Warnings: lime, lime, fluffy stuff, lime, bad "attempted" use of the Japanese language, lime, indicated pairings, lime, other stuff I didn't mention, and lime
Author's Note: OMG! I apologize for being gone SO long. sweatdrop School's quickly approaching the end, and I've been caught up in the middle of it. sigh I assure you that I haven't forgotten about this fic…I'm far from that, in fact. grins Anyways, a couple things before my obviously infamous rambles at the end of the track: (1) This track is not beta-ed b/c my beta has been very busy as well, and (2) I boosted the rating! O Yep…that's right, ladies and gentlemen! This fic is no longer readable by those 13 and younger…though I'm sure some of you will continue to read despite that hindrance. I don't have a problem with that, but let me say this: those that read something they do not like have been warned. With that said, enjoy this track!
Dedicated to those who so love Tohma and Ryuichi smile
Track Eleven: It Becomes Them
Yuji was gone, having drifted down the empty hallway in search of his brother's room, and Tohma was on his knees beside Ryuichi, delicate fingers rubbing at the glistening tears marring his pretty features, trying to erase them from existence. The singer moaned into the touch, his heart rupturing as a flood of painful memories broke over the heavy wall erected around his fragile soul, and he wrapped his arms around the other's neck, sobbing loudly against Tohma's throat, coating his alabaster skin with hot tears. The older man quietly held Ryuichi without question, his teeth biting his tongue into silence, and the legendary pop-star nuzzled his nose along the indention between Tohma's jaw and his ear, his wet mouth leaving a glossy residue of saliva in its wake. A shudder ran up the producer's spine, momentarily causing his brain to refrain from thinking any rational thought, and he abruptly pulled back to stare at his partner, his friend, when the nip of teeth broke the surface of his flesh and something moist soothed the bruised spot.
"R-Ryuichi-san…" Watery eyes treading with forbidden thoughts –and still soaked thoroughly with tears- gazed through him, making Tohma shiver unintentionally.
What was wrong with him?
"Tohma." It was that haunting voice that spoke to him, not the tiny, frightened, and sometimes childish one that gave Ryuichi his genki and lovable individuality, and Tohma became afraid. Nothing good ever came from Ryuichi's switch of personalities. How could anyone not know of this dilemma other than himself? There were two Ryuichis: one existed as an innocent, kawaii bundle of flowers, hearts, and chocolate kisses over a huggable stuffed bunny, but the other was different. He was death and angst and the pain of a thousand lifetimes congealed into the same body, always fighting for a chance to be free. Tohma shoved against Ryuichi's chest, propelling him back into the plastic casing of the vending machine behind them.
"Ryuichi-san…" Tohma felt something tight forming in his throat, blocking the passage of his vocal cords, and he found himself choking on his words, unable to express what it was that he felt. Ryuichi had been the enigma of Nittle Grasper –he'd even invented the name of their elusive band- and he had been the soul performer of their concerts, always drawing in a crowd. Tohma could remember quite clearly the moments when he was drunk enough on the euphoria of playing the keyboard with Noriko-san and feeding on the energy of the audience to end up making out with the singer on stage. Particularly one event stood out in his mind, hot flashes of lips and clothes falling to the ground in a whirl of anonymous faces, but he did not want to recall that. He could feel a blush coming onto his face, and Tohma wondered what it was about Ryuichi that always made him act improper and wild with abandon.
"Come on, Ryuichi murmured, his eyes dark with hidden secrets and shimmering with un-spilt tears. "Let's have fun…Tohma…" The disbelief washing over the blonde-haired man was almost enough to stop his heart.
Fun?
Where had his beloved Ryuichi gone?
"Ryuichi-san, I know-"
"Iie. You don't. You don't know." There was a brief pause before the vocalist lunged at Tohma, knocking them both onto the linoleum tiles of the cold hospital floor. Ryuichi stared down at him, his slim legs straddling Tohma's hips, and the singer's arms captured his head in a cage, leaving him a prisoner to the other's administrations. Tohma could feel his pulse pounding rapidly in his ears, and his mouth was suddenly dry. Thoughts of Mika, the woman he shared his life with, the one he was married to, temporarily surfaced, but Ryuichi instantly made them vanish when he leaned down -blue eyes as black as his pupils- and kissed his mouth with fervor. Slender hands twined themselves into his hair, nearly tugging strands of it from his scalp, and Tohma gasped against Ryuichi as his full weight settled onto him, pressing his body completely flat. Avid fingers stroked his chest through the white button-down shirt he wore, pausing effectively over the faint outline of his nipple, and Tohma was lost against his will, unable to fabricate reality from this dream of desiring men when he belonged to a woman, one who duplicated the image of another in his mind, one he could not grasp no matter how hard he tried. A blush stained his cheeks, and Tohma found himself caught up in the moment and the memories, unable to let go.
"Kowasu you ni…" Ryuichi threw his arms up, wallowing in the fanatic scream of the crowd as the ending words of "Sleepless Beauty" ricocheted across the enormous arena, his microphone forgotten while he skipped around the stage, adrenaline pumping into his veins. Tohma and Noriko were still at their keyboards, enthusiastically pounding on the keys to drag out the ending of the song, and Noriko tossed locks of sweat-dampened hair behind her in a flash of violet, a smile drawing across her lips as Ryuichi bounced beside Tohma, his hands tugging him away from his instrument. She continued the addicting rhythm of the song, slowly fading into something extremely upbeat and lively that did not have the need for Ryuichi's hypnotic voice, and Tohma found himself swept away by the other man's powerful aura, unable to stop himself from willingly complying with his movements.
Ryuichi's mouth was on his own, his slick tongue teasing Tohma's with mischievous effort, and the scream of the crowd was forgotten, lost in the throng of wanton thoughts as his hands reached inside the half-closed jacket to stroke the moist skin of Tohma's torso, extracting a partial moan from his throat…
Tohma's eyes flew open, and he panted, fingers pushing at Ryuichi to get him to stop. He couldn't do this –and certainly not in a place such as this.
What would people think of him if they knew?
What would Mika do?
What would Eiri say?
"Ryuichi-" It was a plea, and the soul buried deep within the unbreakable barrier of the other Ryuichi remained solid, almost flaunting his strength.
"You like this…I know you like this…don't deny what I know is true…" He bent down to kiss him again, his hips rolling against Tohma's, and the producer bit back a moan even as he thrust his weight against him, knocking him to the ground.
"I-I'm not…I'm not-" Who did Ryuichi think he was? The singer's attraction to him was only mutual, there had never been anything very sexual between them, and the identity of Ryuichi's obvious obsession eluded him at the moment. Tohma sat up, wiping a trail of saliva off of his cheek and throat before rearranging his clothes –the first couple of buttons had come undone- and trying to recompose himself. Ryuichi lay face down a few feet away, his shoulders shaking, and at first, Tohma thought he was crying, but a snicker escaped his mouth as he lifted his face to stare at the other, a gruesome smile gazing back at him, complete with tears streaming down his cheeks. Ryuichi was laughing. "R-Ryuichi-san…"
"You were always the funny one," he muttered, rubbing at the salty stains streaking his skin before glaring at him, contempt in his liquid gaze; it was like looking directly into the depths of purgatory. "Always too wrapped up in yourself…too important to care about us…why did you have to interfere?! Couldn't you have left him alone?!" Tohma blinked at the stranger in front of him, so afraid of the bizarre sparkle in Ryuichi's narrowed orbs of empty blue that he began to shake.
"I-"
"He didn't deserve your judgment…you're not god! You're…YOU'RE NOT ANYTHING!!"
"Ryuichi-san, what are you talking-"
"Don't play stupid," he interjected harshly, his fists clenching in his hair as if he would rip it out at any moment. "Don't act as if you don't know! Everyone's allowed to be happy but me…even that bastard writer has more than I…n-no…STOP IT!" The singer gripped his head, eyes squeezing shut as pain filtered over his vivid features, and Tohma staggered to his feet, his back to the wall even as he watched Ryuichi struggle inside his mind. It looked as though he was fighting with himself, the power of his more-dominating side trying to erase the spirit that everyone loved about him, and Tohma took a brave step forward, his hand reaching out towards him. His heart beat furiously, and he was afraid to interact with him in any way, but Ryuichi suffered, and he wanted…no, he needed to help him. Arms suddenly clung to his waist before he could blink, and Ryuichi sobbed into his chest, soaking his pristine shirt with once withheld tears. "F-forgive me…gomen nasai, Tohma…Tohma…" Tohma rubbed Ryuichi's back, a serene expression replacing the terrified grimace that had once been on his face, and he smiled gently, the innocent angel reverting back to the hidden demon that he truly was.
"Daijoubu desu-ka, Ryuichi-san. I understand…"
But in reality, he didn't.
"You like this…don't deny what I know is true…" Who was he talking about? It certainly wasn't him.
"Why did you have to interfere?" In what?
"He didn't deserve your judgment…" Again, who was this person that Ryuichi felt so strongly for? He hadn't been seeing anyone that Tohma knew of, had no relationships to speak of.
"Don't act as if you don't know!" Tohma massaged the tense muscles in Ryuichi's shoulders and sighed wearily, his brain suddenly tired. He couldn't act if he really didn't know, and he had a feeling that the singer's secret was going to tear him apart until nothing remained of his affable and honest soul.
Tohma could not let that happen, and he would fight to make sure Ryuichi remained safe.
He was god…
Aizawa staggered from the bathroom a good hour and a half later, his blurred and burning vision adjusting itself to the dimness of the light in the living space of Ma and Ken's apartment. The blonde guitarist was curled up beside the other member of ASK, strands of his lustrous hair shielding Ken's face from the blinding luminosity of a single standing lamp in the corner. Aizawa didn't know what time it was, the shades were drawn together to block out the image of day –or night- and the sour taste of stale vomit in his mouth made his stomach churn each time he swallowed. His feet refused to cooperate, and the former vocalist found himself glued to the carpet, unable to pull his gaze away from the scene before him. Ken shifted in his sleep, his head sliding down Ma's chest to nestle comfortably in his lap, and Ma's eyes slowly blinked open because of the unexpected weight pressing against his pelvis, a slow smile curving his lips at the sight of the other man staring at them in confusion. Aizawa tried speaking, but his voice was sore, and his throat ached with the pain of withheld sobs.
"Ken-chan couldn't sleep," Ma whispered almost shyly, and he carefully slipped from the loose embrace, making sure Ken was still asleep before moving towards Aizawa. "How…how are you feeling?"
"Fine…I think…" Aizawa peered around the small room, remnants of pizza and its box making him nauseous. "I-I changed my mind. I think I'm going to-" Ma wrapped his arms around Aizawa's neck, pulling him into a hug, and the queasiness radiating from the center of his abdomen instantly vanished, the mixture of scents that were distinctly Ma's embracing his senses in a calm pool of void. Aizawa sagged into the warmth, his trembling fingers slithering up to twist in Ma's golden tresses, and Ma returned the gesture by running his hands gently back and forth across the disheveled material of the jacket Aizawa wore, trying to put him at ease. He had to understand that someone did care for him and that he was not alone. He and Ken stood behind him with faith, always accepting his faults and never questioning his motives –not even when he had destroyed their band by hurting someone else- but Aizawa was obviously blind to the fact that there were people who loved him, ached with him, and even suffered for him.
"Tachi," Ma murmured into his ear, nuzzling his nose along a delicate fold of flesh. "You don't have to be afraid."
"I-I'm not." But, he was. His heart ached with an impossible stab of betrayal, chilling the core of his existence with frosty hatred, and Aizawa couldn't distinguish his sick, twisted fantasy from reality anymore. He had wanted it to be a show of his strength, of his superiority over a couple of pre-pubescent immature boys, but it had altered into something disgusting, it had gotten out of control, and he had lost the two most important things he'd ever cherished in his life to greed and corruption. His band had shattered as easily as glass, falling apart without the support of a demonic producer disguised behind a golden halo of false promises, and his lover, his beloved bunny with sparkling sapphire eyes, no longer existed to him. Aizawa wanted to claim them again, cradle them against his chest and never let them go, but he had no choice. He was living the life of someone else, now, not that of Tachi Aizawa.
"Don't lie…Aizawa." His body shivered at the syllables of his name leaving Ma's mouth, and the unexpected pressure of warmth sliding against his lips and over his tongue immobilized his senses. Ma was kissing him, and he was good at it, too. Aizawa felt himself slipping, his hands gripping Ma's shoulders tightly as he tripped directly into a floating, non-existent world, and he was pushing back, his teeth tearing sensitive flesh in a haste to feel welcomed into the circle he'd involuntarily left. Ma moaned something unintelligible, his chest melding against Aizawa's as they staggered into the wall, mouths frantically moving and fingers delicately exploring through barriers of clothing. Ma was demanding, his hips trapping Aizawa's between himself and cheap plaster, and he took control of the situation, his aggressive, nearly dominate behavior over-powering the other with less the fraction of strength than it normally would have taken. Aizawa didn't care anymore, his body was craving any type of affection it could get, and his mind had already started playing tricks on him.
Ma's blonde hair was fading into a darker shade, rapidly growing shorter and more luminescent with each passing second, and Aizawa shut his eyes against the illusion, knowing who was really doing this to him but pretending that it was another. Ryuichi whispered into his mouth, nibbling delicately at his lips, and his inquisitive fingers were hastily undoing the fastening to his belt, trying to get inside. His lover had never been so forceful before, not even when he'd gotten upset over the most trifle things and Aizawa had attempted to make him feel better, but this was a new, different side to things, one Aizawa didn't think he could handle. Ryuichi forcefully pried his lips open even as his hand slithered inside his pants, and Aizawa tilted his head back, his tongue fiercely dueling with the tongue invading his mouth as he angled his pelvis up, bucking his weight against the flesh fondling him.
"Ah…don't stop…don't…" Aizawa shuddered violently, his legs trembling to the point where he could no longer support himself, and they slide onto the floor, their bodies pooling into a mass of tangled limbs and rumpled clothes. A hoarse gasp rang loudly in his ear.
"I-I shouldn't be doing this…because of Ken…" A pause filled with the sound of his own heart beating frantically against his ribs rang inside his head. "But…I love you, Tachi." Aizawa's eyes flashed open in literal shock, his consciousness dissolving back into his brain, and Ma's flushed face stared back at him, the presence of his slim digits firmly grasping his member condemning him further into sin.
"I-"
"So does Ken," Ma continued, unaware that Aizawa was slowly withdrawing from the conversation, guilty with conviction. "We both love you, Tachi. Ever since-"
"Please…be quiet," he stammered painfully, the expanse of his chest finally rupturing with agony. He was a sinner, a murderer, the thief of his own lost dreams. "I-I can't…I can't…I thought I could, but I can't." Tears were rolling thickly down his cheeks.
"Don't cry, Tachi. It's not your fault."
"But it is…it's all my fault…I did it. I did everything, and I never wanted to h-hurt anyone. I don't hurt people, Ma-kun, I don't. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with ME?" Aizawa broke into a wave of fitful sobs, his red eyes leaking down the side of his face, and Ma gathered him into an embrace, his desire already gone. All he could do was hold him and wonder –wonder what Tachi had done, wonder why he had disappeared for so long, wonder an answer to his question- but it all remained a mystery. Ma didn't know, and Aizawa was breaking inside because of it.
He tasted his friend's tears and hugged him closer, lost in a world of destruction's devise.
TBC-
A/N: gasp Where did that come from? Hmm…I know some people will think Tachi is a whore or something along those lines b/c he almost did that with Ma-kun, but he's just confused. Obviously, ne? He thought it was Ryuichi. . sigh I really need to get my head out of dreamland. LOL. Life's not like that…it's horrid and cruel. :P Ah, so, anyway, what about Ryuichi and Tohma in the hospital? O.O I'm guessing this was your reaction, ne? Yeah, I was pretty surprised I wrote that myself. Poor Ryu-kun has mental issues that obviously need to be addressed…if I could understand his character a little more, I would consider writing a Ryuichi-centric fic, but I'm too busy for that right now. sigh Yeah…
Reviews:
StarryEyedChick: WOOT! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! You actually felt sorry for Yuki? O LOL. Yeah, the entire thing with Shuichi and the seat belt was completely off the top of my head! I could actually see him sliding under it until he was on the floor laughs NYAH! Indestructible Hiro was a surprise, but that was the impression I got when reading the manga and how he and Yuji interacted with one another. shrug Old news, though, I suppose. Mmm…about the one-shot fic thing I was planning to write…currently on-hold due to lack of ideas, but I will eventually write one for you! Hiro and Shuichi are so kawaii together…considering that I've been reading WYG, and that TOOG has turned out to be a ShuHiro. SHH! That was supposed to be a secret. I'll see what I can do about pulling off a what-if with them. That would be so cool!! glomp And…I want more WYG! begs
Silverone: LOL. You are SO worried about Hiro-kun dying, aren't you? Don't worry…he won't die…in this one. LMAO. :P Kidding…actually, Hiro's death was never planned at all so you should have nothing to worry about! blush And, I write Shuichi's and Yuki's angst well? THANK YOU! Heh…I've been told that I am a master at writing Yuki…but when it comes to Shuichi…well, I might as well quit. . As for Ryuichi and Tachi sleeping with other people…well, you read the conclusion to that, ne? Some pretty intense stuff, too. ACK! I can't believe I wrote that…bad, Dai-chan, bad! About the Tachi/Ken thing (which was very different and unusual by the way)…I will also be writing a one-shot for that, too…though I don't know what, yet. I know…I'm awful…but I promise that you and StarryEyedChick will receive one-shots…not matter how short they are. -- LOL. Maybe they won't be smut and actually have a semi-decent plot, too. O Hope you liked this chapter!! And, you are completely inspiring me to write a Shu/Tachi. LOL. Love it!
Ish: WOOT! Seme Ryuichi…never really thought about it before, but dammit…that's something to really think about, ne? LMAO. True…Tatsuha does need more screen time. Don't worry! He will be making many appearances soon. He's needed for the nasty little plot twist I have decided to use him for. evil grin Did you think I forgot what happened in track two? Hehe! Don't feel bad, either. Considering that I know what I'm writing… I hope you don't start cheering for Yuki. grimaces abuses self for giving away parts of plot
Lara: Uh oh…I have a feeling I'm going to get chewed out b/c it took me so long to update this time. hides I'm sorry. State testing and junk…I'm only 17 after all…and still in high school. sigh Anyway, I'm glad the last track was worth the wait, and I truly hope that this one was as well. -- I'm such a baka sometimes…I continue to write on this (up to chapter 14 now!!), and I forget to update. Eh…very bad!! I'm terribly sorry if you wanted me to email you, and I didn't. I'm even twice as awful as before. sigh What am I going to do with myself? LMAO. Well, I'm glad that you think I'm a great writer! It means a lot to me! Oh…and I was curious…do you write fanfiction?? NYAH! Hope you liked this chapter!!
Phoenix51: WAI! Thank you so much! Putting detail into stories is something I have a knack for…and sometimes I put too much. O.o Heh…gotta work on that! I just hope that you continue to read and like it! gives candy
Black Dios: Eh…RM and K…shooting together? That's just terribly scary. I don't think I want to mention it again. sigh LOL. Yeah, I think Tatsuha-kun is definitely one hard character to portray right (I wouldn't know about role-playing, though). . He can be dreadfully confusing. Anyway, I hope you liked this one. Characters that didn't get much screen time in the anime always seem to be the ones who are the most difficult to write…except for Aizawa. I wonder why that is. Hmmm….
CassiToTheStars: NYAH! glomps You're back! LOL. Eh…anyway, I honestly hope you don't shoot me for what I've planned for Yuki! Please forgive me. runs away and cries
Mirai Aria: Tsk, tsk…LOL. sigh Yes, I know chapter 10 was short. GAH! I actually had writer's block on that one. . But, I do assure you that the next 4 chapters are going to be quite lengthy…and metaphor-filled… O.o Heh. Eiri's stupid? nods I partially agree…and I'm sure I'll get a couple of flames for the next chapter that I am going to post. Sex him up? You could say that…but…nah, I'm not going to say. It'll give it away. evil laugh Well, I do hope you liked the Tohma and Ryu "incident." It was slightly weird, but shrug whatever came out I guess. Pato did tell me along time ago that she thought it was weird that Tachi and Ma almost had sex, but…it makes it interesting. Plus, TOOG is just one huge Gravi soap opera. -- brushes the guilt away Change of clothes for Eiri? Well, considering that Eiri likes to dress non-casual almost 99% of the time(in the anime)…I think it would be freaking hot to see him in some of Tatsuha's street clothes. drools OMG! Jeans…t-shirts…tanks…dies and goes to Gravi heaven Uh…yeah…that probably didn't help any…
Dazzle1: bows Thank you! I just hope you continue to read…and I hope the entire Tachi/Ryu thing doesn't throw you off. I think it did a lot of people…but please remember…it was in the past. Heh…
Malik Ishtal0607: Another Ryuichi/Tohma fan? LOL. I hope it gave you something to think about and was pleasing to read.
Joan Mistress of Magic: WAHOO! glomp I'm glad TOOG still holds a place in your heart. dances
Akina Tsukana: Don't freak out about the entire Tachi/Ryu thing…I know you're not happy with it, but it's just something I felt like writing at the time though it's not the central conflict…well, sort of. Anyway, everything will work out in the end! I promise!
Exert from next chapter:
When Eiri's feet embraced the gleaming linoleum floor, memories surfaced before his eyes, tormenting him endlessly, and he leaned against the wall, his nose pressed painfully close to its cold surface. His tongue slid free from its warm prison and licked the barrier thoughtfully.
"Shut your mouth. You are pissing me off. You keep asking 'why, why?' He always asked me the same thing. Indeed, why are you asking me why? Why do you keep coming to see me again and again?" Large violet orbs gaze up at him as the blonde walked forward, edging the other further and further away from his commanding presence.
"I-I…" He slammed against the wall, long arms moving to trap him so that he couldn't move.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" There was a pause. "Oh, well…" Lips brushed against the stoic singer's, and he gasped, allowing a liquefying tongue to purge his mouth and dance over his teeth, over his own tongue. He stood motionless in Eiri's loose embrace, unable to decipher the meaning of his advance, but when a hand skillfully slipped from beside his head to caress his side through the bulkiness of his glossy orange sweater, all coherent thought ceased to exist, and he kissed back, moaning softly at the quickly recognizable flavor pouring into him, all around him.
Eiri groaned mercilessly, his tongue lapping at the metallic-tasting barrier before him, and he blinked, his saliva connecting the novelist's mouth with his substitute lover. Instead of strawberry, he sample aluminum; instead of pliable skin, he felt un-giving steel. This wasn't what he wanted.
I loved writing that part…it was SO much fun. grin And, can't you just see Eiri making out with the wall? OMG! A "nice" lemony thing for next chapter…Yuki/Shu! Tell your friends! LOL. Also, I know that I'm evil. Anyway…
PLEASE REVIEW!
(Also...I don't like this new editing thing...grrrr....)