Chapter Three
As the camera swung back around to face the group, Anne Robinson began the usual spiel. "Well, team. You have lost one player, and ten seconds has been deducted from the clock. The question is, will the release of the last bimbo lighten the load that seems to be weighing down your brains so desperately? Unlikely, but let's find out. We will begin with the strongest player from the last round; that is Madame Hooch. Let's play, The Weakest Wizard." The opening music blared angrily across the studio and the race began.
"Madame Hooch, what was the Chudley Cannons' original motto, before they changed it to 'Let's just cross our fingers and hope for the best.'?"
"We will conquer."
"Correct. Professor McGonagall, what are the ingredients in the Draught of Living Death?"
Snape narrowed his eyes indignantly that his subject had been delegated to someone else. Moody's magical eye spazamed suddenly in its socket, twirling around like a cow in a tornado, and then her began to hop slightly as he screamed, "Bank, woman, bank! Don't panic, you'll lose everything!"
Anne rounded her dark stare on Moody. "You will remain silent when it is not your turn, thank you. As a result, your team has forfeited the right to answer that question. Do not try me again, Professor."
Moody grumbled some choice curses, but then fell silent.
"Professor Moody-"
"Bank!"
"Shut up, you imbecile! This is your final warning! What is the muscle Gluteus Maximum more commonly known as?"
"That's your bloody ass, that is! Mind you, with the decline of elementary wand safety, one could-"
"Correct. Professor Flitwick, who was the wizard who infamously made a small error in a common spell and ended up illegally importing an American buffalo, which ended up crushing several of his ribs?"
"Oh… I know this…" He squeaked eagerly. "Oh, I always think more clearly when I'm sucking a Bertie Botts' Every Flavoured Bean…"
"Incorrect. The correct answer was, Edward Baruffio," snapped Anne, her voice incredulous at such a silly error.
"Oh, faddle."
"You should have banked, man! Maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Moody barked at Flitwick, who cowered back behind his sign.
"Alastor Moody, if you continue in this vein, I shall have you removed from our set, you snivelling, paranoid, ding-bat of an old man!" Anne practically yelled at the aging Auror. Moody was unable to respond, so overcome was he by rage. Anne, however, pivoted sharply with her stand to round on her next victim. "Mister Filch, what is the term for someone born into a wizarding family, but without magical ability?"
Filch stiffened instantly, clutching Mrs. Norris (Who he couldn't bare to leave behind in Scotland) closer to his chest protectively. "What are you trying to imply? What have people been telling you? I'm no squib-"
"Correct. Professor Snape-"
"Bank," he cut in silkily.
"Finally," Anne muttered. "What is the term for witches or wizards who are capable of turning into animals at will?"
Snape's face darkened, but he still spat out his answer venomously, "Anamagi."
"Professor Trelawney-"
"My inner eye has made it clear to me that it is necessary for me to bank the money that together, pitting out wits against what is unknown to many, have managed to amass. It is impressive, no doubt, that my sight remains unclouded, even in such a harsh and auraless area such as that in which we are now pres-"
"Your bank is noted, Trelawney. Who was the seeress who knew that Helen was to be the fall of Troy?"
"Cassandra."
"Correct. Professor Dumbledore, name one of Nicholas Flammel's two main occupations."
"Attending the opera."
"Correct. Professor Hagrid, what is one reason that a hippogriff would distrust a human being as it approaches?"
"Well, ye' see, ye' can't blink too much or else-"
"Correct. Madame Hooch-"
"Bank," the Flying mistress threw in, her anxiety alleviated.
"In 1864, what was-"
Anne, however, was unable to finish her question, as the music declared that that rounds' time had just run out. The contestants glanced around nervously; they knew what was to come.
One of their number was about to leave forever.