Title: Unplanned
Fandom: The O.C.
Author: Femslashqueen
Rating: PG-13
Character: Kirsten
Archive: Ask me first
Spoilers: Kinda for The Ties That Bind
Written for: daily15 word #90
A/N: An AU piece, or maybe not for all we know, this piece discusses abortion & miscarriage, you have been warned, it is also a 15 minute ficlet so it is pretty unpolished
On some level she feels relieved.
The decision had ultimately been taken out of her hands.
She feels guilty for feeling relief, she feels shame.
She twirls the signet ring on the middle finger of her right hand until the skin underneath is raw and bloody.
She hasn't cried yet, she just sits in her room, in the dark staring blankly at nothing.
No one will ever know, know that she had been pregnant; had been thinking of aborting her child; know that the decision was taken from her.
The doctor at the clinic had told her that miscarriages usually happen for a reason, that the baby was probably deformed.
She can't help thinking that this is her fault, that she, because she is only seventeen, because she didn't want to marry Jimmy Cooper, because she wasn't even quite sure the baby was Jimmy Cooper's, because of all that she considered having an abortion and this is God's way of punishing her.
She can't help but think that the baby had she decided to keep it and had this not happened, would have been a girl, she would have looked just like her, right down to the lop-sided smile and she would have called her Amelia and life would have been perfect with or without Jimmy Cooper and that her parents would have eventually accepted that she didn't want or need to marry Jimmy Cooper, to be with Jimmy Cooper whom she has never really loved, she lets herself think that her parents would have supported her and they would have loved their granddaughter.
She knows that this is unrealistic, but she can't stop thinking of her beautiful blue-eyed baby girl, Amelia.
She curls up into the foetal position on her bed and sobs herself to sleep.