HOW METAL GEAR SOLID REALLY HAPPENED
By Josh D. Blanco
© 2004 Josh D. Blanco
Well, this is Chapter 12.5 – something to either clear up madness or make it worse. Better not be the latter. Anyway… read on to find out what went wrong in this story. Please do no sue me; it is only an accidental mistake. I apologize to all who are involved.
STORY STUFF:
[action]
(A/N)
*noise*
(thought)
[translation]
DISCLAIMER:
I will never own the Metal Gear series. Unless I kidnap Hideo Kojima and threaten him! But I'm a 14-year-old; there's other things I gotta do in life… …ooh! Let's hire the Patriots!
Chapter XII AND A HALF:
The Controversy of Genome #99
[we now end up in one of those rooms used in 60 Minutes]
[insert music heard in your local TV News Station whenever a "Breaking News" headline is heard, with Solidus on…]
SOLIDUS: Good morning. Or evening. Or day. Or afternoon. This is 60 and a Half Seconds, the only news program with shocking, but non-controversial headlines… I think. Anyway, I'm George Sears, the 43rd President of the United States. Right now, I'm sitting in for (Insert Random Newscaster Name Here) and we have a startling controversy. As you are aware, the story How Metal Gear Solid Really Happened by Josh D. Blanco is a success. Even though he doesn't have many fans, he still is able to make them keep reading for more – whether it is the humor, the funnies, or the comedy. As proof, here is a short comment from one of his fans, Shade Wolf.
[a quick video clip of Shade Wolf being interviewed is shown on the screen]
SHADE WOLF: Hey! This ain't my Chapter 13 cameo appearance I was promised! I'm suing for false advertisement!
[screen abruptly pauses]
SOLIDUS (VO): Um… wrong clip… heh…
[another video clip of Shade Wolf]
SHADE: I love this story! Josh gave me free cake! [holds up a cake slice from Chapter 12] See? He's cool!
SOLIDUS: …then again, it could be the cake. Anyhow, let's continue. Josh has been charged with the murder of one of his reviewers.
EVERYONE AT HOME: *GASP!!!*
SOLIDUS: [grimly] …yes… …here is the person who found this out, GhostStalker1328. GhostStalker1328, welcome to 60 and a Half Seconds.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Hi.
SOLIDUS: So, tell us what you have uncovered.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Well, I was reading How Metal Gear Solid Really Happened. When I was reviewing it, I realized he killed someone earlier in the story who appeared later. So I wrote it down on the review.
SOLIDUS: Hmm… seems serious. Do you have a copy of what you wrote down?
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Yes. Here. [hands over a piece of paper to Solidus]
SOLIDUS: Hmm… [reads it] (A/N: This is his actual review)
*sees Genome #99's head being crushed in the elevator door in chapter
2* wait a sec... you killed one of your reviewers?!?!
...
um... please continue the story! this rules!
(for survivor I would bring a H.F Blade or a Manga book.*prefers the
first one* And Meryl should live (and die some few seconds later :P))
EVERYONE AT HOME: *GASP!!!*
SOLIDUS: So, who was this Genome #99? This person was known as Dragon Master's Mistress. [a phone rings, and Solidus answers] Yeah? Huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's impossible! You've gotta be – oh, shit. [puts hand over receiver and talks to camera] Um… folks, I just received a phone call from a girl who's calling herself "Angelica" –
VOICE ON PHONE: [yelling] IT'S GELI!
SOLIDUS: [slightly cringes] Anyway, I just got a call from a girl named Geli, and she says she's Dragon Master's Mistress. [snickers] Um, miss? I'm afraid you're mistaken. You can't be her. She was killed. Read the paper.
GELI (VO): I'M NOT DEAD! SEE!? [walks in the set holding a cell phone in her hand] Watch this, Solidus. [logs in to her FF.net account on the PC in front of him]
SOLIDUS: Jesus Christ… she's ALIVE!
EVERYONE AT HOME: YAY!!!
GELI: SEE!?
GHOSTSTALKER1328: But this defies all logic! Look… [finds How Metal Gear Solid Really Happened on the PC] …here's "Chapter 12: Why BUYING a Sniper Is VERY EASIER Than BUYING One", where Snake found you when you were disguised as Genome #99. [reads it] (A/N: This is official "Archival" footage of Chapter 12. Wait… It says "Confidential" on the side… …how the hell did they get that!?!?!? SECURITY!!!)
SNAKE: Okay… [talks to Genome #99] What's your name?
ME: [thinking] …um… Ano po ang pangalan nila?
GENOME #99: Ako si Angelica.
ME: Aha! I know you now! Dragon Master's Mistress, welcome to the set of How Metal Gear Solid Really Happened!
EVERYONE AT HOME: OOH…
GELI: …yeah…
SOLIDUS: [excited with the "footage"] …AND?
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Now let's go to "Chapter 2: The Welcome Dance Party… …For No Reason". Read this segment. (A/N: NO! DAMMIT! How do they get this stuff!? …um, I mean, this is straight from Chapter 2. WHERE THE HELL IS SECURITY!?!?!?)
GENOME #99: Hi. I come in way later in the game, so you can't kill me yet for no reason.
SNAKE: Uh-huh…
[elevator closes, but not before it crushes #99's skull… clearly for no reason… of course.]
SNAKE: Ha-ha.
EVERYONE AT HOME: *GASP!!!*
SOLIDUS: Oh, dear. This is shocking.
GELI: [sad] Yeah…
SOLIDUS: What are you gonna do?
GELI: [pulls out a kendo sword] Slice him in half!!!
GHOSTSTALKER1328: YEAH!!! [grabs the H.F. Blade]
[the two armed writers run off in search of my head…]
SOLIDUS: Well, we just received word that officials have apprehended Josh. He is now in a courtroom, awaiting trial…
[footage now goes to a courtroom…]
BAILIFF: [is actually Johnny Sasaki] Order! All rise!
[everyone rises as the "judge" comes out]
CAMPBELL: Thanks. You may be seated.
[everyone sits]
JOHNNY: [hands the case papers to Campbell] Hard case. 14-year-old accused of murder.
CAMPBELL: [drops jaw in shock] No shit!
JOHNNY: Tell me about… did you just say, "shit"?
CAMPBELL: Um… yeah…?
JOHNNY: [stomach growls in pain] NO! [grabs his butt and runs for the exit] NOT AGAIN!
CAMPBELL: Now, let's start… [looks around] What the-!? Where's the plaintiff?
[Geli runs in]
GELI: Here!
CAMPBELL: Oh, good. Now, Geli, you are accusing this guy of what, exactly?
GELI: He murdered me! [pouts and points]
CAMPBELL: And, um, would the defendant like to say something about this comment?
ME: [makes a shocked nod] (Crap… Otacon's my LAWYER?)
OTACON: Yep… he'd like to say something.
ME: [stands] I DID NOT MEAN TO!
CAMPBELL: [bangs the gavel, which breaks it] SILENCE! Right now, all I know is this: Geli was killed, and Josh D. Blanco is a murderer. Uh, Geli, who is representing you as your lawyer?
[at the moment, she has no lawyer]
GELI: Um… [pulls Snake over] …he's my lawyer!
SNAKE: (Oh, dear God… not again!)
CAMPBELL: Let's start with the witnesses.
OTACON: [yells] OBJECTION!!!
AUDIENCE: *GASP!*
CAMPBELL: What?
OTACON: What good is a witness if there's no one to talk to? [points to the jury stand, which is empty]
CAMPBELL: Oh, for the love of… JURY!
[Wolf, Mantis, Shade Wolf, Genome #12, Liquid, Pablosky, Ocelot, a monkey, Riak Karasawa, Raven, Super Chibi Blender Man, Solidus, and MasterFruitCake walk in from side door]
WOLF: Sorry we're late.
SHADE: Goddamn traffic.
OCELOT: Yup. Traffic.
OTACON: Traffic in a court house?
RAVEN: Um…
CAMPBELL: Sit down!
[jury sits]
CAMPBELL: Well, Snake, who's the first witness?
GELI: [raises hand] Moi.
[Johnny emerges from the bathroom and picks up the bible]
JOHNNY: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Man this bailiff stuff rules!
GELI: Um… yeah?
JOHNNY: Good. [stomach growls] Oh, not again! [runs off]
SNAKE: Okay, what's your name?
MANTIS: [from the jury stand] We know her name already.
SNAKE: Who the hell cares?
GELI: *sniff* I care. *sniff*
SNAKE: (Stupid fangirlism!) Okay, okay… so, what's your – dammit, Mantis! Get down! – what's your name?
GELI: Angelica.
SNAKE: And why are you here?
GELI: 'Cause you are so cool! [jumps out of witness stand and hugs Snake]
SNAKE: HELP!
SETO KAIBA: [stands up from the crowd] Snake, she does that to me in her fanfics. As long as she's in Josh's fic, you're gonna have to bear with it.
SNAKE: HUH!? [calls Josh via Codec]
%%%
SNAKE: JOSH! Please, oh please, get her away from me!
ME: Name it.
SNAKE: Huh?
ME: Y'know… dinero?
SNAKE: [insert quizzical look]
ME: (I forgot… …stupidity…) …yen, euro, dolares… any of it ringing a bell?
SNAKE: Huh…
ME: AUGH! MONEY!!!
SNAKE: …oh! Well… [pulls out his wallet] …I got $5.48 and my $20 Gift Card in Victoria's Secret.
ME: Nope. Not enough to bribe me. How about that Sniper Wolf centerfold you got?
SNAKE: NO! [hangs up]
%%%
SNAKE: *sigh* Okay… let's start over. Your name's Angelica and… why are you here?
GELI: Because he [points to Josh] murdered me!
CAMPBELL: But that doesn't make sense! You're right here!
GELI: *sigh* Snake, get someone else on.
SNAKE: Okay. [jerks thumb back, signaling for Geli to go back] I now call on… GhostStalker1328! Ghost!
[GhostStalker1328 is nowhere in sight]
SNAKE: DAMMIT! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! (Oh, shit… please don't tell me I just said that.)
CAMPBELL: …did he say what I think he just said?
OTACON: (Well, this case should end soon now… NO! IT'S 5:00 in the evening! I missed my Sailor Moon Hentai show!)
ME: Okay, can I go up now? I've got anxious readers waiting for Chapter 13. So, can I?
CAMPBELL: Hmm…
ME: Shit, I nearly forgot… I'M the author! This is my story, so I'll do what I want! I want to be on the witness stand. [walks up to the witness stand]
OTACON: [to Snake, discreetly] …psst! Snake! Where's your other witness?
SNAKE: [shrugs] Dunno.
[…Meanwhile, back at Shadow Moses…]
*BOOM!!!*
[apparently the tank hangar is in flames]
[insert sounds of panic here]
GENOME #102: Oh, my God! Run! AGH! [gets sliced in half]
GHOSTSTALKER1328: HAHA! That's right! Run, you fools! Run and FEAR ME! [whips out the High-Frequency Blade and jumps in front of a fleeing Genome #101]
GENOME #101: Oh, no! NO! [starts firing his FAMAS]
[GhostStalker1328 jumps over him, does a sweeping drop kick, and slices the idiot in half]
GHOSTSTALKER1328: HA! Who's next???
GENOMES #103 – 109: AAH!
[…Back to the Courthouse]
SNAKE: I'll have to ask, Otacon.
OTACON: Yeah. Well, I gotta do my lawyer stuff. [goes to front] So, what's your name?
ME: Josh D. Blanco.
OTACON: How old are ya'?
ME: 14. Who cares about age? Age doesn't matter in this ridiculous excuse for a court system!
SOLIDUS: That's what the Patriots want you to think!!!
CROWD: *GASP!*
SNAKE: OBJECTION! Your Honor, the jury isn't allowed to speak! You hear me, Roy!?
CAMPBELL: Yeah.
OTACON: And what are - I mean… what is your social status?
ME: Uh… I'm a 14-year-old Freshman who writes stories for a "living," would rather not go to school but goes anyway for the sake of the future, is an amateur duelist, and a lazy-ass. Well… is that a good summary of my life as it is?
CAMPBELL: Yep.
OTACON: Josh, you do know what you're being accused of, right? This is a serious offense that you've committed.
ME: I got a reasonable explanation for this! I have a bad case of short-term memory! Don't believe me? Well, go ask any of my buddies at Oxnard High School!
WOLF: Yeah! Let's go!
CAMPBELL: Haven't I told you damn ingrates that the jury is NOT supposed to talk!?!?!?
SOLIDUS: [stands up – again… dear God, what now!?] That's what the Patriots want you to think, you stupid fool!!!
MANTIS: [also stands] Forget the stupid Patriot thing! I've had it up to here with the fucking Patriots! [puts hand over head] Do ya' fucking understand me!?
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: I do! Just shut up, Solidus!
THE MONKEY: Ooh-oh-ah-oh-oh-ah-aah! Ah-ooh-ee-aah-aa-ooh! [Translation: Damn straight! Just shut the fuck up!]
SHADE WOLF: Okay, let's do what Josh just said. That way, we'll see if he's innocent, AND anyone here who's a reviewer if this fic can get more screen time! Let's go!
RIAK KARASAWA: Sweet! A free, all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii!? Awesome!
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: Okay!
WOLF: I'm in!
REST of JURY: [sounds of agreement]
ME: *groan* It's not Hawaii!
[tires screech as time suddenly "freezes"]
RIAK KARASAWA: …you… …you mean…
RAVEN: …there's no girls?
LIQUID: …where we're going?
ME: Nope. We're talking about high crime rate, strawberry fields, and an intense urge to get a good place to live.
JURY: Oh.
RAVEN: See ya guys.
JURY: [leaves]
ME: Just watch. That jury will believe me.
[Somewhere later out onboard a Boeing 747]
THE MONKEY: Ee-ooh-eh-ah-aah-oh-ooh-ooh-ah! [From now on, you must now refer to me as: "A Monkey Named Bob"!]
LIQUID: [has quizzical look on face] Um, what did he just say? Does anyone here speak monkey?
GENOME #12: [runs up] I majored in Monkey-Speak in the University of Delta Force 101! Um, so what did he say?
LIQUID: It sounded like: "Ee-oh-ee-aah-ahh-ooh-ooh-ah-aah".
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: [shakes head as if to say "no"] AAH! OH-OOH-AAH! Oh-eh: "ee-ooh-eh-ah-aah-oh-ooh-ooh-ah"! [NO! YOU DUMBASS! I said "From now on, you must now refer to me as: A Monkey Named Bob"!]
(A/N: Look carefully at what he said and what Liquid thought he said… …there IS a difference…)
GENOME #12: Uh… it was, "From now on, you must refer to me as "A Monkey Named Bob."
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: Oh-eh-aah-aah-ooh-eh-eh-oh-eh! [Piece of shit!] [slaps Liquid on the face]
LIQUID: Why, I oughta- [starts to reach for his pistol-]
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: [pulls out a FAMAS from the overhead storage bin] Ah-ee-ooh-ooh-ah! [Don't even try it.]
LIQUID: …okay… …I won't.
[…72 hours and several in-flight movies later…]
WOLF: [sleeping]
RAVEN: [reading Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy]
SHADE WOLF: When the hell are we gonna be there?
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: Dunno. I'll ask the crew. [leaves]
PABLOSKY: It's so boring in a plane!
MANTIS: Fucking court case screwed up my weekend…
GELI: [from outta nowhere] FILIPINO POWER!
OCELOT: Whoa… how the hell did she get here?
OTACON: [also from outta nowhere] The "High & Almighty" Judge Campbell decided to move the courtroom in the 747.
LIQUID: So, how'd all of you bloody chaps and all of your bloody furniture fit in here?
CAMPBELL: Uh, we had to, uh, dump some of the earlier load…
[FLASHBACK – 20 Min. Before Takeoff]
[we see a flight crew loading some courtroom supplies into the 747's cargo area]
CAMPBELL: Is that everything?
OTACON: Yeah. However, there was a slight complication…
CAMPBELL: What?
SNAKE: Well, um… we didn't have enough room to fit the desk, so we, uh… threw some of the passengers' items… …yeah… …that's what we did… especially this one huge crate that had the scent of freshly picked bananas…
[END FLASHBACK]
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: [right after hearing the flashback] AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! [grabs his FAMAS and shoots Snake]
SNAKE: Whoa! [jumps]
[the bullets hit the bulkheads, creating some holes, creating a sudden increase of air pressure]
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: [realizes what he just did] Ooh-eh.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh, my God!
PILOT: [on intercom] Um, passengers, I guess we just got fired at by some fighters. I think. Anyway, we have no choice but to crash-land this thing in Oxnard.
ME: …as if it couldn't get any worse…
SNAKE: [yells loudly] ANYONE WITH A WEAPON! POINT IT AT JOSH! [grabs his SOCOM]
PABLOSKY: [pulls out an FN Five-Seven pistol]
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: [takes out his Glock 18c]
ME: …I just had to have said that…
[the plane CRASHES!]
ALL but WOLF: Ow.
WOLF: *snore*
PILOT: …okay… …we somehow arrived at the airport. Well, I hope you enjoyed your flight. Thanks.
SHADE WOLF: Damn… that crash must have rattled my brain hard… so, why are we here again?
PABLOSKY: To prove that Josh has short-term memory.
WOLF: [wakes up] And, uh… why's that?
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: That proves that he's innocent.
GELI: So, you're saying that my so-called "death" was really just a simple numbering problem? And that we didn't have to go through this entire chapter just to explain something that's common?
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: Uh… yeah… whatever you said.
MANTIS: So, where in Oxnard are we?
ME: I don't really know… wait a minute… it that my junior high? I know where we are!
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Where then?
ME: Uh, if this is the corner of Ventura Road and Gonzales, then that means… we're at my old apartment!
SOLIDUS: You mean that apartment complex right over there? [points to an apartment complex about 100 yards away]
ME: Yeah.
SOLIDUS: The one that's run by people who are in a subordinate group of the Patriots?
MANTIS: Can you PLEASE shut up about the fucking Patriots!? I'm fucking sick and tired of them!!!
SOLIDUS: …okay.
ME: Hmm… so that means we'll have to walk by foot in… that direction. [points] See that school? That's Oxnard High. I got a lot of friends there. Of course, they hate reading, so they hate this fanfic, but I don't fucking care.
MANTIS: [walks up to Josh] Y'know, Josh… this would be a scenario in which I pull out my P90 or some other elaborate weapon, hold you hostage, hog-tie and gag you, and place you in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death, but since you're the author, I'll have to reconsider. Fucker.
ME: Sucks to be you, doesn't it? [inhales deeply and talks to the rest] Anyway, it's gonna be… eh, about a mile away.
SNAKE: Aww… I don't wanna walk that far!
GENOME #12: Ditto.
ME: You wanna get this over with?
SNAKE: Hell, I don't care.
GENOME #12: Ditto.
ME: Fine. We'll leave ya' here.
SNAKE: Okay, then. I'll stay here.
GENOME #12: Ditto.
ME: Come on… I want to get this over with. Don't you guys?
SHADE WOLF: Yep.
GELI: Yeah.
PABLOSKY: Uh-huh.
RIAK KARASAWA: Sure.
MANTIS: Yes.
ME: See? Just follow us.
SNAKE: Hmm… let me think about it… NO.
GENOME #12: Ditto.
ME: ARGH! Great. Our main character of this fic is staying in one spot. How the hell can we bring them along? If only someone had a way…
WOLF: [raises hand] I have a way!
ME: …if only someone had an idea…
WOLF: [now jumping up and down] I have an idea!
ME: …if only someone had a plan…
WOLF: [detonates some C4 right in front of Josh] I have a plan! Ah, screw this. [pulls out her PSG1 and loads it]
ME: …if only-
WOLF: YAAH! [grabs Josh by the neck, hurls him to the ground, and grabs her PSG1, pointing it at him] Were you even listening to me?
ME: Huh?
WOLF: [fires a warning shot] Were you?
ME: [gulp] …yes?
WOLF: Much better, hon. [puts away the PSG1] I got a way to make those two idiots follow us.
SOLIDUS: [butts in] Does it have anything to do with the-
MANTIS: [kicks him hard in the groin] FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME… THERE ARE NO FUCKING PATRIOTS!
SOLIDUS: [rolling in the ground in pain] That's what they want you to think! Stupid non-believer! *smack* Oof!
WOLF: [puts down her PSG1] Shut up! Anyway, the plan is…
MWAH-HAH-HAH! Cliffhanger! But I know you people. You'll kill me if I did this. Well, I did it once already. Back at the end of Chapter 5. Remember? Well, anyway… since I usually don't do that sorta stuff, I'm, uh… gonna continue. Um… why is this even here? Oh, yeah! So you don't hear what Wolf said to me! Yeah. Well, back to the story.
ME: Hmm… it works. Well, Snake, see ya.
SNAKE: Like I said, I ain't going.
GENOME #12: Ditto.
ME: But look what you'll miss! Your cue, Wolf!
WOLF: OK! [starts to strip right in front of the two guys who ain't moving]
SNAKE: [goes goggle-eyed as his jaw drops]
GENOME #12: [does what Snake did]
ALL THE OTHER GUYS: Holy shit. [start whistling and cheering LOUDLY]
SNAKE: Goddamn bribery… oh, okay! But can I touch 'em?
WOLF: [goes up to Snake and slaps him] No. [turns to Genome #12, who's still staring at her] And you?
GENOME #12: Um, okay. I'm only going since I can't BARE to be alone all by myself.
WOLF: [gives a blunt look]
SNAKE: I know how he feels about being all by himself. Damn, Josh… how HOT is it here?
ME: Uh… around this time of year? (A/N: Bear in mind that this is around January 2003) Around… 50's?
WOLF: [puts her clothes back on] Okay. Let's go.
PABLOSKY: So, when is this chapter over?
ME: About two page's length in Word.
SHADE WOLF: Ah.
GELI: Well, what are we here for again?
SNAKE: Good question.
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: To prove that Josh has short-term memory so that we prove that he's innocent?
GHOSTSTALKER1328: So, can we just say that he's got short-term memory? I'm tired.
ME: I have short-term memory?
SNAKE: See!?
CAMPBELL: Okay. Trial's over. I declare that the accidental "death" of Geli over here was caused due to the author having short-term memory and a bad case of writer's block.
ME: Oh. Good.
WOLF: So, what was the REAL reason we're here?
ME: Well, for starters, I wanted to give all of my loyal reviewers and fellow fanfic writers surprise cameo appearances.
[the authors smile]
ME: Two, after I read GhostStalker1328's review, I decided to clear that situation up. Well, I did, and now I feel better. Thanks, man.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Anytime.
ME: Tres, I have a REALLY BAD case of writer's block. I need help, advice, reviews, motivation, and stuff like that to continue. Right now, I just don't have the time. Plus, I got Finals in about one week.
SHADE WOLF: Finals? And you're a Freshman?
ME: Well, they're actually big semester tests.
PABLOSKY: Oh.
ME: Four, I needed people like Snake, Wolf, and Mantis to attract all MGS fans and comedy-lovers alike to read and review.
MANTIS: So, we were here for no fucking reason?
SOLIDUS: [still on the floor reeling in pain] Well, I know why we're here. It must be the work of-
MANTIS: [kicks Solidus in the balls again] WILL YOU FUCKING STOP ABOUT THE FUCKING PATRIOTS!?!?!? FUCKER!!!
ME: Well, Mantis, yeah. Like I said, I have a bad-
MANTIS: I don't FUCKING care about the FUCKING writer's block! Okay!?!?!? Ya' got it!? [pulls out his p90] Huh!?
ME: Um… yeah?
MANTIS: Okay. [calms down] Now, let's go home. I'm tired of being in a jury.
RIAK KARASAWA: Same here.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Well, can I go back to my seemingly endless slaughter of Genomes?
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: Ooh-eh-ah-ah-oh-eh-aah! [I wanna kill the stupid Genomes too!]
SNAKE: Okay.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Woo-hoo! Where's that H.F. Blade?
[Ninja drops down from the sky]
NINJA: How DARE you steal my beloved sword! Give it back!
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Hell, no! [runs away]
A MONKEY NAMED BOB: Eh-aah-ooh-oh-eh-eh-ooh-ah-aah-oh-ee! [Wait up for me!] [runs]
NINJA: That bastard! Get back here! [chases them]
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: Aww… it is over already?
GELI: Looks like it.
PABLOSKY: Damn…
SHADE WOLF: Well, I guess we got to leave. Except for me, Pablosky, and Riak Karasawa.
RIAK KARASAWA: What for? Oh, yeah! Our cameo appearances in the next chapter.
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: You guys are lucky. Getting cameos and all.
ME: Well, that Survivor thing I'm doing in Chapter 15 is still gonna happen. All you guys gotta do is show up.
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: Hey, I can bring my lawn chair, right?
ME: Yeah.
MANTIS: Well, at least you ended this chapter without me going off in a rage, Josh. Thanks a lot! [smiles]
NINJA: [in the background] Give back my super-cool High-Frequency Blade, you fucking dolt! GIVE IT!!!
THE AUTHORS: *GASP!*
SHADE WOLF: I don't think this is gonna end well…
MANTIS: [snaps] ARRGGGHHHH!!! NINJA!!! THAT'S MY FUCKING WORD, YOU FUCKING MOTHER-FUCKER!!! YAAHHH!!! [chases after Ninja, while grabbing any sharp object and chucking it]
END CHAPTER
Well… I hope I got some things settled here. Man I've gotta check on the other chapters! Oh, and by the way, I'm not changing the Genome numbering mistake. It just makes it more hilarious when I do stuff like that and write chapters like this! Well, here's some post-chapter announcements.
1.) SERIOUS CASE OF WRITER'S BLOCK! Yeah… I've hit a roadblock, and apparently, a solo effort won't move it out. If only I had more reviews… more readers… more fans… more supporters… you get the idea. That doesn't mean that I'm stopping. Once in a while (which is like everyday) I'll try to pull through. I just need some support. Thanks.
2.) NOW 40 PEOPLE CAN PARTICIPATE IN SURVIVOR! Yeah, I'm not that heartless. Well, it's easier if I had 40 people instead of 30, and it's more fun! Okay, now that I include A Monkey Named Bob, I now have 14 Slots Left (as of January 18, 2004)
3.) SURVIVOR ITEM CHECK & NOTES TO FANFIC AUTHORS: Okay, fellow fanfic authors. If you haven't signed up, remember:
-Name 1 item you'll bring
-Tell me if you want Meryl to live or die
Anyway, for those of you who have signed up, I'm going to make sure I got your item right. Whether I got it or not, you need to review to confirm it. Well, my questions and/or comments to each of you:
SHADE WOLF: Okay… you asked for a Dotanuki. I did some research online, and Google.com said it was some sort of Japanese sword. Am I right? Well, tell me. What else was I gonna say? Oh, yeah… remember the first review you sent? The one where you said that you wanted to team up and do a MGS humor fic? Well, okay! Sounds cool!
RIAK KARASAWA: Um… I'm guessing you want the box of matches. Also, you forgot to tell me if you wanted Meryl to live or die. Also, answering your question about me knowing that many languages: NO. I don't know that many languages. I just went on an online translator and got some words translated. You're part-Filipino? Cool! Now that's TWO people I know that can officially use and say my "copyrighted" phrase, "FILIPINO POWER!" …you know any Tagalog? Just wondering…
GELI: Kumusta ka? So you want the kendo sword? Okay. Uh, you forgot to tell me if you wanted Meryl to live or not. Well, sorry about the little mix-up. Hope ya' feel better about it. How about I change your Genome number to #100? I guess that works. Sorry again!
PABLOSKY: Hey, you never mentioned what handgun you wanted. I'll just give ya' one (or let you use that Five-Seven from earlier). Plus, you forgot to tell me if you want Meryl to live or die. I read you fic. It's cool, cause it sounds like the real novel (which I'm reading, by the way), except we got Snake. Sorry I haven't reviewed it, though – what can I say? I'm a lazy-ass.
GHOSTSTALKER1328: Well, thanks for pointing out the flaw in my story. Basically, this chapter wouldn't have existed without ya. Well, you got the Cyborg Ninja on your case (which isn't pretty, I'll tell ya). I suggest you run as far away as you can. And make sure you got some I.R. Goggles – Ninja could be anywhere.
SUPER CHIBI BLENDER MAN: Ooh, Glock's Model 18c… good choice. A 9x19mm with magazine capacities of 10, 17, 19, or even 31 bullets. Found this info online. By the way… how far are you on SOCOM? I'm having trouble on the fifth mission I keep on getting picked off by sniper fire. You know a way through this mission?
MASTER FRUIT CAKE: So, you're just gonna sit and relax during the game, eh? Cool. I'd do that, too, but I'm not bringing a lawn chair. Recently, Sniper Wolf heard that Otacon was bringing his newest invention: "A-House-In-A-Box". If he does, I'm chilling there.
Is that everyone I need to talk to? Let's see… yep, all 7 of ya. Well, I think there was… oh, yeah-
4.) IF ANYONE READING THIS LIVES IN EITHER OXNARD, CA, or CAMARILLO, CA, AND YOU EITHER KNOW ME OR GO TO OHS OR ACHS, TELL ME! There's got to be someone out there reading this right now that fits into one of those categories. Being the new kid in Camarillo isn't all that great. Sucks being new. If you go to ACHS, and you recognize me (by somehow remembering what I said about myself in my BIO), say "Hi!" and say you know about HMGSRH! Come on! Somebody here's from ACHS (hopefully someone I know) and I wanna know who!
Well, thanks for reading. Just give me some support here by reviewing so I can get over my Writer's Block. Hey, look at the bright side – I ain't harassing you to review! See ya!
-Josh D. Blanco
-Saturday (18 January 2004)