I don't get any of the respect I deserve. I don't even know why I bothered coming along. Half the time people don't even know which one I am. It's always Merry-and-Pippin, Pippin-and-Merry. I don't have my own identity. Even when we go our separate ways, people still have difficulty remembering which one I am.

And Pippin can be such a pain in the a.........vacado. Granted, he's still young and hasn't reached his coming of age yet, but there are times when I'd like to march right back to Rivendell and smack Elrond. He must have been mad to let Pippin come along. Just what do the elves put in their lembas anyhow?

But Pippin's always getting into trouble. Stealing food (I tried to stop him, honest), pulling pranks, dropping dwarf skeletons down wells in abandoned mines- you name it, he's done it. And I'm supposed to keep him in check? That's not POSSIBLE.

Then there's Boromir. That man truly worries me sometimes. His brother must be taking all the action at home, or something, because he's dying for a shag. Not literally, of course. Pippin and I didn't lead him to the orcs because he was trying to get us into his trousers, honest. But he's tried to sleep with every member of the fellowship at least once. For three days Legolas followed us in the trees. Why else do you think he offered to share a boat with Gimli when we left Lorien? But Boromir was particularly persistent with us. He wouldn't let Pippin and I alone? Everyday it was, "How would you like to see the real horn of Gondor?" and, "Would you mind fetching the carrot from my trousers?"

There are times when I really hate being Pippin......... Merry......... which one am I again?