A/N: My third humor-centric story, this time for Fruits Basket. If you were wondering, there are no pairings, and no bashing (I love all the characters of Furuba). Kyo is just going to go through an "enlightening" experience.
THIS IS A TWO PART STORY.
This fic is dedicated to M0rbidity who brought up the point that Kyo should have nicer, less plain hair. And also who nagged at me to write a fanfiction for something other than Shaman King.
PG-13 for Kyo's mouth, and general Shigure and Ayame behavior. Yuki and Tohru are innocent.
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya. So in other, words I don't own.
HAIRDO FROM HELL: PART ONE
Kyo Sohma never got along with Yuki. Cat vs. Mouse, anger management vs. cool sophistication.
It could be said they hated each other, but there was one person that Kyo could have possibly hated even more. Or rather, couldn't tolerate the presence of.
Yuki's brother, Ayame Sohma.
The man was too energetic, far too confident, obsessed with becoming buddy-buddy with Yuki, and couldn't be serious for beans. (A/N: And that is why we all love Aya. Bow down, ladies and gentlemen.)
But today, the orange-top, as Uo so fondly refers to him, would be given another reason to hate the snake of the zodiac.
Saturday morning, no school: salvation!
Too bad Ayame decided today would be a wonderful day to pay a visit to Shigure's house.
"Oh isn't this nice? It's been a while since all of us sat down for breakfast!" he chirped brightly.
"Who invited Mr. Happy Pants?" Kyo muttered under his breath.
"But lucky Kyo, I wear no pants!"
It was true. He wore a robe.
Shigure winked at Ayame, "And you wear no underpants either."
"You would know, wouldn't you, 'Gure?"
"No one needs to know what you're wearing. Or rather... what you're not."
Yuki finally spoke up, after half an hour of chanting, "Just ignore them," to himself.
Tohru was just blending in with the rug, smiling sweetly at everyone in the room.
A comfortable silence fell upon the room as everyone chowed down on their meal. Well, as silent as it could be with Ayame in the room.
"This food is scrumptious!"
'Ignore him.'
"The miso just sent my taste buds to heaven!"
'Ignore him.'
"Tohru, will you marry me?"
"IGNORE HIM," Yuki shouted out loud, unable to hold it in any longer.
Tohru just laughed. Ayame's short attention span never ceased to amaze her.
"Will you just shut up!? Why are you here anyway?" Kyo was losing a one-sided battle with his temper.
"Patience is a virtue, Kyo! I'm still eating, you know."
"I know that, you long-haired nitwit. Hurry up and shove that miso down your throat."
"Hmph, don't go making fun of my hair when yours looks like it just came out of a horror movie called 'PS: Your Cat is Dead'."
"Are you implying something, snakeboy?"
Ayame's eyes lit up.
"As a matter of fact, yes!"
"What!?"
Kyo panicked, not sure what was going through the looney bin Ayame called a brain.
"It's your lucky day, lucky Kyo. I just dropped by to have breakfast with you all, but I was really on my way to the beauty salon to get my hair done."
An awkward silence once again descended upon the room. Even Shigure, the pervert of the century, was speechless. The silver-haired man continued."I simply will not tolerate my little brother living in the same house as someone with such dreary hair. The color is brilliant! But the style, oh Kyo you could do so much better. Come!"
Ayame abruptly slammed his chopsticks onto the table and sprung up, dragging Kyo out with him.
"To the salon we go, beauty, make-up, hohoho!"
"What kind of song is that!? Hey let me go! I'm still hungry," Kyo protested violently biting at Ayame's arm which seemed to have attached itself to his own.
Ayame flinched. "If that leaves a mark you're paying for the fabric. And the bandaid!"
Faint yelling from the orange-haired boy could be heard even as the door slammed shut, signaling that they were outside and on their way.
"Ehe, huh?" Tohru asked.
"I think Kyo has just been kidnapped," Shigure answered.
"Finally, some peace and quiet," Yuki stated, seemingly in a better mood of a sudden.
Tohru couldn't help her thoughts from drifting. A cat and a snake in a hair salon. The eager girl she was, Tohru couldn't wait for them to arrive back home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - x x x - - - -
"Come now, Kyo, must you look so down? Your face is matching your dreadful hair!"
"Shut it. Who wants to be in a girly salon anyway? With you, no less."
"You complain now, but you'll be thanking me later."
"Egotistical bastard."
The two had made their way to the local beauty salon, Gala's Grand Stylus (the name itself scared Kyo). It had been a difficult trip, stumbling over snakes and cats that had somehow been magnetically drawn to the two. Well, Ayame pranced right over them with Kyo in tow.
Sitting here in the waiting room wasn't a much better experience. Soon. Soon, this would be over with. In the meantime, Ayame continued chatting on.
Kyo lost track of what he was saying. He heard something along the lines of, "Blah blah me me blah me me blah."
"Hey lady! Can we get some service here!?"
"Temper, temper, Kyo. Beauty takes time. Like a single flower blossoming in manure, it requires nurturing, attention, and most of all, the miracle of life! Besides, it's only been three minutes."
"We have an opening for the next customer?" a feminine voice announced.
'Finally,' Kyo bolted towards the chair the attendant was gesturing to, completely forgetting he was running into a make-over. He would come to regret that hasty action.
Ayame knew this, grinning as he skipped happily after his companion.
TO BE CONTINUEDA/N: I don't own PS: Your Cat is Dead, either. It's a book, with the most interesting title I have ever seen. Now go make babies. I mean, please R&R.
The second part will be up soon. Thanks!