Kathryn woke up with her head resting on Danny's stomach. His fingers were tangled in her hair. Somehow they made it from the kitchen to the couch. As she pushed herself up, she felt a confusing combination of fulfillment and dread. She quietly pulled her dress back up while watching Danny sleep peacefully with a slight smile on his face. She was struck once again by how much Michael looked like him. Kathryn longed to lay back down with him, or wake him to lead him to her bed. But she knew she couldn't do that. As she slowly tried to get up from the couch, she saw Danny stir in his sleep.
Danny looked up at her with lazy, dark eyes as he ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked confused.
Kathryn realized how silly she looked with her dress back on in the middle of the night. "Um…well…the dress actually never completely came off…so…"
"I guess we were in kind of in a hurry," he said amused as he sat up.
Kathryn looked at his unshaven face, and remembered the rough feel of it against her soft skin. "I wouldn't say you were in a hurry," she replied shyly. "I'm going to take a shower."
Danny nodded, "Do you want me to leave or do you want me to join you?"
Kathryn's heart skipped a beat. Danny always knew just what to say to make her blush, but she didn't succumb. "You don't have to leave. Michael would love to see you in the morning."
"So you want me to stay on the couch?" he asked.
"Danny," Kathryn replied in exasperation.
"If you say this was a mistake…"
"I wasn't going to say that, but I don't think it should happen again."
Danny laughed and shook his head. "You are one confusing girl. I'd get angry, but at this point…it wouldn't do any good. I'm gonna go. We probably shouldn't get Michael's hopes up that seeing me in the morning will become a habit," he said as he pulled on his jeans and buttoned his shirt.
Kathryn looked down as he walked to the door not sure what to say.
Danny then added, "You know one day you are going to stop punishing me. I don't know how many days of sobriety I'll need to have or what I'll have to say, but one day you'll want me back for good. I just hope that I haven't gotten tired of these games by then."
Kathryn looked up as Danny said his peace and then walked out. Instead of taking a shower, she laid back down on the couch and held the pillow that he just slept on. She wished that she could memorize his scent. She wished that she could memorize the feel of his body against hers. Because just minutes after he left, she already missed him.
A few days later, she entered her office after a morning in court. "Are you ready for lunch, Shelly?"
"Yes. I'm starving."
"Do I have any messages?"
"Evan Wyatt called twice. And Danny called. He said that his case wrapped up early today so he was going to pick up Michael from your mother's."
"How did he sound?" asked Kathryn.
"Which one, Evan or Danny?"
Kathryn sighed, "Danny."
"He sounded really good…sexy as ever," Shelly replied dreamily.
"God…Shelly…you are awful."
"He sounded fine. Why? Did you two get into a fight?"
"It's complicated."
"It always is with the two of you. What happened?"
Kathryn bit her lip and then admitted, "We had sex a few days ago."
"Wow…while you are still dating Evan. That is complicated, especially for you. I thought you liked Evan."
"I do. He's nice. I'm just not…"
"…Attracted to him like you are to Danny."
"Yep. It's so frustrating. I know that with someone like Evan there would no drama, no uncertainty. But I can't make myself fall for him. With Danny, it's like I don't even have a choice. It's like some chemical reaction."
"Has he said anything to you about Stacy yet?"
"No. Why? Have heard something else about them?"
"Kathryn…it's just gossip. According to my friend Lori, they are seeing each other. But this is a 22 year old girl…she could just be excited because he flirted with her a little."
"Or, she could be telling the truth. It wouldn't surprise me," Kathryn said as she felt jealousy start to swell in side of her.
"You should just ask him..."
"No, I really can't. I've been lecturing him for the past month about respecting my personal life," answered Kathryn.
"But that was before you slept together. I think that kind of gives you the right to ask."
"Maybe you're right."
Kathryn returned Evan's phone call, and he asked her out on a date for that evening. She accepted since Danny was going to have Michael at his place for the night. Kathryn wanted to try to make things work with Evan. The thought of having a nice, uncomplicated relationship was appealing to her more and more especially if Danny was moving on with Stacy. The thought of him with someone else was starting to make her crazy.
Evan took Kathryn to a movie. Kathryn was glad they wouldn't have to talk especially since they had't really talked since their failed attempt to sleep together. Kathryn felt especially uncomfortable considering she ended up having sex with Danny on her kitchen counter that same night. What kind of person had she become? She had changed so completely since Danny came into her life. As she tried to focus on the movie, Danny invaded her thoughts...his smile, his eyes, images of him and Michael, images of him making love to her. Kathryn could almost feel him inside of her. She was brought back to reality when she felt Evan take her hand. She looked over at him, and felt so incredibly guilty.
After the movie, Kathryn feigned fatigue and asked Evan to cut the night short. They took a cab back to her apartment, and she started to get out of the cab.
"Hey, wait a second," Evan said.
Kathryn turned to look at him and smiled, "Sorry, I...uh...I had a really nice time tonight."
"Me, too. I know you said you were tired, but I could come up. I'll give you one of my famous massages. Michael is with his father tonight, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is, but I wouldn't be very good company tonight. I'm sorry."
"We wouldn't have to talk," Evan said knowingly.
Kathryn smiled and gave Evan a quick kiss on the lips. "I just need to take this slow. I do like you, but..."
Evan interrupted. "It's fine. Really...no problem," Evan said with an irritated tone.
Kathryn got out of the cab, and said, "Call me. My mother wanted us to go to brunch with them on Sunday."
"Good night."
Kathryn smiled and walked into her building. She really was tired, and couldn't wait to crawl into bed. Since Danny had Michael, that meant she could sleep late in the morning. But those plans vanished when she walked into her apartment. Danny was sitting on her couch watching the evening news. A startled Kathryn said, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Well hello to you, too," Danny responded as he stood up.
"I mean it. Why are you here? You're supposed to be at your apartment with Michael tonight."
"I was. But he started to run a fever again. I thought he had another one of those ear infections. I didn't have his medicine at my place. I knew you would have some. So, I came here. And then I didn't want to bring him back out into the cold so I thought I would let him sleep here. I actually thought you would want him here when he isn't feeling well," Danny replied defensively.
"Of course, I do. You just should have called. I know you have a key, but that doesn't mean you can come in here any time you want. I have a right to some privacy, you know."
Danny laughed, "So what...after the other night...you're all about setting boundaries now. Get a grip, Kathryn. I don't care what or even who you were doing tonight. How is Evan the Accountant, anway?"
"Shut up, Danny," Kathryn angrily. "And you have absolutely no right to judge me. Especially since...."
"What? Especially since what?"
"Nothing...you know what? It doesn't matter. I doesn't matter what you do or what I do. You can screw as many 22 year olds as you want. I don't care. The only thing we have together is Michael. Nothing else matters," Kathryn exclaimed.
"Well, I agree, Michael is all that matters, but what the hell are you talking about?"
"I just told you it doesn't matter. I don't care what you do on your own time...just as long as you keep your personal life away from our son."
Danny was now pacing angrily around the apartment fighting himself to keep his voice down. "My personal life? 22 year olds? I haven't had a 'personal life' since...since I went to rehab. I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh please...don't start lying to me again, Danny. Your antics with Stacy the Nympho Cheerleading Paralegal are all over the DA's office."
"Stacy?" Danny frowned as if trying to place her.
"Oh God...don't tell me you don't know her name. You're screwing her, but you can't quite place her? That's rich, Danny."
"I'm not screwing anybody. I haven't been with anyone, except for you, the other night."
"I don't believe you. You couldn't go without sex for that long. And, according to Stacy, you haven't been going without."
"Look, I went out for coffee twice with Stacy 'the paralegal'. She asked me. I was just being nice. She wanted to go out, but I told her I wasn't interested. I don't know how two coffee dates turned into sleeping with her, but it sounds like you have a problem with gossip at your office. That is not my problem."
Kathryn couldn't believe it, but Danny looked dead serious. "So you're telling me that you've been celibate for well over a year?"
Danny thought about it for a second and then smiled slightly, "Yeah, I guess I have...I mean until the other night with you."
"Why?" Kathryn whispered still disbelieving.
"There are a couple of reasons...the first is that I had to stop using sex like I used alcohol. Addiction is addiction. I had to stop trading one for the other. And the second reason...the second reason...is...you."
"Me?" Kathryn replied as she sat down because she went weak in the knees.
"I thought that one day I'd get another chance with you, and I didn't want to screw it up. Of course, I didn't count on having to compete with Evan the Accountant," Danny said sarcastically.
Kathryn rolled her eyes as she silently thought there was no competition.
Then Danny added, "So you were jealous? You couldn't stand the thought of me with Stacy the Nympho Cheerleading Paralegal as you so eloquently put it."
Kathryn stood back up and walked toward Danny, "I wasn't jealous...I was just..."
"You weren't jealous? Please," Danny smirked.
"I wasn't as jealous of her as you are of Evan," Kathryn said as she smiled and stood directly in front of him.
"You're probably right about that. I hate the thought of you with anyone else but me," Danny admitted as he stared at her possessively.
"I'm sorry," Kathryn whispered. "I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions." Kathryn then embraced Danny. They held each other for a few minutes, and then Danny pulled away slightly to look at her.
"What does this mean, Kathryn?" he asked as he looked into her blue eyes.
"I don't know," she answered as she touched his cheek and then kissed him. And as it always did, the kiss set off a chemical reaction that lead to Danny pressing her up against the front door while quickly removing her dress. Her bra quickly followed as did Danny's shirt. Kathryn was getting lost in every kiss and every touch. They both knew they would be better off talking, but it was like they had no control. Kathryn could barely control her breathing as she moaned against Danny's shoulder. As he started to take off his jeans, they were both startled by a knock at the door.
"Who the hell is that?" Danny whispered in her ear.
Kathryn closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath against Danny's chest. "Mrs. Kopecki from next door. She comes over at night sometimes because she can't fix her heater. She is probably cold and wants me to fix it for her."
Danny smiled, "By all means, let's fix Mrs. Kopecki's heater. She could probably heat up pretty fast in here."
Kathryn laughed lightly and bent down to grab Danny's shirt to put around her. "She likes you. Why don't you answer the door, and I'll see bring you a t-shirt. Then you can fix her heater. And then you can come back here and finish what you started with me," Kathryn said seductively as she walked quickly to her bedroom.
Kathryn grabbed Danny's old FBI t-shirt from her dresser, and brought it out to him. Danny had opened the door, but it wasn't Mrs. Kopecki. Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Evan at the front door. Danny was standing in front of him without his shirt. Kathryn look down at herself in Danny's button-down. "Oh my god...Evan..."
Evan looked at her with venom, "I thought you were tired."
Danny looked at Kathryn and then back to Evan. Then he said, "I'm going to check on Michael." He took the t-shirt from Kathryn and headed back to Michael's room.
Kathryn started, "Evan, I'm sorry. This...I know this looks bad."
"Your wallet must have dropped out of your purse. I found it in the cab, and thought you might need it," he said icily and put the wallet down on the side table.
"Thanks," Kathryn wasn't sure what else to say.
Evan didn't say anything else. He just walked out. Kathryn sank down into the sofa after he shut the door. After a few minutes, Danny re-entered the room and sat next to her.
"What kind of person have I become?" Kathryn said quietly.
"Kathryn..."
"Before I met you...everything was so simple. I wasn't the type of person who would string someone along while sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. That wouldn't have even entered my thoughts."
"So are you blaming me for this?" asked Danny. "You've known how I felt since...since that day you came to see me in rehab. You knew that if I saw a chance with you that I would take it. You kissed me in the kitchen last week. You kissed me tonight. You can't do that and expect me not to want you. And you also can't date Evan and screw me. You have to make a choice. You can either trust me, and trust what we could have together or you can go to Evan, beg his forgiveness, and tell him that I won't touch you again...if that's what you want. But I need to know. It's not healthy for me to live like this...to want something I can't have. I won't let my life spiral out of control again."
Kathryn rubbed her eyes, and ran her hands through her hair. "You are right. I do have to make a choice. But it's not about Evan. It never has been about him. He was just a safe diversion. And I can't make you wait anymore."
Danny stood up and started to head for the door. "Listen, why don't you take a few days. I'll...um...I'll pick up Michael from your mother's tomorrow afternoon. You can stay here or maybe go away for the weekend. When you come back, we can talk about the future. I'll accept whatever you want. I just want you to be happy Kathryn...with me or without me."
Danny looked up at her with lazy, dark eyes as he ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked confused.
Kathryn realized how silly she looked with her dress back on in the middle of the night. "Um…well…the dress actually never completely came off…so…"
"I guess we were in kind of in a hurry," he said amused as he sat up.
Kathryn looked at his unshaven face, and remembered the rough feel of it against her soft skin. "I wouldn't say you were in a hurry," she replied shyly. "I'm going to take a shower."
Danny nodded, "Do you want me to leave or do you want me to join you?"
Kathryn's heart skipped a beat. Danny always knew just what to say to make her blush, but she didn't succumb. "You don't have to leave. Michael would love to see you in the morning."
"So you want me to stay on the couch?" he asked.
"Danny," Kathryn replied in exasperation.
"If you say this was a mistake…"
"I wasn't going to say that, but I don't think it should happen again."
Danny laughed and shook his head. "You are one confusing girl. I'd get angry, but at this point…it wouldn't do any good. I'm gonna go. We probably shouldn't get Michael's hopes up that seeing me in the morning will become a habit," he said as he pulled on his jeans and buttoned his shirt.
Kathryn looked down as he walked to the door not sure what to say.
Danny then added, "You know one day you are going to stop punishing me. I don't know how many days of sobriety I'll need to have or what I'll have to say, but one day you'll want me back for good. I just hope that I haven't gotten tired of these games by then."
Kathryn looked up as Danny said his peace and then walked out. Instead of taking a shower, she laid back down on the couch and held the pillow that he just slept on. She wished that she could memorize his scent. She wished that she could memorize the feel of his body against hers. Because just minutes after he left, she already missed him.
A few days later, she entered her office after a morning in court. "Are you ready for lunch, Shelly?"
"Yes. I'm starving."
"Do I have any messages?"
"Evan Wyatt called twice. And Danny called. He said that his case wrapped up early today so he was going to pick up Michael from your mother's."
"How did he sound?" asked Kathryn.
"Which one, Evan or Danny?"
Kathryn sighed, "Danny."
"He sounded really good…sexy as ever," Shelly replied dreamily.
"God…Shelly…you are awful."
"He sounded fine. Why? Did you two get into a fight?"
"It's complicated."
"It always is with the two of you. What happened?"
Kathryn bit her lip and then admitted, "We had sex a few days ago."
"Wow…while you are still dating Evan. That is complicated, especially for you. I thought you liked Evan."
"I do. He's nice. I'm just not…"
"…Attracted to him like you are to Danny."
"Yep. It's so frustrating. I know that with someone like Evan there would no drama, no uncertainty. But I can't make myself fall for him. With Danny, it's like I don't even have a choice. It's like some chemical reaction."
"Has he said anything to you about Stacy yet?"
"No. Why? Have heard something else about them?"
"Kathryn…it's just gossip. According to my friend Lori, they are seeing each other. But this is a 22 year old girl…she could just be excited because he flirted with her a little."
"Or, she could be telling the truth. It wouldn't surprise me," Kathryn said as she felt jealousy start to swell in side of her.
"You should just ask him..."
"No, I really can't. I've been lecturing him for the past month about respecting my personal life," answered Kathryn.
"But that was before you slept together. I think that kind of gives you the right to ask."
"Maybe you're right."
Kathryn returned Evan's phone call, and he asked her out on a date for that evening. She accepted since Danny was going to have Michael at his place for the night. Kathryn wanted to try to make things work with Evan. The thought of having a nice, uncomplicated relationship was appealing to her more and more especially if Danny was moving on with Stacy. The thought of him with someone else was starting to make her crazy.
Evan took Kathryn to a movie. Kathryn was glad they wouldn't have to talk especially since they had't really talked since their failed attempt to sleep together. Kathryn felt especially uncomfortable considering she ended up having sex with Danny on her kitchen counter that same night. What kind of person had she become? She had changed so completely since Danny came into her life. As she tried to focus on the movie, Danny invaded her thoughts...his smile, his eyes, images of him and Michael, images of him making love to her. Kathryn could almost feel him inside of her. She was brought back to reality when she felt Evan take her hand. She looked over at him, and felt so incredibly guilty.
After the movie, Kathryn feigned fatigue and asked Evan to cut the night short. They took a cab back to her apartment, and she started to get out of the cab.
"Hey, wait a second," Evan said.
Kathryn turned to look at him and smiled, "Sorry, I...uh...I had a really nice time tonight."
"Me, too. I know you said you were tired, but I could come up. I'll give you one of my famous massages. Michael is with his father tonight, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is, but I wouldn't be very good company tonight. I'm sorry."
"We wouldn't have to talk," Evan said knowingly.
Kathryn smiled and gave Evan a quick kiss on the lips. "I just need to take this slow. I do like you, but..."
Evan interrupted. "It's fine. Really...no problem," Evan said with an irritated tone.
Kathryn got out of the cab, and said, "Call me. My mother wanted us to go to brunch with them on Sunday."
"Good night."
Kathryn smiled and walked into her building. She really was tired, and couldn't wait to crawl into bed. Since Danny had Michael, that meant she could sleep late in the morning. But those plans vanished when she walked into her apartment. Danny was sitting on her couch watching the evening news. A startled Kathryn said, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Well hello to you, too," Danny responded as he stood up.
"I mean it. Why are you here? You're supposed to be at your apartment with Michael tonight."
"I was. But he started to run a fever again. I thought he had another one of those ear infections. I didn't have his medicine at my place. I knew you would have some. So, I came here. And then I didn't want to bring him back out into the cold so I thought I would let him sleep here. I actually thought you would want him here when he isn't feeling well," Danny replied defensively.
"Of course, I do. You just should have called. I know you have a key, but that doesn't mean you can come in here any time you want. I have a right to some privacy, you know."
Danny laughed, "So what...after the other night...you're all about setting boundaries now. Get a grip, Kathryn. I don't care what or even who you were doing tonight. How is Evan the Accountant, anway?"
"Shut up, Danny," Kathryn angrily. "And you have absolutely no right to judge me. Especially since...."
"What? Especially since what?"
"Nothing...you know what? It doesn't matter. I doesn't matter what you do or what I do. You can screw as many 22 year olds as you want. I don't care. The only thing we have together is Michael. Nothing else matters," Kathryn exclaimed.
"Well, I agree, Michael is all that matters, but what the hell are you talking about?"
"I just told you it doesn't matter. I don't care what you do on your own time...just as long as you keep your personal life away from our son."
Danny was now pacing angrily around the apartment fighting himself to keep his voice down. "My personal life? 22 year olds? I haven't had a 'personal life' since...since I went to rehab. I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh please...don't start lying to me again, Danny. Your antics with Stacy the Nympho Cheerleading Paralegal are all over the DA's office."
"Stacy?" Danny frowned as if trying to place her.
"Oh God...don't tell me you don't know her name. You're screwing her, but you can't quite place her? That's rich, Danny."
"I'm not screwing anybody. I haven't been with anyone, except for you, the other night."
"I don't believe you. You couldn't go without sex for that long. And, according to Stacy, you haven't been going without."
"Look, I went out for coffee twice with Stacy 'the paralegal'. She asked me. I was just being nice. She wanted to go out, but I told her I wasn't interested. I don't know how two coffee dates turned into sleeping with her, but it sounds like you have a problem with gossip at your office. That is not my problem."
Kathryn couldn't believe it, but Danny looked dead serious. "So you're telling me that you've been celibate for well over a year?"
Danny thought about it for a second and then smiled slightly, "Yeah, I guess I have...I mean until the other night with you."
"Why?" Kathryn whispered still disbelieving.
"There are a couple of reasons...the first is that I had to stop using sex like I used alcohol. Addiction is addiction. I had to stop trading one for the other. And the second reason...the second reason...is...you."
"Me?" Kathryn replied as she sat down because she went weak in the knees.
"I thought that one day I'd get another chance with you, and I didn't want to screw it up. Of course, I didn't count on having to compete with Evan the Accountant," Danny said sarcastically.
Kathryn rolled her eyes as she silently thought there was no competition.
Then Danny added, "So you were jealous? You couldn't stand the thought of me with Stacy the Nympho Cheerleading Paralegal as you so eloquently put it."
Kathryn stood back up and walked toward Danny, "I wasn't jealous...I was just..."
"You weren't jealous? Please," Danny smirked.
"I wasn't as jealous of her as you are of Evan," Kathryn said as she smiled and stood directly in front of him.
"You're probably right about that. I hate the thought of you with anyone else but me," Danny admitted as he stared at her possessively.
"I'm sorry," Kathryn whispered. "I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions." Kathryn then embraced Danny. They held each other for a few minutes, and then Danny pulled away slightly to look at her.
"What does this mean, Kathryn?" he asked as he looked into her blue eyes.
"I don't know," she answered as she touched his cheek and then kissed him. And as it always did, the kiss set off a chemical reaction that lead to Danny pressing her up against the front door while quickly removing her dress. Her bra quickly followed as did Danny's shirt. Kathryn was getting lost in every kiss and every touch. They both knew they would be better off talking, but it was like they had no control. Kathryn could barely control her breathing as she moaned against Danny's shoulder. As he started to take off his jeans, they were both startled by a knock at the door.
"Who the hell is that?" Danny whispered in her ear.
Kathryn closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath against Danny's chest. "Mrs. Kopecki from next door. She comes over at night sometimes because she can't fix her heater. She is probably cold and wants me to fix it for her."
Danny smiled, "By all means, let's fix Mrs. Kopecki's heater. She could probably heat up pretty fast in here."
Kathryn laughed lightly and bent down to grab Danny's shirt to put around her. "She likes you. Why don't you answer the door, and I'll see bring you a t-shirt. Then you can fix her heater. And then you can come back here and finish what you started with me," Kathryn said seductively as she walked quickly to her bedroom.
Kathryn grabbed Danny's old FBI t-shirt from her dresser, and brought it out to him. Danny had opened the door, but it wasn't Mrs. Kopecki. Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Evan at the front door. Danny was standing in front of him without his shirt. Kathryn look down at herself in Danny's button-down. "Oh my god...Evan..."
Evan looked at her with venom, "I thought you were tired."
Danny looked at Kathryn and then back to Evan. Then he said, "I'm going to check on Michael." He took the t-shirt from Kathryn and headed back to Michael's room.
Kathryn started, "Evan, I'm sorry. This...I know this looks bad."
"Your wallet must have dropped out of your purse. I found it in the cab, and thought you might need it," he said icily and put the wallet down on the side table.
"Thanks," Kathryn wasn't sure what else to say.
Evan didn't say anything else. He just walked out. Kathryn sank down into the sofa after he shut the door. After a few minutes, Danny re-entered the room and sat next to her.
"What kind of person have I become?" Kathryn said quietly.
"Kathryn..."
"Before I met you...everything was so simple. I wasn't the type of person who would string someone along while sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. That wouldn't have even entered my thoughts."
"So are you blaming me for this?" asked Danny. "You've known how I felt since...since that day you came to see me in rehab. You knew that if I saw a chance with you that I would take it. You kissed me in the kitchen last week. You kissed me tonight. You can't do that and expect me not to want you. And you also can't date Evan and screw me. You have to make a choice. You can either trust me, and trust what we could have together or you can go to Evan, beg his forgiveness, and tell him that I won't touch you again...if that's what you want. But I need to know. It's not healthy for me to live like this...to want something I can't have. I won't let my life spiral out of control again."
Kathryn rubbed her eyes, and ran her hands through her hair. "You are right. I do have to make a choice. But it's not about Evan. It never has been about him. He was just a safe diversion. And I can't make you wait anymore."
Danny stood up and started to head for the door. "Listen, why don't you take a few days. I'll...um...I'll pick up Michael from your mother's tomorrow afternoon. You can stay here or maybe go away for the weekend. When you come back, we can talk about the future. I'll accept whatever you want. I just want you to be happy Kathryn...with me or without me."