Unrequited
"We're a tissue match," Chakotay told Kathryn a few minutes later. "He's setting the surgery up for tomorrow, providing that she has stabilized. He said the hemorrhaging is slowing. She's not out of the woods yet, but there is hope."
She leaned against him then, and began to cry.
"There is hope," he repeated, putting his arms around her and kissing her hair. He patted her back gently, and waited wordlessly for the sobs to subside.
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice broke then. "Kathryn, I deserved to know."
"I couldn't face ruining your marriage. I didn't want to make things harder on you. I felt so guilty." Her face crumpled.
"I guess we really shouldn't talk about this now. We're both upset." He took a deep breath, and straightened his shoulders. "I am going to do everything I can for you and for Kaya. I love you both very much, you know that, don't you?"
She nodded, because she was unable to speak.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to go let Tom and B'Elanna know," he said.
He stopped short in the hallway, as three people came to their feet, looking at him expectantly. He closed his eyes briefly. He had forgotten about his wife. In his few minutes in the critical care ward with Kathryn and their daughter, he had forgotten such a person was even present.
This was it, then.
There was no way he could not tell her. He was going to have surgery tomorrow; they were going to take some of his kidney, and clone transplant organs, because his tissue matched Kaya's. What were the chances of that happening to just some random person?
"Chakotay?" Tom's voice broke through his thoughts. "How is she doing?"
"If she stabilizes enough for surgery tomorrow, she should be all right in time," he responded.
"Surgery?" B'Elanna echoed.
"To have new kidneys put in," he said, meeting her gaze evenly. She looked back at him, with awareness dawning in her eyes. "Ani, can I talk to you outside?"
Seven looked from Tom and B'Elanna to him. Something was terribly wrong, she knew, and she was powerless to do anything about it.
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She stalked along a wet San Francisco street, blind to the lights and the traffic, not even feeling the rain or the chill wind hitting her damp skin. Her clothes clung to her, and damp strands of hair were plastered to her neck and cheeks.
Unsure of how far she'd gone, she stopped suddenly, when she realized that she was not crying... in fact, that she had not cried at all. She felt lost, betrayed, bereft, lonely, angry, but she had not shed one tear.
Yet another of my shortcomings, she thought bitterly. I am intelligent. I fit the human standards of beauty. The Borg made me more and better than human, and that was still not good enough for him.
Because I was not her. Chakotay had looked stricken when he came from the ward. He had been crying. And when he caught sight of her at the far end of the hall, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. And the guilt, it had washed over him visibly.
"Ani, there's something I have to tell you. They're going to harvest some of my kidney tissue, and use it to clone Kaya's new kidneys. B-bec-because Kaya's my daughter. Mind and Kathryn's." She thought he had continued speaking, but none of his words were distinguishable over the pounding echo in her head, Kaya's my daughter, Kaya's my daughter. She had turned then, and fled from him.
He didn't love me. The thought struck her suddenly and with force. He never did. He was afraid of being alone. He wanted children. He settled for me because I was like her. How long...? She thought a moment. He had come to the Voyager reunion on Earth, almost 6 years ago. She had not been with him. B'Elanna had said Kaya was 5...
Barely a year! Her inner thoughts were exquisite torturing devices. We hadn't even been married for a year, before he realized he'd never be happy without her. And she gave him a baby. We were trying so hard, and she...the only time they...
She felt her breath hitch in her throat, and she put her arms around her midsection as if she were in pain. She still did not cry. She wished she could. Perhaps the pain would be easier to bear if it had some outlet. Somehow she even doubted that.
She was so wrapped up in her own misery, that she did not notice them until they had surrounded her. Several people in black uniforms and wet weather gear had gathered on all sides of her. She stopped abruptly. They were all armed.
"You are Annika Hansen, formerly Borg drone Seven of Nine?" One of them asked her.
"Yes. May I ask who you are?"
"I am Lieutenant Commander Montgomery of Starfleet Deep Space Intelligence. You will come with us, please."
They led her away.
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Chakotay was pacing wildly up and down the hospital corridor. "I tried to tell her. I tried to explain why...but she just ran. I don't know where she went. Should I go find her...what about Kaya? I don't want to leave Kaya." He ran his hands through his graying hair, in a gesture of despair.
B'Elanna put a placating hand on his shoulder.
"Give her some time," she said. "Kathryn and Kaya need you right now. And Seven needs time to process all this. It's probably going to be very difficult for her. And for you too. But Kaya has to come first."
"I know, B'Elanna. I know you're right about putting Kaya above everything else. It just doesn't feel right to not go after Ani. I've just ruined my marriage..." No, you ruined your marriage 7 years ago, by not marrying the woman you love, a snide voice inside him whispered.
"Look, you stay here," Tom said finally. "I'll go look for her." He met Chakotay's gaze for a long moment, and appeared to be visibly transmitting strength. "It's going to be okay."
"Thanks, Paris," Chakotay said gruffly. "Even if this all works out, I don't know how either Kathryn or I will ever get past the guilt of what we did to her." He continued to B'Elanna, as Tom walked away swiftly.
They watched, as he was intercepted by a nurse at the far end of the hall. There was an inaudible conversation. Tom reacted visibly to whatever the nurse was saying, and gestured down the hall toward Chakotay and B'Elanna. He jogged back toward them.
"Chakotay," Tom gasped. "Seven's been arrested."
TBC
"We're a tissue match," Chakotay told Kathryn a few minutes later. "He's setting the surgery up for tomorrow, providing that she has stabilized. He said the hemorrhaging is slowing. She's not out of the woods yet, but there is hope."
She leaned against him then, and began to cry.
"There is hope," he repeated, putting his arms around her and kissing her hair. He patted her back gently, and waited wordlessly for the sobs to subside.
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice broke then. "Kathryn, I deserved to know."
"I couldn't face ruining your marriage. I didn't want to make things harder on you. I felt so guilty." Her face crumpled.
"I guess we really shouldn't talk about this now. We're both upset." He took a deep breath, and straightened his shoulders. "I am going to do everything I can for you and for Kaya. I love you both very much, you know that, don't you?"
She nodded, because she was unable to speak.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to go let Tom and B'Elanna know," he said.
He stopped short in the hallway, as three people came to their feet, looking at him expectantly. He closed his eyes briefly. He had forgotten about his wife. In his few minutes in the critical care ward with Kathryn and their daughter, he had forgotten such a person was even present.
This was it, then.
There was no way he could not tell her. He was going to have surgery tomorrow; they were going to take some of his kidney, and clone transplant organs, because his tissue matched Kaya's. What were the chances of that happening to just some random person?
"Chakotay?" Tom's voice broke through his thoughts. "How is she doing?"
"If she stabilizes enough for surgery tomorrow, she should be all right in time," he responded.
"Surgery?" B'Elanna echoed.
"To have new kidneys put in," he said, meeting her gaze evenly. She looked back at him, with awareness dawning in her eyes. "Ani, can I talk to you outside?"
Seven looked from Tom and B'Elanna to him. Something was terribly wrong, she knew, and she was powerless to do anything about it.
----------------------------------------------------------
She stalked along a wet San Francisco street, blind to the lights and the traffic, not even feeling the rain or the chill wind hitting her damp skin. Her clothes clung to her, and damp strands of hair were plastered to her neck and cheeks.
Unsure of how far she'd gone, she stopped suddenly, when she realized that she was not crying... in fact, that she had not cried at all. She felt lost, betrayed, bereft, lonely, angry, but she had not shed one tear.
Yet another of my shortcomings, she thought bitterly. I am intelligent. I fit the human standards of beauty. The Borg made me more and better than human, and that was still not good enough for him.
Because I was not her. Chakotay had looked stricken when he came from the ward. He had been crying. And when he caught sight of her at the far end of the hall, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. And the guilt, it had washed over him visibly.
"Ani, there's something I have to tell you. They're going to harvest some of my kidney tissue, and use it to clone Kaya's new kidneys. B-bec-because Kaya's my daughter. Mind and Kathryn's." She thought he had continued speaking, but none of his words were distinguishable over the pounding echo in her head, Kaya's my daughter, Kaya's my daughter. She had turned then, and fled from him.
He didn't love me. The thought struck her suddenly and with force. He never did. He was afraid of being alone. He wanted children. He settled for me because I was like her. How long...? She thought a moment. He had come to the Voyager reunion on Earth, almost 6 years ago. She had not been with him. B'Elanna had said Kaya was 5...
Barely a year! Her inner thoughts were exquisite torturing devices. We hadn't even been married for a year, before he realized he'd never be happy without her. And she gave him a baby. We were trying so hard, and she...the only time they...
She felt her breath hitch in her throat, and she put her arms around her midsection as if she were in pain. She still did not cry. She wished she could. Perhaps the pain would be easier to bear if it had some outlet. Somehow she even doubted that.
She was so wrapped up in her own misery, that she did not notice them until they had surrounded her. Several people in black uniforms and wet weather gear had gathered on all sides of her. She stopped abruptly. They were all armed.
"You are Annika Hansen, formerly Borg drone Seven of Nine?" One of them asked her.
"Yes. May I ask who you are?"
"I am Lieutenant Commander Montgomery of Starfleet Deep Space Intelligence. You will come with us, please."
They led her away.
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Chakotay was pacing wildly up and down the hospital corridor. "I tried to tell her. I tried to explain why...but she just ran. I don't know where she went. Should I go find her...what about Kaya? I don't want to leave Kaya." He ran his hands through his graying hair, in a gesture of despair.
B'Elanna put a placating hand on his shoulder.
"Give her some time," she said. "Kathryn and Kaya need you right now. And Seven needs time to process all this. It's probably going to be very difficult for her. And for you too. But Kaya has to come first."
"I know, B'Elanna. I know you're right about putting Kaya above everything else. It just doesn't feel right to not go after Ani. I've just ruined my marriage..." No, you ruined your marriage 7 years ago, by not marrying the woman you love, a snide voice inside him whispered.
"Look, you stay here," Tom said finally. "I'll go look for her." He met Chakotay's gaze for a long moment, and appeared to be visibly transmitting strength. "It's going to be okay."
"Thanks, Paris," Chakotay said gruffly. "Even if this all works out, I don't know how either Kathryn or I will ever get past the guilt of what we did to her." He continued to B'Elanna, as Tom walked away swiftly.
They watched, as he was intercepted by a nurse at the far end of the hall. There was an inaudible conversation. Tom reacted visibly to whatever the nurse was saying, and gestured down the hall toward Chakotay and B'Elanna. He jogged back toward them.
"Chakotay," Tom gasped. "Seven's been arrested."
TBC