"One evening about four months later, I gave Ronnie dinner, then decided to take a bath. We didn't have a shower head, just a bathtub. It was really crappy, but it was either that or go dirty, which I wasn't about to do. Anyway, I had the portable cd player I'd gotten that past Christmas going, and I didn't hear Jason come home. He rushed into the apartment, and a few minutes later, he was in the bathroom."
"Didn't you lock the door?" Magnet asked.
"The lock was broken. It had been for a few years, and no one had ever bothered to fix it. We didn't have any need to." I replied.
I sat back, fixing me eyes on him for a few seconds. He turned his head and crossed his legs. I smirked and continued my story.
"I saw the bathroom door open and I yelled when Jason came in. He acted like he didn't even hear me. He went to the sink, opened the cabinet, and got out his razor and shaving cream. I felt kind of sick. It took me a few minutes to find my voice.
"'Get out of here!' I yelled, pulling off my head phones. 'I'm trying to take a bath!'
"'Gotta shave fast.' He muttered, looking at his ugly face in the mirror. 'Gotta meet your Mother. I got us tickets to a boxing exhibition, but if we're late, we'll lose the seats. Great seats, too.'
"'I don't care! I'm taking a bath! Why'd you barge in here? What if I was a girl? Get out!'
"He grinned and looked down at me. I shrunk down in the tub a little and grabbed the washrag to cover myself.
"I won't be but a few minutes, and even if you was a girl, I wouldn't be interested in you.' He told me. 'I don't touch virgins.'"
"What?" X-Ray asked. "He told you he don't touch virgins?"
"That's what he said. He started to shave and tell me how virgins were to much trouble, and he prefered his women to be broke in. Like a good riding horse. He laughed at his own stupid joke.
"I was still in the tub, praying that he'd get out. And he did. He finished shaving then went to put on his suit and tie. My heart was pounding and I was pissed.
After he got dressed he came rushing back in. I was out of the tub by the, and I had my towel wraped around my waist. Before I could protest, he'd grabbed my hairbrush and was brushing his thin hair. He turned to me, and actually asked me how he looked.
"'Like an idiot!' I shouted. I was shaking with surpressed anger.
"He just bit his lip, nodded and left. That night I fixed the lock, even though if he'd wanted to ever come back in, it wouldn't have stopped him."
"Did you tell your Mom what happened?" Caveman asked.
"No. She didn't get home till late, and even if I had gotten up to talk to her, she sure as hell wouldn't have been in any condition to talk to me. She would've taken Jason's side anyway, saying that I was lollygagging in the tub or something. She'd defend him no matter what. I sensed that from the start."
"I thought Mothers were suppose to stick up for their kids no matter what." Magnet muttered.
Zigzag snorted and Zero shook his head.
"No matter what." He whispered.
"Momma never wanted us and she never made a big secret of it." I said.
"What was your Granny doing while you were living with that monster you call a mother?" Magnet didn't bother to hide the anger in his voice.
"She wouldn't have hesitated to come over and get me and Ronnie if I'd told her the nitty-gritty details of what was happening." I replied hotly. "But I couldn't for a long time."
"Oh yeah? And why was that?"
"About a month after Jason moved in with us, she had a heart attack." It nearly brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but thankfully they didn't fall. "I didn't even know about it until a few days afterward. Momma kept it to herself. She probably knew I would demand to go see Granny at the hospital, and didn't want to deal with that, so she just didn't tell us at all. She actaully went to work the night it happened. I found that out later, too.
"One of Granny's friends, Betty Jane Foster, came to visit her just a few minutes after Granny had lost her breath. That's how Betty Jane found her, lying in the floor, clutching her heart.
"She called nine-one-one, and tried to keep Granny calm. Granny was calm, even if she could barely breathe. I never saw anyone as calm about their own death as my Granny. She has abiding faith in the hereafter."
"What about you?" Armpit asked. He looked at me like my answer would really matter to him.
"I always thought if things could be good afterward, why can't they be good now? No one's looking after me in this world, why should I expect anyone to in the next? We'll probably be on our own in Heaven just as much, if not more." I told him. He nodded slowly, thinking it over.
"My Mom says this life is just a test." Caveman offered.
"Yeah, well I'd just as soon cheat and pass it." I joked.
He laughed, and Pendanski folded his face into a small smile.
"Anyway, the way I found out Granny was in the hospital was someone called for Momma while she was working. Granny wanted some things from her apartment and had asked a nurse to contact Momma. I felt stupid, not evening knowing she was in the hospital. Stupid and angry.
"As soon as I hung up the phone, I went in Momma's room and searched through her drawers till I found her hidden money. It was suppertime, but I grabbed Ronnie's handed and headed out to the cab I'd called for us. It took us to the hospital. When we got there I bought Ronnie a Milky Way and a Sprite, to keep him satisfied while I went up to the CCU and asked for Mrs. Fisher. I thought they might not let me in, but when I said that I was her grandson and I had my little brother with me, the nurse agreed.
"'About time someone came to see her.' She said.
"I started to cry thern and say that I didn't know that my Granny was in the hospital until that afternoon, that my Momma hadn't told me. The nurse, who said to call her Janine, softened her disapproving look and took me and Ronnie to Granny's bedside. She told us Granny was doing very well, that the doctors decided that their wasn't much damage done to her heart muscle, but she would have what they called a angina pain from time to time. It was treatable, she said I guess she was happy to have someone there to talk about Granny's condition to, someone who cared and listened.
"Granny was surprised, but happy to see us. I told her how Momma hadn't said a word, and she just pressed her lips together and shook her head.
"'It's alright. She probably just didn't want you to worry, Alan.' She said. I swear, she could forgive Judas."
"Who?" Zig saked.
"Judas. You know, the one who betrayed Jesus." I replied.
"Oh."
"I guess you never went to Sunday School."
"Hardly." He said, almost laughing. "The only prayers you hear in my house are 'God, please don't let that be a gray hair'."
Magnet laughed out loud and everyone else smiled in glee.
"Anyway, I stayed with her as long as I could, then I took Ronnie to the cafeteria and bought the two of us some sandwiches with the money I'd taken from Momma. Then I did to her exactly what she did to me."
"What was that?" Magnet asked quickly.
"I didn't tell her a damn thing. I just took Ronnie home, got him ready for bed, and told him not to tell we went to see Granny.
"'Why not, Alan?' He asked.
"'Because, Momma'll just get mad, and then I'll be in big trouble. You don't want that, do you?'
"He shook his head. 'No. I promise, I won't tell Momma.'
"But I knew she'd find out sooner or later, and she did. It was a few days later, when she finally checked on Granny. She'd been moved from the CCU to a private room for a few more days of observation. I came home from school with Ronnie and Momma was waiting for us. She was almost confused as she was mad. It was like she couldn't understand what had happened. had she told me about Granny, or hadn't she? I could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
"'Why didn't you tell me you went and saw Granny?' She demanded. "You made me look like a fool!'
"'I didn't.' I retorted. 'You do that well enough on your own.'
"She slapped me across the face. 'Don't you dare talk to me like that, Alan Walter!' She screamed. 'Don't you dare!'"
"Walter?" Magnet snickered. Pendanski and I both glared at him. "What? I just asked if that was his middle name."
"You had a tone." I said. "Can I please get back to my story? I'd like to finish it before the year lets out."
"Go on, Alan." Pendanski told me.
"'Why didn't you tell me about Granny!' I shouted through my tears. 'They though no one cared about her! You didn't even call to see how she was!'
"'I ain't none of their damn buisness! Everyone sticks their noses into my life! I didn't tell you 'cause I knew you'd go off on me and carry on and just make things harder.'
"She paused, thinking for a second.
"'How'd you get there and back?' She asked. 'Where'd you get the money?'
"I didn't answer, and she stomped into her bedroom, searching through the drawers.
"'You stole from me, Alan!' She screamed. 'You went and took my rainy day stash!'
"'That wasn't there for a rainy day, Momma.' I told her. 'It's been raining around here for a long time, and you never touched it unless you needed vodka or bourbon.'
"She gaped at me, raising her hand to hit me again when she glanced at Ronnie. His eyes were wide and full of fear. That seemed to slow her down some and all she did was shake her head.
"'You two boys are a punishment for me, thats all. I'm being punished for having you.'
"'What're we suppose to say, Momma? We don't drink and get into fights at One Eyed Sam's. We didn't bring some stranger into the house.' I said, tears still streaming down my cheeks. 'Look how we're being punished.'
"'You're a regular smart ass,' She said. 'Okay, fine then. Don't feel sorry for me, a woman deserted with two kids. I just hope nothing like this happens to you someday, Alan. Then, you'll be sorry for the things you've said to me.' She whined. 'I do the best I can with what little I have.'
"She sat down and started sobbing. Ronnie, who was already upset, started crying too. She held her arms out to him, and he ran to her. She held him, trying to make me feel like the bad one. Finally, I went to her too and she pulled me on her lap, right along with Ronnie. That was the last time she held me.
"I didn't say anyhting more. Less than a week later, Granny went home from the hospital. We went to visit her and she seemed okay. Well, Momma complained most of the visit about her own problems, so it's not like Granny would've been able to tell us if anything was wrong, if it was in her nature, which it's not. I took the bus to see her as much as I could, but that wasn't alot.
"Before Daddy left, Momma at least did a little for Ronnie and me. She cooked sometimes and went shopping if we needed things. Sometimes, when she drank she'd get all sappy and start crying over how much she loved us, and act like she was sorry for treating us bad. It was all a drunken act, but it felt good to be loved on.
"She did it more with Ronnie, than with me, though. I was always more or less on my own, but at least she cared about him sometimes.
"After she started seeing Jason, though, she started acting more and more like a woman without any responsibilities. Everything that had to be done for us was an effort. She wanted to be free to party all night and sleep late every morning.
"It got so that I didn't care anymore. I was Ronnie's only mother. Seriously. Maybe I didn't birth him and maybe I was a boy, but I was the only thing he had like a mother."
"And you didn't mind?" Armpit asked, scrunching his nose a little. I shook my head.
"No. It was like Ronnie really was my child. I would've died for him. I still would." I replied.
"Didn't you have any sort of a socail life?" Zig asked.
"Not much of one. I never went to parties, even if I was invited, and when I did go to the movies, I had to bring Ronnie. Not that my friends minded.......it was just embarassing. I wasn't embarssed of Ronnie, of course, it wasn't his fault. No, I was embarassed because of Momma.
"Her conscience reared it's weak head from time to time, but even then, she groaned and moaned about how she'd been cheated of her youth by a man who'd promised her the world, then made her pregnant with me. When Daddy was there, she'd try to make him feel guilty about it. He used to say, 'From the way you talk, Caroline, people might think I raped you.'
"She'd reply with, 'That was it! You raped me! You might not have tied me down, Dennis Smith, but you bedazzled me with your smooth talk before I had a chance to stop you.'
"Daddy would just look at me and laugh. You've said before, X-Ray, that before your parents split, that they'd talk bad about each other to you. Well, my parents did that too, but I was too young to understand what they were doing. Daddy'd start it, then Momma would join right in, and I'd just be standing there between them not knowing if I should smile, laugh, or burst into tears. I got so I wanted to cover my ears with my hands."
"I did too." X-Ray whispered.
"So did I." Zig admitted. "My parents did the same thing before my Dad moved out."
I reached for my water glass and took a sip. How different their faces all look now, I thought. Magnet had lost his look of arrogance; Zig's little smile was gone; X-Ray wouldn't look up from the floor; Armpit had busied himself picking little fuzz pills of the sofa arm; Caveman was looking at his hands and biting his lip; and Zero, who would hardly even glance at me before, was now staring his eyes full of sympathy and understanding.
"One day, Jason and Momma started planning a vacation they wanted to take. They were going to drive up to Houston. Jason claimed he had some friends out there who owed him a good time. They were going to leave Ronnie and me with Granny. I didn't mind. Actually, I was looking forward to it.
"But a few days later, Ronnie was burning up with fever when I went to wake him up for school. He was so hot, my fingers actually jumped back from his cheek. I couldn't get him to really wake up. He kept groaning and his eyes were glassy.
"I shouted for Momma, who immeaditely started complaining about being woke up so early, until I got her in our bedroom and she felt Ronnie's forehead. She looked real scared and that made me even more afraid.
"'We better get him over to the emergancy room.' She told me and she went to wake Jason up. They were the ones who looked like they had fevers. Jason practically had to tape his eyelids open. We wrapped Ronnie in his blanket and Jason carried him out to the car.
"I'd been to the emergancy room a few times, besides when Ronnie needed stitches. It's always filled with people, each one looking sicker than the next. So, as bad as Ronnie was, we had to wait nearly two hours before we could see the doctor. I just sat real quiet in my chair, holding him. Jason fell asleep in his chair and Momma went into one of her mean moods. She bitched so much, the nurses were ready to kill her. I didn't think this was much of a help. They wouldn't rush to help us now. Granny always says you can get more flies with honey than with vineger. I tried to tell Momma that, but she was so pissed that her life had been disrupted, she wouldn't listen.
"Finally the docotr called us back. They had to run all kinds of test on Ronnie and we were there for nearly four more hours before they told us the results.
"'Ronnie has an infection in his spinal cord. I think were going to get it in time to stop it from being to serious, but right now, you've got a very sick little boy on your hands.' He said.
"Momma rolled her eyes. 'You've kept us here for four hours just to tell us that? I knew the boy was sick! Momma's know these things.' She lectured.
"'We have a lot of sick people here, Mrs. Everson. We're doing the best we can.'
"Of course, that wasn't good enough for her. She just repeated herself. Finally, she shut up, so the doctor could get Ronnie into treatment. They told us he'd be there most of the week. Now Momma was even more mad. Her vacation was ruined.
"I went to visit Ronnie everyday, not only because I was worried, but because Momma wouldn't shut up her complaining. She'd already told One Eyed Sam about her vacation, so she didn't have to go to work. She just sat around the house, griping her ass off. She actually drank herself into a coma. She was passed out for two days. That was another reason I went to see Ronnie.
"Ronnie's illness seemed to seal up a desicion she'd had in her head. Well, that and the eviction notice."
"Eviction notice?" X-Ray's head snapped up. "She wasn't paying the rent? She was working, wasn't she?"
"Yeah, well, I didn't know much about our bills. I remember the phone getting shut off once or twice, but she'd pay it and everything would be right again.
"About three days after Ronnie came home, someone knocked on the door. It was a man asking for Momma. I told him she was at work. He just smirked and said, 'If she's working, why don't she pay the rent?'
"I didn't have an answer for him, so he just gave me an enevlope and said I should make sure she got it. After he left, I opened it. It was the eviction notice, saying that if we didn't pay five hundred dollars by the end of the month, we'd be kicked out. I knew we couldn't manage that. I wasn't sure what Momma was planning, but I knew it couldn't be good.
"When Momma came home, I gave her the notice. She just threw it in the trash can. She told me and Ronnie that the next week we'd be going to Granny's because she and Jason had rescheduled their vacation.
"'How're we gonna go to school, though?' I asked. 'Granny lives far from our schools. In a different district.'
"'You can miss a little school so I can have some rest.' Momma snapped.
"'The school's not going to like that.' I warned her, but she was about as worried about that as she was the eviction notice.
"To tell you the truth, I wasn't that upset about missing school. I was doing bad in most of my subjects anyway. The counselor had been calling me about twice a month, but even he seemed to give up on me. There were alot of kids in my school with problems. I bet no one missed me. They probably didn't even realize I was gone.
"I packed most of our things, but Ronnie helped a little. Then, Momma and Jason drove us to Granny's. It was in a bit of a nicer part of the city, and Granny had a small patch of yard behind it. There was a park right down the block, too, so I had somewhere to take Ronnie to play. We'd have to keep on sharing a bedroom, which was really Granny's sewing room with a pullout and a dresser squeezed in it. Jason had put Ronnie's cot in the back of his car, so we had that at least.
"Before they left, Momma went into this big act, warning me and Ronnie to behave ourselves while she was gone. 'You're here to help Granny.' She said. It was more like Granny was here to help us, I thought.
"'We'll call in a day or two, Momma.' She told Granny. She hugged and kissed Ronnie, but she just stared at me like I was miles away. There was something in here face that caused a small flutter of panic in me. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach felt like it was filled with hot liquid.
"Sometimes, I could look at Momma when she was unaware, and I could catch a glimpse of the person she used to be, back when I was little and loved her like you should love your Momma. It's like now days she wears this mask, but sometimes she drops the mask without realizing it. It's then that you can see her for what she should be. Her eyes twinkle and her face softens into a small smile. It warmed my heart and made me feel safe, if only for a little while.
"I saw a glimmer of that face when she looked at me that day. Then, the mask came back up and she shook her head at me. 'You take care of everyone, Alan.' She said.
"'I always do.' I mumbled, which she didn't like. She turned to Jason and they left quickly.
"Momma didn't call the next day or most of the day after that, but finally, after super that night, the phone rang. I saw Granny was doing more listening than speaking, keeping her eyes on me and Ronnie as she did so.
"'No,' She said. ' That so? You didn't tell me about that, Caroline. Of course I will.' She added.
I lingered nearby, wondering if she would want to talk to me or Ronnie, but she didn't and a few minutes later, Granny said good-bye and hung up.
"'What's wrong now, Granny?' I asked.
"'Y'all were evicted from your apartment. Do you know about that?'
"'Yeah, I do. I was home when the man brought the notice.' I said. 'Momma said not to worry about it.'
"'Well, you lost your home.' Granny told me.
"Ronnie wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew it was bad and he started to cry, so I went to him and hugged him.
"'What's she gonna do about it, Granny?' I asked, still holding Ronnie.
"'She claims she and Jason are gonna try to set up a home for y'all in Houston. His freinds are supposed to have work for him. Once they settle in they'll send for you.' Granny added.
"She might've believed it at first, but after a few days of Momma not calling, I could see the trust evaporating. Momma called again the next week with the same story. When she didn't call at all the next week, Granny decided we should enroll in the closest schools, so that's what we did.
"Another week went by, and another and still there was no word from Momma. Then, nearly a month later, she called to say that she and Jason were going to try their luck on the East Coast. She said that Jason had an uncle out in Caseyville, Vermont and he said there he could use Jason's help. Supposedly, there was work Momma could get too.
"Granny didn't believe(neither did I, for that matter)but she looked at me and Ronnie and I guess she thought that the things that had happened were for the best. After she hung up, we talked about it.
"'I guess I'm gonna have to stick around in this old world for a few years longer than I expected.' She said.
"'I guess you better, Granny.' I replied.
"So I became one of those kids that you see on T.V, abandon by both his parents. Good riddance, I say." I paused, looking at the ceiling, then at Dr. Pendanski. I knew he was waiting for me to tell them the rest of it, waiting for me to tell the worst. So I took a deep breath, gathered my courage and did.
"My troubles," I admitted. "Were just starting."