Kathryn had a very rough few days leading up to her doctor's appointment. Seeing Danny was the hardest thing she'd ever gone through. Knowing that he knew what she was doing was killing her. But he didn't call her or try to see her again. Kathryn was thankful for that. Of course, she didn't need him to make her feel guilty because every morning she had a reminder, as she was violently ill with morning sickness. She actually started talking to the baby in hopes that the sickness would stop. She would say things like, "You are really making me pay, aren't you?" and "You clearly have your father's stubborn streak." Kathryn knew this was dangerous, but she couldn't help it.
On top of the daily conversations, Kathryn also started to have vivid dreams about Danny. They weren't so much dreams as they were vivid memories of their happiest times together. It seemed like every time she closed her eyes, he was there. It didn't help that all she wanted to do was sleep. The night before her doctor's appointment she had the most vivid memory yet. She remembered a night after they were together for about two months. Danny got off work at a decent hour, and she planned an attempt at domesticity by cooking him a gourmet dinner. As Kathryn slept restlessly, she remembered:
Kathryn was in the middle of chopping vegetables, and creating a sauce when she heard a knock at her door. It was only 6 o'clock. Danny usually never got there before 7. Her hair was a mess, and she had an old stained t-shirt on to cook in. She planned on taking a shower and getting ready before Danny got there, but there he was at the door.
"Hey, beautiful," Danny said casually as he walked in.
"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here yet."
Danny looked at her with a slightly hurt expression, "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, of course not. I just wanted to…you know…make things perfect before you got here," Kathryn replied in exasperation as she self-consciously folded her arms across the ratty t-shirt.
Danny laughed as he pulled her into his arms and said, "You are already perfect."
Kathryn looked at Danny's face and smiled, "Oh please, you are perfect with no effort. I take a little work."
Danny then kissed her as he closed the door. His hands started to roam all over her body, as Kathryn just got lost in his kiss. And then he pulled away and said, "Is something burning?"
Kathryn, a bit disoriented from a lack of oxygen, replied, "What? Burning?? Oh my gosh…the sauce." She flew out of his arms and ran to the kitchen. "I'm burning the sauce. See what happens? You're a distraction, Danny Taylor."
Danny walked into the kitchen as he removed his coat and tie, and unbuttoned his dress shirt. "Sorry to distract you. I promise I'll behave so you can focus on…what are we doing exactly?" Danny asked as he surveyed the mess.
"I'm cooking."
Danny grinned, "Cooking? Are you sure you're not building a bomb?"
Kathryn took the knife she was using to cut the vegetables, "Don't get cute, Danny. This is not my area of expertise. I deliver passionate arguments in court. I can cross-examine a criminal in to confessing. But I can't master the art of béarnaise sauce."
"Well, I don't know, this is looking pretty good. Is it supposed to be purple?"
"Danny…" Kathryn said disappointedly as she took the sauce and poured it down the drain.
"What? I don't care if you can cook. I like take-out."
"That's not the point. I wanted to show you my domestic side. I wanted you to see that there was more to me than some hard-nosed lawyer."
Danny walked toward her, slowly removed the knife her hand, and put his hand on the small of her back. As he pulled her to him, he said in a low, sexy voice, "Believe me…I know there is a lot more to you."
Before he could kiss her again, Kathryn pushed him away, "I'm not giving up on this."
Danny sighed as he let go of her, "Well, if you aren't giving up then I guess I will have to help."
"You cook?"
"A little."
"Really?"
"Yeah…I've been on my own a long time. You learn a lot when you don't grow up in the lap of luxury."
"Are you saying I'm spoiled and that's why I'm having trouble?" Kathryn asked with a teasing scowl.
"No…spoiled? You? Of course not…just a little pampered maybe," Danny joked.
Kathryn laughed and watched as Danny took over. Within an hour, he had dinner under control. Kathryn marveled at Danny as she walked back into the kitchen after taking a quick shower, and changing. "Well, color me impressed. You are a man of many talents."
"You don't know the half of it," Danny responded as he turned around to look at her. And then he heard a song come on the radio that he turned on while cooking. It was Van Morrison's, In the Mystic. "This is a good song," he said as he took her in his arms to start dancing.
"I love this song. And you are talented…a great dancer to boot," Kathryn said as she looked in his eyes.
They danced until the song ended and then started to kiss passionately. Kathryn was so aroused; she was ready to let Danny do whatever he wanted right in the kitchen. But Danny restrained himself and said, "You ready for dinner?"
"Um…OK…as long as we can continue this later."
"Oh we will…don't worry. I have very specific plans for you tonight," Danny replied charmingly.
As they ate, Kathryn was completely impressed with the dinner. "This is amazing."
Danny smiled as he watched her eat.
"I mean…thank God you can do this. At least, I know our children will never go hungry…" Kathryn said this without even thinking. The words just slipped out. And she desperately wanted to unsay what she said. As she looked at Danny, she bit her lip.
Danny just laughed, but didn't say anything.
Kathryn finally said, "I didn't mean…that was silly thing to say."
"No, it was fine. Don't worry."
"That's what I get for practicing domesticity. I get baby on the brain," Kathryn said digging herself into a deeper hole.
Danny smiled again and looked down.
"Do you want kids?" Kathryn asked deciding the conversation couldn't get any worse.
Danny looked up a bit surprised, "I…uh…I haven't really thought about it. I like kids."
"You're really good with them. You were good with Jimmy Wilkens."
"That's different. When I see a child in trouble, it just…it really bothers me. Those are the worst cases for me. But I'm not sure if that is an indicator of what kind of father I would be," Danny said quietly obviously thinking about something very personal.
Kathryn kind of got lost in what he was saying, and again without thinking she whispered, "You're going to be a great father."
"That's nice of you to say. Do you want some more vegetables?" Danny said trying to change the subject.
"Sure…," Kathryn said with a smile.
Back to present
Just as Kathryn was deep into her memory she heard the high-pitched buzz of her alarm clock followed by a wave of uncontrollable nausea. As she knelt in front of the toilet, she remembered that today was the day. Today was the day she was going to kill their child.
Kathryn slowly showered and dressed. Then she left her apartment and got in a cab. She met Shelly at her doctor's office. "Thanks for meeting me, Shel." Kathryn didn't want to tell anyone, but she needed someone to help her get home. She couldn't tell her mother or even her sister about his, so she asked Shelly.
"Of course," Shelly replied quietly. Then they walked in to the building.
They sat quietly in the waiting room until Shelly finally asked, "Kathryn, I don't want to cause you any pain. But I just have to make sure you know what you are doing. Have you talked to Danny?"
"You don't know…you don't know what happened between us. I can't have his baby," replied Kathryn in a small voice.
Shelly didn't say another word. She just sat with Kathryn until the nurse called her name.
Kathryn walked back to the exam room with the nurse. The nurse walked her through the whole process. They would give her a light sedative and then begin the procedure. The nurse made it all sound so clinical like she was having a mole removed. Kathryn didn't have a problem with abortion in moral since. She was always pro-choice. She just always thought that she would choose life for her child. She never thought she'd be having this "procedure." The nurse then left the room so Kathryn could change into a gown.
After Kathryn lay down on the table, her doctor came in. "Kathryn, how are you doing today?"
"I'm OK."
"Did the nurse explain everything?"
"Yes."
"Do you have any questions?"
"No. Let's just get this over with," Kathryn said trying to push the thoughts of Danny and the baby out of her mind.
"OK. Nurse, please administer the sedative."
The nurse then injected something into Kathryn's arm. Within seconds, Kathryn started to feel relaxed. She closed her eyes as the doctor started to prep for the procedure.
As soon as she closed her eyes, she saw Danny. She then tried to open them so he would disappear but she couldn't. She thought she was having a memory of her and Danny in Central Park. They were having a picnic. They were looking at something in the distance and laughing. Only, Kathryn couldn't remember ever going on a picnic with Danny. So she thought she must be dreaming. She tried to wake herself up, but she couldn't. She and Danny were laughing. He wasn't holding her hand. Suddenly, he kissed her quickly on her neck and told her that he'd be right back. She watched Danny walk over to the little boy they were watching. The little boy was trying to fly a kite, but couldn't get it to stay in the air. She watched Danny help the little boy. Together they made the kite fly high in the air. The boy became more and more excited. He started to wave at her, and he said, "Mommy look…mommy look. Daddy helped me make the kite go really high." Kathryn realized she was dreaming about Danny and their child. She wanted to wake up so badly. She started to cry.
All of the sudden, she heard a whirring sound. She remembered the nurse described this sound. The procedure was beginning. Kathryn opened her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Kathryn…Kathryn, are you ready to begin?" her doctor asked.
On top of the daily conversations, Kathryn also started to have vivid dreams about Danny. They weren't so much dreams as they were vivid memories of their happiest times together. It seemed like every time she closed her eyes, he was there. It didn't help that all she wanted to do was sleep. The night before her doctor's appointment she had the most vivid memory yet. She remembered a night after they were together for about two months. Danny got off work at a decent hour, and she planned an attempt at domesticity by cooking him a gourmet dinner. As Kathryn slept restlessly, she remembered:
Kathryn was in the middle of chopping vegetables, and creating a sauce when she heard a knock at her door. It was only 6 o'clock. Danny usually never got there before 7. Her hair was a mess, and she had an old stained t-shirt on to cook in. She planned on taking a shower and getting ready before Danny got there, but there he was at the door.
"Hey, beautiful," Danny said casually as he walked in.
"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here yet."
Danny looked at her with a slightly hurt expression, "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, of course not. I just wanted to…you know…make things perfect before you got here," Kathryn replied in exasperation as she self-consciously folded her arms across the ratty t-shirt.
Danny laughed as he pulled her into his arms and said, "You are already perfect."
Kathryn looked at Danny's face and smiled, "Oh please, you are perfect with no effort. I take a little work."
Danny then kissed her as he closed the door. His hands started to roam all over her body, as Kathryn just got lost in his kiss. And then he pulled away and said, "Is something burning?"
Kathryn, a bit disoriented from a lack of oxygen, replied, "What? Burning?? Oh my gosh…the sauce." She flew out of his arms and ran to the kitchen. "I'm burning the sauce. See what happens? You're a distraction, Danny Taylor."
Danny walked into the kitchen as he removed his coat and tie, and unbuttoned his dress shirt. "Sorry to distract you. I promise I'll behave so you can focus on…what are we doing exactly?" Danny asked as he surveyed the mess.
"I'm cooking."
Danny grinned, "Cooking? Are you sure you're not building a bomb?"
Kathryn took the knife she was using to cut the vegetables, "Don't get cute, Danny. This is not my area of expertise. I deliver passionate arguments in court. I can cross-examine a criminal in to confessing. But I can't master the art of béarnaise sauce."
"Well, I don't know, this is looking pretty good. Is it supposed to be purple?"
"Danny…" Kathryn said disappointedly as she took the sauce and poured it down the drain.
"What? I don't care if you can cook. I like take-out."
"That's not the point. I wanted to show you my domestic side. I wanted you to see that there was more to me than some hard-nosed lawyer."
Danny walked toward her, slowly removed the knife her hand, and put his hand on the small of her back. As he pulled her to him, he said in a low, sexy voice, "Believe me…I know there is a lot more to you."
Before he could kiss her again, Kathryn pushed him away, "I'm not giving up on this."
Danny sighed as he let go of her, "Well, if you aren't giving up then I guess I will have to help."
"You cook?"
"A little."
"Really?"
"Yeah…I've been on my own a long time. You learn a lot when you don't grow up in the lap of luxury."
"Are you saying I'm spoiled and that's why I'm having trouble?" Kathryn asked with a teasing scowl.
"No…spoiled? You? Of course not…just a little pampered maybe," Danny joked.
Kathryn laughed and watched as Danny took over. Within an hour, he had dinner under control. Kathryn marveled at Danny as she walked back into the kitchen after taking a quick shower, and changing. "Well, color me impressed. You are a man of many talents."
"You don't know the half of it," Danny responded as he turned around to look at her. And then he heard a song come on the radio that he turned on while cooking. It was Van Morrison's, In the Mystic. "This is a good song," he said as he took her in his arms to start dancing.
"I love this song. And you are talented…a great dancer to boot," Kathryn said as she looked in his eyes.
They danced until the song ended and then started to kiss passionately. Kathryn was so aroused; she was ready to let Danny do whatever he wanted right in the kitchen. But Danny restrained himself and said, "You ready for dinner?"
"Um…OK…as long as we can continue this later."
"Oh we will…don't worry. I have very specific plans for you tonight," Danny replied charmingly.
As they ate, Kathryn was completely impressed with the dinner. "This is amazing."
Danny smiled as he watched her eat.
"I mean…thank God you can do this. At least, I know our children will never go hungry…" Kathryn said this without even thinking. The words just slipped out. And she desperately wanted to unsay what she said. As she looked at Danny, she bit her lip.
Danny just laughed, but didn't say anything.
Kathryn finally said, "I didn't mean…that was silly thing to say."
"No, it was fine. Don't worry."
"That's what I get for practicing domesticity. I get baby on the brain," Kathryn said digging herself into a deeper hole.
Danny smiled again and looked down.
"Do you want kids?" Kathryn asked deciding the conversation couldn't get any worse.
Danny looked up a bit surprised, "I…uh…I haven't really thought about it. I like kids."
"You're really good with them. You were good with Jimmy Wilkens."
"That's different. When I see a child in trouble, it just…it really bothers me. Those are the worst cases for me. But I'm not sure if that is an indicator of what kind of father I would be," Danny said quietly obviously thinking about something very personal.
Kathryn kind of got lost in what he was saying, and again without thinking she whispered, "You're going to be a great father."
"That's nice of you to say. Do you want some more vegetables?" Danny said trying to change the subject.
"Sure…," Kathryn said with a smile.
Back to present
Just as Kathryn was deep into her memory she heard the high-pitched buzz of her alarm clock followed by a wave of uncontrollable nausea. As she knelt in front of the toilet, she remembered that today was the day. Today was the day she was going to kill their child.
Kathryn slowly showered and dressed. Then she left her apartment and got in a cab. She met Shelly at her doctor's office. "Thanks for meeting me, Shel." Kathryn didn't want to tell anyone, but she needed someone to help her get home. She couldn't tell her mother or even her sister about his, so she asked Shelly.
"Of course," Shelly replied quietly. Then they walked in to the building.
They sat quietly in the waiting room until Shelly finally asked, "Kathryn, I don't want to cause you any pain. But I just have to make sure you know what you are doing. Have you talked to Danny?"
"You don't know…you don't know what happened between us. I can't have his baby," replied Kathryn in a small voice.
Shelly didn't say another word. She just sat with Kathryn until the nurse called her name.
Kathryn walked back to the exam room with the nurse. The nurse walked her through the whole process. They would give her a light sedative and then begin the procedure. The nurse made it all sound so clinical like she was having a mole removed. Kathryn didn't have a problem with abortion in moral since. She was always pro-choice. She just always thought that she would choose life for her child. She never thought she'd be having this "procedure." The nurse then left the room so Kathryn could change into a gown.
After Kathryn lay down on the table, her doctor came in. "Kathryn, how are you doing today?"
"I'm OK."
"Did the nurse explain everything?"
"Yes."
"Do you have any questions?"
"No. Let's just get this over with," Kathryn said trying to push the thoughts of Danny and the baby out of her mind.
"OK. Nurse, please administer the sedative."
The nurse then injected something into Kathryn's arm. Within seconds, Kathryn started to feel relaxed. She closed her eyes as the doctor started to prep for the procedure.
As soon as she closed her eyes, she saw Danny. She then tried to open them so he would disappear but she couldn't. She thought she was having a memory of her and Danny in Central Park. They were having a picnic. They were looking at something in the distance and laughing. Only, Kathryn couldn't remember ever going on a picnic with Danny. So she thought she must be dreaming. She tried to wake herself up, but she couldn't. She and Danny were laughing. He wasn't holding her hand. Suddenly, he kissed her quickly on her neck and told her that he'd be right back. She watched Danny walk over to the little boy they were watching. The little boy was trying to fly a kite, but couldn't get it to stay in the air. She watched Danny help the little boy. Together they made the kite fly high in the air. The boy became more and more excited. He started to wave at her, and he said, "Mommy look…mommy look. Daddy helped me make the kite go really high." Kathryn realized she was dreaming about Danny and their child. She wanted to wake up so badly. She started to cry.
All of the sudden, she heard a whirring sound. She remembered the nurse described this sound. The procedure was beginning. Kathryn opened her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Kathryn…Kathryn, are you ready to begin?" her doctor asked.