Bones and Jim sat at the table eating a late breakfast. Spock still had not emerged from the guest room. Jim had checked on him earlier to make sure he had not left in the night. "Bones, how much time do you think Spock has left?"
"It's hard to tell without a full diagnostic but I'm sure Spock knows and can tell us." Bones look at Jim over his cup of coffee and gave him a penetrating look. "Can you handle this, Jim?"
Jim shrugged. "We'll find out. Won't we?"
"Did you really have a nightmare about Spock's death last night? Or, was that just a story for Spock?" Bones was concerned as he remembered the violent nightmares Jim had in the past about Spock and David's deaths.
Jim knew that Bones was getting into his psychiatrist mode. Jim had been troubled with nightmares about Spock's death for weeks after the event. At times, the dreams of Spock's death were mixed in with David's death. During their weeks on Vulcan, waiting for Spock to recover, Jim had reached a crisis with the nightmares. He couldn't sleep, eat or function. Bones did not have access to his sickbay to treat him and had resorted to asking the Vulcan Healers to help. They had determined the dreams were caused by a problem with the t'hy'la link. Upon Spock's death, the link had not been properly severed. And, with Spock's katra being returned to his body the link had caused Jim to receive mental images from Spock, with his death being the most vivid image he received. Jim had no mental shields to stop the memories and was in danger of a mental breakdown. Once the link was fixed, they were able to help Jim deal with the nightmares and after that, they only occurred occasionally.
"I had a nightmare that is all. And, remember the Healers said I had so many problems because the t'hy'la link had been affected by Spock's death and rebirth. The Healers took care of the problem and fixed the link. Don't worry, Bones, I'm fine." Jim gave Bones his trademark smile which he used to convince people to follow him to the end of the universe, if necessary.
Bones was not convinced but dropped the subject. "I think I'll go check on Spock and see if he's awake." Bones got up and headed to the other room.
Jim sat and drank his coffee and thought about everything Spock had told them last night. The door chimed and he got up slowly and headed across the room. Much to his surprise, Sarek stood in front of him. "Sarek! . . . Good morning." Jim was frozen into speechlessness trying to figure out how to get rid of Sarek.
"May I come in, James?"
There was nothing Jim could do but let Sarek in. "Of course, come in, Sarek." Jim continued to worry about how he was going to warn Bones and Spock about Sarek's visit.
"My apologies for arriving unannounced. Spock asked me to check on you. He is concerned you are in trouble. You appear to be in good health. Are you in some other type of difficulty?" If nothing else, Vulcans are direct.
Before, he could answer, Bones walked out of the guest room looking at his medical scanner as he talked. "Jim, Spock's awake and he seems to be somewhat recovered from the ordeal of getting here." Bones stopped in his tracks as he saw Sarek standing in front of him. "Oh, shit."
"What do you mean, Spock is here? Spock is on Alpha IV. I just talked to him this morning. Captain Kirk!" He looked at Jim who tried to avoid his eyes. He turned and said, "Dr. McCoy!" McCoy avoided his eyes as well. "Gentlemen, I require an answer." Jim and Bones looked at each other in consternation. The look on Sarek's face was something they hoped they would never see again. You don't want to deal with an angry Vulcan, especially an angry Vulcan father.
Before Bones or Jim could answer, Spock came out of the guest room. "They are talking about me, Father."
Sarek turned at the sound of Spock's voice. When he took in the reality of Spock's obvious age, he grabbed a hold of a chair for support. Jim went to Spock and helped him to couch. Bones went to Sarek, he didn't want to touch him, but was worried Sarek might collapse. "Sarek, are you okay? Can I do anything to help you?"
Sarek sat down heavily in the chair and waved Bones off. "Spock, explain . . .?"
Jim and Bones sat on each side of Spock to provide emotional support as he briefly went over his journey from the future and the events of the last couple of days. "I never intended to contact you or to cause you discomfort. My apologies, Father." Spock waited for his father's admonishment on his poor judgement. He remembered a human telling him that no matter how old you become, your parents can still make you feel five years old. Spock decided it was not just a human trait.
"Spock, for once I am not sure what to say. You could have died on Vulcan and your katra would be preserved. But, you choose to die here on Earth, far from your home and your katra will be loss forever." Sarek did not understand Spock's decision.
"Father, I have never been accepted completely on Vulcan. I have had to find my own path in life. Jim and Leonard have accepted my differences from the minute I met them. Leonard encouraged me to explore my human side, albeit in very strange ways at times." Spock gave Bones a half smile. This time Bones raised an eyebrow. "I have long since resolved my conflicts and I value the human characteristics that all of Vulcan would like me to deny. For all of the discussion of IDIC, I have never felt Vulcan accepted and valued my differences. Even in my day, I am honored for my accomplishments but I find these to be empty honors. I would rather be honored for who I am, not what I have done." Spock paused for a moment and closed his eyes. Jim looked at Bones, who ran a scanner over Spock, but he motioned Bones off and continued with his story.
"I thought about this for a long time, and it may not be logical, but I spent a good portion of my life trying to live up to Vulcan standards. I choose to die among the people who valued my differences. I do not want my katra to return to Vulcan. I choose the way of my Mother's people and my soul will go wherever souls go. I can't ask you to agree with my decision but I hope you can try to understand." Spock, Jim and Bones looked at Sarek waiting for a response.
'If Sarek rejects Spock again, I swear I will lecture him with a few words that he has never heard before.' Jim waited and worried about Sarek's reaction.
Sarek bowed his head for a moment. "I am one of those who did not accept your differences."
"Father, I do not intend my statement as a rejection of you. As any Father, you did your best and raised me in the Vulcan way as your father had and his father before him. As I said, I hope you can understand." Spock truly had forgiven his father. As he raised his own children, he began to understand the challenges of being a father and allowing children to make decisions he did not agree with.
"Spock, I will try to understand. I hope you will allow me to be present at the end." Sarek looked at Spock expectantly.
Spock searched Sarek's face for any signs of rejection, finding none he nodded his head. "I regret you will have to hide the knowledge of my presence from Mother. I would like to see her one more time but sadly that will not be possible."
"I agree. Amanda must never know. If, she knew you were here, there would be nothing I could do to keep her away." Spock raised both eyes at Sarek's admission that there was something he couldn't deny Amanda.
Looking at Jim, Sarek asked, "What do I tell Spock? He will be expecting a report from me."
"Well, I told him I was having dreams about his death, again. I think we need to stick to that story." Jim looked at Bones who nodded in agreement.
Sarek recalled the problems Jim had on Vulcan during Spock's recuperation. "That sounds like a plausible explanation. I will relate the same story." Sarek paused for a moment before offering his next suggestion. "I can offer assistance to prevent Spock from sensing any emotions from you. But, if you choose not to accept I will understand." Sarek waited for Jim's response.
"I'm willing to consider anything you have to offer."
"I could use a mind-meld that would temporarily block any strong emotions from being projected to Spock. He will not sense any difference in your link."
Jim didn't want to refuse Sarek. But, his last meld with Sarek, when he had relived Spock's death, had been traumatic. Still, if it would protect Spock from his emotions he would agree. He gave Spock a questioning look and Spock nodded. "I do not think I have the strength to set up such a mental shield, and if you are willing, I would advise you to let my Father mind-meld with you."
"Go ahead, Sarek," Jim said. Sarek faced him and placed his fingers on the mind meld points. Sarek entered Jim's mind as gently as possible. Jim could feel the difference and appreciated the care Sarek was using in setting up the mental block to prevent strong emotions.
When Sarek pulled away, Jim swayed a little but regained his balance. "I will take my leave of you and communicate with your younger self," Sarek said as he turned to Spock. "James and Leonard, I thank you for taking care of my son. Contact my aide, T'Lar, if you need anything or need to communicate with me. Please keep me informed." Sarek again turned toward Spock. "Spock, I will visit with you again, soon."
"I will look forward to the visit, Father." Spock seemed to brighten up in anticipation of that future conversation.
"We will keep you posted, Sarek." He bowed slightly at Jim's comments and left.
"Well, Spock, I think you need to rest for a while." Spock nodded and Bones and Jim helped him to the bedroom.
Spock returned to his office and had T'Lar make the call to Spock. As he waited for the call to go through, Sarek went over the story he planned to tell Spock. The future Spock must be protected and they must prevent any changes that could affect the future.
T'Lar entered, "Spock is waiting to speak to you, Ambassador."
Sarek nodded to dismiss his aide. "Spock, I have made the visit to see James as I promised. He seems to be in excellent health and denies any other problems. Also, I have made discreet inquiries and there are no concerns that I am aware of." Sarek used his best Ambassadorial face to hide his lies.
"Did Jim give you any reason for the problems I sensed?" Spock was relieved that Jim was okay, but he was still concerned over the strong emotions he had sensed from Jim, which had faded during the morning.
"He stated that he had dreamed about your death, again. Considering his past problems, I would assume you were sensing his strong emotions from that dream." Sarek regretted lying to Spock but he did not see any other alternative.
"Do you think a Vulcan Healer needs to see him?" Spock wasn't ready to let this go yet.
"I am confident Dr. McCoy would recommend a Healer if he felt it was required." Sarek was doing his best to convince Spock that James was not in trouble. "Do you sense any strong emotions at this time?"
"No, the emotions ceased three point four hours ago. I will check with Jim again in a few days. My gratitude to you for checking into this matter, Father." Spock was grateful that his Father had helped him. 'Maybe we are finally developing a relationship where we can communicate more easily.'
"Contact me if you need any other assistance in this matter." Sarek was relieved Spock believed his story.
"Thank you, Father." Spock signed off and forced himself to return to his duties instead of worrying about Jim.
Sarek meditated briefly as he tried to resolve all of his conflicting thoughts and the emotions that threatened to surface. He could not afford for Amanda to pick up any stray impressions. When his troubled thoughts were sufficiently under control, he returned to work.
The rest of the day was uneventful at Jim's apartment. Bones had made excuses to stay away from the Enterprise so he could take care of the older Spock. After Sarek's visit, Spock rested most of the day. Jim was anxious to talk to Spock but allowed him to sleep.
The next day, Bones was in the bedroom checking on Spock when the buzzer announced another visitor. This time, Jim checked his monitor and saw it was Dr. Christine Chapel. Jim headed to the bedroom. "Spock, Christine is here so stay quiet. I'll get rid of her. Bones, if I need help come on out." Jim looked around the apartment and saw Spock's cloak. He grabbed it and threw it in a closet. He went to the door and opened it. "Christine, I'm surprised to see you. Is there something wrong?" Jim was trying his best to calm any signs of nervousness.
"Hi, Captain, I'm trying to track down Dr. McCoy. Is he here?"
Bones was at the door of the bedroom listening. Suddenly, he felt Spock at his back. "Spock, you can't go out there," Bones whispered. He looked at Spock and saw a flicker of emotion. He wondered what that meant.
Spock, held his breath. 'Christine, my wife, I never anticipated seeing you, again. I loved you for years and denied that love until the day we were stranded on the away mission. And, later when the Pon Far occurred, you were there. I chose you freely and we bonded and married. Our daughter, Amanda, was born and she was so beautiful. She had my dark hair and the slanted eyebrows and pointed eyes but they were more delicately pointed than the average Vulcans. We raised her in both Earth and Vulcan traditions. She learned to control her emotions when necessary but also could express them freely. She smiled so easily. Christine, I learned so much about love from you. I thought I would never survive your death.' Spock leaned against the wall and tears ran down his face.
Bones saw how deeply affected Spock was by Christine's arrival. He felt a wave of sympathy for Spock. "Stay here. I'll get rid of Christine. Don't come out, please!" Spock nodded and Bones left the room.
Bones emerged from the bedroom as Jim was telling Christine he would get Bones for her. "Christine, what are you doing here? How did you track me down?"
"Leonard, when you are on Earth, if you aren't at your home you're usually with the captain. And the engineers have questions for you about the renovations of the sickbay." Christine pulled out a data pad for Bones to examine.
"Damn engineers, can't they even screw up the sickbay without bugging me?" As Christine pulled up the specks for Bones to review, he looked over her shoulder at Jim. He pointed to the bedroom and tried to indicate for Jim to go check on Spock. He stopped when Christine looked up and tried to act as if nothing was going on. She gave him a questioning look but didn't say anything.
"I'll let you two talk. Good to see you, Christine." Jim left the room and hurried to the bedroom. He found Spock sitting on the floor with tears in his eyes. Jim closed the door. "Spock, let me help you up." He reached down and Spock looked up. He had such a look of grief on his face that Jim felt a wave of understanding. Spock grabbed Jim's arm and he was surprised at how easily he was able to pull Spock up. He began to realize how frail Spock had become. "Come on, Spock, let me help you to the chair." Spock allowed Jim to ease him into a comfortable chair. Jim pulled up his own chair and examined that familiar face. "You probably can't tell me much but did you have a . . . history with Christine? I mean more than I already know about."
Spock wished he could talk about Christine's death with his closest friend but knew he couldn't do it. "I can't talk about it, Jim." He was quiet for a moment and then spoke again. "It's a good thing Vulcans live so long, as it took me a long time to figure out the important things in life are friends and family. Everything else is nothing without those relationships." Spock grabbed Jim's hand. Jim felt some of Spock's emotions even though he couldn't feel the t'hy'la link.
Almost from the first time he met Spock, he felt like they had a relationship closer to brothers than captain and first officer. When his brother died, he and Spock grew closer than he and Sam had ever been. "Spock, just tell me what you can, don't worry, I'll accept whatever you can tell me. But, I think we need to get out of here before, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, and Scotty show up."
Spock gave Jim a small smile and let go of his hand. "I think you are right, Jim. Where do you suggest we go?" Spock had regained control of his emotions and leaned back in the chair.
"How about Iowa? I haven't been to the farm in a long time. I have been meaning to go there and get some financial matters settled for a long time. But it's just one of those things that is easier to put off." Jim hoped that Spock would have some peace and quiet at his farm without the chance of running into old acquaintances.
"Excellent idea, Jim. What is the temperature in Iowa at this time of the year?" Spock had become more cold sensitive as he grew older.
Jim laughed, "Don't worry, July in Iowa will be hot."
Bones entered at that moment. "Who's going to Iowa?" Jim looked at Bones with a questioning look. "Don't worry, Christine is gone. Who's going to Iowa?"
"We are, the three of us. I say we get out of here before someone else shows up. We can call Sarek and let him know where we are and it would be a short ride for him to see you, my friend." Jim said this as he looked at Spock.
"I'll put Christine in charge of the sickbay renovations and we can take off tomorrow." Bones regretted mentioning Christine when he saw a look of sadness briefly cloud Spock's face. The three of them began to plan their trip to Jim's farm. They agreed to leave early the next morning.
"Jim, while you pack, I'm going to go back to the Enterprise and gather a few things I need. I'll be back by evening." Bones was determined to get a few medical supplies. He didn't intend to try and prolong Spock's life but he planned to make sure he had everything he needed to ensure Spock's death was as comfortable as possible.
Bones returned in the early evening with several large cases. Jim ribbed him about traveling light but Bones ignored him. After an early supper they retired for the evening.
The next morning, Jim grumbled about having to load all of Bones' cases. Soon, they were ready to leave and Jim took the controls. They had an uneventful flight to his farm and arrived midmorning. It was a beautiful, hot, summer day in Iowa. Jim landed the craft and started unloading the luggage and Bones' cases. Spock wandered around the lawn to the side of the house. The last time he had visited was shortly before Winona Kirk's death. He wasn't sure if Jim had visited since that time. The lawn furniture under a huge oak tree looked inviting and he pulled a chair out into the sun so he could bask in the warmth. The Amish farmers work in the distance as he relaxed. When he had first visited the farm, he had been fascinated by the farmers and had read as much as he could about their way of life.
Jim and Bones came out the side door of the house and joined Spock but chose chairs in the shade. They were dressed in jeans and short sleeve shirts. Bones sat down a tray of ice tea, sandwiches, salad and a cup of hot tea for Spock. "Well, Spock what will it be -- ice tea or hot tea."
"I think I will take hot tea as the air is still a bit on the cool side." Spock accepted the tea and warmed his fingers around the cup.
"The air is cool! You've got to be kidding. It is at least 95 degrees. I checked the weather and they are predicting it will top 100 degrees today. You need a little more red blood in your system and then you wouldn't be so cold."
Spock merely smiled at Leonard's usual comments about the color of his blood. While he had always enjoyed these verbal sparring sessions, he let this comment slide. Jim chuckled as he ate his sandwich and sipped his ice tea.
Spock continued to watch the farmers with curiosity. "Jim, are your Amish neighbors still farming your land? I believe you told me their name is Yoder."
"Yes, they are and I need to go thank Jacob and Sarah for getting the house ready for us."
"I thought it looked like someone had been here recently." Bones was enjoying this time of relaxing with friends.
"Sarah cleans the house once a month and anytime I come for a visit. They are wonderful people. Do you two want to walk over to their farm with me? It's not far."
"Jim, I'm going to sweat right here. I don't need a long walk to do that." Bones had no intentions of sweating any more than he already was.
"I would be delighted to join you," Spock said. They got out of their chairs and started across the lawn.
"Wait, Spock. I have something for you." Bones ran into the house and came out with a cane. "Spock, I want you to take this in case you need it. You have some rough ground to walk across and you've been unsteady since your arrival."
Spock examined the cane closely. He noticed the handle was carved out of ivory with the initial's J.M. on it. "Leonard, I appreciate the gesture, but I am sure I will be fine. Besides, this looks like an antique."
"Humor me, Spock. It was my great-great-grandfather's cane, and I would be honored if you would use it."
Spock nodded his agreement and walked beside Jim. He did find the cane useful in providing support. "Jim, You never told me how you met the Yoders."
"They have lived here as long as I can remember. When I was a child, Jacob and I became close friends. We roamed the fields and woods when he wasn't working. Jacob was not allowed to stay at my home, so I spent a lot of time at theirs. When I was there, I was expected to work as one of the family. They have a hard life-but they find it fulfilling." Jim and Spock were crossing the hay field which had been recently cut. They could see the Yoder family putting hay in the barn. "Mostly, they do not accept outsiders into their families, but I was around all the time and gradually they accepted me. During my childhood, my father was away much of the time, and Isaac Yoder was like a second father to me. When I got back from Tarsus, I was a mess. I withdrew from everyone, and Isaac helped me to connect with people again. Then, when my father died, I took it hard and became very difficult. Isaac helped me to understand what it meant to take responsibility and helped me to grow up. Isaac died several weeks ago and this is my first chance to offer my condolences."
"It seems we both had difficult childhoods." Spock had never heard Jim talk about this part of his childhood.
"Spock, I should be letting you do the talking instead of rambling on about my childhood." Jim looked at Spock, apologetic.
"No, Jim, this is just what I wanted: a chance for us to spend time together, to talk about old times or just take a walk. Now tell me more about the Yoders. Do they farm all of your land?"
Jim adjusted his stride to accommodate Spock's slower pace. "Yes, they do. My mother hated the corporate farms coming in and buying up all the land, so she started talking to people and buying as much land as she could. We have a very large farm at this point. The Yoders farm all of the land. I have invested money to pay for the upkeep on the farm for the foreseeable future. I hope Peter or one of his children will want to live here some day. At least, if they visit Earth, they will have somewhere to stay. Did you visit Earth as a child?"
"Not too frequently, and it was no better than being on Vulcan. I was never accepted as a member of my Mother's family. She was rejected by most of her family. She made several attempts of reconciliation but it didn't work. I never felt I belonged here on Earth or on Vulcan. I began to learn to fit in with the crew of the Enterprise under Captain Pike. But, when you became our Captain, and accepted me as no different from any other crew member, I finally found the place I belonged. The Enterprise was my first real home." Jim had suspected that Spock felt this way about the Enterprise but this was the first time he had ever openly voiced this to his friend. They continued on their walk across the hay field with each caught up in their own childhood memories.
As they reached the Yoder farm, Jacob came forward to greet them. "Jimmy, how are you doing? It has been a long time."
Spock's eyes twinkled at James Kirk being called Jimmy. Jim gave him a look that said he better not say anything. He shook hands with Jacob. "Hi, Jacob, how is your family?"
"Fine, but did you hear that father died several weeks ago?"
"Yes, I did. I wanted to come over and express my condolences. I wasn't close enough to Earth to come at the time. I'm sorry I couldn't come, as your father meant a lot to me." Jim leaned against the hay wagon as he talked to Jacob. He wiped his forehead, as their walk had really made him sweat. "Let me introduce my friend, Mr. Spock. Mr. Spock this is Jacob Yoder."
"Mr. Yoder, my pleasure." Spock leaned more heavily on the cane as the walk had tired him.
"It looks like your friend could use a rest, Jimmy. Why don't you go to the house, and Sara will make you some lemonade? I'll come join you when I am done here." Jim nodded and he and Spock headed to the porch. Sarah was waiting for them and greeted Jim with a smile. She brought them lemonade, and they sat in the rocking chairs and watched the men put the hay in the barn.
"What would Leonard say if he heard Mr. Yoder called you Jimmy?" Jim could hear the teasing in Spock's voice.
"He better not hear it from you, and that's an order." Jim smiled.
"I have not been under your command for years. But I'll keep your secret." They spent the afternoon visiting with Jacob and Sarah. As they knew Bones would be waiting for them, they declined the invitation to supper. At Spock's request, Sarah had given them a tour of her herb garden. He had asked for some mint which Sarah had happily provided. When Jim asked what he planned to use it for, he mentioned a gift for Leonard.
Spock was quiet on the walk back to Jim's house. "What are you thinking, Spock?"
"I was thinking that their simple life certainly holds a certain charm. But I would not trade our adventures for anything in the Universe." Spock was in an introspective mood.
"We did have some wonderful adventures. I think it is more fun remembering them than it was living some of them. When I think about the trouble, we got into and out of, I can't believe we survived." They followed the smell of food and joined Bones in the back yard.
"About time you decided to come back." Bones was grilling two steaks and had the table set with a variety of vegetable dishes.
Spock found the smell of the steaks nauseating and sat in a chair up wind of the grill. Jim moved over by Bones to check out the steaks. "You've been busy. I'll take mine medium rare. "
"Well, I rarely get a chance to cook and I found a refrigerator full of food."
"Most of it is right off the farm and out of Sarah's vegetable garden." Jim moved to the table to sample a carrot. He offered one to Spock who declined.
"That reminds me, Leonard, I have a present for you." Spock picked up a bag and opened it.
"What's that, Spock?"
Bones turned from the grill and Spock handed him a handful of mint leaves. "Courtesy of Sarah's herb garden. I assumed you will want to make your mint juleps."
"Thanks, Spock. Guess what we're having for desert," Bones said with a big grin. Jim groaned and Bones shot him a disgusted look.
They enjoyed their meal but both Jim and Bones noticed that Spock didn't eat much. They sat and watched the sunset.
"We have seen sunsets on more planets than I can count, but the sunset on Earth will always be my first choice. What about you, Spock? Which sunset do you prefer?" Jim looked at Spock. He was being too quiet and Jim hoped to draw Spock into the conversation.
"Earth sunsets are most colorful but Vulcan sunsets against the red sand are spectacular." Bones and Jim were amazed that Spock was able to comment on sunsets, something he had never done in the past. They continued to watch the explosion of color in silence. Spock grieved for all of the old friends he had outlived. Jim and Bones grieved for their friend who was dying in front of their eyes.