Chapter Eleven: And I Have Lost

When Hermione Granger's shaking hand picked up the letter mere hours after the sound of the last footsteps of Minerva's practical pumps had faded from Hogwarts's corridors, she immediately recognized the neat, curly handwriting on the envelope, along with the sparkling, emerald-coloured ink. It was exactly that realization that made her hand shake. She'd noticed a strange change in that older woman she knew so well, and it had upset her, though she had not realized why. All of a sudden, she did, though. There had been a change in Minerva's words and behaviour- but it was not the change of strangeness... it was the change of finality.

As she started reading, she knew her feeling was right, and Severus noticed her facial expression change along with the sentences she read. As she, after finishing it, pushed the letter into his hands, his questioning glance at her was not replied to- except, perhaps, by the faint glimmering of tears in her honest, brown eyes.

"My dear daughter, Hermione- and you too, my son Severus,

I write this to you, the two people who, right now, mean more to me than anyone on this earth, as a letter of apology. I am sorry, I am sorrier than I have ever been before, for I, Minerva McGonagall, have failed and I have failed terribly. I know you've been observing me this year, and I apologize for what you saw. Because you saw it, of that I am sure. You saw a broken woman, staring at you through my unbroken eyes. That woman has never been me, and she still is not me, for deep inside I am whole- for I am wholly his.

I have fought, my dears, I swear you, I have. I have tried to move on, to smile again, to see the beauty of a spring dawn again, to enjoy the careless looks on student's faces as a long and difficult class finally draws to an end. And I have lost! I have won every single battle I fought during my long life, my children, but one I have lost and that's the battle against myself.

And in case you wonder what this is, I will tell you. It is my will, in case I might die on a short notice. This is my will, the will of Minerva Caitriona McGonagall, and I can only hope it will be listened to, once the day arrives. I am a Headmistress, I have a school to run, and that's what I will pass on, once I leave this earth to go to the blissful place that follows life."

Here, the thick parchment was stained by a dark tear mark, and Severus audibly swallowed as he read on.

"I leave the title of Headmaster of Hogwarts to you, Severus, my Deputy Headmaster. Be a good and rightful Headmaster for the school I've dedicated my life to. And you, Hermione, you're young, I know, but with all my heart I want to ask this of you; please accept the title of Deputy Headmistress from my hands. You'll be a jewel for the place, my dear, I know- I just know it. Work together as the team you already are, in the memory of Albus and me, and for once and for always, chase all House rivalry away. Not Voldemort, but ancient House rivalry killed my only one. Remember that. And please, for me, for Albus, let it never, never happen again.

I will end here, my darlings, here and now, for my parchment is full and my mind empty.

Goodbye,

I love you, both.

Minerva Caitriona McGonagall"

Severus had read it all with growing awareness of the deeply hidden feelings of his superior and friend-since-years, but it was only when his fiancée urgently tugged his arm, that he dragged his gaze from the almost dancing letters towards her pale, begging face.

"Come with me..."

"What?"

"Now, Severus, please, run!"

And they ran.