And on with the story.
I don't get why everyone is so against Arwen and me. Take that stupid elf for example. I mean, Legolas calls himself my best friend, and then goes and tells Elrond about us. I mean, come on. You didn't think I'D tell him, did you? I kind of ENJOY living.
So now Elrond's out to kill me. And oh BOY, you do NOT want to see my foster father when he's really mad. Well, I actually can't technically call him my foster father anymore. He kind of......... you know......... disowned me. As if it's my fault his daughter is completely gorgeous, and I want to.........
NO I AM NOT GOING TO FINISH THAT THOUGHT.
Bloody elvish hearing.
So that stupid Legolas had to go and tell on me. He seemed to find it greatly amusing that I nearly pissed my pants when Elrond cornered me after the council. Well, the joke's on him. He's had all his best lines removed from the movie. And I'm the leader of the fellowship. Well, you know, at least after Gandalf dies. Or at least, after we think he's dead.
Come to think of it, I don't think I get enough respect among the fellowship members.
First of all, there's Gandalf, who insists upon leading us even though I'M going to be the great King of Men. I mean, sure, he's all wise and an Istari and stuff. But he's OLD. I mean REALLY old. He's been alive for 300 years of men. And he looks it too!
Then there's Boromir. He's all mad because I'm going to take over MY position in MY kingdom. It's not my fault his father is only the steward, and that I'm his superior. I don't see why he has to take it out on me. And when I'm leading the group (at least after Gandalf dies. And up till then I'm second in command), he shouldn't start picking fights with me over how to WASH the CLOTHES.
Next there's Legolas. He's absolutely terrible. But we won't get into that, because he knows tons more things he could blackmail me with. Like that time I stole a maiden's robes to dress up like a girl and he walked in on me with the twins and......... I did not just say that. Tell me I did not just give that away.
After that is Gimli. He's alright I guess. Actually, come to think of it, he doesn't talk much. I haven't seen him for awhile either. I think I might have squished him with my shoe.
Last, and least too, are the hobbits. With the exception of Frodo, they all STILL call me Strider, despite how many times I've told them to call me 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the future and greatest ever king of men' or at the very least, 'Aragorn'. And all they do is eat. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. And whine. And Frodo has that creepy thing going on with the ring. I'm kind of afraid of him.
At any rate, I don't see why everyone's gotten so angry with me. They all think Arwen's so innocent just because she's pretty and stuff. I'll have you know it was HER idea to-
NO ELROND, WE WOULD NEVER, EVER COMMIT SUCH A HORRENDOUS, ABOMINABLE, DEPLORABLE, GHASTLY, NASTY, OFFENSIVE, RAUNCHY, SHOCKING, UNPLEASANT ACT. NO NOT EVER.
I mean, she can't be THAT innocent. After all, she stole Glorfindel's part, not to mention his horse.
NO DARLING, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT YOU STOLE ANYTHING. I KNOW THAT PART RIGHTLY BELONGS TO YOU.
NO ELROND, OF COURSE I DIDN'T REFER TO HER AS DARLING.
YES LOVE, OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.
I MEAN, YES, I DID MEAN SOMETHING BY IT ELROND. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.
NO POOKY, I WAS ONLY KIDDING. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
NO ELROND, I DON'T FIND THAT FUNNY, REALLY. I WASN'T MAKING A FACEIOUS JOKE. I FULLY REALIZE THAT ARWEN IS GIVING UP HER IMMORTAL LIFE FOR ME.
NO ARWEN, I DO LOVE YOU, AND I DO APPRECIATE YOU DOING THIS.
NO ELROND, I DO NOT COMMEND HER ACTIONS.
I'M SORRY!! TO BOTH OF YOU! REALLY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
Excuse me while I run away very far and very fast.
I don't get why everyone is so against Arwen and me. Take that stupid elf for example. I mean, Legolas calls himself my best friend, and then goes and tells Elrond about us. I mean, come on. You didn't think I'D tell him, did you? I kind of ENJOY living.
So now Elrond's out to kill me. And oh BOY, you do NOT want to see my foster father when he's really mad. Well, I actually can't technically call him my foster father anymore. He kind of......... you know......... disowned me. As if it's my fault his daughter is completely gorgeous, and I want to.........
NO I AM NOT GOING TO FINISH THAT THOUGHT.
Bloody elvish hearing.
So that stupid Legolas had to go and tell on me. He seemed to find it greatly amusing that I nearly pissed my pants when Elrond cornered me after the council. Well, the joke's on him. He's had all his best lines removed from the movie. And I'm the leader of the fellowship. Well, you know, at least after Gandalf dies. Or at least, after we think he's dead.
Come to think of it, I don't think I get enough respect among the fellowship members.
First of all, there's Gandalf, who insists upon leading us even though I'M going to be the great King of Men. I mean, sure, he's all wise and an Istari and stuff. But he's OLD. I mean REALLY old. He's been alive for 300 years of men. And he looks it too!
Then there's Boromir. He's all mad because I'm going to take over MY position in MY kingdom. It's not my fault his father is only the steward, and that I'm his superior. I don't see why he has to take it out on me. And when I'm leading the group (at least after Gandalf dies. And up till then I'm second in command), he shouldn't start picking fights with me over how to WASH the CLOTHES.
Next there's Legolas. He's absolutely terrible. But we won't get into that, because he knows tons more things he could blackmail me with. Like that time I stole a maiden's robes to dress up like a girl and he walked in on me with the twins and......... I did not just say that. Tell me I did not just give that away.
After that is Gimli. He's alright I guess. Actually, come to think of it, he doesn't talk much. I haven't seen him for awhile either. I think I might have squished him with my shoe.
Last, and least too, are the hobbits. With the exception of Frodo, they all STILL call me Strider, despite how many times I've told them to call me 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the future and greatest ever king of men' or at the very least, 'Aragorn'. And all they do is eat. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. And whine. And Frodo has that creepy thing going on with the ring. I'm kind of afraid of him.
At any rate, I don't see why everyone's gotten so angry with me. They all think Arwen's so innocent just because she's pretty and stuff. I'll have you know it was HER idea to-
NO ELROND, WE WOULD NEVER, EVER COMMIT SUCH A HORRENDOUS, ABOMINABLE, DEPLORABLE, GHASTLY, NASTY, OFFENSIVE, RAUNCHY, SHOCKING, UNPLEASANT ACT. NO NOT EVER.
I mean, she can't be THAT innocent. After all, she stole Glorfindel's part, not to mention his horse.
NO DARLING, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT YOU STOLE ANYTHING. I KNOW THAT PART RIGHTLY BELONGS TO YOU.
NO ELROND, OF COURSE I DIDN'T REFER TO HER AS DARLING.
YES LOVE, OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.
I MEAN, YES, I DID MEAN SOMETHING BY IT ELROND. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.
NO POOKY, I WAS ONLY KIDDING. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
NO ELROND, I DON'T FIND THAT FUNNY, REALLY. I WASN'T MAKING A FACEIOUS JOKE. I FULLY REALIZE THAT ARWEN IS GIVING UP HER IMMORTAL LIFE FOR ME.
NO ARWEN, I DO LOVE YOU, AND I DO APPRECIATE YOU DOING THIS.
NO ELROND, I DO NOT COMMEND HER ACTIONS.
I'M SORRY!! TO BOTH OF YOU! REALLY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
Excuse me while I run away very far and very fast.