Title: If Only
Summary: I hate his hair, his smirk, his Slytherinosity and just the fact that he's Draco Malfoy. Or, at least, I think I do...
Rating: PG-13, to be safe. Swearing. Slight romance. Nothing big. If you disagree with this rating, tell me, and if you change my mind, the rating will change with it.
Disclaimer: I am not, do not own, and should not be associated with J.K. Rowling or any of her characters. I am a FANfiction writer, and I plan to stay that way. Any words from a song will be credited for.
Beta-ed by: Me! I'm currently out of contact with my beta reader, so if anyone is interested in beta-ing for me, just email or review to let me know!
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed:
Siriusly Searching for Black: Thank you!
Misses-Malfoy: Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it!
malfille: Thank you! I was trying to make Hermione hate him but at the same time keep the possibility that she might be attracted to him, so I hope it was believable!
ProwlingKitKat:Well, I know I've already emailed you and thanked you for the advice, but I'll say it again: Thanks! Happy soon-to-be birthday!! :D
innocentrose: Okay, so I didn't update as regularly as you'd probably have liked, but I'm trying. Hopefully next time I update quicker.
IFeltOnTom: Thanks! :)
peng8noodles: Thanks! I was trying to make it more canon than fanon.
Life, Love Sanity: Thanks hun!! You're such a great reader! 3
Kat: Thanks, I tried. ;)
Chapter 1: More Than Meets the Eye
Y'all cant deny it, I'm a fuckin' rider
You don't wanna fuck with me (yeah)
Got skills in the trunk with me (okay)
Switchin' lanes, do a buck with me (that's right)
Y'all cant deny it, I'm a fuckin' rider
You don't wanna bang with me (yeah)
And you know I brought my gang with me (okay)
Nggaz trip, I got my thang with me
(Can't Deny Itby Fabolous f. Nate Dogg)
From the moment I met Malfoy in first year, we have been at odds with each other. His little gang, consisting of Crabbe, Goyle, and himself, have tried everything to get Harry, Ron, and I expelled from Hogwarts, and thus far, they have failed every time. He has always been the spoiled little rich kid he is today. But somewhere along the line, things changed slightly. Somewhere between our fifth and sixth years, Malfoy became the official sex god of Hogwarts. And he knew it.
There were several instances, however, when I thought Malfoy might have a human side. Take episode one.
Morning. I was walking down to the Great Hall for breakfast, walking quickly and riffling through my book bag (triple-checking to see if I had my Charms homework), when suddenly I ran right into some idiot. Please, I thought, it's an empty hallway. Can't they watch where they're going? Irritated, I looked up into the face of none other than Mister Malfoy himself.
"Please, Granger," Malfoy drawled, "I know it's hard to keep your hands off of me, but you could try to be a bit more subtle about it."
Gritting my teeth, I answered with as much dignity as I could with my face turning a light shade of red, "And I thought you couldn't get any more full of yourself. I believe it was you who walked into me."
He smirked, and took a step closer. Knowing he expected me to back off, I stood my ground, and we were only inches apart. "Granger, no one cares what you believe. You're just a filthy little Mudblood who tries to make up for that fact by being a bothersome little know-it-all."
All right, I know Malfoy had insulted me before. He's said words that I know for a fact he wouldn't say in front of any of his family members or teachers. But for some reason, that one really hit close to home. I've been called a 'filthy little Mudblood', a 'little know-it-all', 'bothersome' (Really, he wasn't being very original), but never altogether and never with one being a reason for another. I was hurt.
When I didn't retort immediately, Malfoy smirked in triumph, "See? Even you know it."
I felt a couple of tears coming on, but refused to let him see me cry. I tried to blink them back before he could see. When I looked into to his eyes to see if he had noticed, they flashed and a look of almost confusion placed itself on his face. But the look was gone almost as quickly as it had come.
He had the chance to rip me apart. Strip me of any dignity I had left, even if there was no one there to bear witness. He knew it. I knew it. I had left him get to me and now that he had penetrated the shield I had put up for so long, he could kick me while I was down. It was the Malfoy thing to do, so I tried to prepare myself for it.
But then...there was nothing. He just watched me. Like he wasn't sure if it was really me.
Before I could ask him what he was staring at, he smirked once more, readjusted his cloak and swished past me.
I was in shock - had Malfoy just had a nice moment? Had he been decent for once? And for me of all people? I was, after all, a Muggle-born, and plus I was friends with Harry and Ron!
Shaking my head, completely and utterly confused, I readjusted my bag on my shoulder and continued walking to the Great Hall.
When I got there, I was surprised to find Harry and Ron already eating.
"Running a little behind schedule, are we?" a grinning Harry asked me.
I shook my head as I slid into my seat. "What are you on about? And don't talk with your mouth full."
"Yes, Mum. Anyway, you're usually here before us. What's made you so late?"
Suddenly I remembered the scene in the Entrance Hall. My face twisted into one of disgust. "That arse, Malfoy. He ran into me just before I came in."
Ron made a face. "I hate him. I feel sorry for you. Must be horrible seeing his face so early in the morning."
Harry and I laughed through mouthfuls of pancake.
"So what did he want this time? Your homework? To see you angry? An ego boost? The blood of a Muggleborn to take back to his master?"
Ron and Harry laughed at his joke. "Actually, he was being really mean to me at first. But then...he just walked away."
Ron and Harry looked at me expectantly. I bit my lip, knowing they wanted details. But that was it, really. Ron looked skeptical.
"He just...walked away?"
I nodded.
"But...why? I mean, it's Malfoy! Shouldn't he have been torturing you with some Unforgivable Curse with all of his Death Eater buddies?"
Ron looked confused as hell and Harry looked like he didn't believe me. I wished I could have given them some better explanation, but really, there wasn't one.
"All I know is that Malfoy was being somewhat decent. I don't know, maybe there's something behind all that evil and ego."
Harry and Ron burst out laughing. "Good one, Hermione!" Ron choked through his cereal.
"Yeah, thanks for the laugh. Have some cereal, will you?"
I just shook my head, staring at my pancakes. Was it just a one-time deal?
Cut to episode two.
Harry, Ron and I were walking around the grounds early in the school year. The leaves were still changing. The air was cool, but not so cool that you needed a jacket. It was gorgeous out.
Apparently we weren't the only ones who had noticed.
We had been talking about how Ron had gotten out of a wizarding Chinese finger trap after an hour's struggle, when out of nowhere, Malfoy and all of his little Death Eaters-to-be friends showed up.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Potter and his little friends."
Ugh, there was that smirk again.
"Ooh, nice opening line, Malfoy. I'd be impressed that you could even think of that, had you not been using it since our first year."
Yes, I was being sarcastic. The least funny form of humour. Oh well. I'm sure people were laughing inside.
"Now, now, little Mudblood. No need to get feisty. We don't want any hostility."
Before I could even think of anything to say, Harry stepped in.
"What, trying to be the bigger man, Malfoy? Learning from your father that maybe it doesn't pay to be an evil bastard all the time? Leading by example, your father. Too bad he didn't learn that until it was too late. How long is he in Azkaban for, again?"
No matter how quick or snappy Harry had gotten over the years, his cheekiness never ceased to amaze me. Malfoy, however, didn't seem fazed. He swiftly stepped right up to Harry, merely inches away. Harry didn't back down, instead staring up two inches at the eyes many girls melted under.
"No matter what the situation, Potter," Malfoy drawled, maintaining his cool composure, "I will always be the bigger man."
With a final smirk, he turned away yet again and beckoned for his cronies to join him in a stroll in the opposite direction.
The three of us were left standing there, shocked. Harry looked angry, and was clenching his fists, watching his enemy stalk away. He was upset that Malfoy had won, and it showed on his face.
I looked over at Ron, expecting to find a similar expression of anger. After all, I knew all too well that that was what Ron was best at. However, I was surprised to find a look of confusion etched across his face.
"What did he mean by 'bigger man'? Why did he put an emphasis on 'bigger'?"
At this, Harry and I both forgot about Malfoy and his remark and openly laughing at our confused, prude of a friend.
And finally, episode three.
Two weeks before Halloween. I was volunteering my time for a tutoring service to get extra credit for Transfiguration.
McGonagall had told me there was a new addition to the program, and asked me if I'd like a bit of a challenge. Hoping it would help me earn some extra points with her, I accepted, oblivious to who this challenging student would be.
They were thirty minutes late and I was starting to wonder how long I was allowed to wait before I could leave, when Malfoy plopped into the chair across from me.
Immediately, I glared, remembering a remark he had made to Ron earlier about Mrs. Weasley. I closed my books and was packing everything away, when Malfoy stopped me with his hand.
I looked at his innocent-looking face, disgusted with myself for even stopping to listen.
"Granger...sorry, Hermione. I know we haven't ever been on the best of terms. I don't expect anything to change, and I doubt that you do, either. But," He bit his lip, hesitating, "I really need this. Transfiguration is my worst subject and is bringing my grades down. My father would kill me if he found out. I need help."
I don't know whether it was because I felt sorry for him, or if it was because I'd never seen him so vulnerable. Actually, I'd never seen him so...anything but cool, calm, and collected.
Either way, I slowly sat down again and unpacked my things.
"All right. I'll help you. But on two conditions."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Shoot."
"We are civil to each other during tutoring sessions. I will not waste my time bickering with you when I could be doing something productive."
"Done."
I certainly hadn't expected him to be so agreeable, which just showed me how desperate for help he was.
"And second...Harry and Ron can't know. They would kill me if they knew I was helping you with anything."
"Deal. So long as no Slytherins...or anyone for that matter....doesn't find out. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all."
I raised my eyebrow, "And you don't want anyone to know you'd been getting help from a Muggle-born? Not a great way to start off the civility rule."
"Hey, you said it, not me."
"Whatever. Anyway, our time is mostly gone. Shall we just set up a time for another session?"
"Sure. And a place. Library's too risky...Not that your friends would ever come here. Do they even know where the library is? I'd think they'd only know how to find the Great Hall and their bed. Though, I suppose they have you to help them out."
I gave him a Look.
"What? You never said anything about bad-mouthing your friends."
"True. But that means I can say anything I want about yours. Or lack thereof."
He smirked. "Go hard."
I shook my head. "Wednesday. 7. Meet me in front of the statue of Oddric the Strange on the 2nd floor. From there we can go to this place I know of. Hardly anyone goes there, so we'll be fine."
"All right. See you then."
And then he smiled at me.
And I knew for certain there was more to Malfoy than met the eye.
A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading! Whether you liked it or not, I hope you review!
Luv alwayz,
-Shree-