars, but angels never do…" she whispered whilst closing her eyes…
Stooping to the floor he looked at her.
"You can leave me if you like Battousai" she whispered her eyes still shut…
"I should? Shouldn't I?" he asked…
"Yup…I mean, I'm no angel…I'm just a human. And if you think you're too good to love a human then go ahead, there's the door" she pointed out.
He looked at her differently. "Is that all you hide from me Kaoru?"
"Yup…that's the hollow life I've being lying from everyone…lying from you…" she opened her eyes to his…
"I guess you had a reason to…"
"No one would care even if I explained it to them…"
"What about your Misao friend?"
Kaoru frowned, "she's not my friend anymore. She moved on to the cheerleader squad with that Megumi…so you see I'm kinna lone and empty…" she stared into his beautiful face…
"Good bye Kaoru" he stood up…
So mechanically nothing seems to die, echoes pain at me…cloudlessly…
"No…please" she pulled his hand back…
His heart was breaking, but he knew what he had to do.
"I don't need you and you don't need me" he said…
She stood up, "that's a lie…you need me…you promised me you'd protect me…you said you loved me" she cried turning him around to her…
"Protect you? PROTECT YOU FROM YOURSELF? How can I? HENCE HOW IN GODS AM I TO LOVE A DIRTY-THANG?" he question…
Kaoru's face became flush from anger, slapping him solid across the face she gritted her teeth spitting angrily, "listen asshole…I am no dirty-thang…so NEVER, say that to me ever again…" she warned him…
"Who the hell do you think you're slapping?" he held her down.
Kaoru fought him this time… "let me go idiot…"
"Don't you want me to do this?" he shouted back while they both fell on the bed. Still fighting, Battousai pushed her back in a choking pose…
"Go ahead…kill me" she said silently…
Placing her both hands behind her head firmly, he sank into her whispering vehemently cold in her face, "you and me we have this religion. Soon you'll see what I did, you are everything I am---- how can I look at my mistakes beaming through and through? So obviously I can't take that…"
"But I am not you…and you are not me. As you see, you hate me…I love you…" she whispered…"
"You're still what you are…"
She tried pushing him off of her.
"This my decline Battousai, all alone inside my hollow heart I'm trapped inside for all time. For all I asked was for you to love me, but even that this world have forgotten to do" she screamed, tears falling uncontrollably. Her face was so red and brimmed in hurt.
Pushing his lips against hers, her eyes went large. 'I know I hurt you…but I finally understand you'
Closing his eyes, he felt how tense she was under him. Kaoru didn't imagine this…feeling her anger against her skin, she tried pushing him off, but he would only deepen the kiss, sucking her down in the bliss bit by bit. A place no one would ever know, ---a place she never expected to find, a place in his heart…
Kaoru wrote SAT's two weeks after, she thought she did the exam pretty well but she'd know soon. Battousai finally was heading into Tokyo Metropolitan Un. He decided since he wanted extra-classes in higher secondary education, he should finish the higher form of High-school and wait for his darling to join him. Kaoru and Battousai had officially became a couple after that day, they went to school in peace, had time for each other and basically was everything the next could ask for. It had been two months since Kaoru wrote SAT, she had a lot of free time to do odd jobs like modeling, singing and so forth. Battousai on the other hand had just bought himself a car. A nice Q45. Though the series was sorta old Battousai took pride in his accomplishment. …
It was Saturday. One of the most active days in the week besides for Friday of course. Kaoru was bathing whilst Battousai was watching T.V. Kaoru giggled to herself. Getting out of her bath, she wiped up and decided for curiosity to take a little test. Outside Battousai had been watching through the news. He saw a lot of murders continued… 'but that shall soon end'
He took off the tv waiting for his baby. He realized she was taking longer than expected. Taking off his shirt he flung it to the floor knowing Kaoru didn't like it when he did that. He wanted to spark interest. Kaoru came out alright, but she was in a very short "pink" nightgown. A very silky one. Kaoru went to him passing his shirt on the floor. Sitting on his stomach she looked at him cutely.
"I need to tell you something…" she said
"Sure thing baby…"
"Do you love me?" she dropped the question…
"Of course I do…"
"Can you promise me something…" she began in a slow and timed voice.
"Yes…" he touched her cheek…
"Don't leave me…" her words were so pathetic and sad sounding…
Battousai backed up a bit shock that came out from the blooms. 'Are you hiding something?'
"I promise…"
"I-I'm" he looked at her lips… "pregnant" he looked at her lips in shock, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant…
The word constantly echoed in his ears.
'Am I dreaming or did she say she was…pregnant?'
"You're going to be a daddy Battousai…" she grinned happily…
'This is my decline, this is the call…this is it? Isn't it?'
"Koishii" she called another time…
The look in his eyes was remote and distance like a winter from a summer.
She backed off from him trying to make sense from the look in his hazed amber eyes.
"Y-you don't want the baby don't you?" she asked in disbelief, somehow she felt like she swallowed venom that was harder to swallow than reckon with.
"When did this happen?" he neutrally asked
"I tested myself today…three times and they each came back positive…" she lowly spoke…
"Kaoru…look this wasn't suppose to happen, ---- its not suppose to be this way…this is all wrong" he explained…
"Oh I get it…it's not if I get a fricking baby isn't it?" she screamed out rashly…
"I never said that…"
"You're goddamn implying it"
"Look Kaoru…everything happened too suddenly…and it ain't right…"
"I guess I should I have expected this…knowing you're a Himura and stuff" she went to her room in tears. Placing on some clothes she barged out the room not bothering to tell him where she was going.
Battousai heard the front door slam. Shutting his eyes he really tried finding a calm in himself. Apparently there was none. He had done it again. Every time he worked for something and finally gained it---he would realized one, it was inferior, two it was not meant to be. That was always the situation, the very flicked one too.
Kicking the table down he cursed loudly at his mistakes.
Kaoru on the other hand had one objective, undo the whole thing. She was not only angry at her boyfriend, she was pissed to the last t. She knitted her brows in anger as she pushed past lanes of people. She got bad comments from a few but she shut them up with a slick curse. Her blood was already close to her skin, she could feel the gravity of anger consume her whole and vast. Passing what seem to be incident and accident, Enishi and his little crew of boys followed the young woman slickly. Kaoru walked to the Pharmacy asking for Pills that killed fetuses/developing zygotes within her. The Pharmacist looked at her, she was a bit young to be asking for such pills but he came to terms there were all sorts of people in this world. Purchasing the pills she made her way back to her home, as he came closer to her home, she was encompassed and encircled by ole rivals.
"Enishi" came her whisper…
"Kao-baby, how are yuh?" he asked with his hands in his pocket.
She looked around, the faces normal to her. She looked at Enishi with her blood flaring.
"Oh you know me" she said lowly…
"Oh?" he asked rudely… "Listen babes I came here to do one thing" he walked to her holding her firmly by the shoulders…
"And that's finish what I originally started" he said…
"When will you kind gentlemen know…" she paused… "this lady is not for sale?" she tried pulling out.
Again she reckoned Enishi was extremely muscular and tardy looking. He was packed and cut perfectly. He was radiance in the darkness true, but his attitude was black acid.
Kaoru wanted no more of being beaten and treated like a bloody cur. She wanted suddenly to be normal. But there was nothing known as normal. No matter how far we ran we'd discover man was always intoxicated by religion and culture, someway it was considered normal to their society, but here she was… wanting to be normal when she herself wasn't quite sure what the heck that was. Closing her eyes, she wished she could run away, never to awake to the sickness we were to salvation, buried and corrupted to sin. She wish that the heaven's tears would finally wash her sin instead of her covering, she just wanted to be seen, found, known…loved, held…be herself…
But she could never be that… 'for the world has turned its back on me as I have turned my back to norm of it. I'm fedup of running in circles, fedup being the humanity's meat…I wanted to be different, but I know now…that was way too much to ask for…'
Surrounded by her fears, she opened her eyes and allowed Enishi to take her. At least then she'd be the nothingness and then suddenly different. Different from all, only to sleep in the hollow of her shell, never to awake to sunlight…only to die with silver tears as the angels who cried from heaven. Opening her eyes she smiled at Enishi…
"Go ahead Enishi…" she closed her eyes…
--
--
'My scar bleeds more…' he touched his cheek. 'Running back and forth like a stretch tape, I found that this was life…the fickleness we could never accept but we'd have to nevertheless…'
Running through the wet streets of Kyoto with nothing but a fear that kept him running, he wished that the bleeding of his cheek didn't say anything wrong. Splashing dark puddles onto his pants he just felt the burn of something bad occurring. Sixth senses were always made for something to warn us and he wished his was just jinxing.
Bursting through the street, he found Kaoru in Enishi's arms with tears on her face…
'I'm fedup of him haunting her' pulling out the weapon from his pocket he flung it straight at Enishi's back. The tanto stuck firmly into his back making him push awkwardly forward on Kaoru. Kaoru fluttered open her eyes…
Enishi was looking at her perfectly normal, until a thin blood-line traced down the side of his mouth. She backed up in horror…
Enishi fell giving sight to him.
"Anybody else wants to die?" came his intoned-silver voice…
The men looked at one another then back at Enishi.
"I'm outta here man…" one of them said whilst they made a quick run for it…
"What do you think you were doing?" Kaoru backed up
She backed up, leaning herself against the wall. Battousai followed her form…his eyes like a cat's one.
She pulled up her bag but the bottle had already tips over. Kaoru tried to stop it from rolling but it rolled straight to Battousai. Lifting the bottle up he read the name of the drug…
Looking at the woman detrimentally wrathful, he scowled. "What do you think you were doing?"
"Ending it" came her calm reply…
"Ending, WHAT?" he boldly asked…
"Ending the symbol of our love…" she spat broken-heartedly.
"Without my consent?" he asked exasperated.
"Yes, without your consent. If I didn't know any better I say you don't even care for me"
He sighed.
Taking out his phone from his pocket he began calling some one with one-touch.
"Hi…Katsura…I need you to come down and settle some business once and for all…" he shut the phone snap.
'I know that name…'
"Come with Kaoru…you need to know something…" he spoke calmly…
She nodded…
They walked back to the small house in peace. As they entered men were already in the house…
She ran behind Battousai but he assure her everything was okay.
"Kaoru this is Iizuka, Maebi, Katagi and Katsura" Battousai greeted.
"Hello" she said minutely.
"This man here Kaoru is my boss…" he pointed at Katsura…
"Okay that's nice. What's this all about?" asked Kaoru very confused.
"It's about who I am, what I do, what I shouldn't have done…" Battousai explained.
"Katsura Kogoro---is my boss. He is originally the founder of the Ishin shishi and Chozu clan. These clans are responsible for beating off the Shinsen…" he paused seeing a lot of confusion on her face.
"Kaoru…do you know about the killings recently?" asked Katsura…
"Indeed I do"
"Well good, those men are called the Shinsen, my group is called the Ishin shishi, which fights off these bad guys. My best soldier is Battousai Himura" he pointed off…
"Wait, if you say fight off, doesn't that mean…kill?" she asked uncertainly
"Correct…"
"You mean all this time---I was with---a murderer?" she asked indifferently…
"Correct"
"And he never told me?" she asked some more…
"Correct…"
"OH MY GOSH! I can't believe this is happening…you're a murderer and you didn't even tell me…boy am I stupid!!" she clutched her hair…
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd have gotten on like this" Battousai frostily spoke…
"Agggh" she huffed.
"Continuing on now, you should know some stuff. The most important of them…is that I'm…" he paused… "I'm your father"
Kaoru nearly fainted, "Masaka! I don't believe this…this is madness…you're all mad" she stood up in shock…
"I know it's hard to believe but I am your father…and your name is not Kaoru Kamiya, your name is Kaoru Kogoro" he explained slowly…
This was just too much for Kaoru to digest. "No…that can't be. My father is Koijiro Kamiya…Kamiya Kasshin sensei and founder of Kamiya Kasshin, my mother is Katie Kamiya…you're lying this isn't true…" she cried…
"I know this isn't going to be easy to understand…but Kaoru you are my daughter. And your real mother's name is Kiagara Kogoro. She died giving birth to you…" he paused, "let me explain everything my daughter…"
"Damn it, I don't need to hear this nonsense---get out…NOW" she shouted…
"Battousai…" Katsura called…
Battousai held Kaoru down so she would listen to what their leader was saying.
"I shall start over, my name is Katsura Kogoro, I am the founder the Ishin shishi, the reason why I have built this clan was to assassinate the Shinsen from over-throwing modern day government. Your mother, a senator of the Japanese bicameral parliament became my fiancée when she discovered I was trying to protect her bill. She also realized that because she was fending to keep the new government in state, other allies were forcing her bill to fall, giving refuge to the Shinsen. Their first target was of course her, so I married her to keep her safe. Eventually along the line, she became pregnant with you, but she was found and beaten and injected with some very powerful drugs. She didn't tell anyone she had been injected but it was only at her deathbed she confessed. She was having you Kaoru, everything was working just fine, she had been pushing fine, her cervix walls relaxed so you could be pushed out. But something went horribly wrong. It so happens the medication that the Shinsen pumped in her was design to contract her cervix. So when she was pushing her cervix would deny to expand. It was already too late for her to have a suzerain, so she pushed nevertheless. It caused internal cutting of the uterus and the cervix, she bled profusely. The trouble was official now. One you weren't born with your head out, you were born with your feet first. Because internal bleeding meant flooding inside, we had to get you out before you'd drown in her blood. She had to be cut so the baby would come out. You came out healthy and beautiful. Your mother however…she was not so lucky" he paused remembering the incident.
"She touched face Kaoru…and she said to me, that is my Kaoru…my echo of joy in the insanity of the world…" he paused again seeing tears running down Kaoru's face.
"She told me after what had happened with the Shinsen, and then in her last moments she said to protect you and that she loved me…with that she closed her eyes." He paused to look at his daughter…
"I had close friends Kaoru, call the Kamiya's. They were my first recruit members but Kamiya was beginning to find refuge in the righteous way of life, so I gave him you. You grew all your life thinking they were your parents, afraid to say they weren't. When Katie died, Koijiro made a dojo that is the ghetto's home. He worked hard but he soon after died and you saw that death. I lost touch with him but you were handed down to your nana. And she knew everything about me. She took care of you and you loved her, which was good. I lost her number and the years increased my little knowledge on you. I had assigned Battousai at the age 15 to be my top murderer. When I found you by luck of Kenshin, Battousai reported you were not dead. I made him however assign him as your personal bodyguard. And I chose to format it in the way of your boyfriend. Now you know…"
"So all along everyone I knew had something they didn't want to tell me?" she cried silently, "how could you?"
"I did it…my child, to protect you" he explained…
"LIAR! You're a goddamn liar. My real father wouldn't abandon me…he'd never leave me to live this hell. NEVER!" She screamed, pulling out Battousai's hold walking away from him.
"You call yourself my father…do you know how much I needed my 'real' father when he died? Do you? Huh? Huh? HUH? I guess you'll never know...and you know why?" she screamed
Katsura looked at her…
"Because you're not my bloody father. I don't care what you say but I'll never accept you as my flesh and blood. What you did is high-class bullshit. Even if Kiagara Kogoro is my mother and she did say to protect me I know she didn't mean it that way…I was only a baby…how could you sleep when you cast your baby into a world of shadow?" she whispered sadly…
"I'm sorry hime-chan…"
"I'm not your princess…"
"You are…my child" Katsura said…
"Prove it" she said defiantly.
"Katagi" Katsura said softly
The man nodded taking out different set of documents. Katsura paced his hands over the papers showing pictures to Kaoru of her small self in the hands of him, her father. Kaoru read through the papers. 'Name: Kaoru Lily Kogoro. Date of Birth…'
Kaoru couldn't believe it. Closing the folder in disbelief she saw a symbol she knew far too well.
"This sign…" Kaoru started tracing her fingers over the weaving circle…
"You've seen it before haven't you?" Katsura asked…
"Yes…I have" Kaoru confessed… "but how—you?" she was hushed off when Katsura rose his shirt up on his radius, where the same pattern remain…
"Because this is Ishin shishi logo…each person of the Ishin is tattoo with this logo. As you are my daughter, it has to be burnt onto your skin. From a young age I marred your skin promising it with our family's logo." He spoke…
Kaoru closed her eyes, collapsing on the floor she just cried. "This is so har-d" she cried …
Battousai made impulses to collect her but Katsura waved him off.
"You…Battousai, my mother…her death…everything…I'm so confused" she whispered bitterly. 'I can't describe this feeling of empathy…this race of confusion and hate and everything way-ward in my head won't stop'
Kaoru pulled her hair just crying heavily in the transparent smoke of hurt. Katsura went to his daughter taking slow steps to her, pulling her hands from her face, he gave a soft face. Kaoru just cried, she needed so much love and care. Leaning forward she dropped in his arms…
"I'm so sorry koishii" he whispered…
A night that is endlessly stained in black, gave birth to sequins and diamonds of white. Sparkling truths and ethereal beauty as pristine as innocents. Sapphire eyes as bright as dying supernovas sparkled at the dark heavens of night. In her eyes were tears floating around such shiny orbs. Holding herself tightly she tried finding an answer in the sky.
Behind her was her lover who leaned against a wall. The raven head beauty just looked at the night. The world was still alive with agility and noise. The sirens from police and ambulances could be heart. The soft wind that daunted her features breathed slowly on her, making her hair fly into the amidst. She breathed slowly trying to find something. Alone she was, trying to find this something.
Battousai inclined forward, seeing the pain itched on her face. There was so much that was said. So much that hurt her. She kept running from the world. And in a way he didn't think it right…
Shuddering and shivering, she bit her lips to keep herself from breaking down. Enclosing his arms around her she shut her eyes just letting the last of her tears fall.
She accepted his embrace knowing it was all she had. Inside her the storm raged endlessly and everything she worked for was suddenly gone like wind to the heavens.
'Beating the bowels of everything right inside of me. Nothing seems to die. Fearing to fall I still tremble and fall down this slide endlessly…
Haunting faces bloom tonight in the crack of everything wrong and right. Shaped and colored in darkness --voices of dark angels sing to me. When I scream it goes through all the halls. The echoes come back at me. No one hears me call. Alone I am…to be---alone I am to fall.'
"Kaoru…" he called…
'Is that my name?' she wondered…
"Koishii…"
'Is that another one of my fictitious names?'
"Kaoru…" he called softly in her ear…
She wrenched her eyes shut.
'Drunk we are on this illusional wonder that says and speaks a language of its own. Never quite understanding love, we just knew it felt right. But can love take away broken-hearts, broken-wings that we need to fly with? Can it? No…it can't'
"Koishii…I know you're hurt, but please don't allow yourself to hurt all the time" he begged…
"My body is cut and my soul is bleeding…my eyes are blinded, and brain is failing…how many times do I have to come back to reality---a sick game which only masters of the cosmos are watching. How many times do I have to wake?" she whispered…
"Koishii…I know I shouldn't have kept certain things from you…but I only did it because I had to protect you…" he whispered
"I know Shinta…" it was the first time she called him that…
His eyes were wide. "But I can't keep allowing myself to fall. I am crumbling and shattering inside. The shards of my heart are cutting my soul and there is nothing left to hold but the hollowness of the nothingness…that is what I am now…" she cried.
"No koishii…you're not that…you're much more than that…" he whispered
"Much more than WHAT? CRAP?" she snapped out his hold…
He went silent…
"My life is deprived, do you think one day they'll write about me in books and stories and stuff? Do you think I can fly like a fricking bird in the sky? No one ever hears me scream, it all comes back as echoes to me. Where is the silence that I ask for even in my decline? Where are all these hurtful feelings hiding in and out my mind. Where is the thing I ask for that my soul bleeds to have?" she screamed…
Battousai blinked at her…
"I am falling…slowly that it seems I'm not, but I am. I can't keep dreaming. Everybody in this world feels tired, and frustrated and has a wish, but you know what sometimes we can't relax, we can't feel free and we can't make those wishes because they won't come true. I'm fedup believing---I think I should just rest…"
"What about me Kaoru" he barked coldly…
"What about you?" she asked
"I am a murderer. I am stained in a red-colour you could never see. When I watch my hands I constantly see this vermilion flamboyant flower, that flower is blood. I am so attached to it –that it disguises itself in something pretty. I could never wash it off and so for my sins. Victims who screamed in their last minutes were embraced by the look of liquefied amber. Distressed eyes that saw more than the morbid, offensive and fetid still lives another day. A man as myself has no face when all I am is some shadowy unwashed body left to clean cities in my rancid style. With one muscular flick of my katana it's all over, and the world never knew what hit them. A scar buried under the skin cannot heal and so my whole heart is covered with those scars. Bit by bit I fall as I am drained from mortal sanity and human civil right. A body which is won has allowed frost-bitten invitation to mate with me soundlessly. And the night as black as it is…is always more brighter than the heart of a murderer…" he volume in a low howl.
Kaoru swallowed the lump…
"So why screen it from me?"
"Because when my red hands come close to your white hands I find solace and light…and truth…and that's what I'm looking for, and I found it…" he whispered…
"I never knew that…" she whispered herself
"You don't know a lot of things about me…" he said lowly.
She had nothing to say. Really she was lost of words.
"I know Kaoru you are an antique of painful-excruciating-baffling and mystifying events, but should that stop you from being yourself…hmmm"
"I wanted to be different Shinta…"
"Well have I got a surprise for you…" he retorted…
"Oh…?"
"You know Kaoru, you're not the only person who hurt…and because of that you're not really different" he spoke softly…
"…Yes I am…its how I hurt makes me different" she whispered
"You know what forget it…you're not even hearing me" he was frustrated…
"I need someone Shinta…"
"Well I am not going to be that someone to give you self-pity…" he shouted
Kaoru… 'is that what I wanted?'
'Yes…I did…'
'After running so long I know what I want…'
"Kaoru…please…stop it…just live with me…" he went to her…
She cried as she herself walked to him, hugging him she cried in his arms…
"I wanted to be cared for…that's what I wanted. Care…I wanted someone to tell me I was alive and living –and that I wasn't dead or a shadow but there by their side breathing…I wanted that…since I couldn't have it I made myself want it by showing me and feeding me self-pity" she hugged him…
"Oh baby…" he kissed her head…
They looked at the stars, all the memories of them just stuck together bringing the moment they shared alive and endless. Eternal and forever as love is…as angels be…
Kaoru and Battousai got married with her Misao (they made up), Aoshi, the ghetto, and the Ishin shishi witnessing the marriage. It was just a matter of time. Battousai kissed his bride wanting to feel this day so badly. His family was here but just so shortly. Kaoru remembered the finality of that kiss, the kiss that said he was hers and she was his. Finally after so long Kaoru could see light and Battousai could appreciate the light she was.
In months time Kaoru and Battousai were attending the same university Tokyo Metropolitan University, a proud university that only accepted the best of the best. There were several universities but Tokyo Metro. Un. was one of the most advance in the country. Kaoru was on her ninth month in university her room-mate, her husband. Since "her" daddy spoke to the board of the university they were permitted to sleep in the same room and –stuff.
(Time sails)
Kaoru and Battousai had a little daughter…and they called her
"SCARLETT Stop right there missy" Kaoru screamed out as her little daughter stole a next cookie.
Of course the little child didn't listen. The front door of their university apartment was opened to Katsura and Battousai. The little girl jumped in her grand father's arms.
Kaoru ran around the corner looking for the bugger. Scarlet squealed. Shoving the cookie in her mouth she smiled at her mommy. Kaoru had to look angry, she was reading it from a mommy book.
"Koishii your daughter is very naughty" Kaoru said to her husband…
"Is that true Scarlet?" he took the little girl from his boss.
The little girl nodded no. Battousai laughed.
"So where have you two been, hmm koishii, daddy?" she had grown and from there learn to say his name… she knew Koijiro Kamiya would always be her father…but for now it was the least she could do for her real father.
"Buying some cookies…" Katsura spoke…
"For whom?" Kaoru asked
"I know not Scarlet" the little girl pouted…
Kaoru collected her daughter, the red hair blue eyes child was a symbol of her love with her husband.
That night Kaoru pat Scarlet asleep with Battousai behind her.
"Thank you koishii…" Kaoru turned to him…
"Oh baby…" he held her kissing her momentarily on the lips…
"I know what bliss and happiness is…" she paused looking at her daughter, "thanks to you" …
To my friends who want to commit suicide, remember there's a lesson to be learned from everything we do. If you feel that suicide makes you forgotten and makes you think that the world would be wider and roses would smell better then that's not true. Victims of suicidal members have a lot tears for you. Families that once seem unified become broken when your loss is upon them. It takes a year to three years to heal such wounds. Wounds that take hold on people and strangle them. You're killing other people by your loss…so remember if you feel nobody cares for you, then guess what…you are…I care for you…regardless what…
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
DEDICATED TO ALL THE SUICIDAL-KIDS and TEENS OF MODERN TIMES…
Owari…
This fanfiction is rated R for the advisory of suggestive themes, violence, profanity and an inclination in waff. This fanfiction does not however contain a lemon or any explicit sexual motioning!
An: Hi, well this is the deepest fic I have yet. I don't think I have a deeper fic. I just wanted to say that this fic really did come from within---it took time and ideas. I hope you guys liked it, it's the least I could do for never finishing one my fics…so sorry guys…
To all the helpful mixes of music I listened to I had to say these were the most helpful:
-Linkin Park- Lying from you (title name), Faint, Easier to run, Numb.
-Korn- Hollow life, No one's there, Here to stay.
-Avril Lavigne- Forgotten, Take me away, Happy ending.
-Cranberries- Zombie.
-Sarah Mclachlan- Angel.
Wishing you the best and the nothing the less (fhb 2004 © quote)
Review if you are connected to this fic…