Disclaimer: See previous.

AN: Sorry this took so long to update. Only one more chapter to go!

Uncertain

The doctor came out of the operating room. Kathryn, as well as B'Elanna and Tom, who had been waiting with her, stood to their feet wordlessly.

"The surgery went as well as could be expected. Mr. Chakotay should be ready to leave in a couple of hours. His surgery was not very invasive. Kaya will probably need another week, for the kidney to begin functioning by itself and for the osteoregenerator to complete the bone regrowth." His grave features broke into a smile then. "I think she is going to be fine."

Kathryn sagged visibly, and Tom caught her under one elbow. Relief washed over her features, and tension melted out of her muscles. Her two most trusted friends bracketed her like bookends, supporting her in every way they knew how.

"Can – can I see her?" She finally managed.

"She's still in recovery," the doctor replied. "You can see her as soon as she is moved to a regular room." He looked back and forth at the trio of faces, as if uncertain whether or not to continue. "Mr. Chakotay is conscious, however. You are welcome to visit him, if you like. He's in R-41."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kathryn said, in a voice that was barely audible, but had the distinct captain's tone of dismissal. After his footsteps had echoed down the hallway into silence, she turned to the Parises.

"Should I talk to him?" she asked.

"If he's up to it," B'Elanna said, at the same time as Tom said,

"You'll have to sooner or later."

"I know. He's going to have a lot of questions that I don't have good answers for. I guess I owe him the right to ask though." She squared her shoulders, as if to steel herself for the task to come. She quirked her eyebrows at them, in a wordless "wish me luck" gesture, and headed down the hall to Chakotay's room.

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He was sitting up in bed, looking perfectly normal, reading from a computer screen. Of course, his surgery had been very mild. It was Kaya's condition that had been so perilous. Kathryn paused in the doorway for a moment, watching him. That night at the reunion seemed so long ago sometimes, a lifetime distant, yet she could still feel the touch of his skin against hers like it had happened last night. She wondered vaguely what would happen to him and Seven now, now that his wife knew what had transpired between them, on that long ago night.

"Can I help you?" came his voice, and when Kathryn started guiltily, she realized that he was watching her. How long had she been standing in his doorway staring at him? A flush began to creep up her cheeks.

"I just came to see how you were doing." He smiled at her then, a friendly smile, a polite smile, and one that didn't reach his eyes.

"As you can see, I'm fine," he said, cordially. The politeness of a stranger, she thought. Concern darkened his eyes then. "How is Kaya?"

"The doctor said the surgery went well. They think she is going to be fine." Chakotay closed his eyes briefly at her words, and appeared to murmur a prayer of thanks. There was a long silence that began to be awkward, but then Chakotay spoke again, as if he'd remembered something he was told he should say.

"And how are you doing?" The warmth of concern was not present in his voice. Kathryn felt despair well up in her, even as she lifted her chin stoically. So this is how we play this game.

"I'm fine." She took a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you, Chakotay. I wanted to explain – "

"I would love to hear you explain why you decided not to tell me I had a daughter." Chakotay's voice was flat, and Kathryn winced.

"I thought what happened that night was just a terrible mistake. I – "

"A mistake? That's impossible. Kathryn Janeway doesn't make mistakes." She flinched as if his sarcasm had physically cut her. His next phrase was full of soul weariness. "You knew, Kathryn. You knew how much I wanted a child. I told you myself. And you unilaterally decided to withhold that information from me. You made unilateral decisions about us on Voyager, and you never stopped."

"You were married." The word was wrung from Kathryn, the agony of his defection from her side still apparent and fresh. "You had a life. Without me in it. I didn't think I had the right to destroy that."

"Maybe you didn't. But neither did you have the right to keep Kaya a secret from me."

"I did what I thought was best for my daughter." Kathryn said angrily, her voice rising. As soon as she saw the dangerous look come over Chakotay's face, she knew her singular pronoun had been a mistake.

"Your secret nearly got her killed." Chakotay said stonily. Kathryn's face drained of all color.

"You don't mean that," she whispered. He looked at the misery on her face, and faltered.

"No," he sighed. "I suppose I don't. But that doesn't make what you did right."

"Chakotay, I had valid reasons. I was doing what I thought was best."

"For you," he countered. At her look of confusion, he continued, "You did what you thought was best for you. Not for Kaya. Not for me. For you." She stared at him for a moment, and realized that she did not have an excuse. How was I to know you would even want her? She thought, nope, that doesn't fly. Of course he would want her...How about, I didn't want to ruin what you had with Seven. Still no good, he loved her; she knew that, he had said as much that night at the reunion. Her mind tripped through half a dozen reasons, and she knew that none of them would wash.

Except the truth.

"I was afraid," she said, very softly.

"Of what?"

"Of what might happen." The self-evidence of this statement might have seemed silly to some, but Chakotay knew her well. She was admitting fear, over a future with no absolute certainty, over outcomes that she could not predict in advance. In a lab or on the bridge of a starship, uncertainty and unexpectedness were her adrenaline rushes. In personal relationships, they sent her backpedaling rapidly. He could not stop the wave of tenderness for her that washed over him.

"Do you know yourself?" Chakotay asked.

"Do I what – Chakotay, what are you talking about?"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I know myself," she said, still wondering where he was going with this.

"Do you know me?" he persisted.

"Yes, at least, I think I do."

"Do you know how you feel about me?"

"Without a doubt." Her eyes locked with his. He reached out and entwined his fingers with hers. She felt like she could no longer breathe.

"Do you know how I feel about you?" She nodded, unable to speak. He reached up and trailed the fingers of his other hand down one cheek. Sparks flew. "Then there are no unknowns. And therefore, nothing to be afraid of." She sighed deeply, and laid her cheek on the top of his head.

"We both have a lot of baggage to deal with," he cautioned. "But I'm willing to try to ... create a workable situation. I want to be in Kaya's life."

"I want you to be too," Kathryn said, with tears in her voice. "I'll - I'll do whatever it takes."

They were silent for a long moment, and were jarred out of their contemplation only when Chakotay's monitor chimed.

"Incoming message. Flagged 'Urgent'"

"Open message," he said, and read a few lines. He took a deep breath and let it out audibly.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked.

"Ani's divorcing me."

TBC