I took my time, I hurried up,
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
-Blink 182
Disclaimer: This all belongs to Rowling, but oh, how I love her for giving me characters to toy with.
Warning: This chapter contains a rather graphic scene involving harming oneself. If you're not into that stuff etc, there's a star marking where it begins.
Hermione's POV
Draco was leaning towards me. We were so close to the crackling fire which was magically altered to display multicoloured flames that the heat was almost burning my skin. But I didn't notice at all. All I noticed were his eyes, which lacked the usual hints of coldness, greed and sarcasm.
They had a certain gentleness about them that kept me from swinging away or slapping his smooth cheek. I wanted to avoid him, but instead I let his lips brush against mine.
Déjà vu, I thought absently, when he ran his fingers through my hair as he had done in the library. And again my arm encircled his neck as I leaned against the couch.
This time I deepened the kiss instead of Malfoy as his other hand stroked my back.
My tongue was in his mouth and his hand was moving up underneath my top when we heard a loud tapping at one of the many windows.
We pulled apart and I jumped onto the couch as though there was some way of a teacher – or worse, Harry or Ron – creeping in through the window.
Instead of a sneering Snape hunched up on the window sill there was a noble-looking barn owl tapping its foot impatiently against the thick glass. Draco leapt up and slid open the window pane.
The owl stepped in proudly, ruffling its creamy feathers with a regal air about it. Draco quickly took the small parchment note from its beak and stroked its back absently as he quickly read the letter.
Suddenly, his body stiffened and the letter fell, forgotten, form his hand. He turned and ran from the room, letting the door swing slowly shut behind him.
==Draco's POV==
Tonight was …eventful. I kissed the Mudblood. Again. It was great…much better than in the library, especially because she was kissing me back. But anything resembling happiness that I may have displayed is ruined now. We were interrupted by my father's owl. I didn't know you could send owls from Azkaban. I always did love that owl…but its image is tainted now in my eyes.
I don't know what I expected as I unfolded it. How could I expect anything? After all, he was my father, and despite my hatrid for him and for his expectations, I owe a lot to him. Well, his money, anyway. Well, the letter read as follows:
To Draco,
I think that this letter is highly necessary. No matter what it does to you now, I'm sure you will be thankful for it one day.
I thought I should make a few things clearer for you. I'm sorry that you had to find out about your mother through The Daily Prophet. If I could have had it any other way, I would. But it's hard to control things from behind the walls of Azkaban.
I know what you are longing to find out.
I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't been so infuriating. Perhaps I never would have hurt her at all if I had actually loved her. I didn't choose to marry her. We were betrothed, as was the custom in those days. Your mother was always trying to make the best of things; to make me happy. But I was terribly unhappy and I was convinced, at the time, that nothing could make me feel differently. Now I know better. I feel happy when I am working for the Dark Lord; my master. I felt happy when I killed your mother. I am happier in Azkaban than I ever was with you or Narcissa at the manor.
I am sorry for any inconveniences, Draco.
Sincerely, your father, Lucius Malfoy.
When I finished the letter, I think I lost control. I didn't want to hurt anybody like my father hurt me when he lost control. So I ran to my room and left Hermione to wonder.
I was lying on the floor, facing the fire. I was thinking about the letter my father had written. I had never seen him like this before. Azkaban has driven him mad, and unsurprisingly, since the Ministry introduced new guards. Obviously, they couldn't use the Dementors after they renounced their loyalty to the Ministry with a huge attack on Hogsmeade. Nobody was killed, but St Mungoe's was near overflowing afterward.
I was unsure of what to do. Nothing matters to me anymore…excepting, perhaps, Hermione. It is incredibly strange to think that, no more than a week ago, I hated her just as I ever have. But somehow I felt different around her now, especially since my other "friends" don't really speak to me now.
My reputation – all that matters to the sort of people I have been around since I can remember – was somewhat stained when my mother died. But for some reason, the other Slytherins accepted me after that. But the incident with Hermione in the Great Hall was what I might refer to as the last
straw.
They completely refused to be even so much as sighted with me and ceased any association with me whatsoever. I was incredibly lonely. Even if it did sound like the cliché Muggle teenage angst, I felt as though I would be better off gone.
I took a hand crafted silver knife used for Potions from my trunk, examining it for a while absently, contemplating what I was considering doing. I ran my fingers over the carvings in the handle slowly, noting the complex Celtic design. I had always kept the blade sharpened and I knew that it would not fail the task I was about to give it.
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
Taking a deep breath, I traced the tip of the blade over my wrist where I was about to cut. I made a small red mark there to ensure I did not miss my target.
I pressed the blade deep into my skin, watching the blood seep out. I closed my eyes and pulled it across my wrist hard, feeling my arm scream out in protest at what I was doing to myself.
I suddenly realised that I would have to use the already cut arm to slash the other one. Biting my lip against the pain, I took the knife in my shaking hand and quickly performed the same task on my other wrist. I lay against my bed, feeling my life seeping away like the blood that was dripping freely over my robes. It was then that the darkness engulfed me and I closed my eyes for what I assumed to be the last time.
A/N: I hope that this didn't offend anyone, but the chapter was R rated. Don't worry, I won't end the story here…I love writing this just as much as I assume you guys love reading it. Please review and tell me what you thought. Of course, I like good critism, meaning giving me something to improve on rather than something you simply don't like. I really want you guys to review. I took of the lock that said no anonymous reviews so you're all free2go! I hope this chapter wasn't too short. It was hard for me to write. Anyway, Love you guys, Kelz xoxoxoxo