Disclaimer: You all are just gonna keep asking, huh? I DON'T OWN YUGIOH!
GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS! And I also don't own the song "Understanding"
by Evanescence which is used in this particular chapter.
Confidential Confessions
[Bakura P.O.V.]
I've tried to fool myself... Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself... I know I love you, Ryo... But... I don't want to let myself believe that... All of the times you put up with me... I... I don't understand why you did... or why you continue to... I haven't treated you like a human being... Yet you still continue to be so innocent and believe that you can help me...
The pain that grips you, the fear that binds you, releases life in me
Every time I degrade you whether amongst your friends or here in your own home... I regret every minute of it... I wish I could just go back in time and erase everything I ever said and did to you... Would you be happy then? You would no longer be a broken, abused soul... But, that's not what you want... You don't want anything for yourself... You only wish to help me... But you have, Ryo... You have...
In our mutual shame we hide our eyes, to blind them from the truth that finds a way for who we are
I've sent fear through your veins... You know what it feels like to beg for your life... I've made you experience it once before... perhaps too many times... You have been through life and death experiences... I only did it, to taste your fear... It's what kept me going... Pretty pathetic, huh? That I made you squirm and beg for your life just to see you act that way...
Please don't be afraid, when the darkness fades away, the dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts
You probably think that I enjoy what I do to you... Well, I don't... I've punished myself for doing those horrible things to you... Every mark I've given you, I made sure to give one in turn to myself... The deep gashes on your body... I've made mine deeper... Ra, damn it, why did I use a knife against you? You're so innocent... so fragile... yet I ruined your appearance as a delicate angel... Now you're a tattered, broken angel... wandering earth without a purpose but to try to stay alive...
My love for you still grows, this I do for you, before I try to fight the truth my final time
I never meant to hurt you... I was using you to release my anger... Why did I do it? Damn it, I'm such a baka! Why did I never take your feelings into account? You should have stood up for yourself or something! But every time I beat you or harassed you... you just... just stood there... You took everything I gave to you... Never did you throw anything back at me... You never yelled at me... you never raised your voice above a whisper now that I think about it... and you never hit me... Why? I do it all the time to you! You have a right to return the pain to me! Let me feel your pain! Share it with me! Just stop taking what I give you like it's no big deal, because it is!
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't cry it all away, can't scratch it all away
You've gotten to me... I must be turning soft... because I feel the hot, stinging tears flow down my face... So this is what it feels like to cry? This is what it means to feel sorry? And I made you go through this every day of your life?! Ra, I really am a pathetic excuse for anything! I'm not human; I'm a failure as a friend to you... So what am I? What am I to you besides a bully? Besides someone who physically, verbally, and sexually abuses you... I'm nothing... And you're fine with that? You'd put up with it for the rest of your life? Why? That's the only thing I want to know from you... Why...
Lying beside you, listening to you breathe, the light that flows inside of you, burns inside of me
Is it because you love me? Is that it? Can you love me? After all that I've done, it can't be possible... But... you're my guardian angel... my savior... You're my light and I'm your dark... You're my heaven and I'm your hell... We're the complete opposite of each other... But they do say... that opposites attract... But we're not any damn magnet now, are we? No, so that saying means nothing... It's just something made up by hopeless romantics...
Hold and speak to me, of love without a sound, tell me you will live through this, and I will die for you
Ryo, all I want to is to give you my love... But I'm afraid... I'm afraid of what you'll think of me... of what people will think of me... So I've kept it hidden... perhaps I've kept it secret for too long... Should I just run out and tell the world that I love you? That you're the only one for me and that I hope I am for you as well? I yearn to tell you so badly... but there's this one thought in the back of my mind preventing me from doing that... What if you say no?
Cast me not away, say you'll be with me, for I know I cannot bear it all alone
Would you do that to me? Once you see me confess my love to you? Once you see me pour out my soul to you? I do not think you are capable of such torture... But still it stays in my mind... haunting me... like your face haunts my dreams... No longer can I get through a night without waking up in a cold sweat breathing hard and fast... I cannot get you off my mind... You're all I think about... I guess you can call it obsession... Yes, that's it... I'm obsessed with you, Ryo...
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away it just won't fade away
You're the one thing that is always on my mind... The only thing I think about... I don't dream to posses the greatest power in the world anymore... I dream to posses you... The burning desire for you grows fiercely within me... I cannot control it... and pretty soon I will not be able to hide it either... What should I do? Should I take my chances and tell you the truth?
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't throw it all away, can't scratch it all away
Why is it always so easy to say things to someone in your mind but never directly to the person? I've practiced so many times of what I want to say to you... But every time I go to tell you... I end up beating you and leaving you for dead... Why? Does Ra not want me to tell you? No, I shouldn't be blaming this on Ra. The only one I have left to blame is myself... I've given someone else the blame all my life... Now, it's time I start to repent for my actions...
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away, move it all away move it all away
I know it's probably too late to start, but I might as well now then never... I vow to never hurt you again, Ryo... If I cannot hold myself true to this one promise... this one thing that you deserve most of all... then I don't deserve to live... May Ra take my life the day I return to my old self... If he won't... then I will... Hold me to these promises to my dear Ryo, Ra... Please... don't let me put him through any more pain... He's been through enough and deserves much better than me... Protect him...
God, please don't hate me, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do
Ok, this is chapter 2! The Yami's P.O.V.! Whee! Hope you liked it!
Confidential Confessions
[Bakura P.O.V.]
I've tried to fool myself... Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself... I know I love you, Ryo... But... I don't want to let myself believe that... All of the times you put up with me... I... I don't understand why you did... or why you continue to... I haven't treated you like a human being... Yet you still continue to be so innocent and believe that you can help me...
The pain that grips you, the fear that binds you, releases life in me
Every time I degrade you whether amongst your friends or here in your own home... I regret every minute of it... I wish I could just go back in time and erase everything I ever said and did to you... Would you be happy then? You would no longer be a broken, abused soul... But, that's not what you want... You don't want anything for yourself... You only wish to help me... But you have, Ryo... You have...
In our mutual shame we hide our eyes, to blind them from the truth that finds a way for who we are
I've sent fear through your veins... You know what it feels like to beg for your life... I've made you experience it once before... perhaps too many times... You have been through life and death experiences... I only did it, to taste your fear... It's what kept me going... Pretty pathetic, huh? That I made you squirm and beg for your life just to see you act that way...
Please don't be afraid, when the darkness fades away, the dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts
You probably think that I enjoy what I do to you... Well, I don't... I've punished myself for doing those horrible things to you... Every mark I've given you, I made sure to give one in turn to myself... The deep gashes on your body... I've made mine deeper... Ra, damn it, why did I use a knife against you? You're so innocent... so fragile... yet I ruined your appearance as a delicate angel... Now you're a tattered, broken angel... wandering earth without a purpose but to try to stay alive...
My love for you still grows, this I do for you, before I try to fight the truth my final time
I never meant to hurt you... I was using you to release my anger... Why did I do it? Damn it, I'm such a baka! Why did I never take your feelings into account? You should have stood up for yourself or something! But every time I beat you or harassed you... you just... just stood there... You took everything I gave to you... Never did you throw anything back at me... You never yelled at me... you never raised your voice above a whisper now that I think about it... and you never hit me... Why? I do it all the time to you! You have a right to return the pain to me! Let me feel your pain! Share it with me! Just stop taking what I give you like it's no big deal, because it is!
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't cry it all away, can't scratch it all away
You've gotten to me... I must be turning soft... because I feel the hot, stinging tears flow down my face... So this is what it feels like to cry? This is what it means to feel sorry? And I made you go through this every day of your life?! Ra, I really am a pathetic excuse for anything! I'm not human; I'm a failure as a friend to you... So what am I? What am I to you besides a bully? Besides someone who physically, verbally, and sexually abuses you... I'm nothing... And you're fine with that? You'd put up with it for the rest of your life? Why? That's the only thing I want to know from you... Why...
Lying beside you, listening to you breathe, the light that flows inside of you, burns inside of me
Is it because you love me? Is that it? Can you love me? After all that I've done, it can't be possible... But... you're my guardian angel... my savior... You're my light and I'm your dark... You're my heaven and I'm your hell... We're the complete opposite of each other... But they do say... that opposites attract... But we're not any damn magnet now, are we? No, so that saying means nothing... It's just something made up by hopeless romantics...
Hold and speak to me, of love without a sound, tell me you will live through this, and I will die for you
Ryo, all I want to is to give you my love... But I'm afraid... I'm afraid of what you'll think of me... of what people will think of me... So I've kept it hidden... perhaps I've kept it secret for too long... Should I just run out and tell the world that I love you? That you're the only one for me and that I hope I am for you as well? I yearn to tell you so badly... but there's this one thought in the back of my mind preventing me from doing that... What if you say no?
Cast me not away, say you'll be with me, for I know I cannot bear it all alone
Would you do that to me? Once you see me confess my love to you? Once you see me pour out my soul to you? I do not think you are capable of such torture... But still it stays in my mind... haunting me... like your face haunts my dreams... No longer can I get through a night without waking up in a cold sweat breathing hard and fast... I cannot get you off my mind... You're all I think about... I guess you can call it obsession... Yes, that's it... I'm obsessed with you, Ryo...
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away it just won't fade away
You're the one thing that is always on my mind... The only thing I think about... I don't dream to posses the greatest power in the world anymore... I dream to posses you... The burning desire for you grows fiercely within me... I cannot control it... and pretty soon I will not be able to hide it either... What should I do? Should I take my chances and tell you the truth?
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't throw it all away, can't scratch it all away
Why is it always so easy to say things to someone in your mind but never directly to the person? I've practiced so many times of what I want to say to you... But every time I go to tell you... I end up beating you and leaving you for dead... Why? Does Ra not want me to tell you? No, I shouldn't be blaming this on Ra. The only one I have left to blame is myself... I've given someone else the blame all my life... Now, it's time I start to repent for my actions...
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away, move it all away move it all away
I know it's probably too late to start, but I might as well now then never... I vow to never hurt you again, Ryo... If I cannot hold myself true to this one promise... this one thing that you deserve most of all... then I don't deserve to live... May Ra take my life the day I return to my old self... If he won't... then I will... Hold me to these promises to my dear Ryo, Ra... Please... don't let me put him through any more pain... He's been through enough and deserves much better than me... Protect him...
God, please don't hate me, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do
Ok, this is chapter 2! The Yami's P.O.V.! Whee! Hope you liked it!