A/N: Well, the characters aren't owned by me, of course. Just a notice: Quince, Bottom, Flute, Snout, Snug and Starveling won't be here because...because I don't like them. XP
This is it the first part of Midsummer's night joy! I hope you'll like it. Reviews please!
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(part one)
(Enter Theseus, Hippolyta and Philostrate)
Theseus - Fair Hippolyta! The lack of sex in our relationship is depressing! My manhood is depressed! Four days until our marriage! Oh, isn't time depressing?
Hippolyta - You're manhood is depressing...Go Philostrate and bring some Prozac.
(Exit Philostrate)
Theseus – Oh, my dear, is your headache back?
Hippolyta – No, it was for your...Well, fuck you, now I have a real headache.
Egeus(enters) – My Duke! (winks)
Theseus – Eggie?! (whispers) Eggie, I told you only to come at night!
Egeus – No, silly! Terrible news!
Theseus - OH SURE! (blushes) What's the news with thee?
Egeus – My daughter Hermia! Stand forth Demetrius. I want her to marry Demetrius, because when married they'll BOTH live at my house. (blushes) (cough) Now, stand forth Lysander. And this man here wants to take my Hermia.
Theseus(moans) – So, Hermia, what the fuck is wrong with it?
Hermia – Oh, my father wants Demetrius more than I do! All I want is my darling Lysander and he wants me!
Lysander – Hell, I want you Hermia! (winks) (turns to Demetrius) And you!...
Demetrius (smiles)(blushes)
Lysander - (sweat drop) ...You…erm…you better…take your…erm..mind…out of Hermia's…out of the wedding…our wedding I mean..… FUCK! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!
Egeus – (interrupting) SO…As you see Lysander is a very nervous boy, and Demetrius is so pure and innocent (winks at Demetrius) and he's a perfect gentleman.
Hermia – (crying)(points to Demetrius) He screwed my daddy!!!
Theseus, Lysander, Hippolyta – WHAT?
Egeus (blushing severely) – I did not! (points to Lysander) That…That boy made my child a liar!
Demetrius (blushes hardly)
Hermia – You cannot call me a liar father! I saw it!
Demetrius (blushes hyperly) – Actually your daddy screwed ME…
Theseus – Egeus, erm…I think we need to talk…
(exit all but Lysander and Hermia)