Author's Note: Thank's to my first reviewer's! You guys are great!!!!

I took a deep breath and stared around. Everyone was practically on the edge of their seats. I felt like I was on a talk show or something.

"I know, I know. My life could be a soap opera, right?" I said, trying to smile, but failing. Nobody answered, they all just looked at the ceiling, the floor, out the window.....anywhere but at me. I shrugged, but continued.

"When Ronnie started to crawl, and then to stand, things just got worse. He was a curious baby from the start and would get into things in an instant. One afternoon, when I was in the second grade, I came home and found him alone. Momma had left him while she went out to buy a six pack. I guess he was asleep when she left and she thought he'd be okay. I didn't know it then,. but she'd left him alone alot of times before that, and once, when she was with her friend Angie Carsons, they left him in Angie's car and a police officer saw it, and almost arrested her.

"Anyway, this time Ronnie woke up, crawled out of the cot bed we had for him and went looking for her. He wondered into the bathroom where Momma had left some of his rubber toys in the tub. It's a good thing there wasn't any water in the tub or he'd a drowned for sure. He managed to fall into it when he tried to get his toys. He hit his head on the faucet, I guess. At first I thought Momma had taken him out with her because it was so quiet, but when I went in the bathroom, I nearly jumped out of my skin. There he was, lying on his back, his eyes wide. I found out later on that head wounds bleed alot, but at the time it turned my heart into stone. I just saw all that blood around his little head and started screaming. I was familiar with calling nine-one-one by now. I told the operator that my little brother had fallen and put a hole in his head. It didn't turn out to be that bad, but Ronnie did need ten stitches.

"The paramedics were there before Momma returned. She met one of her barfly friends who had talked her into a drink at One Eyed Sam's and she just forgot how much time went by, or so she claimed.

"The paramedics took Ronnie to the emergency room, and a doctor sewed him up. The paramedics wanted to know everything, while a policeman went to get Momma. I had to tell them what happened and they looked really mad. When Momma arrived, she was fit to be tied that I'd called them, because they pulled her aside and gave her a what-for that spun her eyes around. They threatened to call the DCFS and have both of us taken from her if she let anything like this happen again. They even told her she could go to jail for endangering the life of a infant.

"After we got home, Momma started in on me. Daddy came home in the middle of it, saw Ronnie, and heard enough bits and pieces to realize what happened. I think he knew about some of the other times, but he didn't get as mad as I expected. Instead, he got all quiet and this weird mood came over him. It was like he was a clam or something, and just closed his shell. He looked at me and at Ronnie, then just sat staring at Momma with these glazed eyes, while she went on and on like some worn cd, repeating her complaints, and making the same excuses for herself.

"'Who do they think they are, huh? Calling me a bad Mother, just because I stepped out for a moment! Who knew he'd get up and walk himself to the bathroom, and fall in the tub, huh? I'm no fortune teller. I was coming right back. He was asleep! Who are they, reading me the riot act, huh?

"'Why're you just sitting there, staring into space, Dennis? What's this act suppose to be? You trying to make me feel bad? You know what it's like, being stuck here all day with a baby? I'm talking to you. I'm looking at you and talking to you.'

"Daddy just stayed quiet for a minute. Then, still looking dazed, he got up and headed for the door, muttering something about getting some ice cream. I remember hoping he got mint chocolate chip, because that's my favorite. Momma just stood there as he walked out, with her hands on her hips. He closed the door softly behind him.

"She turned to me, and said, 'Did you see that? Huh? Did you?' My heart was thumping like a drum. I couldn't speak or even swallow. 'Of all the nerve......Well, good riddance to you too!' She screamed at the door. Then, she opened it, stuck her head out, and screamed it again, but he was already out of the building.

"I saw my Daddy only once after that."

"Saw him only once? What do you mean? He just left you and Ronnie for good?" Magnet asked, practically jumping out of his seat.

It was funny, but while I was telling them about it, I forgot they were there. Something like this had happened before, but only with Pendanski. My memories would get so thick, they'd block out the present, where I was and what I was doing. I felt like I'd fallen back and was really there again. I saw Momma's angry face. It was so vivid in my mind, her bloodshot eyes, her mouth twisted, her shoulders up, making her look like some wild bird.

Whenever she went into one of her ranting, my stomach would close like a fist, and my breath would catch in my throat, making me feel like I could choke on air. Retelling these bad memories would put me back into that state of mind, and I wouldn't snap out of it till my lungs screamed. I'd blink alot, and realize where I was and I'd be grateful I wasn't back then.

That's how I felt when Magnet blurted his question at me. I looked at him for a few moments, without realizing who he was, or where I was. His face got all twisted with confusion.

"Why doesn't he answer me, Mom?" Why is he just staring at me like that?" I heard him ask.

"Alan?" Dr. Pendanski said. "Alan?"

That's my name, I thought. I heard him, but it sounded like he was at the other end of a long tunnel.

"Mom?" Zigzag said. "He looks like he's drugged or something."

"He'll be alright, boys. Relax now. Don't let him feel your panic. Alan?"

"Alan, honey?" Granny was calling to me. "You gotta go to school, child, or they won't let you stay here with me. You know what that judge told us. Get up now, baby. C'mon, child. Wake up. Your eyes are open, Alan. Wake up!"

I felt my body shake.

"Alan, come on, now. You're not there; you're here. Here with us." Dr. Pendanski said. My face felt cool. He was dabbing me with a wet napkin.

"That's it. You'll be fine, Alan. Come on. Stay with us."

He took my shoulder and squeezed it gently. My eyelids were fluttering like butterflies in a panic and then they slowed and I looked into the eyes of Dr. Pendanski. They were moving over my face like two tiny searchlights. He smiled.

"There you are. You're fine." He said.

I looked at the others. They were all staring at me, each of them looking more shocked and scared then the next.

"What is it?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing. You just drifted off a bit, that's all." Dr. Pendanski said. "It's no big deal. No problem. You're fine. Here, take some water." He said, offering me my glass. I sipped some and took a deep breath.

"I forgot what I was saying." I said. My memories were all jumbled, like the letters in a can of alphabet soup.

Dr. Pendanski smiled and sat back in his seat.

"Well, you were just telling us about the time your father got up and left the house." He said. He made it sound like it was another part of my story, nothing to serious. His voice had a calming effect.

I nodded.

"He didn't even say good-bye." I whispered.

"That's right." Dr. Pendanski replied, like he had been there with me.

The other boys were still staring at me, their eyes so still they looked like glass.

"Why're you guys looking at me like that?" I snapped. Magnet smirked and sat back.

"He's fine." He said. "He can go on and on."

"It's not that easy." X-Ray told him. "Just because he's gotten this far doesn't mean it's easy, and you'd probably have problems too."

"Don't tell me how it might've been for me!" Magnet fired back at him.

"I'm just trying to be....."

"What? Another Pendanski? One's enough." Magnet quipped and turned away.

"Well. At least we're not boring one another." Dr. Pendanski said. Magnet made some noise under his breath. "Try to go on, Alan. Tell them the rest of it."

Magnet turned his head towards me slowly, waiting to see what I'd do. Almost for spite, I continued.

"I just saw him once after that. I didn't speak to him. I was on my way home from school. It was just starting to rain and I saw him coming out of our building carrying some of his things and walking towards his truck. I sped up and called his name. I know he heard me, because he stopped for a second, but he didn't turn his head. He just started walking again. He looked down at the sidewalk until he reached his truck.

"I was running by now, thinking maybe he didn't know it was me calling, but I couldn't get to him before he started his truck and pulled away from the curb. With all my might, I shouted.

"'Daddy! Daddy!' I stopped when my lungs felt ready to burst, my ribs aching, and I watched him drive down the street and disappear around the corner. The rain was coming down really hard by then, so I had to go inside. You couldn't tell the difference between my tears and the raindrops on my face."

"What happened to him? Where did he go?" Caveman asked, his eyebrows knitted with concern.

"Momma heard stories that he was with another woman, and that he headed out to California, but I don't know if the stories were just gossip, or what."

"Your father just picked up and left you and Ronnie? Is that what you're telling us?" Magnet asked, sounding skeptical.

"He wasn't the first husband and Daddy to do that." I told him, glaring.

"Isn't that against the law?" Magnet asked Dr. Pendanski. "What his father did?"

"Well, Alan's father would be considered what we call a dead-beat Dad, and yes, what he did is against the law." He replied. "There's even a federal law against it now."

"Did your Mother have him arrested?" Armpit asked, leaning towards me.

"She went to the welfare office and reported it, so she could get some money, but it wasn't at the top of anyone's list. It wasn't exactly high priority."

"What a jerk." Magnet muttered. I supposed he was talking about my Daddy.

"My Momma ain't exactly an angel." I said. His eyebrows lifted.

"Why? What happened to her?"

"Why don't you give him a chance to tell it his own way?" Zigzag asked Magnet.

"I'm sorry." He said. "It just makes me......mad."

I widened my eyes.

"It doesn't exactly put joy in my heart either, you know." I said.

Magnet's lips stretched into a tight smile. Damned if I knew whether to like him or hate him.

"For a long time, I expected Daddy to come home, even after I saw him that last time. I never told Momma that I saw him, because she'd just get mad. After awhile, I began to wonder if I really had seen him, or if I'd imagined it out of hope. Whenever the phone would ring, I would hope it was him calling, but it never was. Momma would swear up one side and down the other, that if he came home, she wouldn't have him back, but I knew she would.

"Granny started to spend more and more time with us soon after that. She lived on the other side of the city so it was a trip for her. When I'd go see her, I'd have to ride the Big Blue Bus for nearly two hours to make the right connections and you know the buses don't run that often.

"Over the next three years, I got so I ran to Granny every so often because I couldn't stand coming home from school, and finding Momma drinking, Ronnie still in his pajamas, and the house looking like ten slobs lived in it. Granny knew why I came to her house in the afternoon sometimes, but she didn't harp on it. She had tried and tried with Momma, but she'd finally just threw up her hands and declared 'My Caroline's just one of them people that has to help themselves, because they won't let no one else do it for them.'

"'Your Momma will wake up facedown in the gutter one day, then maybe she'll decide to help herself.', Granny told me.

"She told it to me so often, I started to wish for it, wish I'd come home from school and find her lying out in the street. I guess it don't say much for you, when you wish your Momma would hit rock bottom sooner than later, but that's how it was for me, and I'm not ashamed of praying for it.

"That's right." I said, before anyone could gasp or ask a stupid question. "I did pray for it. I went to bed every night, praying to God that he'd bring Momma as close to hell as he could.

"Yeah, I did get to where I hated her. It was like a rat of hate, nawing at my heart. I probably always will hate her." I declared firmly.

No one said a word. It was as if they were in freeze frame, not a movement, not a breath.

"Not having Daddy there was like letting a dog off a leash as far as Momma was concerned. She didn't have to worry about him coming back and catch her anymore.She didn't care about how the house looked anymore, either, because he wasn't there to complain. It was like she was getting even with him, like she was saying 'You thought I was a no good slob before? Well, look at me now.'

"As I reached middle school, I stayed home from school more often, because by the time I finished taking care of Ronnie, I'd have missed the first two classes anyway. Then, Momma went and did the worst thing she could do. She got a job at One Eyed Sam's waitressing tables and helping out in the kitchen.

"By then, I was able to cook for me and Ronnie. I cleaned the house the best I could, and I did most of the chores. That's why I said earlier that Ronnie didn't know who was his Momma and who was his brother.

"I guess no matter how bad your life is, you get used to it. Of course, I knew other boys my age didn't have this kinda life. Oh, they helped out with their younger siblings, but their little brothers and sisters didn't become their children. They still thought about girls, and parties, and going to the movies with their friends. You know, having fun. I couldn't think of anything without Ronnie being a part of it. I didn't have a night off, so to speak. I didn't dare bring anyone home with me. I didn't want my friends to know just how bad it really was.

"Then," I said, taking a sip of water, and thinking for a minute. "Then, I got so I could live through their stories. Their lives became my life. It was easier to pretend, to imagine my name was Luke Potter or Cameron Davidson, and in my mind go home to their homes and live with their families.

"You're all looking at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was for a while. Mom say's I'm not crazy now."

"No one's crazy here, Alan. It's a useless, meaningless word." He replied, glancing at the others as he said it.

"Yeah, maybe. I sure wasn't in my right mind when I did some stuff." I paused. "Some of this, I haven't even told you, Mom.

"Whenever I met someone I didn't know, I'd give them a phony name, one of the guys I envied and I'd talked about their lives, and their homes and families like they were my own.

"A couple of times, I went to Cameron Davidson's house, walked up the sidewalk and right to the front door, pretending I was coming home. One time, I nearly got caught doing it. His older sister, Carri, came up behind me without me realizing it and asked me what I was doing.

"'I was just gonna see if your brother was home.' I said. She looked at me sideways because she knew I knew that her brother was on the football team and would be at practice. I made believe that I forgot and walked away quickly. Cameron asked me about it the next day, and I just said I had some time to kill, and was in his neighbourhood. He didn't believe me, and they all started looking at me funny.

"I couldn't help it. I wanted their lives so bad, I'd follow their Mother's around the supermarket, pretending I was with them, buying food.

"You think I'm really pathetic, don't you?" I asked Magnet.

"No." He replied. "Really." He added, when I looked skeptical. "I can understand, not wanting to be yourself. I've felt like that alot of times."

"Me too." Zig said, scuffing his boots on the floor.

"Yeah," Zero whispered, so low I almost didn't hear him. "So have I." He looked like he meant it more than any of us. How could his story be any worse than mine? I wondered.

"There's more." I said, now willing to tell it all. "One time, I hurt my ankle in gym class and the teacher sent me back to the locker room to get dressed. I noticed that Cameron's locker wasn't locked, so I opened it and took his Adidas shirt."

"Why?" Caveman asked.

"To wear at home, in my room. I pretended I was him and I lived in a nice house with a real mother and father. His Daddy works for the city, some kind of traffic manager. He makes good money, and his mother always looks stylish. They come to his football games and video record them. He's about my size too, so the shirt fit good."

"What happened when he found out that his shirt was missing?" Zigzag asked. "Did they accuse you?"

"No. They teacher made everyone open their lockers and he looked in them."

"How come they didn't find it in yours? Where did you hide it?"

"I didn't put it in my locker. I told you I wanted to take it home, so I hid it in my pant leg. I knew no one would look there. They just thought someone had come into the locker room and took it. Things like that had happened before. Cameron had to wear his gym shirt the rest of the day, though.

"About a month later, I brought it back and left it on a bench near his locker. Everyone thought it was weird. It was weird." I addmitted.

"No it wasn't." Zero piped up. Everyone looked at him and he didn't bother hiding his face this time.

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to be in someone else's clothes; I wanted to be in their bodies." He confessed.

Everyone was quiet. The air felt so heavy and even with the lights on, a thick shadow seemed to hang over us. Dr. Pendanski rose.

"I guess I'll see about some lunch. It getting close to that time." He looked at me. "You'll continue after we eat?"

I nodded and he left us. As soon as he had, Magnet turned to me.

"Sorry I was so nasty to you before." He said. and before I could reply, he added. "And I'm not trying to give you any pity, so don't get pissed."

"I'm not." I told him. "I guess we could all you some pity now and then, just as long as we don't depend on it. My Granny says, if you wait around on pity, you'll miss the train to happiness."

They all smiled, even Zero. Everyone looked more comfortable.

"Your Granny sounds like a wise old lady." Magnet commented.

"She is. Well, I guess I'm hungry." I said. "At least we get a good lunch out of this, if nothing else. I hope I didn't spoil anyone's appetite."

"Not mine!" Armpit blurted, then put his hand on his mouth.

I laughed and it felt good, like the sunshine after one of those storms Granny was always waiting on.