A/N: Yes, the chapters are a tad short, but that's because we're lazy gits. Anyway, on with the show…

Chapter Two

            "You have banked a remarkable, astounding, zilch, zip, nada, ze-"

            "I BANKED!! I RUDDY WELL BANKED!! I MAINTAINED CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!"

            "Shut up, Professor Moody!"

            For a moment Moody locked glowers with Anne Robinson, but eventually even the rather insane ex-auror quailed under the stare of the person voted the rudest woman in Britain.

            In a deadly hiss, she added, "Never interrupt my insults. Ever."

            In response, Moody simply let out a whimper rather reminiscent of Peter Pettigrew.

            "Very good. Now, who is raining on your parade? Assuming you can only pick one? Who is a few floors short a skyscraper?"

            "What's a skyscraper?" Hagrid cut in.

            "Never mind. Just write the names."

            You could feel the tension building, as well as the strings section on the corny background music, as everyone wrote out their chosen victim. You could see Hagrid sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he struggled to form tidy letters. Flitwick was hopping up and down, dotting his letters with every leap upwards to the stand, his marker clutched like a weapon. Snape was wearing one of his most slimey, evil grins, staring around at everyone, all but letting out a malicious cackle.

            "Okay, it is now time to find out who you think is the weakest wizard."

            "Umbridge," Dumbledore said firmly and  clearly, getting the ball rolling.

            "Umbridge," Hagrid agreed as he flipped around his board, a note of satisfaction evident in his voice.

            It continued around the circle, with Hooch, McGonnagal, Moody, Flitwick, Snape, and Trelawney.

            "Umbridge."

            "Umbridge."

            "Umbridge."

            "Umbridge."

            "Umbridge."

            "Umbridge."

            "Hagrid is clearly not an adequate asset to the Hogwarts teaching community. He often must resort to crude sign language in order-"

            "We get the point, shut up, woman. McGonnagal, why Umbridge?"

            McGonnagal pursed her lips, trying to keep the impish glee out of her eyes. "Although I try never to speak ill of a colleague, I believe Professor Umbridge failed to answer a single question correctly."

            "Do you think this could possibly be because she didn't have the opportunity to answer a single question?"

            "Ah, I'm afraid I may not have the authority to answer such a question," the elderly transfiguration teacher replied diplomatically.

            Anne gave a non-comittal noise, before turning on the woman who was standing there with her mouth hanging open, totally aghast. "Well, Professor Umbridge, you are the weakest link, goodbye."

            "What?" She screeched, suddenly not only finding her vocal cords but putting them to full use. "How dare you?! Insolent beings! You can't do this to me! I am above you all! This is a conspiracy! I will not tolerate-"

            "GUARDS!" Anne bellowed over the din. "REMOVE THIS WOMAN!" Kicking and screaming, too large, burly trolls drug the woman off the stage.

            In the quiet room backstage, Dolores Umbridge was ranting and raving to the camera, threatening everything from sending dementors down on her peers to guaranteeing that Hogwarts would be closed permanently. The Tech Dude backstage took great pleasure in whispering into his speaker, "Don't even bother playing the tape," then flicking off the sound connection, leaving Umbridge in the fortunately padded room.