Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings and all of its characters, places, things, and such belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I also do not own Downy Drying Sheets, Tide, flower vases, or any pickle jars. Thanks and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1
Sam, Merry, and Pippin were very worried about Frodo. He had recently been stabbed by a scary guy in black robes and now was dying on a big fluffy bed with sheets that had been dried with Downy Drying Sheets with that Right-Out-Of-The-Drier smell! To the Hobbit's great dismay, their sheets had not been dried with those wonderful sheets.
"That's very inconsiderate of Elrond.." Pippin whined as they crouched under the table in the kitchen, gorging on food.
"It's 'LORD' Elrond, Pip." Merry scowled as he bit into an apple.
"And they're Ring Wraiths, not scary guys in black robes." Sam added.
"Well, still....they needed to wash their robes with 'Tide' because they looked pretty dirty to me!" Pippin added.
Sam shook his head, "You're hopeless."
"Still...back on the subject...I say we steal some of Lord Elrond's Downy sheets!"
"Great idea, Merry!" Pippin shrieked.
"Yeah! We'll wait until the dead of night then set fire to a tree outside and we'll climb in through his bedroom window and..." Merry's face went chalk white. He had reached behind him and up to the table to grab some more apples when he had stopped talking.
"Merry! What's wrong!?" hissed Sam.
Lord Elrond squatted down, glaring daggers at them.
"Hullo, Mr. Lord Elrond, sir." Sam said in a weak voice.
"How much did you hear?" Merry asked, looking as though Elrond might impale him any moment.
"Everything." The Elf growled. "Now get out of here and don't let me catch you back in here!"
The Hobbits scrambled out, stuffing apples in their pockets as they went. When they were hearing distance away Merry growled. "That was rude! It's like he thinks he owns the place!
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but he does own the place." Sam said.
"Oh."
The Hobbits walked down the hall, and in their minds they began to plot some evil schemes. "Come on lads! We've got to think of something!"
Pippin thought, then frowned. "I'm not good at thinking." Suddenly a smile spread over his face. "I've got it! We take out the Elves in their sleep with the help of some Dwarves, then ally with the Wild Men and have them burn down all the villages of Men, then pay for assassins with Bilbo's gold and the Wicked Men of the East and then with our new Allies we'll conquer the Misty Mountains then move to Morder and conquer there...and that'll pretty much take care of it!"
The two Hobbits stared, wide-mouthed at Pippin. "That's world domination, not drier sheets, Pip."
"Oh." The youngest Hobbit looked thoroughly disappointed.
They went outside and sat down underneath the shade of a tree, watching Elves pass by who looked at them oddly.
"Queer folk," Merry said quietly. Sam looked insulted.
"They are not queer! You two are!" Sam argued.
The other two Hobbits grinned broadly and said, "We know."
A cat walked by, brushing it self against them. "Oi!" Screeched Merry, "It's a black cat! They're bad luck! We'll get captured by orcs or whatnot!" He cautiously picked up the cat and threw it toward Elrond's house. They looked up just in time to see the shocked look on Elrond's face before he and the cat disappeared in a fury of flying hair and shiny headbands. When Elrond finally managed to pry the cat away from him, the cat looked as though it had been sucked through a lawn mower, although it slinked away, unharmed. Elrond on the other hand...
"YOU!" The Hobbits scrambled to their feet and ran away from the scene as fast as they could. They sought refuge in a storehouse, which was full of...
"FOOD!" Pippin exclaimed. While Merry and Pippin were stuffing their pockets again, Sam was looking at some bottles.
"Elfish Ale..."
Pippin looked up, "Does it come in pints?" Sam rolled his eyes.
After stuffing some more food in his pockets, Merry walked over to where Sam was standing. "It is Elfish ale!" He grabbed four bottles and ran out, the other two following him, bewildered. It was getting late and the Elves were gathering in Elrond's house.
The Hobbits joined Aragorn at the table. They were surprised to see Gandalf. They had been there for two days, and Gandalf had most definitely not been there before. He looked a little sad, but tried to smile when he saw the Hobbits.
"Gandalf!"
"Where have you--"
"Frodo is--"
"Big, black, screeching things--"
Gandalf motioned for them to stop speaking at once, but they continued their random gibber.
"On the way to Rivendell--"
"Pippin was bit--"
"A huge bug! You should--"
"seen the size of it--"
"big as a--"
"Rocks everywhere! Poor Bill!"
"SILENCE!!!"
The Hobbits fell silent and so did everybody else. Everyone was staring at them. Gandalf let out a huge sigh then turned and gave the Elves 'a look' and they immediately turned back to what they were doing.
"It can wait until after dinner." Gandalf said promptly.
Soon everyone started eating, and Merry had not forgotten about his plan. He began to tell Elrond the disgusting, detailed story of how Pippin had been bitten by the monstrous bug and had broken into boils because he was allergic to it. Soon Lord Elrond excused himself for a moment and as instructed by Merry, Pippin took one of the bottles of Elfish Ale and poured out half of whatever was in Elrond's goblet and filled it with the Ale. He snuck back and sat down. Aragorn was giving him nasty looks but he simply smiled.
The three Hobbits held their breath as they watched Elrond take a drink from his goblet. He didn't seem to notice anything. They watched him intently through out dinner, waiting for the moment he would pass out drunk...but nothing happened.
Gandalf leaned over and said, "Just so you know...he was already drinking Ale..." Pippin and Merry narrowed their eyes and sank into their seats, each grabbing a bottle which they devoured quickly. In their most inconspicuous way, which was knocking over a few Elves, a flower vase, and a pickle jar that happened to be on display, they made their way out of the room. They were too drunk to remember where their rooms were, so they randomly picked out a room and passed out on the bed...
Two hours later....
"GET OUT OF MY BED!!!"
Merry blinked sleepily. Pippin was still out cold and muttered, "Turn it off..." Merry let out a frightened yelp and fell off the bed when he saw Elrond, standing there looking quite evil. Merry shook Pippin but he didn't wake up.
"GET OUT! NOW!"
"I wanna ride the pony..."
Elrond picked Pippin up by the scruff of the neck and grabbed the back of Merry's jacket and threw the two out of his room as though they were something very nasty. Pippin woke up in time to see Elrond slam the door in their faces...
"Well that was rude..." Then he fell back asleep....
::Next:: Soon...very soon