Chapter 2
Saving Myself
By Robbly

Disclaimer: I'm a one eye'd one horned little purple people eater...
...er...
I don't even own those words... even though they're most likely not the right ones...

Sebastian was in his room. He sat in his armchair his head resting delicately on one hand. If he remembered correctly the time he had seen the silver flash at exactly midnight, just before he had...

A shudder worked it's way down his back, he didn't like remembering that even though he knew he would have to be facing that exact situation in an hours time.

He settled down again, only another hour to wait.

Harry was sitting in a small alcove in Diagon Alley. Everyone assumed he had taken the train to Hogwarts. Harry wasn't going back. He was leaving, leaving this huge burden that he carried. All the guilt, all the worry, all the responsibility would just have to be placed on somebody else's shoulders. Someone with shoulders unlike his own pitifully weak ones. Someone who could handle such a strain.

In truth though it was not only the responsibility. It was the guilt. The guilt hurt. It was like an ache. A aching black hole that sat just above his heart. The pain was indescribable. It never let up though, no matter how many times he screamed out he was sorry, no matter how many times he twisted and turned writhing in the infinite depths of that horrid emotion, no matter how many times he cursed himself for being the spineless evil weak worm he was, it never stopped.

There was guilt for Cedric. Guilt for Sirius. Gilt for his parents. Guilt for Mr. Weasley. Guilt for Ron & Hermione. Guilt for every single person that cared for him. Every person that cared would suffer. Everybody who cared for him had suffered. Cedric had been a mere acquaintance, a small friendship created by pure need. Yet he too had suffered. One of the most. He had taken one of the harshest penalties. For the small comfort he had offered to Harry he had received death. All that had cared for Cedric had suffered. All because Cedric had cared for him enough not to be selfish and claim a victory for himself alone.

Then there were his parents. His parent's had cared for him. They had died for him. He had barely been a year old and he was already causing doom, death and destruction. Through his parents he had hurt Remus, Sirius & all the rest of his parent's friends.

His friends. Ron and Hermione. How much had they gone through purely because of him? How many times had they been in the hospital wing simply for being his friend? How many times had they been persecuted by others or been insulted by the media just because they were connected to him?

Hermione had been Petrified. Ron had been attacked by Sirius in dog form. Hermione had been hated by half of the wizarding public because Rita Skeeter had lied saying she had broken Harry's heart. They had all had to face a 3 headed dog because of Harry's hero complex. They had all gone down into the Department of mysteries where he had not only almost got his two best friends killed but also Neville and also other members of the DA. Hermione and Ron had both been sent to the hospital wing many times just because they had stood up for him against someone like Malfoy. Ron had been smashed when he played as a chest piece in first year. Colin Creevy had been petrified, so had nearly headless nick. Even people like Mad Eye Moony were punished for being close to Harry. Hadn't Mad Eye been locked in a trunk for a year so that Voldermort could get a supporter close enough to Harry? In fact the entire school was constantly under threat from an attack from Voldermort just because Harry was there. Hadn't there been a basilisk set loose in the school just so Voldermort could kill Harry? Hadn't Ron come with him and almost got eaten by and acromantula just because he went with Harry?

Speaking of Ron, Ginny. Ginny had gotten possessed by Voldermort so that he could kill Harry. She had been possessed by the most evil wizard the world had ever seen. She had even got dragged down into the chamber of secrets and almost killed.

Then there was Mr. Weasley. He had gotten him attacked by a snake. Merely for the sake of Voldermort making sure he could convince Harry to come to the Department of mysteries later. Making sure he could set Harry up so that Harry could cause the death of his Godfather.

Sirius. Oh that hurt. That dull ache of guilt sharpened to a deadly point sitting just above his heart. Harry felt like throwing himself upon that sword. Committing an honorable ending that would add a valor of courage to his otherwise black remembrance. But no, that relief of sweet darkness was not coming so easily. No matter how much it felt like he had already plunged his heart onto that dagger it would not resolve him of his troubles. However that end came soon.

He would do it by nature. Make survival almost impossible. If he was destined to live to kill Voldermort, let whatever gods may be try and save him. He couldn't take it much longer. If they wanted him to do something for them, this time they were going to have to give something in return.

Harry looked up to the moon it was almost midnight, he gathered with the limited astrology knowledge he owned. Time to end his pitiful existence.

Harry slowly and silently rose to his feet, malnourishment making him weak with the small exertion. The malnourishment was the result of his time with the Dursleys and when he had been left to himself his depression had left him not fixing the condition. He thought of the hole he was supposed to call home, that he would now never have to see again. How many times had he been told that as long as he called the Dursley's abode home he would be safe because of the blood links they shared with his mother? They had too suffered from his very existence. Hadn't Dudley and him been attacked by Dementors?

Harry shook his head. He had left the Dursleys a while ago, delivered by them to London. They hadn't been too happy about the chore but when he had pointed out that the earlier they dropped him at London the shorter the period of time they would have to put up with him they had only been too happy to oblige. Anyway at least they didn't require any conversation, or any 'talks' on how Harry shouldn't feel guilty about Sirius' death. Harry's possessions were currently missing apart from his firebolt and invisibility cloak. He had asked Tom pleadingly to shrink all his possessions except the two just before he left and Tom had happily obliged always willing to help his customers no matter what their reputation, especially since Harry had left a generous tip. However Harry had kept his beloved firebolt and invisibility cloak. His other shrunken possessions were currently at Hogwarts on his bed and Hedwig waited in the owlry where she would probably eventually end up helping the Hogwarts owls, or maybe Hermione would keep her. To tell the truth Harry no longer cared, as long as she was safe which she would be at the school.

Sighing Harry deemed it time and threw his invisibility cloak over his shoulders and picked up his broom. Carefully he mounted it making sure the invisibility cloak covered him. He urged his broom up and soared noiselessly into the blackness. He took a peak at a small compass attached to his firebolt which was part of a birthday present from Ron and made sure he was heading north.

Harry had filched a tourist map from some muggle information booth somewhere and had practically memorized it. Well he had been planning this for a while. Tracing the landmarks he had memorised Harry found the flight quite enjoyable, albeit a bit cold.

The winds buffeted his cloak making him smile, enjoying the refreshing cold, ignoring the shivers. A few birds flew with him and Harry enjoyed soaring with them wishing for wings and the freedom they seemed to hold. He gave a snort of laughter as he recognised he was feeling jealousy.

The landscape was beautiful and he marvelled at it as he swept over the boundary between man and nature. Buildings and civilisation gave way to forests and mountains. It was easy to tell which one he preferred.

Harry landed softly, maneuvering his way through the canopy of leaves and touching down on the leafy forest floor. The sounds of wildlife and nature filled his ears and he smiled. This was what he had wanted to hear in his last moments. Not the bustle of muggles, so oblivious to the things around them, not the expectations that stemmed front he magical community and not the pleas of his friends to stay. It was nature from which he came and nature to which he wished to return. And so with a small sad determined smile, Harry, holding his broom and following it's compass, trekked north west for a few minutes before reaching his destination.

As he reached the cliff Harry dropped the broom and his cloak, leaving them against the base of a nearby tree. The silence was calming, only broken by the peace of nature. Leaves softly swishing, crickets cheeping, animals creeping about...

He removed his shoes and socks enjoying the feeling of the dirt and leaves against his feet. He smiled and stopped as he reached the edge. A soft wind buffeted his clothes, his hair sweeping out of his eyes. Harry looked around even in his last moments he appreciated the majestic beauty around him. The sweeping mountains, the swaying trees, everything formed a perfection man could never hope to rival.

Down far far below Harry contemplated his fate. The cliff face was almost straight only punctuated with rocky outcrops. At the bottom lay a small river. It was too far down to hear its flow. The rocky spikes protruded almost in a pattern from the hill face and were almost too many to miss and even if he did simply the force from falling so far would create the intended response. Besides the river had rocks poking out too, it was inevitable at least part of him would hit some hard surface. A small silver flash caught the corner of his eye but he ignored it.

Harry spread his arms, closing his eyes for a second reveling in the feeling of insignificance. The feeling that he was just an inconsequential speck, ignored by the vastness of the universe. He was no longer Harry Potter, the boy who lived, and the boy who was fated to 'defeat' Voldermort... well hopefully anyway. He was just a mere human being, positively tiny against the colossal entity that was earth. He was just himself, free from the burdens of guilt and responsibility. Free from everything.

And with freedom Harry jumped.

Author's Note: Erm...
I don't know how to begin...
I totally was not expecting such a great response...

WOOT :)

Anyway... I won't delete the story then :D Since you guys were so persistant about it :) So I wrote another chappy instead.

Oh yeah... and I rewrote a bit of chappy 1. A few of you mentioned it was short. It's a bit longer now but not by much. I'm really sorry about that, I do tend to write shortish chapters. This one's a lot better though. I'll try to update more often to compensate, Deal? Anyway, plot wise... Nothing much has changed, Dumbledore just got more of a clue about Sebastian - who he is and where he's from.

WHO LOVES SEBASTIAN!!!... ehem.
A lot of you said you liked Sebastian... I was so proud.
Suprisingly not many of you worked out who he was... Though a few of you did, congratties! (Liz, Guava... to name 2) and there were some of you who hinted at knowing who it might be...(shiroiryu & fallen angel from hell) I'll just tell you you're right. Anyway there I was thinking I made it ultra obvious. I supose it doesn't really matter.
I was laughing so hard when some of you said stuff about not liking original characters (GIL!!! :P, & Sarah) Then I realised heaps of people didn't guess who he was and I felt really stupid because I realised he is kinda an original character... So I'm just feeling real dumb right now ...ehem

Anyway glad you all love the story. I will keep writing. Thanks everyone!

Reviewer thankyou's, apologies and responses:
The theme of this is Reviewers I love because :)
(Some of you may be under more than one category, feel special! Also If you are offended by this send me an email ) and insult me and I'll write you an apology)
Reviewers I love because they love Sebastian too:
AgnesSophia, musiclover, lara, musiclover
Reviewers I love because they love the story:
HaRrYrOxMuhSoX, Winnie2, Duo to Riddle, Liz, shiroiryu144, Andromeda Snape-Malfoy (I love the name Andromeda!), Nelum (I love your pen name too :D ), PsychoticSlyth, musiclover, insanechildfanfic, grand admiral chelli, alyssa (yeah, but I might get you to beta a chappy anyway, if you want to of course), Coraline, Azer
Reviewers I love because they complimented me and made my ego bloat (not that that's too much of a good thing but hey! I can love myself! :P):
Duo to Riddle, lara, lara & lara ( ;D ), Liz, PsychoticSlyth
Reviewers I love because they made insiteful, intelligent or sophisticated comments:
Guava-juice, shiroiryu144,
Reviewers I love for miscellaneous reasons or supernatural reasons I cannot explain (in other words, anyone who does not fit into the above):
Winnie2, melissa, asdf, Fallen Angel of Hell
Reviewers I love because... I dunno I just felt like singling you guys out so hey :) :
Mrs C Lupin - ah my first reviewer
Marilyn, My Bitterness - spelling & grammar are my weak points... :(... you figured out who Sebastian is yet?
Coraline - :D Okay, I won't, Thanks heaps for the review it made me laugh and I was having a really bad day :). I love uber enthusiastic people... going hyper is fun!
gilthas - GASP! no not to be poked really hard in the forehead! :0 ... hehe :D
I think I just love you full stop, but hey what are beta's for?
You wen't to boston? Okay screw that, I hate you! I wanna go overseas... argh
You were just waiting to be singled out weren't you?

p.s. I mean love in a totally unsexual way... except when i say I love sebastian... swoons

3 Robbly